Every single day when I wasn't with Quinn, I started feeling the lump of anxiety growing in my chest. Quinn became something I needed with me all the time, she became, I'm afraid to admit, my whole world. And it was all shocking because it felt like it happened so damn fast. One second I was worried about her seeing me in the hallways and the other I yearned for the moment she approached me. I was happy about it, yet shocked. Shocked about the fact that I couldn't function properly without her being with me. Everything from the past, the feelings, the depressions.. The urge to hurt myself - it all surrounded my thoughts until I got to see Quinn. And I didn't want to be depressed, I wanted to get better. So, that made me build some kind of obsession towards her.

On June the 5th, we graduated high school. It was a relief. We had the whole summer ahead of us and after that, we were going to college. Hopefully, me and Quinn would get into the same university. Otherwise, if our schools were far away from each other, I wouldn't know how to react or respond. It would be hard to handle. We said our goodbyes after listening to all speeches, getting up and being handed our degree and diplomas - everyone ran out of school like a bunch of hype people, throwing the caps up in the air. I can't lie, it was nice to watch my friends there. They all looked so happy. Rachel with her boyfriend, Tina and Mercedes. And last but not least, Brittany. Quinn and I, we were like always, not very into the mainstream habits. We stood inside school still while everyone probably thought we were out there. She took her cap off, as did I. It was funny seeing Quinn in the blue academic dress and the cap. It was something new. I giggled at the sight of her and reached for her hand as the hallways emptied.

"Well, Santana, congratulations on your graduation" she jokingly smiled.

"Well congrats to you too, Quinn" I laughed.

"Here's an idea," Quinn put on a big smirk "why not go out there to your friends and Brittany.. You know, just stand there with them" she paused to make sure I was listening. "And kiss"

"What?" I said.

"Yeah, I don't want this graduation to be about school only, that's a bit boring don't you think?"

"We just stand there and kiss?," I laughed "that's not right. It would be shocking to the entire school that Quinn Fabray came out as a lesbian with the "new" girl on graduation day.."

"Who says I'm not already out?"

"The whole school knows you're gay?" I jeered.

"Look, who gives a crap? We won't ever come back here. Let's give them something to remember" Quinn smiled at me.

"I guess you're right" I agreed.

We walked out and looked around for my group of friends and Quinn's.. Brittany. The outside of school was very crowded, families and teachers and not to mention all the students. It was packed. But, the school had a big front. We finally spotted them and walked over there. When they saw us, everyone waved and smiled widely. The only two people who didn't move were Rachel and her boyfriend. They exchanged words quickly with the group and left. I couldn't care less. We stood with them and Tina's mother came to take a photo of her and her friends. Which in that case was us. Quinn of course, stepped aside and Tina's mother took the picture. My parents went to pick up my grandfather from the airport right after the main graduation inside the aula in school so they weren't there. The other girls parents were standing together in a clique and just watching us - or watching their children.

"I'm so happy," Brittany spoke "I have been waiting for this for so long" the blonde smiled, letting her entire face glow.

"Who hasn't? The only thing to worry about now is the letter" Mercedes said, referring to the college applience letters.

Quinn grabbed my hand but no one noticed. They were all busy with comparing their grades - talking about summer and discussing the party at Mercedes house later. I nudged Quinn so she would know that I regretted the whole kiss thing. I didn't feel like being the center of attention, I was perfectly happy with just holding Quinn's hand in public without anyone eyeing us - I was glad they were too busy. However, Quinn took my nudge as a sign. She cupped my face and pressed herself against me. As her lips brushed against mine, my eyes locked immediately and we were tangled up. In front of everyone. On our graduation. I was afraid to pull back from the kiss because I was scared of facing my friends reactions. Quinn didn't pull away for a long while, she was making sure everyone got a good look of us. Finally, she pulled away and reached my hand again. I turned my face and the three girls were all astonished. Tina covered her mouth with her hand and Mercedes had her mouth open along with the 'I knew it' look. They after some what felt like very, very long seconds let out light laughs. Brittany on the other hand, looked appalled when I glansed at her.

"Okay.." Mercedes said. "We're going to need an explanation"

"Do you need me to explain what you just saw?," Quinn jeered "was it not clear enough?" this time, she let out a tiny little smile. "Santana is my girlfriend, we're a couple" she looked at me, the hazel eyes were shimmering just like a diamond in the sun.

"We-we are?" I asked, reacting to the first time she called me her girlfriend. She just smiled at me, squeezed my hand harder and nodded.

The group of friends before us let out a big fat 'aww'. Well, Tina and Mercedes did. Brittany was smiling, not a single word left her mouth. I was happy about how everyone reacted though. It was exactly what I was hoping for. And I was glad the hiding away with Quinn was finally over. It was such a relief to know that from that moment on I could hold her hand or kiss her whenever I wanted to. I looked around the big yard and saw no one else but Rachel staring at me from a far. Her face was glued on me - nearly killing me. It wasn't hard to guess why, Quinn was still her ex. I remembered how obsessed she told me she was with her. Seeing me - her friend and Quinn kiss had to be hard for her. After a long stare back at her, I turned my face.

"Now everyone can officially keep their hands away from you, they know you're mine" she quietly said into my ear, smiling. My heart raced more and more for every inch she came closer to me so you could say that having her lips whispering words into my ear made me quiver.

I felt that things had already changed with Quinn around. They all became more accepting of her so quickly. Tina, who hated her from the bottom of her heart complimented Quinn's hair. All Quinn did was smile at her. She didn't even say thank you. I don't believe Tina minded though.

"So, Quinn..," Mercedes cleared her throat "now that you're with Santana, I guess it would be kind of rude to not invite you to my party tonight as well"

"You're having a party?" she said and turned to me. "Santana why didn't you tell me you were going to a party tonight?" her face was still.

"I forgot," I tried smiling "I'm sorry"

"Are you coming?" Brittany said. Finally speaking.

"I guess, if Santana is" she answered.

"So I'll see you there, great" Brittany smiled. The smile wasn't anywhere alike her usual smile.

"What's with the act, Brit?" Quinn said.

"Quinn.." I whispered and nudged my shoulder against hers.

"What act?" Brittany said.

"Just back off, okay? You don't want to lose me as a friend" if looks could kill, Brittany would be lying on the ground with a frozen to death heart.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just forget it, Brittany" I said, I didn't feel like having Quinn ruin anyones day.

"Do you get it?," the blonde next to me took a step closer to Brittany "do I make myself clear?" she said. Brittany nodded. "Great" Quinn's mood directly changed and she smiled at her.

I looked at Quinn and thought she was really overreacting. I saw myself that Brittany did seem a bit disappointed and upset compared to the others when Quinn kissed me. Still, I felt like she did make a big deal out of it. Even if Brittany had a crush on me - which I didn't believe - she would never make a move knowing me and Quinn were a couple.

Mercedes party was nothinglike the party Quinn took me to. So her reaction to it was something I understood. We walked in together around seven and a pop song was playing. It wasn't loud, it wasn't that kind of party. People from school were there, Brittany was seated on the couch all alone. Rachel stood with her boyfriend by the couch on the other side of the room. I couldn't see Tina anywhere. Mercedes welcomed us by handing both of us beer cups. It was good enough for me though, anything could cheer me up after being told by my parents that my grandmother was getting really sick before I left the house.

"Thanks" I said. Mercedes left to talk to the people she had left to greet us again.

I honestly had no idea she knew so many people. Maybe it was the kind of party where it spreads and the people invited bring their friends and so on.. Maybe that was why there were so many people. There was no chance at all that all the people were friends of Mercedes.

"God," Quinn laughed "I need a smoke already. I hate beer" she said and put the cup down on one of the small tables. "Are you coming out with me?" she asked.

"I'll wait over there," I nodded at Brittany's direction "don't take too long" I kissed her cheek, smiled into her eyes and walked over to Brittany.

"Hey loner.." I said and sat down next to her. "Why are you not hanging with the others?"

"I'm not in the mood" she said.

"Yeah? Me neither, really" I took a sip of the drink in my hand.

"Why not?"

"You tell me first" I smiled.

"I don't feel like talking about it" she said. "Did you have fun at the party then?"

"Last friday?"

"Yes"

"It was fun. Yeah, you should have come" I said.

"I've stopped going to those parties" she said. "You didn't do anything.. not smart, right?" she worried.

"I didn't do anything"

"Promise me you never will?" she said and reached her little finger towards me.

"I promise you, I won't" I linked my finger with hers.

"I believe you then" her eyes lit up.

"Your hair looks better when it's not in a ponytail," I said "you should have it this way more often"

"You think?" she wondered.

"Yes, really. It looks great"

"Thanks..," she gave me a blushed smile "I'll have it this way more often" she brushed a strand of the golden hair between her fingers.

We were quiet for a minute or two. I caught Rachel staring at me for the second time and it was starting to get to me. Mostly because she didn't have the balls to come and speak to me. Now that we were friends again, I supposed she would at least say a simple 'hello' when I passed her to get to Brittany.

"So," she cleared her throat "you and Quinn, huh?" the innocent voice said.

"Yes-"

"How did it happen?" she cut me off. "I mean, I thought you hated each other.." she nervously laughed.

"We don't. Not anymore" I smiled at the thought of it "it just happened. We had no control over our actions, I guess"

"Oh," her eyes were glued on mine "I'm really happy that you're with someone who makes you happy" she smiled.

"Thank you so much" I said and patted her arm.

"What are we talking about?" Quinn sat down next to me and discreetly put her arm around my waist. Brittany didn't notice.

"Us" I smiled at her.

"Oh," she smirked "how's that going then?" she rubbed her hand on my back and let go of the hold she had on me.

Quinn and Brittany started talking to each other about something I really didn't care too much about. I didn't even listen. I started looking around and a bunch of people sat down on the big empty space on the floor, they formed a kind of big ring. Mercedes stood in the middle of it and waved at me. I didn't do anything but wave back at her so she walked over to us.

"What are you doing? Come, we're going to play spin the bottle.. Spice things up a little" she smiled and looked at the three of us. I just went with it, so did Brittany. Quinn was still sitting on her spot on the couch. Mercedes and Brittany stopped and waited when I turned around to get Quinn up.

"Quinn, please?" I said.

"Spin the bottle?," she snorted "what are we? Seriously" she laughed and walked along with us. "I feel like a fucking 14 year old"

We reached the circle and people scooched closer to each other so we could sit. Me and Quinn sat in the middle of Brittany and Mercedes. Brittany was next to me and Mercedes next to Quinn. The empty bear bottle was in the middle of the circle and Mercedes was the first to spin it. It stopped on Rachel.

"Truth or dare?" Mercedes smiled.

"Oh.. Um, truth" she answered.

Of course she would say truth.

"Alright, help me out guys"

"Are you a virgin, Berry?" some guy blurted out.

"What the hell.." Quinn mumbled at his childish question. I agreed with her complaint. "I'll be right back, I'll probably need to smoke now before I hear more of this and get even more annoyed at these people" she jokingly said. "Be right back" she quietly said just to me and went up.

"I am not going to answer that stupid question" Rachel gasped. Her boyfriend gave the mindless guy the evil eye. "I'll spin" she said without answering a proper question. It stopped on some girl across her. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" she nearly shouted with a giggle following.

"Um, okay" Rachel thought "I dare you to drink that entire glass of beer at once, without putting the cup down until you're finished"

"What?" she laughed "I do that for breakfast, but okay" she joked and shrugged. Rachel looked disappointed. The strawberry blonde across Rachel spun the bottle and it stopped pointing at Brittany. "What do you choose huh?"

"Dare, of course" Brittany smiled.

"I dare you to kiss...," she looked around and her eyes stopped when she looked at me "her" she pointed her head.

"Her?" Brittany pointed at me.

"Yes"

I was utterly confused, I had no idea what to do. I didn't want to embarrass Brittany and push her away in front of all the people watching. Everyone was staring at us, hoping for the kiss to happen. Brittany turned her face towards me and chuckled then started to slowly lean in. I started to feel more and more uncomfortable the closer she got to me. She didn't even hesitate, right before her little lips reached mine I was pulled back by my shirt.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" her voice was loud and furious.

"Quinn.. You scared me" I laughed.

"Scared you? What the hell?" she turned to Brittany.

"It's not what you think, it was a dare" Mercedes said.

"Get up Santana, we're leaving this shit-hole" she completely ignored Mercedes and demanded.

"Come on Quinn, don't be so uptight.. It was just a bet like Mercedes said" Brittany said.

"You shut the fuck up" Quinn's voice was guarded.

"Quinn, you're being crazy.. Just sit down, please?" I looked up at the enraged blonde. She shook her head. "Don't be like this" I tried again.

"I said let's go"

I didn't argue more and stood up. I was to embarrassed to look at any of my friends. Quinn aggressively grabbed my hand and we walked out. She unlocked the car and went in, slammed the door behind her and watched me intensly.

"Why would you let her do that?" she calmly asked.

"I swear Quinn, I didn't want to.. Really" I said.

"You could've backed off then" she turned her face, looking out the window.

"You didn't have to cause a scene.." I pleaded.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't want her to kiss you" she said. I gulped at her question.

"This is about you not trusting me" I answered.

"Why don't you just answer my question," she said "come on" she dropped the dial and crossed her arms.

"I didn't want her to do it, it was just-"

"I don't care if it was a fucking bet! Damn it, just don't do that kind of stuff"

"You know what?," I opened the door "I'm not leaving my friends party because of you"

"You get out of this car and I'll leave you here with no ride home" she said, her eyes eagerly staring at mine.

"I can get a ride from someone else" I said, knowing that Quinn wouldn't actually just leave me here.

"You can?" she laughed. "Well, get the hell out" I just looked at her, I didn't expect her to want me to go. "Come on," Quinn said again "get out"

"Why are you being so mean?"

"Go out, Santana. Get the fuck out" she started to get heated. I walked out of the car and closed the door, still looking in at her through the winded window. "Go back in there and kiss whoever the fuck you want" she drove away.

I stood there on Mercedes driveway, still shocked about how Quinn reacted to something a stupid as a dare kiss from her good friend Brittany. I didn't mind because I knew it was just a game, I mean, I did get uncomfortable and I knew Quinn would react weirdly but I never expected her to leave me when she was my ride home. I never expected her to let me embarrass myself by asking someone else in there for a ride when my friends knew I came with Quinn. I was so upset and the anger boiled inside me. I could just call Quinn up and let everything out - tell her off for being a bitch and ask her to get her shit back together and act less jealous. What she did to me was over the top. I was honestly too embarrassed to walk back in there so I sat down on Mercedes porch instead. I leaned my elbows on my knees and dug my face in my palms. I didn't understand any of what happened, it went so fast and my mood got ruined. I started feeling so damn sad, just sad. I needed to get back in there - I knew I did if I wanted to get home. Or, I could try calling Quinn. I picked the phone out of my pocket and dialed Quinn's number, before pressing the green button I was forced to scooch in closer to the edge of the stairs so the people who walked out could pass.

"Santana?"

"Oh," I felt my whole face frown at the embarrassment "Rachel" I stood up.

"What are you doing here? I thought you went with Quinn" she said.

"Yeah well, we got into a little fight and she left" I answered.

"Did she just leave you here? That's bad.." her and her boyfriend threw me sympathetic looks.

"Yeah, it's okay though. I'm calling her now, I'll hope she'll come back and get me" I nervously said and forced out a laugh.

"We can drive you home on our way" she offered. The blonde boyfriend nodded.

I was surprised Rachel was being nice to me after what she saw and the glares she had given me earlier.

"It's fine, really"

"I insist," she smiled and grabbed my arm "let's go"

I sat on the backseat and listened to Rachel babble about her life, the colleges she applied to - her boyfriend babbled almost as much as her. Perfect match. I said something every now and then so I wouldn't seem too upset. I told the boyfriend where to turn and in less than a fifteen minute drive, we were at my place.

"Thank you so much for the ride" I said and opened the door.

"No problem" he said.

"Santana, before you go," Rachel stopped me "remember I told you Quinn used to be obsessive.. With me?" I nodded. "Now you see what I was talking about. You can do much better, please, take my advice - from friend to friend - don't fall into deep with that girl"

I started to get really angry when Rachel spoke badly about Quinn. Even after how she treated me. I clenched my fist hard and started feeling every single nerve in my body turn into fire. I looked right at Rachel and waited to just calm down before answering her. I failed.

"From friend to friend, Rachel - mind your own business. I'm happy with her" I answered.

"Well you don't seem like you're happy now" s he said again.

"Because you're pissing me off trying to make me change my mind about her"

"I'm pissing you off?," she gulped "I wasn't the one who left you with no ride home at a friends party where almost everyone is drunk" she said.

"You don't know shit, Rachel. Thank you very much for the ride home" I walked out and slammed the door so hard it felt like the windows would bust.

I walked straight to my room. I couldn't shake the anger off. I was angry at Quinn, Rachel and most of all myself. Why couldn't I just say no and back away from the kiss? It wouldn't be that hard. Why couldn't I just give Quinn what she wanted so she wouldn't be mad at me? I was angry at myself for not thinking about it, for not knowing Quinn enough to think about pulling away.
Rachel didn't make me feel better by trash talking Quinn. It just made me feel worse about taking her shit, it made me feel guilty for liking her so damn much. Maybe Rachel was right, I mean, she did date her. However, a part of me just shut out everything I knew was bad about her. It was like I put a filter over all the bad things about her and whenever someone reminded me of them I had to protect her.

I picked up my phone and figured I could try giving Quinn a call. A fight on our first day as an open couple wasn't good nor did it feel good. I hated the thought of Quinn being somewhere - mad at me. Still, she was the one who caused a big scene of it all. It was too much but I didn't feel like fighting it, I didn't want to make things worse. I dialed in her number and calmed my nerves, I tried to be less nervous about how she would respond - if she would respond. I pressed the call button and waited. It ringed three times and she picked up.

"Quinn?" I said, she didn't say something when she answered. "We need to talk about what happened.." I tried again. She was still just silent. "Quinn, please" I begged her. I heard a loud sigh.

"Okay" she said.

"Okay what?"

"We can talk about it" she said. "Not over the phone," she said before I answered "meet me at the park. I'm already here" she said.

I agreed to her suggestion and walked over to the mirror, I tried to find something to change to look better - I didn't find anything. I grabbed my mom's car keys from the living room table and she didn't even react to it until I cleared my throat so she would look away from her work papers.

"Where are you going again?" she asked and looked at her keys in my hand.

"I'm meeting a friend"

"You'll need to tell us about this friend" she smiled. "It's 9pm, is she some kind of vampire?"

"What?" I laughed.

"She seems to only want to take you out on the nights"

"Mom, she's a good friend only and absolutely not a vampire. It's summer, of course we'll want to go out on the nights instead" I joked and walked to the door and put my shoes on "see you soon"

During the whole drive over to the park, all I could thing about was what I was going to tell Quinn. I could tell by her reaction on the phone that she wouldn't be talking much when I got there. I was going to have to talk and apologize. I reached the parking lot and stepped out of the car, locked it and started walking into the big park. It started getting darker, the park was nearly empty from where I saw it - or the area where we used to sit at looked empty. It wasn't the part of the park that was crowded all the time. I started seeing Quinn and she had her hair let down - she didn't at the party. I could see that she was wearing a red jacket - the red jacket she wore earlier. It was a very thin down jacket. I sat down beside her and her eyes were glued at the floor, she didn't react to me arriving at all.

"I don't want you to be mad at me" I started. She didn't say anything. "I really didn't want her to kiss me. I just went with it because we were playing that stupid game. Quinn, really I'm so sorry. I don't want you to be upset about something I did" she still didn't speak. Her face was still glued on the ground beneath her feet. "Say something" I tried again. Nothing. I was getting so frustrated at her just being quiet. I felt a lump starting to grow in my chest - I was angry and disappointed. I didn't know how else to react at the moment. "You're gonna have to say something, Quinn.. I drove here for you" I said again, fighting to keep my voice steady.

I looked away from Quinn when she still didn't respond to me. I looked around at the dark surrounding, the gorgeous, empty view. The lump in my throat grew even more when I looked at the exact tree we were leaning against not too long ago. I looked back at her and waited for her to look at me. I got nothing, she gave me nothing. I was beyond discontented with what she was doing to me. I reached for her hand, I brushed my fingers against the silky skin. It wasn't much but at least I got some kind of reaction, she let out a quick short exhale when I touched her. I held the cold hand and the lump was getting unbearable as she squeezed my hand. I felt the hot tears fill up my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Santana" the blonde said.

"Y-you are?" my voice started to quiver harder.

"I am, I know I shouldn't have done that.. It's just that, I get easily trigged, you know?" she said.

"It's okay.." my throat closed tight and I heard that the my words were pitched.

"Santana," she turned her face and looked at me "I know you're really angry at me but try to understand" she said again, her voice was off guard, soft.

"I said it was okay" I said again and finally the tears split over and flowed down my cheeks.

"Are you crying? Santana, I'm so sorry" she said again.

Quinn's face was hard to ignore - she looked blue, unhappy. I was still, it wasn't a violent type of crying. It was just tears. Still, I was holding in a lot of it. It felt like I was about to choke on the rock in my throat. She raised her hand to wipe the tears of my face as if it would help them from stop running down. Although I felt much calmer when Quinn finally spoke - and did what I didn't even expect - apologize, I couldn't stop the drops from hitting my thighs and making my white t-shirt wet.

"It's okay" I said for the third time.

"I will make it my mission to never make you cry again" she smiled at me. "Deal?" the smile got brighter, more refreshing.

"Deal" I said and only then did the tears stop. It was when I was assured that I wasn't making a mistake with her.

"Santana?" she said again.

"Yes?" I said, wiping my face with my hand.

"I think I'm in love with you" she looked right into my soul. "I knew I loved you before, but now.. It's so much more than that. After seeing you like this.. All vulnerable, it made me feel like you actually really care a lot.. I don't know. I've been thinking about it often though, about how much I.. Care. I think I'm in love with you, I really do," she stopped and took a deep breathe "No, no. I know it" she said "I'm so deeply and madly in love with you"

My heart beat faster as I looked up and faced the angelic blonde before my eyes. It felt like my whole body was lurching at her words. My stomach, it was being attacked by an army of butterflies. I felt both frightened and elated. A feeling of fear came when I realized I had no choice but to love her back and the elation, it appeared when I finally allowed myself to fall in love with Quinn without pushing myself back. And I knew, the moment I fell so deep in - there was no getting away.