A/N: Holy smokes folks I'm back and The Birthday is literally the longest one *ever*. Talk about coming back with a bang! I hope you enjoy it because this one was hella fun to write and I missed you lot. I also hope you're all still with me because this kicks off our Season 3 and I'm excited for that so don't forget to talk to me! All right, enough babbling, nothing has changed since I've been gone, I still own nothing except a now working laptop. On with the show!
The Birthday
"Stupid me to believe that I could trust in stupid you
Don't leave me here, my guiding light
'Cause I wouldn't know where to begin"
If you ask me, this is the perfect way to start a birthday; champagne in a bubble bath, except "we are out of champagne" of course it's not my birthday but there's nothing wrong with getting in the spirit right? "I don't drink in the morning" Andie says but today is a special day. It's Elena's birthday and that calls for every kind of celebration. All hail the day that girl was born.
God I love bubble baths, they happen to be right up there in my top 3 things in the world. Yep, you heard me; the big bad ass vampire loves nothing more than relaxing in some bubbles. Well well. There is one thing I love more, a whole lot more. And the birthday girl herself just walked into the house.
"I mean you're dripping" yep but my little birthday girl is here and what's a better gift than me in my birthday suit? At least it's not a present she's likely to forget any time soon. "Mmhm"
"Mornin'" priceless, Elena gawks just a fraction too long before spinning around, tearing her gaze from my wet, bubble-bath covered body. "Oh...you heard me. You knew that I was here" well of course I did honey. The perks of being a vampire.
"You know you should learn to knock. What if I was indecent?" she turns around with a hand covering her eyes and throws me a blanket which I obligingly cover myself up with. I know the score. The fact that she's here first thing in the morning, on her birthday no less, means that something is either wrong or she needs something.
"Sheriff Forbes gave us another location to check. Memphis" for god sake Liz, what part of 'filter all Klaus/Stefan/Animal attack related news through me and not Elena' did I fail to make clear the first five times?
"Another dead end you mean?" only they're not exactly dead ends. I would know because it's me, and sometimes Ric who have been following Klaus and Stefan around the place cleaning up their 'blood-by-numbers' creations, and I've been hiding all of those darker aspects of the search from Elena. I'm trying to protect her, she doesn't need to know this stuff, doesn't need to see Stefan like this.
"You don't know that" – "You're right Elena, this could be the one. After almost two months this could be the clue that tells us Stefan is alive and well and living in Graceland" rocking shit up with Elvis I'm sure. I'm not trying to be a dick but keeping her out of all this shit is more important than filling her in on all the grisly little details of Stefan's horror road show. I'd like to think she'll even thank me for it one day but I'm pretty sure we all know better.
"Fine. I'll go by myself" she says and snatches the paper back. Hah! Not. A. Chance.
I flash in front of her and I love that she still isn't used to my vampire speed. It makes her heart race a mile a minute. It was even more fun during the summer when she'd be washing dishes in the kitchen, thinking I was playing X-Box with Jeremy, only I'd sneak up behind her and whisper in her ear and she lets out this high pitched squeak every. time. And then she'll pretend to be mad and swat at me with soapy hands even though I know she secretly loves it.
Ahem. Got a little...distracted there, what's my point again? Oh, right, stop Elena from running into a very disturbing would be crime scene. "And let Klaus know that you're tracking him? He thinks you're dead. Let's keep it that way."
"It's a new lead Damon. We haven't had one in a while" correction: you haven't had one in a while because clearly people just pick and choose when to listen to me. If this is Liz Forbes's version of a birthday present then I think she may need a lesson in both retail therapy and teenage girls.
"Okay I'll check it out. If I find anything I'll call you" and now I'm leaving before Andie tries to go and bumps into Elena on the way out. Don't get me wrong they get along well enough but it is ten kinds of awkward being stuck in a room with the girl you love and the girl you're using to distract yourself from the girl you love.
Not that I'm just using Andie, she's a great gal, I care about her. Were it not for my birthday girl stomping huffily out of the house I could maybe even love her, but it doesn't take the awkward out of the situation. No getting out of it tonight though as Vampire Barbie has demanded that everyone be in attendance for Elena's party. As if that could somehow distract from the fact that the only person she wants there; isn't.
Our 'new lead' goes on the pin-board in my cupboard safely hidden away from Elena's prying eyes. "They've moved on to Tennessee" I tell Andie, "That Florida victim you had me look into had family in Tennessee" well that's interesting. "You up for a road trip?" – "No can do, I have got to work but I can see if I can get you an address" fabulous. The perks of dating a news-lady.
I rope Ric into yet another crime scene cover up, somehow Blondie has roped Elena into helping set up her own birthday party but it keeps her occupied so I'm not gonna complain. We finally arrive right in the middle of damn nowhere and before I'm even fully out of the car my phone is ringing. I haven't even looked at it but I'll give you three guesses as to who it is. You're only gonna need one though.
"Elena?" Ric asks as I send her to voicemail. I don't even reply, just vaguely wave my hands because what else can I do? "I don't know why you don't just come clean and tell her where we are" well I definitely can't do that.
"Cause Andie said this was a half lead and I don't want to get her hopes up" at least that's half the truth. "Yeah well they're all half leads and I'm your accomplice. What do you want me to say to her? I'm practically living there" just...say nothing. Do what you've been doing all summer, we've been to Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina and you managed to keep your mouth shut, clearly it's not that hard.
"It's quiet" ye-ah, too damn quiet. The kind of quiet that signifies that death has paid a visit. And if the overwhelming smell of old blood is anything to go by then death has paid a visit in the shape of my brother and his nasty-ass aider and abettor. Ah well, let's get inside.
"Oh yeah" this place is, Yuk. Blood everywhere and fucking creepy non-living dolls in the living room, sitting together on a couch that they assuredly did not die on. Only my brother. This is by far not the worst I've seen of him but it's probably the worst one for Ric so far.
"Ugh. Vampire for sure" no no "Stefan for sure" – "How do you know?" oh a million little ways. He's my brother. This isn't my first rodeo.
"It's his signature. There's a reason they call him The Ripper. He feeds so hard he blacks out, rips 'em apart but then when he's done he feels remorse. It's the damndest thing" I give the blonde a little shake to demonstrate and Ric nearly loses his breakfast when her head falls to the ground. "Puts the bodies back together" – "Back together?" yep. And that is precisely why I've kept Elena away from all of this.
"Definitely Stefan" only my brother.
O-kay, time to start a friendly little house fire. "What are you doing?" – "covering their tracks. Clearly they have no interest in staying in the dark, but I do" yeah. All kindsa law enforcement would be all over this shit, and apparently I can't even keep one small town sheriff in line. There's an ominous creaking of a floorboard when Ric moves across the room and we pull up the door that's cut into the floor to look inside.
"Well whadd'ya know? Werewolves" I guess Klaus is trying to build his little big army then. I set the fire and it's time to leave. Fire doesn't really bother me in the way it does a lot of other vampires; I don't much like being on fire but watching it, hearing it, seeing it surround me? Doesn't bother me much, but that's no story to tell on a girl's birthday. I've much more important things to do, like get home and convince Elena to have some fun. One night off, she can let herself have that. Hell I think we all need it.
Elena is in Stefan's room getting ready for her party which is already in half-swing downstairs and I've been standing in the doorway watching her and pretending that I belong there.
"Don't worry I'm not gonna lose it" she says with a wry smile when she finally notices me, "at least not before the cake" – "It's your party you can cry if you want to" though it'd be super great if you didn't. At least I got a proper smile out of her.
"Oh Stefan, such a packrat" I finally make my way into his room and make a beeline straight for a photograph of him and Elena from sometime last year. Of course nobody needs to know that I have a very secret box in my room that contains a couple pictures of me and Elena as well. One of them is from the dance we did at Miss Mystic, I'm not exactly the sentimental type but I couldn't not keep that picture.
I run my thumb over her necklace in the picture, birthday surprises just keep coming for Elena today. "I got you something" she opens her mouth to protest because I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed to buy her anything. Which, probably for the best really because I'd buy her the fucking world if I was allowed but I wouldn't have had the first clue what to really get her. Because what does one buy for the girl they're in love with? For the girl who is in love with your brother?
"I know I promised not to buy you anything so don't worry I didn't pay for it" – "You stole it?" no silly! Although Stefan might have, god only knows where actually got the damn thing. "No. I found it" I open the box so she can see her necklace from Stefan, I replaced the vervain and everything.
"My necklace" she whispers "I thought I'd never see it again" well it wasn't all me, "Alaric found it in his loft. Figured you'd be happy to get it back" she gives me a beautiful smile which is reward enough for me.
"I am happy. Thank you" – "You're welcome" the air gets a little thick and the intimacy of this moment is lost in the irony of her asking me to chain the symbol of my brother's love for her around her neck.
I fucking hate that necklace. But she loves it, and it makes her happy, so on it goes. I need to get the hell out of this room. I offer her my arm like the true gentleman I was raised to be, "shall we?" and when she loops her arm through mine and I escort her down the stairs into her party it doesn't really feel like I'm pretending to belong so much anymore.
It feels all sorts of right and I can't help the smile that adorns my face even though I know that it's all kinds of wrong at the same time.
Apparently my house has been turned into douche-bag central for the night. "This is keeping it small?" Elena asks Barbie, yeah, seriously? Do they even know this many people or did Blondie just compel everyone in a 10 mile radius to show up and drink my good alcohol? I wouldn't put it past her.
Elena walks off with Caroline to get a drink and I feel remarkably old so I'm gonna go, uh, head out and find someone a little closer to my own age. So that'd be Ric then, relatively speaking of course.
"Hello birthday girl" – "Drink" she demands reaching out for my glass. "Jeremy's smoking again" she informs Ric and I while knocking back my expensive bourbon. "Is his stash any good?" – "You're an ass" aw come on 'Lena, lighten up, it's your birthday. And he's like; an emo teenager...isn't that what the cool kids get up to these days?
"Talk to him, please? He looks up to you" she asks Ric and then hands me back my drink before stomping back inside. Well I guess I was wrong. Elena Gilbert can't take one night off from her life. Not even on her birthday.
I guess it wouldn't be prudent of me to remind her that consuming copious amounts of alcohol is equally as illegal as her brother smoking weed while she's up on her high horse about it. Ric looks at me as if I have all the answers to his questions but I only have one. "You're screwed" simple as that really.
Andie sends me a message asking me to pick her up which is unusual but I could probably do with getting out of here for a bit anyway so I head down to the station to get her. And then Elena calls.
"Pa-rty Central" – "Where are you?" um, why does she sound mad? What the hell could possibly have happened in the 10 minutes I've been gone? "I'm...by the...punchbowl" – "Don't do that Damon, don't lie to me. I saw your closet" oh shit. Hmm. O-kay that could be a problem. "Oh uh...uh gotta go gotta go...break up beer pong" shit. Fuckery. Dammit.
Yeah. I should not have left the house, but seriously what the hell was she doing in my room anyway? That's a mystery for later; right now I need to find Andie who is conspicuously absent. Growing is the pit of unease in my stomach which turns to full blow sickening when I run into Andie's discarded handbag.
And my brother.
"Stefan" – "Hello, brother" hey that's my entrance line. What the fuck. "You don't write? You don't call?" – "Need you to stop following me" hmm allow me to consider that for no seconds. "You're causing some problems" well that's not a surprise. It's kind of my thing.
"With who? Klaus? I'm supposed to care what he thinks?" – "What you're supposed to do is let me go" uh huh, nope, nope, nope, not gonna happen.
"Walkin' a fine line there my friend, keep that up and there will be no saving you" I just need to distract him a little bit and then I can break his neck all the merry way home and hand deliver him to Elena with a big red bow around his neck. Happy birthday princess, Romeo has returned. Oh and a stint in Vampire Rehab of course.
"See the thing is uh, I don't need any saving. I just want you to let me go" right, tell your face brother. And, maybe your girlfriend. See how far that gets you. "Now I got a birthday girl at home who's not gonna let me do that" even if I wanted to, which I don't.
"You know maybe I haven't made my point. Hey Andie? You still there?" oh fuck Andie, totally forgot about her. Shit, I am a bad...whatever the fuck I am.
"Damon" she's scared and stuck up in the rafters, "I can't move" compelled. FUCK! God I should have given her vervain, bought her a fucking bracelet or something. "No no, no it's okay Andie stay calm" why is he doing this? It's Andie for chrissake. And Stefan, he of such wisdom as, 'they're people not puppets Damon' and 'you're victimising her'.
"Not cool brother" – "Oh come on; it's a little bit cool, no?"
"Hey Andie, you can move now" – "No! No no no no" Andie is moving and falling and Stefan's got me pushed into the wall and I can't save her and I guess that took the awkward right out of the fucking situation. Bravo Stefan, now I can devote all of my time to your girlfriend.
"I said, let me go" he growls at me and this is not my brother. I don't know who the fuck this is but it sure as hell isn't Stefan. I've witnessed his Ripper-dom from afar for years, cleaned up his little messes along the way but I've never had front row seats to him as a ripper.
Andie is dead and my brother is gone and I let him go. Stefan is gone and fuck knows if I know how to bring him back. I know at some point I'm going to have to face the music with Elena, own up to my secrets and atone for my summer of sins but I can't face it tonight.
Blondie shoves a bottle of alcohol at me when I get home and tells me I missed the cake as she gets dragged away by Lockwolf. I guess long hot summers of constant companionship, lingering stares and flirtatious banter does work for some people. Just. Not me.
Oh god, of course. Of course she's in my bedroom waiting for me. Why wouldn't she be? And if I'd thought for two seconds then I'd have known and I wouldn't have come here but now I am and she needs to leave before I end up doing something we both regret, we all know this play. Backwards and forwards, inside and out.
She waves stacks of paper at me and I'm too tired for this. "What? What are you doing here?" – "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep it a secret?" please Elena, don't do this tonight, I can't deal with this.
"Could we not do this right now I'm having a really bad night" but she's got her judgy face on and I'm guessing the answer to my question is no, because of course it doesn't matter how bad my nights are.
"All summer every single time I came to you with a lead you made me feel like an idiot for having hope" – "You were an idiot. We both were" I push myself away from the door and she grabs me.
"Tell me what you know Damon" – "I know you need to get back to your party Elena" I know you need to get out of my room. I know you need to leave me alone for one night, just one, it's all I need.
"We're supposed to be in this together. Why didn't you tell me that you've been tracking Klaus's victims?" she's practically yelling at me by the end and screw this and screw her because all I've done all fucking summer is try to protect her.
"Because they're not Klaus's victims Elena they're Stefan's. He's left a trail of body parts up and down the Eastern seaboard" – "No, you're wrong" no. I'm not. "I've seen it happen before. He's flipped the switch" I grab the papers from her hands and words vomit from my mouth and I couldn't stop if I tried because I'm so fucking angry and tired.
"He's a full blown Ripper" – "Stop it Damon" – "No you stop it Elena. Stop looking for him. Stop waiting for him to come home. Just stop, Stefan is gone and he's not coming back. Not in your lifetime."
Fuck. Nice job Salvatore. She's going to cry and I want to make it better but I can't because it's true. It's all fucking true and when she wanted pretty lies she went to my brother. But I'm not him. And every day that passes makes it more and more clear that that's never going to be enough, not for Elena.
So I leave her alone in my bedroom and hope she'll be gone by the time I come back, but my house is still full of drunk teenagers and there's nowhere for me to go and I hate my brother and he's ruined Elena's birthday and destroying his room seems like a pitiful sense of justice but it's as close as I'll ever get to destroying him and I need to because it's all. his. fault.
But it's not. It's not. It's not his fault. It's mine. It's all my fault. Andie. Dead. Elena. Fucking ruined her birthday. My brother. Gone. Ruined. Destroyed. All my fault. I broke it all and I can't fucking stand it.
Dear Diary,
Today is my 18th birthday. Technically I'm an adult now but I don't feel like it. I don't feel any different; I don't feel older, stronger, wiser. I just feel...broken. And tonight I feel desperately alone.
All summer Damon has been there beside me, all the time. Ric as well, even Jer to an extent although he hasn't quite been the same since he died and came back to life. But I've never felt as alone as I do on this night. On my birthday.
This has truly been the worst birthday in the world. It all started off well enough, Damon gave me my necklace, he found it at Ric's apartment and I thought I would never see it again, I was so happy to get it back. And I felt it, that electricity in the air between us when he gave it to me, even though it was all kinds of awkward because we were in Stefan's room.
And then Damon escorted me into the party and god, I felt like I belonged to him and I was happy for about a minute. And then it all went downhill from there. Jeremy is smoking pot again, then Damon disappeared and I went to his room to find him and instead I found pages and pages of tracking that he's been doing on Stefan without telling me.
I was so upset, I thought that we were in this together, that we were united on something at least and then to find that he's just been keeping it all from me? It made me so angry. And when he came home we got into a massive fight and he yelled at me and told me that they are all Stefan's victims. He's been keeping it from me all summer and I know it's probably because he's tried to protect me but...that's not Damon, that's not how we work. He's the one that tells me the truth, no matter how hard it is to hear. And I don't want him to start lying to me. I've had enough of the lies.
I cried all the way home, and I don't know if it was because of Stefan or because of what Damon said. And then when I got home Ric told me he was leaving and I don't know what I'm going to do now. He's become like our step-father over the summer, he's been living here and it's been so comforting having him and Damon, they've become such good friends and tonight he just left and said that I'm 18 now and I can take care of myself but I really can't. I know that sounds childish and selfish but I can't do this alone. I have no idea how to cope with my life anymore. I need Damon and I need Ric. And I need Stefan to come home.
And that should have been enough for 1 night, but then Stefan called. I know it was him, even if he didn't say anything, I just know it was him. And Damon said that he's gone, that he's flipped the switch but he's wrong, he has to be because Stefan called me and I told him that he would be okay. That I love him and to hold on to that because he is holding on to his humanity. Stefan is not gone and Damon is wrong. And I'm more determined than ever to bring him home to us.
Elena