"His apartment is cleaner than I expected" I told Quinn as her friend went to get us drinks. It wasn't too big, it was an apartment in The Village. Close to where Brittany lived if I remember right.
The living room didn't have much people in it, like the last "party" Quinn brought me to. I looked around and spotted Fiona. The red haired weirdo from that time. She was sitting on Christophers lap, disgustingly making out with him.
"Quinn, look over there" she saw them and started laughing with me.
"The freak found herself a joker"
I smiled and we walked in. People, of course, were doing what I hoped I wouldn't have to see. We sat down beside them, Christopher and Fiona were sitting around the same table.
"Well look who's here" he said. "And she brought goodies" Christopher smirked at me. I nudged Quinn's elbow.
"Stop Chris, she doesn't like it" she sounded serious. I was happy she finally took what I told her about him serious.
"Fine, fine" he let out a disturbing chuckle. "Help yourself, don't be shy" he told me. "And Quinn, you know my home is your home"
Quinn and I were sitting next to Fiona and the creep. The drink in my hand hadn't been touched and I had a feeling it wouldn't either. I knew I would have to be driving later and I didn't want us to get into trouble.
"You're not doing it today, are you?" I looked at Quinn watching the couple of straws on the table.
"You know the answer to your own question" she said. "We've been through this" she picked up a straw and snorted a line, quickly and hardly up her nostril. She locked her eyes and enjoyed it. It was irritating to see her ruin herself like that, and even worse that I had no power to stop her. "If you tried just once.. Why can't you just try?"
"You know the answer to your own question" I teased.
"Fair enough" she followed another line and snorted it up, this time not as hard as the first time. "God, my nose is already blocked"
"I have some nasal spray in the bathroom somewhere," Christopher commented, I suppose he heard her "go get it. It'll help"
Quinn quickly got up to look for the spray and I waited for her.
"How's it going, friend?" Fiona sat down on Quinn's seat.
"You know that seat is taken"
"Calm down, I'm keeping you company"
"Keep your boyfriend company instead, will you?"
"What's with you?" she laughed "did Quinn fight with you again?" her face lit up.
"No"
"Oh," she smirked "I see. You're upset about the cocaine again"
"It's none of your business, Fiona"
"Kid, it's no idea. Don't sweat it, once you've started you're only lying to yourself if you say you're going to quit" I was surprised she was acting normal. "Take it from me, my parents sent me to rehab after I overdosed and nearly died once. The same week I got out I started using again. And I added the fucking weed" she laughed as if she was proud of herself.
"That's just sad.."
"Get up, freak"
"Hello to you too, Quinn" she said and stood up. "Just keeping your girlfriend company"
"Thanks?" she sat down.
A couple of hours of the people in there was enough for me, at last I convinced Quinn that we would go home. I started begging around 10pm and she decided to listen to me 11.30pm. I guess sometimes nagging works. We walked out as soon as she noticed I had enough. Happily, she had nothing to drink.. The drink her friend gave her was not even touched. I still wanted to drive. She let me without fighting it. The car ride was very silent. She seemed off, it had been the same since we met earlier. I didn't want to bother her since she looked like she wasn't with me anyway.
We weren't very far from my place, I would get off and she would either stay the night or drive herself home. I pulled into the neighborhood and then into my driveway. The kitchen lamp was on which meant my mom or dad were still up. Or both.
"Are you coming in?" I asked.
"Aren't your parents in..?"
"Yes, so? They know we're together"
"It would be really awkward to meet them like this.. You know"
"I guess, but you can hide in my room" I joked.
"Not tonight, I'm not feeling well" she sighed.
"What's wrong?"
"My head has been spinning since I woke up"
"Did you try aspirin?"
"I tried everything"
"Not really, you should stay in tonight if you weren't feeling well. Not go to a junkie party"
"You're talking about my friends, Santana"
"Am I wrong about them?"
"They're not junkies if they every now and them use cocaine" she defended both herself and them.
"Both you and I now it's more often than now and then"
Her response to what I said was to slowly shake her head with a smile on her lips. I turned the car off because none of us was getting off anyway. She hadn't decided what she wanted to do yet and I was stuck in there waiting for her. She started rooting inside her pocket until she suddenly took out a little plastic bag. It was half full, containing white powder. Cocaine. I looked at her face and she had a serious face.
"Christopher gave it to me, said I could have it"
"Why did you take it?"
She just looked at it. No answer was given. I pulled it off her hand and took it in mine.
"Why did you take it, Quinn?"
"It was free, why would I say no? Do you know how much this shit costs.." she tried laughing it away.
"Are you stupid?" I asked with the most serious tone.
"Excuse me?"
"Are you stupid, Quinn? Seriously" her eyebrows furrowed. Her whole aura, her mood - it became dark. "I thought you were smarter than this. Do you not realize how dangerous drugs are? Especially this"
"You're such a mom" she grumbled. "Give it back to me" she reached for it but I backed my hand away. "Give it back, Santana" she got angrier. "You're being really annoying"
"What do you need it for?"
"What the hell do you think?"
"I think you should rethink"
"Santana, what's your fucking problem?" she raised her voice a little. "Give it back, now" she demanded.
"Here," I handed it over to her "take it back. But Quinn, don't ruin yourself" I said, opening the door.
"Well as long as you, mom, keep complaining about it, I will. If you let it go, I might just listen to you.." she teased.
"Whatever you say" I jeered. "Are you coming or not?" I said as I noticed the lights inside the house get turned off.
"Do you want me to?" her face was serious.
"Of course"
"Then I will" she smiled.
We stepped out of the car and went inside. All the lights but the little reading one in the living room were off. I looked back at Quinn who was taking off her shoes, still holding the plastic bag in her hand. I nudged her and gave her the evil eye, she got the point of it and put it inside her pocket. We silently walked towards my room. Luckily, we wouldn't have to pass the living room to get there.
"Santana, is it you?" my mother called. She heard us.
"Um, yes.."
"What the hell do I do now?" Quinn whispered really quietly with a laugh hidden in her tone.
"Don't worry about it"
"Who are you talking to?" she said, I heard her get up and walk over to us. "Oh," she smiled at me "I see you brought your friend" she reached her hand forward "I'm Maribel, Santana's mother"
I fought hard to keep myself from bursting into laughter. This was everything Quinn wished wouldn't happen. I felt a little sorry for her.
"I'm Quinn, Santana's.. girlfriend" she shook hands with my mom. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Lopez" she put on the most charming smile she had in her.
"It's pleasure to meet you too, Quinn. Are you staying here tonight?" she asked.
"Yes, if that's okay with you" Quinn politely said. I had never seen Quinn act this way.
"Of course," my mother smiled "you girls go on, I'll go back to reading"
We walked towards my room again and I quickly changed and threw Quinn a t-shirt she could wear to sleep in.
"That was so awkward.. Jeez"
"I know, I felt really sorry for you" I let out my inheld laugh. "My mom wanted me to ask you for dinner sometime. My parents are really into meeting you properly just because I told them I loved you"
"You told them you loved me?" her eys shimmered.
"Yes.. Was that not okay?"
"Of course it's okay, Santana" she smiled.
"So, can you like stay for dinner tomorrow? Please, I want to get this stupid dinner over with"
"Sure, I'll stay for dinner" the smile was still glued on her lips.
Dinner the next day went by perfectly. Quinn was really nice and my parents weren't asking her uncomfortable questions. We sat together for around one hour and a half until we were done talking and eating. Me and Quinn went outside later the same night, she wanted to go a party held by her other friend. If I remember right her name was Jasmine. It was always the same type of parties - at different places. All her friends were so.. Unhealthy. The constant use of drugs and the alcohol, I was just not happy with being at the parties she brought me with her too but I also felt like I needed to be there with her, to at least try to stop her if she drinks too much or uses too much, her friends wouldn't. They would just be happy she became as faded as they were.
Two weeks after the last party we were at, Quinn began to use cocaine more often. It wasn't just a 'only on parties' thing like she promised me anymore. No, she used it at least twice a week. That's what she told me so I chose to trust her. I didn't want to nag or bug her about it too much. However, one night, I couldn't keep watching her doing it to herself anymore. It was awful after everything I read and learned about using cocaine. It ruins you. It really does.
We were at her house, her parents were on vacation for their anniversary. I was going to sleep at her place so I brought everything I needed from home. Toothbrush, a change of clothes and clean underwear for the next day. It was the perfect day. We watched a normal (not a bloody, creepy and horrifying) movie. We talked, we shared thoughts until the moonlight and then out of nowhere, she took out a bag.
"Quinn, please" I begged. "Don't"
"What?" she smiled, spreading a bit less than half the content across a book she had, neatly forming it into two lines.
"Didn't you do it yesterday? And on Wednsday too?," I took her by the arm "isn't that enough?"
She didn't say anything. She kept preparing herself, she took out a straw from her drawer and sat down. I looked at her, the face, her body. It looked like it had been melting away a bit. It was obvious that she had lost weight. And I knew it was because of the drugs.
"I did my best not to keep pushing you to stop and stuff, Quinn.. But you're making it impossible for me to work with if you don't help me on the way" I sat down beside her.
"Does this affect you in any way? Are you the one who's ruining yourself?" she calmly asked and dropped the straw on the table.
"No but-"
"Exactly, why can't you let it go?"
"Becuase you're becoming an addict," I tried holding her hand, she pulled it away "it's not the way it was supposed to be. Wasn't it only a party thing?"
"Well, I went to parties more often" she laughed.
"Quinn this isn't something to joke about"
"I'm not addicted. I can stop if I want to," she tried affirming me "I just don't want to"
"You're lying to yourself" I stood up. "Have fun"
I grabbed my bag from the couch and threw it over my shoulder. I took my phone from the table and walked towards the door. I opened it and hesitated for a second before walking out, to see if Quinn would come after me. She didn't. She wasn't after me, she didn't even try to make me stay. I walked out. I called my mother and asked her to come get me. She was there within fifteen-twenty minutes. I walked into the car and ignored all of her questions. I was so damn annoyed, I didn't feel like talking.
"Did you fight?"
I ignored her.
"What did she do?"
"Stop asking me about it, will you?"
"I'm worried, honey. What happened?"
"Nothing. We just had an argument and I didn't feel like staying, are you happy?"
My mother just nodded and focused on the driving. She noticed I was too fed up to talk. The whole ride home was quiet. When we got home, it was the same. I walked straight to my room and unpacked my bag. I felt like an idiot for thinking Quinn would keep her promise and never become like her friends. I mean, it was obvious she would and I felt weak for not having the power over her to be able to convince her. I felt weak for accepting her even though she was slowly becoming an addict. It started with once every two-three weeks, once a week, twice a week and look at where that got her, three times a week. In a couple of weeks it'll become an everyday thing. It scared me to think about. It scared me in every single way possible that I would have to live with it. Still, what scared me the most was the fact that I couldn't do anything about it.
After I had been sitting silently in my bed for nearly an hour, thinking, it hit me. If I did things to distract Quinn from the drug she slowly allowed to herself to get addicted to, maybe she would forget about it. We could go away for the weekend, or maybe I could think something else out for us to do. Maybe a couple of days without it would make her see that she could manage without it, just like she did before the summer. I wanted to call her and tell her about my ideas but I was still really upset about her not doing anything about the fact that I left her alone. It was heartbreaking - it felt like she couldn't care less about me being there.
Around 10pm, I began getting impatient, she hadn't called, texted or anything. I was constantly checking my phone to see if she tried to contact me. I got nothing. I tried calling her once, I couldn''t keep myself from doing it. She didn't pick up. I tried again thirty minutes after, she still didn't pick up. I sat down on my bed for some minutes before reacting. When I picked up my phone to text her, my mother called for me. I went to the living room and she was standing there, pointing at the door. I walked over and it was already open at end. I slowly pushed it open and saw her sitting on the stairs on my porch. She was holding a notebook in her hands and a CD. She only noticed I was there when I stepped out and stood behind her. She quickly moved up and stood facing me.
"What do you want?" I tried sounding annoyed even though every living organism inside me was fluttering about her coming over to me.
"It took me a while until I finally decided that this would be the right thing at the moment, you know?" she started. "These are for you" she handed the little, thick notebook to me along with the CD.
"O-okay.." I said.
"In the CD, it's songs I've collected for the past months, it's all the songs that make me think of you. And in there," she pointed at the notebook "it's poetry. Some things I've written down when I read them - at times when you inspired me"
It felt like my heart was going to burst. Butterflies attacked my stomach, I fought hard to prevent myself from smiling.
"I'm still.. Angry"
"I know," she took a step closer to me "I was going to wait with give these to you, I wanted to make a bigger collection.. But I knew you wouldn't forgive me unless I showed you in another way than just talking that I care about you"
"Why didn't you stop me from leaving then?" I asked.
"I don't know. I was still thinking about the things you said" she said.
"Did you change your mind?"
"Do you want honesty?" I nodded. "No, it didn't" she said.
"Oh.. So, you're not going to stop..?" I looked down at the floor.
"Not now.. No" she took yet another step closer, grabbed my hand and stared into my eyes. "I want you to know how much you affect me. You mean more than anything in the whole world, Santana. If I lose you because of something as stupid as drugs, I'll be crushed" she said. It hurt so damn much in the chest because I knew she wasn't lying. "Please" she begged. "Forgive me, try to"
"I can't stay mad at you, you know that. It's just that I hate seeing you slowly killing yourself" I held in a lump in my throat. For some reason, I was getting overly emotional.
"Santana.." she smiled, holding my hand tighter "I will never leave you alone in this cruel world" her eyes met mine again. "I won't fall that deep in. It's just a summer thing.."
"First it was a party thing, now a summer thing" I tried not to sound too bitchy so I let out a laugh.
"You're right but it is, I will stop as soon as summer is over. Deal?" she set my soul on fire with a smile.
"Quinn.. I don't believe you" I resisted. "It's not that easy, you won't be able to stop"
"Just trust me, I will. I stopped smoking for two whole years once. Did you know that? I started when I was fifteen until I was seventeen" she said. "Then when I turned eighteen, I started again"
"Why did you start again?" I asked.
"I missed it" she laughed.
"What if the same thing happens with the coke..?" I worried.
"It's not the same thing. It won't"
"I don't know.."
"Hey, look. Maybe this will convince you," she smiled "If, if I don't stop when summer is over, I'll tell my parents about it and let them send me into rehab"
"Come on, you're full of shit" I laughed.
"I swear to God!" she protested. "If I don't, you officially have my permission to tell them. Who would want to get into rehab? Now you know you can trust me" I didn't respond "I promise" she assured. "Can you trust me?"
"I don't know.." I said. "Just let me have some time to think"
Her whole face flushed. I let go of her hand and gave her a long look before walking back inside.
"How did it go?" my mother asked. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine" I said.
"Did she bring that for you? What is it..?" she smiled a little.
"It's nothing" I was too shy to actually tell her. She gave me a smile that made me laugh. "Fine, fine, mom. It's poems and a mixtape"
"That's so sweet. Let me see that" she forcefully took the CD and notebook from my hands. "Santana" she read the title Quinn gave the CD. "That's so sweet, she named it after you"
"Mom, please don't read anything" I nearly begged.
"Of course I won't, honey I'm just joking around. Look, I see you're not in the best place wit her. But she seems like a great girl, whatever it is.. Try to work it out. I believe you can" she said. I nodded and walked towards my room. I sat down on my bed. I took the little notebook first, got under the covers of my bed and started reading.