"I love you uncondtionally, you are the world to me"

"Only darkness could understand a love so deep as the one I feel for you, a feeling so deep all the oceans in the world couldn't compare to it" it was aoriginal poem by Quinn. It was my favorite from all the ones I had read.

I closed the notebook and pressed it inside my chest. It was enough for one night for me, I was afraid I would start weeping if I read more of it. If two poems made me grow a lump in my throat, one made of only happiness though, then the rest of the pages would make it worse. I took the CD she made. I placed it inside the radio I had and pressed play. The first song that played was Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band. It was heartwarming because it was one of my favorite songs and Quinn didn't even have a clue about it. I listened to the whole CD until I fell asleep on the bed with the notebook pressed against my chest and the songs replaying until eventually I woke up. It was around 8pm. I woke up with the book next to me and the music was still playing. I turned it off and sat down on my bed. It was going to be a long and boring day, I could feel it. I stood up and walked towards the kitchen. I could make plans with Quinn but I didn't want to. Firstly, she was still asleep. I knew that. And second, I didn't want her to know I forgave her already. Then last but not least, I knew that if I met her after reading and listening to the songs. I would be too weak to play tough and act cold towards her. It would be impossible.

The rest of the day went by quickly but it was still boring, I did nothing but watch TV, a couple of movies and listened to the CD she had made for me over and over.. I tried not to open the notebook. I promised myself I wouldn't touch it. Although I did, I broke my own promise around 9.30pm. I broke it badly.

I turned the page. I was into the fourth page.

"Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond. Any experience, your eyes have their silence. In your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which I cannot touch because they are too near" - e.e cummings.

Page five.

"...Somewhere or other, may be near or far; past land and sea, clean out of sight; beyond the wandering moon, beyond the star that tracks her night by night" -

Page six.

"In that book which is My memory.. On the first page, that is the chapter when I first met you. Appear the words... Here begins a new life" -

Page seven.

"Not easy to state the change you made. If I'm alive now, then I was dead, though, like a stone, unbothered by it, staying put according to habit. You didn't just tow me an inch, no. Nor leave me to set my small bald eye. Skyward again, without hope, of course, of apprehending blueness, or stars..." -

Page eight.

"I'd rather have the thought of you to hold against my heart. My spirit to be taught of you with west winds blowing, than all the warm caresses of another love's bestowing, Or all the glories of the world, in which you had no part" -

I stopped there.

I walked out of my bed and took quick steps to the kitchen. I made myself something to eat. Noodles. It took me less than six minutes to be done. I started eating and began thinking about how deep Quinn could be. I knew she was a bit dark but never actually the poem kind of person. For her to be dedicating all of those to me, it made me feel special. Eight out of twenty-seven pages had been read by me, who knew how many other beautiful poems she had written down or maybe she even had more original ones, written by her? Those were my favorites.
I tried to convince her to stop with the drugs, it didn't work. But still, the only good thing about it was that she admitted that she wouldn't stop - she didn't say 'okay' and then kept doing it behind my back. That would hurt me even more than it did. I know I said I wouldn't contact or meet her the same night. I broke my own promise again. When I finished eating I called her and told her to meet in at the park. I brought my bag with me. I put the bowl in the sink and told my mother I was meeting Quinn. She noticed my bag and figured it out herself. Around 10.15pm, I was there. She hadn't arrived yet, I went to our tree and sat on the grass, leaning both myself and my bag on it. I counted the seconds that passed and right when I lost myself around two hundred and three, she was walking towards me. She looked perfect. I had no other word to describe her than perfect. I could say beautiful, cute, angelic or pretty but all those things can't even be compared with 'perfect'. Just like nothing could be compared with Quinn.

"Are we eloping?" she smiled when she got a look of my bag. I let out a giggle. "Are you okay?" she asked as she sat down next to me.

"Yes, I'm fine" I answered.

"Why did you want to meet me all of the sudden? Usually I'm the one who drags you out in the middle of the night" she laughed.

"I don't know really, I read the poems" I said.

"Oh," she looked shy, the pale cheeks looked like they were getting pinkish "what did you think?"

"They were really great.. Especially the one you wrote" I said, I could feel her glare on me. I wasn't ready to stare at her face just yet.

"I have a few more in there" she said.

"I know, I figured you'd have that" I smiled, still avoiding to look at her. "I'm not mad at you anymore"

"So the poems helped?" she chuckled.

"Well, it wasn't only because of them" I fought hard not to turn my face to the right. "It was the fact that you were honest about it too.. Someone else would probably promise me they'd quit and then not"

"I don't want to lie to you" her hand pressed against mine. "I just want you to know me, not someone I pretend I am in front of you"

"I'm not saying I'm happy about it," this time I peeked at her "I'm still kind of upset that you're doing it. I just know I can't stop you.."

She sighed loudly and slowly pulled her hand away from mine.

"Santana?"

"Yes?"

"My parents are getting a divorce"

I this time gave her a real look. And it was just like I imagined it would be - my heart would fill with flutters, my stomach got attacked by an army of tickling butterflies and my emotions rose up to one hundred percent stronger. Her face wasn't happy at all - she looked like she would start crying.

"Quinn.. I'm so sorry. Why? When did this happen?"

"You know this 'vacation' they're on?" she asked. I nodded. "Well it's not a vacation. My dad went out of town for a couple of days and my mother went to sleep at my grandmothers place in Long Island for some days.."

"They just left you alone?"

"Not really, my mother and I had an hour long fight about me going with her. She wouldn't let go until I flipped and told her I wasn't leaving anywhere. Then just like that, the next morning I woke up to a note on the fridge saying she was there and that I would call her if I needed anything" her face expression broke every piece of my heart. "So you could say it was my own choice to stay alone"

"Do you know why they're splitting up?" I asked.

"Something about their love dying out, you know that old people crap. They just never loved each other. If they did, this wouldn't happen. They got married when they were twenty three because both my grandpa's were good friends and co-workers. They practically in a kinder way forced them to get married.. Even though they had the chance to date for about one and a half year before they got married. That's what my mom told me"

"I'm so sorry.. I don't know what to do. Can I make you feel any better?"

"You could stay with me tonight.. Instead of eloping" she joked.

"Fine.. I'll call Robin Hood and cancel our plans"

"Robin Hood?" she wondered.

"Yeah, he feels like the kind of guy who would totally elope with you" I smiled.

"You're such a dork sometimes.." she laughed.

"Quinn, are your parents the reason you..-"

"They're the reason I started doing it more often, yes" she cut me off.

"But, there are so many other ways"

"No. Santana, nothing makes me happy anymore. Only you. And I can't be with you every second of the day"

"And how do the drugs help you feel any better, really?"

"I get distracted. I do something else than just sitting or reading, you know?"

"You could go out..?" I suggested.

"I only hang out with you, Christopher and the people you usually see when we're with him. But with you - it's pure and different. With them, it's the same thing"

I didn't know what to tell her. I felt like the more I nagged about it the more she got into it. And especially when I found out her parents were getting divorced, I would feel like an asshole if I had to take away what she said is her second distraction from the thoughts of her parents leaving each other. I believed she was just confused.. She didn't know what to do, I believe, she was finding ways to physically hurt herself to numb the pain she was feeling inside. I would know. Some people get into drugs when they go through dark paths - others self harm. She chose the worst. I really didn't know what to do next - I had no right to speak up and tell her it was still wrong after what she told, I didn't have the heart to deny her. Seeing her upset was enough for me to let everything go and focus on putting a smile on her lips instead. It was the most important thing for me because I would never want her to feel the same way I do - to only be able to feel happiness near me - like I do with her. It was too painful.
I looked at my right side and she took out a little pocket knife. She turned around so she was facing the tree. I watched her stick the knife into it and she began carving in first and Q, which took her around three minutes. After that, she carved in a heart. Beside the heart she carved in an S. And the knife was put back into her pocket.

"Q heart S" I said.

"I've always wanted to do something as cheesy as that, it's too cliché to not do it"

"I liked it. It's officially our tree" I joked.

"What should we name it?"

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"It looks like a girl more than it looks like a boy. So it's a she" she smiled. Finally.

"She looks American. What about Allison? She could pull off Allison" I said.

"I like it"

"Hello Allison, we are your new parents" I jokingly shook hands towards the tree. Quinn let out a soft chuckle and stood up. "Where are you going?" I pouted.

"I think we should leave Allison alone. She seems to want some privacy. You know, teenagers these days.."

I took my bag and stood up and walked with her.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"My place?" she said.

"I have my moms car, so we'll have to drive in our own cars"

"Oh, okay" she said "see you there?" she said as we reached the parking lot. I nodded. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and walked back with a smile on her lips.

Thanks for readinggg:) Don't forget to reviewww pretty please!