It was around 2am. I got woken up as told fifteen minutes before Quinn was outside my window, 1:45am. I put my clothes on, brushed my hair – just like any other day. Only this time the day started off much, much earlier. Without waking my parents up, I sneaked out and made sure I closed the door as quietly as possible. When Quinn saw me coming towards her, she started the engine and even from a distance I could see the smile on her lips through the window.

"Hey"

"Did you wake your parents up?"

"Do you think I'd be here if I did?" I jeered. "No, of course not" and the smile on my lips showed again.

She laughed and drove towards the destination. It was dark and late but the city was still alive. People really are right when they say New York is the city that never sleeps. I never truly believed it until I saw it with my own eyes. She drove for about ten/fifteen minutes and parked outside her friends place. Christopher. He told Quinn the day before that she should stop by sometime after midnight and hang out. I didn't really think it was a good idea because seriously what good can come from going to a party filled with drug addicts after midnight? Not much really. However, she told me she was going and I didn't want to be left out so I accepted her offer when she asked me to go with her. I found it quite weird really that someone starts a "party" after midnight instead of letting it end then. Her friends were all reversed – if someone said white, they said black. If someone said morning, they said night. They were very different. Truth is, Quinn was very different as well – just not their type of different. Or, maybe she was actually. She may have been, it was just that from my point of view, her type of different was my type of different – the good type.

"I'm glad you brought us goodies" the tall, unhygienic friend said as he opened the door and winked at me.

"Don't start with her, I told you she doesn't like it" Quinn threw him a look.

"Okay," he laughed "I'm sorry. We've been at this for about two hours now so whatever leaves this mouth isn't really me speaking!" he claimed and we walked in to the same living room from a couple of weeks earlier.

Luckily, Fiona wasn't there. At least not yet – I couldn't see her anywhere so that was one good thing about it. The lights were subdued, smoke was in the air. That herby smell again. One half empty and one empty bottle of alcohol were on the table along with the cocaine and a pack of cigarettes. The song in the background sounded like one of the songs Quinn had in her car.. It was very familiar. I sat down next to her on the couch – the only place in the apartment I could feel safe. She put her arm around me and gave me a peck on the lips. I smiled into the little kiss and she poured me a glass. I took the drink and felt it spread through my veins.

"Yo, Q" Christopher called. "I've got some great news" he sat down next to her on the other side of the couch. She was now in the middle of us both. "You know that guy I buy my stuff from," he said "well, he's also a really good friend. Great guy, he's gold. He's going on vacation with his girlfriend and shit so he told me I could take over for a while.. I get fifty percent of the money of everything I sell" his tone was overly excited. "I'm gonna get rich of this shit, can you believe that?," he laughed "and people say there's no future in drugs!" the dark laugh got louder. I couldn't help but snort. And he heard. "What was that about, huh?" Christopher smiled.

"Nothing, I thought your story was very amusing" I looked to see if Quinn payed attention.

"Story?," he looked at Quinn, then back at me "I didn't tell a fucking cinderella story about princes and princesses and white charming donkeys, this is real money, kid" he let out a chuckle. "Story" he laughed harder.

"I'm not a kid, though. But thank you for making it clear to me that you weren't talking about princesses and princes" I teased.

"You're spicy tonight," he winked at me. Totally ignoring what Quinn told him earlier "let's get you high" he prepared lines with a smile on his lips that was hard to see because of the thick, long beard. For a guy who was just in his early twenties, that was a very long beard.

"What the hell.." I mumbled.

"I can't do anything about it, San.. Ignore it" Quinn quietly said into my ear. "You know he's messing around, plus he's so wasted right now he doesn't know what he's doing"

I listened to Quinn and tried not to ruin it for her. She took the straw from Christopher's hand and gave it to me, she took one for herself and patiently looked at me – waiting for me to start. So I did. And for the first time, it felt so damn good. The poison, the feeling.. The whole situation. It felt good to be a part of something Quinn admires and loves. I that moment more than ever felt like I really, truly belonged with her. It sounds stupid, I know – feeling like a drug brought me closer to the love of my life. But it was true. It felt like we had more in common, more to discuss, more to explore. And it made me not want to stop. It made me want to keep doing it until she gets bored and stops. I took a line after another until I was stopped by Quinn.

"Santana, enough" she said and took the straw away from me.

"Wow, she likes it.." Christopher smiled. "Weren't you the one who was so against this, spicy?" he teased.

"I was, I was. But I'm not now" I said. "Are you going to stop now too?" I looked at Quinn.

"I stopped twenty minutes ago. Look, Santana.. You need to really have control over yourself okay"

"Are you trying to lecture me about this shit?" I laughed. I felt talkative and like Christopher said 'spicy'.

"I'm not lecturing you, I'm telling you that too much at once can end up with you laying on a gurney. How would you explain that to Dr. Lopez?" she smiled. "I'm just saying that you need to know how to split it up.. A little bit every time you do it won't harm you, this much at once will" she picked up her pack of cigarettes and lit one up.

"You're right," I leaned in for a kiss "you're always right, aren't you?" I smiled, amazed by her angelic beauty that somehow struck me every single time I watched her do something. Whatever it was.

"You can say that" she took a long puff.

"Give me that, damn it" Christopher said and reached his hand over for Quinn's cigarette.

"Get your own"

"Come on, give it to me"

"Forget it, it's my last one. I have no more with me. Ask someone else"

"They're cheap motherfuckers!" he loudly said, looking around the room. "Q, I'll give you something back" he pulled out two small bags. "Now that I'm in charge of this, I can give you a little extra something every now and then"

"You're seriously willing to spend that much coke for this stupid little cigarette?" Quinn told him and squinted her eyes.

"Right now, yes. I'm dying to just..-"

"You stopped smoking like one month ago, Chris" she laughed.

"I did?" he asked. "Listen, who cares, you're wasting it! Hand it over" he told her and threw the two bags on her knees. "One for spicy," he winked "and one for you, Q"

Quinn looked at them and gave him the half smoked cigarette. She gave one to me and put the other in her pocket. Like the idiot I was, I took it with a smile on my face and hid it inside my thin jacket. After two/three hours of being at the party. My phone ringed. My heart skipped a beat as I pulled it out of my jeans pocked and read the name.

"H-hello.."

"Santana!" she yelled so loudly I was sure Quinn who sat beside me heard. "Where in the name of God are you at this hour?"

"Mom, I-I'm-"

"Is that music? Where are you!"

"I'm at a party.."

"A party? A party! Get your butt back home right now, Santana!"

"M-mom, I-"

"Right now!" she hung up.

I looked at Quinn and she quickly got up and drove me home. One of the best things about her was that she never wanted me to get in trouble with my mother – she was kind of a rebel but when she knew I was going to get in real deep trouble, she didn't convince me to stay or whatever. Besides from the drugs, but that, I felt like it was another situation. The whole drive home felt so tense and I was so nervous. I hoped she wouldn't notice what I had been doing. When we finally reached my driveway I could see that the living room lamp was on. My mother was waiting for me. I stepped out of the car and brushed my jacket.

"Are you going back there?"

"I don't have to"

"Please don't" I said.

"Okay, I'll go home then" she smiled. "Tell me how it goes, okay? Good luck" she let out a sympathetic smile.

I took slow steps towards the door, I breathe in and out and tried to calm myself. I put the key inside the keyhole and closed my eyes, praying for the strength to face her and try to explain myself in the best possible way. I opened the door and got off my shoes. I was going to hang the jacket but then I realized what I had in the pocket so I kept it on until I was alone.

"Come in here" my father called. I was more nervous than ever when I heard his voice and not my mother's.

"Sit down" my mother commanded. "Where have you been?"

"I was with.. Um, I was with.. with Quinn"

"Your girlfriend, Quinn?" my dad asked.

"Do you know what time it is? It's 4am!"

"We couldn't sle-"

"I don't care!," my mother started flipping out. "Come here"

"Calm down, honey.." my father tried.

"Open your mouth, Santana.. God, you smell like smoke!" she said. "Have you been smoking? I should've known that girl was bad news, I should've known"

"Mom, stop it. It's not her fault. It was my idea"

"Your breathe smells like alcohol" she said.

"Have you been drinking, Santana?" my father looked disappointed.

"No.. Yes – just a little, I swear. It wasn't much"

"Santana I am very disappointed.. I don't know what to tell you"

"Mom, please" I felt so nervous I was about to cry. "Don't be disappointed we were just having some spontaneous fun"

"Did you really think we wouldn't find out you left the house at two in the morning?"

"I did.. It was stupid, I'm so sorry"

"I mean, you know I wake up very early to go to the hospital. How could you even think of doing this? And, alcohol? I thought I told you about this stuff.. Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs.. Those are the three things we always agreed you'd stay away from, do you remember?" my father said. I felt so guilty it felt like they heard my heart shatter.

"I didn't smoke.."

"And the other two?" my mother widened her eyes.

"Only the alcohol, like you already know" I lied. I couldn't possibly tell them about the cocaine. It would have gone to hell. Really.

"I have nothing else to say, I'm very disappointed. That's all. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed"

My mom said disappointed so many times it was hard to think that she even had other emotions at the moment. Or ever.

"Look, just go to your room. We can look past this, this time. Okay?"

"Okay dad.. Mom, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you" and I left them and went to my room.

The first thing I did was to take the little plastic bag and put it in my first drawer. My mother knows I keep my "diary" there so she never opens it. She always said that one thing she would never do was to read my diary unless I tell her it's okay. I loved her for that but hated myself for taking advantage of it.

I went down to open the door when I heard the bell ring. We had been talking about having a girls night for a while. Brittany was supposed to be a part of it but since everything that happened with me, her and Quinn – we decided it would be better if she wasn't with us. We walked into my room, happily, I was home alone. I knew my parents would be on our watch if they were at home because I knew they didn't fully trust me after what had happened the day before. I had already prepared the movie we were going to watch and where Mercedes would sleep (not that we would sleep directly after the movie) but I felt like it would be better to have it ready instead of doing it on the last minute when we're both too tired to actually move a finger. All that was left was the popcorn, it was still in the microwave when Mercedes arrived. I told her to just sit down and I would go get the snacks and the soda. I went into the kitchen and put the popcorn in a bowl, took out a bottle of pepsi for us and grabbed a bunch of chocolate bars from the cabinet. I grabbed two glasses and with the help of God I was able to bring all of it to the room at once. I walked into the room and threw everything on my bed without making a mess. I looked at Mercedes who was standing with her back against me in front of my drawer.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She turned around and in her hands was the bag that contained the cocaine I had gotten from Christopher the night before.

"Santana.." she said.

"What the hell do you think you're doing going through my stuff like that?" I instantly got heated up.

"Are you using drugs..?" she asked again.

"Answer my damn question!" I said.

"I was looking for a charger, I didn't mean to"

"You fucking liar! How dare you invade my privacy like that, what the hell is wrong with you?" I was so angry to see that Mercedes was holding the bag that I didn't even realize I was yelling at her.

"I can't believe this, I really can't"

I did everything to make myself calmer and at last it worked – I could lie to her and tell her it wasn't mine. I could try that.

"Seriously, why would you do this to yourself?," she asked "is this.. Is this Quinn's fault?"

"No, it has nothing to do with Quinn. I'm just keeping it here for a friend"

"Oh really?" she sarcastically said. "What friend?"

"His name is Chris.. Christopher" I lied.

"Why would you keep someone's cocaine in your house? That doesn't make any sense" she raised her eyebrow. "Stop lying to me"

I sat down on the bed and dig my face in my palms, resting my elbows on my knees. I felt so embarrassed and exposed. I had no idea what to do next. Mercedes was smarter than I thought – I couldn't convince her about that the cocaine wasn't mine. She sat down next to me with the little bag still in her hands.

"I-I don't know.."

"You don't know what?" she quickly answered.

"I don't know what to tell you"

"Tell me this is just a one time thing"

"That would be a lie" I said, afraid to look at her face.

"Oh my god.. Santana, this needs to end. I don't know for how long you've been doing it but it has to end. Even if you've only done it for a couple of days. This is so dangerous"

"But.."

"There is seriously nothing you could say that would make this okay, Santana. Don't even try. As your friend and someone who cares about you, I'm telling you right here right now that this is probably the most messed up thing you've ever done. No matter how awful things you've done in your past, this is worse" her tone honestly made me feel like she cared. It made me change my mind for one second or two. I knew I had to lie to Mercedes.

"I'll let it go.. I promise" I forced out.

"How do I know that's not a lie?"

"You can throw out the bag you're holding in your hands"

"And you don't think I don't know you have more of it hidden around?"

"What? No," I shook my head "I swear, I don't have any other but this"

"What about your girlfriend?"

"She doesn't do it" I lied.

"Yeah right"

"She doesn't" I said again.

"Look, honestly, I couldn't care less if she did or not," Mercedes said, making it very clear that Quinn doesn't matter to her "it's you I'm worried about. It's you who needs to stop. Promise me?" she reached out her pinky finger for me to link mine with. "Promise?" she said again.

"I-I promise" I said, linking my finger with hers.

I felt really bad during the whole night with Mercedes. She was probably relieved, thinking I would stop using the drug. I had just put another weight on my shoulders – I had lied to my second closest friend ever. I couldn't decide in my mind if that was the right thing to do or not. Somehow it felt like I did the right thing because I protected my one and only – but then again it felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life; decided to keep doing the drug even after a good friend advised me not to.

The next morning we had woken up and everything went smooth. I put on a mask – I made it look like I was happy and not guilty at all. After breakfast, Mercedes had to leave and she made it very clear that she still had the bag of cocaine with her. She told me she was going to throw it away and she decided to do so for my own good. I believed that was the case. I just had no idea what to tell Quinn about it. She would probably – most likely, ask about it the next time we met or spoke. And she did.

"Have you used any of the stuff Chris gave us?" she said on the phone later on the afternoon.

"No" Quinn was one of the few people I couldn't lie to. I really couldn't.

"Good, I want us to do it together" she said, her voice sounded sore.

"What happened to yours?"

"That's history now" she laughed.

"You already used it all?" I worried.

"Jeez, you're making it sound like it was a lot.. It was not more than like four lines, San. The bag was as big as tall as my little finger and it wasn't even half full.."

"Okay but.. Um.."

"What? You used it already didn't you?" she chuckled.

"No.. But it's gone"

"What? How? Don't tell me your mom found it.. Shit" she said.

"No no, look..," I said "you know Mercedes slept at my place right?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"She was looking for a charger and she opened the drawer and found it.. She flipped out and said I had to stop and stuff so I had to lie and say I would. She wanted me to prove it, I was so scared I thought she would tell my parents if I didn't actually show her that I was willing to give it up"

"What did you do?" Quinn asked.

"I let her throw it away"

"What?!"

"I'm so, so sorry Quinn.. Really, I didn't know what to do"

"Santana, are you stupid? That's so expensive, you know that right? We got it for free, it doesn't really happen everyday" she raised her voice.

"I'm sorry, I had no choice"

"God.. Look, forget it. I'm sorry"

"You're not mad?"

"No, no. I'm just annoyed at her, and you a little bit too but I can't really stay mad at you.." she giggled.

"My mom just got home, I should hang up"

"Right.. Hey, Santana?" she said.

"What?"

"Will I see you later, or?"

"I don't know, my mom's kind of mad at you" I laughed.

"Jesus Christ.." she mumbled. "Fine, tell me if you can hang out later though, okay?"

"I will"

"I love you, San"

"Love you too" I said and hung up.

We were in Quinn's car and she was just about to drop me off when I got a text from Tina. I opened it as she pulled in the driveway and stopped outside my house.

"Hey Santana, I just wanted to invite you to my 'Goodbye New York party'.. You know, I'm moving to San Diego to study in September so I wanted to say goodbye to my closest friends. It's this Saturday, tell me if you'll make it"

"Who was it?" Quinn asked.

"Tina"

"And?"

"And I got invited to her dismissal party, she's going to San Diego in September for college"

"Oh.. When is it?"

"This Saturday"

"Are you going?"

"I think so, I mean.. It would be rude not to go" I answered.

"Is Brittany going?" she intensely wondered.

"I have no idea.. Should I ask?"

"Yeah you should because if she is then you're not"

I didn't even say something to what Quinn said. I knew she would be that way so I had nothing to say about it. I texted Tina back directly and asked her who she invited. After around three minutes of silence between me and Quinn, she responded. Brittany was going to be there.

"She's going"

"Well then that's it, you're not" she started her engine again, making it clear for me that she wanted me to go home.

"Quinn.. Don't do this, I can't not go"

"You're not going" she persisted.

"Just stop it okay? You can't keep telling me what to do"

"Santana I'm telling you, if you go you can forget about us"

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes-"

"No," I cut her off "you're acting like a fucking kid"

"Stop making me angrier, just get out. I won't have this talk with you over and over again just forget it, Brittany and you are not going to be in the same room!" she raised her voice.

"Will you calm down? Stop yelling" I felt a lump in my throat - not that I would cry, but it felt like I was losing courage to fight back.

"I'm not yelling" she lowered her voice. "Do you not get it? I thought we had a deal, why are you bringing it up again?"

"I just want to go for Tina, not Brittany. Quinn, please?"

"You don't have my permission - do whatever you want with that"

"I'll go" I answered and opened the door.

"You'll go?"

"Yes" I said with my voice guarded.

"Fuck you, Santana"

I walked out of the car and before I even had the chance to look back at her, she was already gone. I stormed into my room as soon as I got into the house, sat on the bed and tried my best to calm down. The first two things to hit my mind were; self destruct and cocaine. I lacked the power and gear to do any of them.

Thanksss for reading guys, I hope I'm not disappointing you! I love hearing your opinions so don't forget to review!