"Hello, all! Welcome to the first installment of my new show: Professor Port's Grimm Safari!"

Professor Peter Port smiles at the camera. You can tell he's smiling by the way his mustache angles itself upwards.

"In this first episode, I have just caught several wonderful specimens and have them kept here in this sizable pit covered in glass for us to observe them. Now, there are three down there, as you can see. Two males and one female. It appears these creatures are of a species where the female is dominant, as we can clearly see by how she stands over the males as they work to her whim."

Down below, Lindsay stands over Miles and Michael. "Dig faster, guys! Ryan's already grown a mustache in the time we've been down here. Dig! Dig!"

Miles stopped digging. "How come we have to dig?"

Lindsay shrugged, pointing to herself. "Because I'm the helpless woman. Duh."

Miles pointed to the shovel she was holding. "Then can we at least use that instead of spoons?" He held up the spoon he was using to demonstrate how ridiculous a situation they were in.

She shook her head. "If he comes down here, I gotta be able to defend myself. Now keep digging!" She raised the shovel threateningly.

Miles quickly returned to digging through the bottom corner of the hole with a spoon. "Okay, okay. Geez."

Michael nodded. "Told you not to argue."

Suddenly, the door burst open and three heroic figures entered the building. Port turned to face the intruders. He was surprised to find himself faced with the last three people he thought would ever find him here.

"To protect the world from devastation!" Shouted Ruby.

"To unite all peoples within our nation!" Shouted Sun.

Ruby shouted again, "Team leaders blast off at the speed of light!"

Sun continued, "Surrender now or prepare for a fight!"

Jaune appeared between them. "Meowth! That's right!"

Port just stared blankly at them for a moment. He shook it off. "Fine then! I'll take you all on! But I warn you, I am not alone!"

Behind Port, in the dark at the back of the room, a silhouetted man steps out of the shadows. A mad grin on his face, the true villain makes himself known. "Behold! I am the Mad King!"

"No!" Ruby gasped. "You're supposed to be dead!"

"Ah ha ha ha ha! I am not dead! But you..." The Mad King stepped closer ominously. "You will soon be."

Ruby raised Crescent Rose over her head. "Regardless, we will fight on! Weapons! Combine!"

The rest of team RWBY appeared around her.

Weiss threw her sword like a spear. "Myrtenaster, go!"

Blake threw her weapon. "Gambol Shroud, go!"

Yang threw her bracelets. "Ember Celica, go!"

The four weapons joined together, melding into one. Ruby proudly held the new weapon that had formed. "Behold! Myrtambol Celirose! Meet your defeat, Mad King!"

All it was was Gambol Shroud wrapped around both Crescent Rose and Myrtenaster while Myrtenaster was sticking out of the end of Crescent Rose. Ember Celica was just hanging loosely off the handle of Crescent Rose.

The Mad King just stared at it. "That… looks dumb. You should feel bad right now."

Ruby pulled the trigger, launching Myrtenaster through his chest. She then whipped Crescent Rose around, swinging the Mad King around the room like a toy. Finishing off, she brought it down and smashed him into the glass floor. Pulling Myrtenaster free, she slammed Crescent Rose into him, shattering the glass and sending him plunging into the pit.

Ruby stood there in triumph for a moment, then realized something. "Oh, hey, there are people in the hole. Hello, people!"

Michael called up to Ruby. "Hello!"

Lindsay shouted up at Ruby. "Go away! We're trying to escape! We don't want your help! Go! Scoot!"

Ruby backed away from the hole. "Huh… she's kind of a jerk. Glad I'm not like that."

"Well, then there's only one thing left to do." Sun explained as he walked past Ruby, holding a slushy in his hand. He dropped it into the hole. "Incoming!"

The cold dessert landed on Miles.

Jaune shivered. "I suddenly have brain-freeze."

Sun gave a thumbs-up. "Let's all go to Denny's to celebrate our victory."

With a cheer, they paraded out the door.

Port just stood there and watched. "Hmm… must have forgotten about me. Very well then. I'll take my time preparing for my next strike."

Cardin had finally found some time alone. He spoke into his watch. "Stardate unknown. The people of this planet still haven't caught on to my true nature. Investigation into the whereabouts of the intergalactic fugitive Velvet Scarlatina has come to an abrupt and conclusive end. She is taking refuge in a school for gifted native adolescents, and I have followed her in enrollment. I am awaiting further orders before pursuing her capture."

He pressed the little button on the side of his watch. The message would now be sent to Star Command. Turning, the solitary hero disappeared into the night. His mission would be a success someday.

Up above, watching from the rooftop, Velvet had heard it all. "Cardin. I knew you were trouble… the minute you walked in."

Author's note: Gadzooks! What could this mean? Is Cardin actually on the side of truth and justice? What will Velvet do? Will Miles, Lindsay and Michael ever escape? Is the Mad King actually defeated? What does Port have planned? Find out some of these maybe in the next episode of RubyRolled!

*theme music plays*