Disclaimer: I own none of the characters!
Notes: Because I needed Eren in thigh highs
Eren woke up to the sound of waves. He sat up straight, rubbing his eyes and looking around at the dank walls of the ship. He sighed, rubbing his shoulders and glancing at Jean, still asleep in the hammock given to him the night before.
Thankfully, Marco was kind enough to give them somewhere to sleep.
Eren stretched and leaned back on his hammock, listening to the monotonous snores of the smelly pirates around him. He sighed and heard a thump.
He looked over, naturally, and saw (to his surprise) a pair of white ears. Like a rabbit's…
Eren rubbed his eyes and sat up fast. The ears had disappeared from sight. Just as he thought. His lack of a decent night's rest combined with all his stress was nothing to joke about. He really was hallucinating.
"Fuck, how can you stand to even step foot in here? It smells like fucking shit."
The voice certainly made Eren look up again. And as he expected, standing before him was a very irritated looking Levi. What he didn't expect though…
"Ears?" Eren muttered, staring at the white ears on Levi's head. Tall, long white rabbit ears. Eren rubbed his eyes again.
"Tch."
It was Levi's only response before turning away and walking through the door, onto the ship's deck. Eren jumped from his hammock, not bothering to wake anyone up, and followed Levi up the stairs.
Did he mention Levi currently had a rather soft looking rabbit tail poking out of his ass, too? Because it was hella cute.
Eren walked out into the sun and looked around. There was no ship. No water. Just an odd, small room. A table sat in the middle and there was a tiny door at the base of the wall.
His clothes had changed too. He was no longer wearing his usual shirt and slacks. They had been replaced with a lacy tank top and tiny black shorts. Black and white striped, thigh-high socks and even a stupid headband completed his new attire and he felt terribly naked in it.
Feeling the smooth material of his new clothes, he caught sight of the rabbit running right up to that tiny door, white rabbit ears flopping around. Eren gasped, amazed at Levi's new size: he was the size of a doll big enough to fit through that door.
"LEVI!"
But it was too late. Levi had opened and close the tiny door, disappearing again. Eren dropped to his knees, peeking through the door's keyhole. He watched Levi running off and sighed.
"Fuck…"
"Um. Excuse you! How dare you look in my mouth!?"
Eren raised an eyebrow at the door. The keyhole grimaced.
"I need to get through."
"I'm locked."
"Then how do I unlock you?!"
"Well…you need to fit through me first. And there's no way you're getting through at your size. But there are some pastries up on the table…"
Eren looked around. With a pop a little box of pastries appeared on the table. Each one was labeled with "Eat Me" across the frosting. Without a second thought, Eren took a bite of one, only to find himself shrinking to the same, doll-like size Levi had been.
"Perfect!" Eren shouted, running up to the door. "Alright, how about now?!"
"I'm locked. And the key is on the table."
Eren's eyes widened as he stared at the table, now too big for him to reach.
"But…"
The keyhole started to laugh mischievously, but that laughter stopped when it bit its tongue. Eren snorted.
"Dumbass."
"Whatever," the keyhole hissed through bleeding bronze or brass or whatever it was made of. With a sigh, filled with embarrassment, the keyhole swung the door open, letting Eren through.
"Thanks, Auruo!" Eren cried.
"I'm just a keyhole!"
Eren tiptoed through a garden. A rather pretty garden filled with flowers. He stopped, hearing the flowers humming.
"Excuse me," Eren said, approaching a pretty blue flower, "have you seen a white rabbit through here?"
She gasped. "Why, yes I have!" She pointed with a green leaf. "He went that way."
"Thanks!"
"Be careful through here," she warned, shaking her petal in a motherly sort of way. "Wonderland can be tricky, little flower."
"I'll be fine, Petra," Eren called, running off.
"I'm just a flower!"
Eren pushed grass out of his face. Blade after blade until he heard a soft hum and saw smoke rings. He followed the rings until he saw, sitting on a mushroom, a caterpillar. A blue caterpillar with the upper body of a young boy. The blond looked around at Eren with a smile.
"Hello there. Who are you?"
"I'm Eren, you know that Armin. Have you seen a white rabbit through here…?"
"I've seen many rabbits," the blond haired caterpillar replied, flipping through a book on his lap. "But it's much easier to search for people when you're tall. And I am no Armin. I am a caterpillar."
"Well…how do I get tall?"
"One side is big," Armin said, pointing with his hookah, "while the other side is tiny."
"The other side of what?"
"Oh, Eren, the mushroom of course!"
So Eren picked at the mushroom Armin was sitting on. One bite and he was a bit too tall but with a careful second, he was the right size he should be. He waved to Armin, who was still sitting on his mushroom.
"Thanks, Armin!"
"I'm just a caterpillar!"
Eren kept walking, now at his regular height. The world around him was odd. Bread and butterflies and rocking horseflies fluttered by him, to his amusement. It wasn't bad. But it certainly wasn't good. He had no time to think about how he actually ended up in this "Wonderland" and he had no idea of how to get home.
He just wanted to find his rabbit Levi.
A fork in the road stopped him and Eren stared at it.
One arrow was labeled "Mad Hatter's Tea Party" and the second was labeled "March Hare's Garden". Eren sighed.
"Why would Levi go to either…? Which road do I take?"
"It all depends on where you want to go, dumbass."
Eren looked up. Jean sat on the side of the road, stretched out and wearing an annoyed look on his face.
"Well fuck you, too, Jean."
"I'm a Cheshire Cat, not a Jean."
"You're a fucking horse."
Jean's eyes shot open and he glared at Eren. And Eren saw why he called himself a cat: striped cat ears were perched on his head and he even had a tail that flicked back and forth.
"I'm lost and I'm looking for someone."
"Then it really doesn't fucking matter where you go. If you go that way—" and he pointed away from himself—"you'll end up at the March Hare's. And if you go this way—" he pointed in the other direction—"you'll run into the Mad Hatter. Doesn't matter worth of shit because they're both crazy fucks."
"And you're not?"
"Fuck you, Alice."
"Eren."
"Whatever."
Eren took the road leading to the Mad Hatter's garden. Purely to step on Jean's tail as he walked by.
"Fuck off, Jean."
"I'm a fucking Cheshire Cat, you asshat."
Eren soon wished he had taken the other road. He walked into the Mad Hatter's garden and truly saw what Jean (the Cheshire Cat, whater) meant when he said "they're all mad".
Hanji sat at the head of the table, whistling and pouring tea from one teapot to another. She wore a hat that was at least three feet tall, with a price tag still attached. To her right sat Irwin. And like Levi he had a pair of rabbit ears, though his were a bit more floppy. He drank his tea as Eren would expect him to: completely proper, sitting up straight and occasionally dabbing his mouth. To Hanji's left sat Mike. His head was on the table and he was fast asleep. But Eren could make out a pair of mouse ears nestled into his mess of hair.
It was quite a sight.
"NO ROOM GO AWAY."
Eren looked at the table. It was set for at least twenty people.
"Umm…"
"Why don't you join us?" Irwin hummed, gesturing to one of the chairs.
Eren walked up closer, looking at the mess of plates and cups and tea and desserts.
"I guess…Hanji, Irwin, have either of you seen—"
"Ohhhhhh we should play a game!" Hanji cried, clapping her hands. "I want to do riddles."
"Riddles?" Irwin asked.
"Why? No, wait, can I ask—"
"ME FIRST!" Hanji squealed. "WHY is a titan like a writing desk?"
Eren sighed and sank into his chair as Irwin poured him a drink.
"That's a tricky one, Hatter," Irwin said.
Eren sipped his tea. It was surprisingly good. "You've got me. I don't know either."
"Awww….I was hoping one of you could tell me," Hanji groaned. She squealed again. "YOU NEED SUGAR."
Without warning, she grabbed the cup of sugar and jumped onto the table, walking over to Eren. She sat down, after kicking away cups, and started to dump cube after cube of sugar into his tea.
Eren grimanced. "It was fine before…"
"It had no sugar. Things are better when they're sweet."
Irwin nodded, sipping his tea, and Mike snorted what sounded like a yes.
"I was wondering…if you could help me?"
"Of course I can!" Hanji cried. "I can fix your watch!"
"No, no! I'm looking for a rabbit!"
"Irwin's a rabbit," Mike mumbled.
"I am a hare!"
"A white rabbit! Levi!"
"Ohhhhh that white rabbit," Hanji mused. She looked to Irwin. "He's been summoned by the queen. She always summons him when there's a trial."
"The queen?"
"The Queen of Hearts is the ruler of Wonderland," Irwin said. "And if you refuse to follow her laws, then…well…"
"Her specialty is slicing flesh," Hanji said, making a head-cutting motion with her finger across her throat.
Eren shuddered. "But the white rabbit is going to go see her? So he'll be at her palace?"
Hanji and Irwin nodded.
"Then that's where I'll go. Thanks, all of you."
It took some time—a few twisted roads, a musical number, and another run-in with Jean—but Eren finally made it to the Queen's castle. And to his surprise he found servants running around.
Their uniforms were odd: brown jackets, each adorned with a playing card symbol (a heart, spade, club or diamond). White pants seemed standard as well as a complicated harness of straps.
Eren didn't question how or why the Queen chose the odd uniform. He just needed to find Levi. His white rabbit.
"I would like an audience with the queen!" Eren told one of the guards, standing outside of the castle.
"The Queen is currently overseeing a trial."
"A trial?"
"Yes. One of her subordinates, the White Rabbit, was not only late but defiled her brother. So the queen has put him on trial."
Eren swallowed hard, staring at the door. It was wrong, but if Levi was on trial and he had defiled the queen's brother that could only mean…
Biting his lip, Eren punched the first guard. And he was quick to punch the second, too. Both men fell and he tugged off one of their jackets (the emblem being a spade, he found it to look better than the club). He pulled it on, simply because he was tired of feeling so exposed, and pushed the doors to the castle open.
He ran down the hall, passing by confused guards, until he saw a pair of uniformed men standing outside of a door. Eren ran up to them, out of breath.
"Is this the courtroom?"
"Court is in session."
"I am the Queen's brother! This concerns me! My name is Eren!"
The guards looked to each other, as if unsure they could trust him. Eren knew he didn't have much time for them to linger and wonder. He pushed them aside and burst through the wooden doors.
The entire courtroom gasped as he rose to his feet.
Sure enough, Levi stood in the middle of the room, hands tied behind him and around a tall pole against his back. He was sitting, looking ragged and worried. And on the throne, dressed in white with a red scarf around her neck, was the Queen.
"MIKASA!" Eren shouted as the guards tried to pull him away. "MIKASA! HE'S INNOCENT PLEASE! LET ME TALK!"
Mikasa raised a hand and the guards let Eren fall. He scrambled to his feet and ran to the center of the courtroom, falling in front of Levi.
"And why shouldn't I have him beheaded, Eren?" Mikasa hummed, tapping her blade at her side. "He's guilty of kidnapping you. And taking away your innocence. And losing you to an old man and pirate. It's obvious he doesn't care for you or he would have taken better care of you."
"It's not like that!" Eren shouted. "Mikasa…he…He didn't kidnap me. I offered to go with him to help out mom. To get what she needed. And he didn't take away my innocence. I gave myself to him because I love him. And he didn't lose me. I was stupid and childish and I was kidnapped for being too trusting. And the pirate…that was my doing too. I was too weak to fight back. So Mikasa, it's not Levi's fault. It's not. And if you kill him now—because of my mistakes—I'll never forgive you because I love him…"
Silence fell over the room. Mikasa gripped her blade and rose from her throne, walking to the center of the room. Eren cringed, terrified, and he pressed himself against Levi, defending him from Mikasa. If she was going to kill the white rabbit, she'd have to kill them both.
Mikasa swung her blade, cutting the metal chains around the pole. Levi sighed, falling forward. Eren caught him and turned his wide eyes to the Queen. Mikasa smiled and dropped her blade, sitting down by them.
"He really does love you?" Mikasa asked. Eren nodded and Levi gripped his hand.
"I love this little brat more than anything else," Levi sighed into Eren's neck. "And I will find him."
Eren smiled, wrapping an arm around Levi's shoulders. "You've already found me. You both have."
He looked up, only for the world around him to shatter. The courtroom cracked. The faces blurred. Mikasa faded to Eren's horror and he looked down at Levi.
The ears were gone but the man was still there. Still sitting with him. Eren's eyes swelled with tears because he knew Levi would…
"Why…?"
His words were cut off with a gentle kiss. Levi cupped his face, threading a hand through brown hair, and Eren hummed. He leaned forward to try and taste Levi more, to remember the feel of his cold lips.
I will find you…
Eren gasped and sat up straight, looking around the dank ship cabin. It was near empty as most of the pirates were going up to the deck. Jean was pulling on his shirt with a concerned look on his face.
"Are you alright, Jaeger?" he asked. "You were thrashing around in your sleep."
"I…uh…I'm fine."
"Bad dream?"
"No…just weird. Just a really weird dream."
He rubbed his head and sighed as Jean patted him on the back.
"You make a better horse than a cat," Eren muttered.
"What?"
"Let's get going before Captain Freckles kicks our asses."
Notes: April Fools! Goofy update because what better way to celebrate April Fool's day than with an Alice in Wonderland chapter! ;D Real update, with the JeanMarco chapter, is coming very soon though! And sorry for the mistakes in this. I just wanted to get it posted x3