A/N: Hi guys. I hope you enjoy the chapter! Just a heads up, I guess it's a little sad at the end of the chapter. But seriously, I cannot thank all of you guys enough for following, favouriting and reviewing! So thank ya'll!
Chapter 7
He opens his eyes and sees her at her desk in the bullpen. Working on cold cases, probably. She looks up at him and laughs. Getting out of her chair, she makes her way to the front of his desk. Her humour now replaced with a mask of stone.
"Tony, please. Do not give up. I know, it is hard. I know it is frigtening, but you have to keep fighting for me. I am near the end. I will come home soon. Keep fighting."
Unable to reply, Ziva's hand cups his chin lovingly. She signals him to look up into her eyes.
What he sees in her eyes are not fear or desperation, what he sees is a sign of hope. Something he hasn't seen in a while.
Tony brings his hands up to cup them into hers. He strokes the back of her palm when he says, "I am."
"Gear up. Police Officer dead outside a shopping mall in Fairfax," the familiar grey haired agent says.
The older man looks down at Tony - giving him a cold, but sympathetic look. He continues,"What? Jet lag got you down? If you haven't realized, you've been back for a week now."
Tony stands up, clips his firearm to his pants, grabs his backpack and walks directly to Gibbs,"A Police Officer Boss? Why are we going?"
As he is ready to feel Gibbs' hand connect to his head, it reaches Tony's right shoulder instead and it squeezes tightly.
"His wife's a marine, Dinozzo."
When Tony arrives at the scene, he could not help but to try and decipher what that dream meant. Sure it was similar to his other dreams, but something about this one seems a little more optimistic, more real.
She walked up to him and actually made physical contact with him. She touched him. In his other dreams, she never did such a thing. This certainly could not have meant something? Could it?
Suddenly, he remembers his last night in Israel. The call, the way it sounded like she was on the other end, listening. Why didn't she say something? Instead of making Tony feel like a complete idiot or worse, a desperate lunatic. Then again, he can't comply that it was actually her on the other end of the line, it could have been bad connection for all he knows. But one thing's for sure, his dreams are leading him to closer something or better yet, to someone.
A feeling of pain interrupts his train of thought and brings him to reality.
"Dinozzo. Go with Mcgee to take witness statements," Gibbs' says as he gestures to younger agent behind them.
"Right away, Boss."
Walking towards the group of people, he finds Mcgee. He hasn't even noticed the younger agent's new look. Tony smirks at Mcgee and makes a joke about his attire.
"I have to go to a book signing this weekend, Tony. It's no big deal."
"Ah, McAuthor at a book signing? This is have to see," Tony acknowledged.
"How long has it been since you even read a book? A year?" Mcgee shot back.
"No. But it has been a while."
"That could be something to take in, then. On your free time maybe you could actually read a book?" Mcgee insists sarcastically.
"What do you have in mind?"
"There are a lot of good books, actually. You have Ira Levin, Stephen King, an-"
"Slow down, Tim. I think I am perfectly capable of finding a book to read," Tony smirks.
"Well, I do have books at my house too, if you don't want to spend any money," Mcgee suggests before the two men split to take witness statements.
After mere minutes and taking several witness statements, Mcgee circles his way back to Tony. The younger man obviously has something on his mind.
"Tony, I know I shouldn't really be asking you this because I'm pretty sure I've asked this a lot lately, but, uh, are you sure you're okay? I mean-"
Tony cuts him off,"It's alright Tim. And yes, I'm fine. I actually couldn't have been better. My two weeks away from NCIS was satisfying. Although I do regret not getting the team souveniers. But other than that, I feel great. This could almost be the best day of my life."
He was lying.
In the bathroom, Tony turns on the tap and washes his face. Out of all days back to work, today is indeed the worst day of his life. His head keeps spinning and he feels that heavy weight on his shoulders again. A burden.
He shouldn't feel like this, really. But he can't help it. He can't help but think of what could've been if he stayed in Israel. The only thing that brings him back to reality are those dreams. The most recent one? It was a definite sign of hope. She could be coming back, yes. It is a possibility. Just not a high one. Tony understands that she needs time but he also knows the two of them are meant to be together. When she asked him his opinion on soul mates, he couldn't say his soul mate was her. He would just make a fool of himself, but what would have happened if he did? Would all of this be different? Would she be here in America?
He doesn't need to look behind him when he hears the door open and knows it's him.
"Got something on your mind, Tony?"
Tony cracks a wide smile at Gibbs, "It's nothing."
Somehow he knows Gibbs doesn't buy it.
"If you don't feel like talking, just listen," Gibbs says as he looks into Tonys eyes from the reflection from the mirror. "I don't care about whatever happened on your vacation. I gave it to you so you could get your head straight. I know the feeling of loss, Dinozzo. I know how it feels to think you're going crazy. But you need to get your damn act together before you do something you regret. I don't want you to be like me. There's still hope, you just have to keep fighting for it."
Tony froze like a deer in the headlights. Fighting for it? Now he understands.
He grabs a paper towel from the dispenser and drys his face and hands. When he looks up at Gibbs, he says what he always says when he realizes the boss is always right before he heads out of the bathroom.
"Thanks, Boss."
Determined to finish this case, he does not let fatigue take the best of him. Instead, he takes another swig of his coffee. It is just the two of them in the office - Mcgee is long gone.
"I think you should go home. It's been a long day. You could come back tomorrow morning," Gibbs says softly from across the bullpen.
"Boss, I know you're doing this because it's what's best for me, but I know I could crack this code. I can finish this case."
"Now you're getting a little too ahead of yourself. Go home, take a shower, get some sleep, you deserve it."
"But boss-"
"That's an order."
"Yes, boss."
Grabbing his things and putting them into his bag, he waves a final goodbye to Gibbs and waits for the silver doors to the elevator to open.
When he reaches the ground floor, he realizes he forgot his badge in his bottom drawer. The doors to the ground floor have already opened. Looking up, he sees someone he did not expect to see for a while. His heart beat began to pulse rapidly as his palms begin to sweat. "Ziva?" She nods as he sees her eyes begin to water. He distances himself from but for a couple minutes, but in the end he reaches out attempts to embrace her. His hands reaches out to nothing. He blinks a couple times and sees that he is alone in the elevator. Alone. Again.
However, the feeling of emptiness does not stop him from going up to the bullpen to retrieve what he forgotten.
"I told you to go home, Dinozzo."
"I know boss, I..I just forgot my badge," Tony says as he opens his drawer and claims what he had forgtten.
"Alright. Just remember tomorrow you have to be in by 0900."
"Yes, Boss."
Walking into the elevator once more, he looks down to the halt button. He flicks it upwards and feels the elevator come to a grinding halt. The emergency lights dim and the temperature begins to increase slightly. Tony slowly lowers himself to the floor, his shoulders starting to slump. He kept all his emotions inside masking his true feelings, he never had the time to stop and mourn. When he came back from Israel, he started working immediately. When he would go home, all he would do was drink almost a full case of beer and watch movies. It was a routine. He would purposely push thoughts about her aside, because he did not want to cry. He couldn't. After a couple minutes of hitting the sudden realization, he begins to do something he would not let himself do when he came back. Tears fall dubiously down his face. He begins to cry.
He knows a Dinozzo doesn't cry but she has this affect on him. With her gone, her absence reflects the emptiness he feels. Although he doesn't show it, underneath his macho façade, he is a very vulnerable person. He let her in, and she ran out.
The tears stop after fifteen minutes of empty thinking. He wipes the salty liquid on his face from his striped tie. He doesn't feel like moving at all. He thinks this confined space, that also held rather intimate memories, is a good place to embrace the quietness. Gibbs can take the stairs.
A/N: So yeah, I kinda explained in the author's note earlier that the ending may be a little sad. But things are going to look better for Tony. Suggestions, and reviews are highly appreciated. Thanks!
~edancel x