Don't kill me. I let Louisa lead this chapter, and this is what happened. I thought about how it turned out for three days, editing it and changing stuff. But every time I tried to mend the thing that was broken, it didn't seem right.
So, this happened.
All I feel is numbness and a dull throbbing.
My eyes flutter open and the smell of metallic blood fills my nose, making me nauseous. My leg burns and I sit up with a groan. I feel someone's hands on my shoulders and my mind flashes back to what happened just before I blacked out.
Newt, the person I love and trust, holding me down while Jorge cut off my leg.
" Why? " I say and I raise my eyes and find Minho couching in front of me, his eyes full of worry. My lip starts to wobble and I press my mouth together, but that doesn't stop the tears from leaking. " Why? "
Was destroying me not enough for everyone? Did they have to take a part of me, too? My legs looked amazing, and now I'm missing half of one. The left one, specifically. How am I supposed to walk? How am I supposed to find my biological brother? How am I supposed to survive?
What do I do now?
" Louisa, we had too. " Aris says in a sickeningly sweet voice. He doesn't mean what every niceties he says, or any polite tone. " Or at least, that's what they're going to say. I, personally, would've let you keep your leg. "
But then the infection probably would've killed me. I'm not stupid. I know why they did it—I just really wish they hadn't.
" My mind is broken and you decide to break my body…One of the few things I have—had—going for me. Assholes. "
" Louisa, I'm sorry. " Newt says, crouching to my right, his feet right next to the pool of my blood. I narrow my eyes at him.
It wasn't his fault, Louisa. Stop before you say something you'll regret.
" Don't talk to me like that. " I snap, " I wanted you to protect me. No matter how much I tried to deny that I needed help, I did. And I trusted you, Newt. "
With each breath, I could feel the bond between us unraveling, no, I could feel it unraveling the seconds before I passed out. I should say something to grab onto that thread and strengthen it, but I don't. Instead, I watch Newt's face crumple as he stands and resorts to leaning against the wall. Every fiber of my being wants to apologize.
But I won't apologize for something I'm not sorry about.
Newt….I feel like he betrayed me. I can't explain it, but right now, I don't trust him. I want to trust him, but I don't. And it's scaring me. I've always been able to, for as long as I can remember. He was my best friend before the Maze, my boyfriend during the Maze, and now...
Now I feel like he's a stranger. Because the Newt I know would never have let me get hurt like that.
" Louisa… " Clint says, " Surely you don't mean that? "
I hear footsteps in the other room, and muffled voices, but no one seems to be alarmed so I just assume it's Thomas and Brenda.
" I had things I needed to do—family I needed to find. My last piece of family that probably doesn't even remember me. But now—now I can't even fucking walk! What do you except me to do? Sit here and accept the fact that half of my leg is missing? You're all lucky I can't stand or you would all be dead. "
They all look taken aback. My breathing is harsh and I'm still crying, though it's silent now. Why? Why would they do this to me?
Aris laughs. " She finally shows her true colors. "
I'm shaking. What have I done? I snapped. Something deep inside me has shattered, and I don't know what it is. Everyone is staring at me, jaws slack and eyes wide. But I can't think. I glance at Newt, but his eyes are on the ground, his face distant.
It hurts so much.
" We are leaving in an hour. Get your shit together. " I look over at Jorge, who looks shocked, but there's pity in his gaze. " Jorge, do we have any bandages? We need to wrap this— " I gesture to my butchered leg, " And I need to practice standing on one leg. "
Minho leaves the room, no doubt to tell Thomas and Brenda what's happened and that we're leaving soon. Jorge reaches into his bag and grabs a white roll of cloth, the closest thing he has to a bandage. As soon as the cloth makes contact with my skin, I hiss, a sharp sting causing the remaining nerves to sing with pain. Jorge doesn't stop his movements and ignores my pain.
Good.
He finishes wrapping it and sits back and I notice the blood splattered across his face. It must be mine. I suppose chopping someone's leg off is pretty messy.
I look down at the burnt mess of flesh that is now my leg and cringe at the red and black layers. It reminds me of charred pork.
That's one thing I'll never eat now.
The other half of my leg, the infected part they cut off, is cast aside and is in the corner of the room. I take a single look at it and gag, wondering how it could possibly be mine. It's absolutely putrid, like it had started decaying before it had even gotten cut off.
I use my weak arms to push myself off the ground, feeling lighter than normal. I kneel there on one leg, keeping the sensitive skin from rubbing against anything. It's like I didn't get my leg cut off. The ghost of it is still there, trying to support me. I grit my teeth. The still air in the room becomes suffocating as I push back onto my toes, then onto my heel, and stand.
My head swims. I sway and my hand shoots out to the nearest wall as I feel my balance wavering.
" Louisa, we should stay here until you get some of the blood you lost back. " Newt says, and I look up at him, ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach.
" No. You all have the Flare and we need to get you the cure. " My voice has steadied, masking what I actually feel, " Just—Just give me a moment. Please. "
I take deep breaths, my arm quivering against the weight of my body. My head hurts; my body aches; I feel like I might puke. There's no way I can move by myself, but I know Minho will help me. I'd still be hindrance. They should just leave me here so they could move faster. We've already been here a week. There's only one left, and with me slowing them down…
" Dammit. " I mumble as Minho walks back into the room, his eyes widening when he sees me standing.
" Lo, what the hell? " He rushes over and hooks one of my arms over his shoulders, taking some of the pressure off my legs. I nearly sigh with relief.
" I— "
" Sit down until we leave, you idiot. Are you trying to get yourself killed? "
I see Newt tense out of the corner of my eye. He knows of my tendencies to just give up on everything. Minho does too, but after what he said, I can't do that kind of stuff anymore. Not for him, or Newt, but for Noah. For my family that won't get to see the world be cured of the Flare.
" No, Minho, I'm not. I thought we resolved that earlier. " I say, but I don't make a move to sit down. I can feel the tension easing from my body, but I still feel heavy. " Can we leave this room? It stinks. "
He lets out a small laugh, " There is a limb in the corner over there. "
I wrinkle my nose, " I wonder whose it is. " My smile that I had fades, " Alright, so how is this whole walking thing going to work? I can't really take a step, and you— "
Next thing I know, he's putting me on his back. I instinctively drape my arms over his shoulders as his hand goes underneath my good leg, and a good five inches above the severed area on my other. His hand is actually just about three inches or so from my butt, but hey, I'm not complaining. This way is faster than me trying to walk.
I lean in close to his ear, " Thank you, " I whisper as he starts to walk out of the room, leaving that stench behind.
" I didn't do anything. "
Yes you did. He helped me when he saw me struggling to stand. Newt, he just stood there, watching, a blank expression on his face. It was probably because of what I said.
" Just shut up and accept my gratitude, as— " The words stop dead in my mouth. The two people I assumed were Brenda and Thomas, are actually Nandini and someone else.
" Oh, hey Louisa. " She says as she takes a step away from the other person. A light blush is covering her face and I look at the green-eyed boy. They both seem to be about the same age. " Good to see you're still alive. "
Minho sets me down sits down beside me. The ground is too hard. I wish I had a bed or something so I could get some decent sleep. It would be a nice alternative to passing out all the time.
" Barely. You're still alive too, if a bit beaten up. " I eye her wrists and the bruises on her arms. I nod my head to the boy, " Who's your friend? "
" I'm Blake. " The boy adds in a smooth voice, although I could tell where it might crack at anytime.
" My friend. " Nandini adds and she shoves her hands in her pockets.
" Mmhm. So where did you go after I passed out? " I ask, shifting my body to where I can lay my head in Minho's lap. If I'm going to rest, I'm going to do it right.
" Lexi and I went into the city, where I ran into this buffoon. "
" I am not— "
" Yes, " She puts a hand on his arm, " Yes you are. "
He shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest, but he's smiling. Nandini tries to hide it, but a slight smile is playing on her lips too.
Oh.
Oh.
" Glad you're still alive. I admit, I was a little worried. " I say as the rest of the Familiars file into the room. I don't know what they were doing in there, but I don't know if I want to know, either.
Minho's hand starts to play with my hair and I look up at him, but he's staring at the wall, a distant expression on his face. I resist the urge to ask him what's wrong so I can try to make him feel better and instead turn my attention back to Nandini, who's looking at me oddly.
" Something's different about you. " She scratches her cheek.
" Thank you, for noticing I lost my leg. "
" No… " She trails off, " Something else. "
" Doesn't matter. "
" Look, " She says, crossing her arms over her chest as she takes a step closer, " You want to walk, right? "
" It'd be nice. "
" I know someone who could help you. "
Minho's hand stops moving, " You do? " He asks.
Nandini hesitantly nods, her lip caught between her teeth.
" How far out of our way? " Newt asks.
" Not far, a couple of blocks. "
A familiar feeling decides to overwhelm me, causing my face to contort into a grimace. A piercing headache makes me want to clutch my head between my hands, coupled with nausea. I grit my teeth to hold back a groan, but a small noise emits from me anyway.
" Louisa? " Minho asks, looking down at me with his eyebrows drawn together.
" It's okay, " I try to mumble, but it comes out a mess of jumbled words.
And then I fall into the spiraling hell of another memory.
…..
" Minho, " I hiccup, my mind feeling hazy and my words slurred, " You know, you're actually pretty cute. "
He laughs. I giggle, covering my mouth with my hand. My body feels warm and cozy, and my head feels light.
" Let's do something fun. " I say, striding forwards and grabbing his hands. The light in the room seems brighter than normal, but it doesn't bother me.
" You're one lightweight. " He says. I half expect him to jerk his hands from mine, but he doesn't for a change. It feels nice.
" Shuddup. " I haul him out of the kids rooms. Everyone's at dinner, so they're empty.
" What're you going to do? " He asks as we walk down the dimly lit halls. They would look like this until tomorrow morning, when everyone woke up. But for some reason, right now, I want to do something fun. But I don't know what.
I stumble to a stop, " I don't know. "
Sure, I did pranks with Newt, but that was easy. I'm in the mood to do something different. Something I've never done before. The question is, what? There's nothing fun to do at WICKED.
Yea, there's nothing fun to do at WICKED.
I could go outside.
" Let's go outside. " I say with a bright smile and I drag him in the direction of the doors. His eyes widen, and he struggles in my grip, but he can't get free. No one else knows where the doors to the outside are—well, none of the other kids. I only know because Noah told me one day, and he only knew because my mom told him in case we needed to flee.
This is the perfect idea.
" I don't know if that's a good idea. "
" Nonsense. "
" That's exactly what this is, Louisa. I thought you'd be a sappy drunk. I had heard that something traumatizing had happened in your past, and thought this could help me figure out what it was. " He says, digging his heels in. I look at him over my shoulder, the feeling of euphoria fading a little.
" Silly, Minho. " I laugh, " Minho. It sounds like mean hoe. I didn't know your parents named you so accurately. "
He scowls at me as I laugh.
Soon enough, we're at the doors. I put the code in after a few seconds of trying to remember it, and then I nearly fail at putting it in. I turn and look at Minho, his face looking pale. I shaky my head.
" Minho, you're such a scaredy cat. " I say as the door behind me opens. A hot plume of air enters even though the sun has set, and even though it's winter. His eyes widen for the millionth time tonight as he takes in the rolling sand dunes behind me.
" We shouldn't go out there. " He says, but I turn and pull him into the Scorch. My feet are bare, so the sand burns them but it doesn't bother me. Minho—who had shoes on—lets me pull him towards a certain dune. The one that overlooks the city.
My steps feel clumsy. My feet catch on the small grains of sand but somehow I manage to remain upright. Maybe it's because I'm hauling Minho with me. I don't know.
" This is my favorite place, " I say as we reach the crest of the sand dune. The lights in the city shine like stars in the distance and I find myself smiling at the sight. It's pretty during the day, but at night, it's beautiful.
But the height of the dune is causing my head to swim.
Minho walks up beside me as I start to sway.
" How do you know how to get out here? " He asks, slightly breathless at the sight. I eye his hair, and put a hand on his head.
" Woah, it's so soft. " I rub his head, " I figured it would be spiky. "
His face tints red and he takes a step away from me, causing my hand to fall from his head. I frown as a breeze pushes through, stirring up sand and throwing me off balance. My eyes widen as I tip to one side and start to fall. I roll down the steep dune, feeling my arm twist as I go. A scream escapes my mouth and I can barely see Minho running down after me—well sliding, really.
When I reach the bottom, I'm breathless and shaking. My stomach is doing flips and I turn and throw up as Minho stops beside me.
" Louisa, are you okay? " He asks, actually worried about me for a change. I wipe my hand over my mouth, hating the acidic taste that is left behind. I scoot back as far as I can, leaving against the sand dune. My arm aches and my head hurts.
" I'm fine. " I slur out, but then I turn and hurl my guts up again. Minho shifts behind me, seeming to be uncomfortable as I taste my dinner for a second time. It doesn't taste as good as it did before.
" No, we should go back. " He grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet just as I finish puking. I stumble and fall into his chest, my cheek flush against it. I can hear his heart beat speed up.
" Your heart is beating really fast, " I say and he pushes me away, not hard, just hard enough to get me a step or two back. I frown at him, but before I can say anything he grabs my wrist and drags me back up the hill. My legs start to burn from the ascent and I fall to my knees halfway there, wanting to take a break.
" We have to get back before anyone notices we're— "
" Louisa KIttredge, " I hear my mom say from the top of the hill. I stand and look up at her, waving and smiling.
" Hey mom! "
Minho smacks the back of my head and gestures up at my mom. I frown in confusion, but then I get a good look at my mom's face.
If her look were fire, I would be incinerated.
" Get up here. " Her voice is firm and demanding, causing me to start climbing back up despite the burning in my legs. Minho trudges behind me now, fearing the wrath of my mother. I don't blame him. Whenever she uses my last name, I know I'm in trouble.
Moments later we reach the top, all too soon. My mom is glaring at the two of us as she takes in my condition. Then she turns and starts to walk back towards WICKED.
" I'll talk to you two in the morning. When my ten year old daughter is sober. " She seems to have to force the words out. Minho lets out a small breath from beside me, and I smile at him.
" Why is your mom always glaring at people? " He asks, starting to follow her, but a safe distance away so she can't hear her.
" She's been like that ever since I was four. " I say, the smile I had fading.
" What happened when you were four? "
" They took my dad away from us. "
Minho doesn't say anything else to me. When we get to WICKED, he goes to his rooms and I end up passed out in a hallway somewhere, my head pounding.
….
Louisa is smiling in her sleep. Or her memory thing, rather. She fell into the stupor minutes ago as Nandini stated that she had a way to help her walk again. The soft smile is making me feel like she's okay. Like she didn't just threaten us minutes ago, or like she didn't just snap at Newt.
But I know she's not okay.
Something has happened, something beyond just getting her leg chopped off. I told Newt one push and she wouldn't be able to recover, and it seems like I was right. She was full on sobbing when she woke up, talking about her family that she had to find and how she couldn't anymore and how she trusted Newt. The look on her face was pained, like the words were about to choke her, but I could tell she meant it.
I always wanted her to kind of break things of with Newt, but now that she's kind of done it, I wish she hadn't. Even when she was smiling at me as we were joking, there was a shadow in her eyes. Every time she looked at Newt, her face would darken and I could see all the pain she felt. She's hurt.
I see her eyes flutter open and I look down at her. I smile but she narrows her eyes at me, and my smile falters. What did she remember?
Then she flicks my forehead.
" Ow, what the hell? " I ask, rubbing where she flicked it.
" That's for getting me drunk when we were ten. " She crosses her arms over her chest and looks over at the wall, a pout on her face. I laugh.
I got her drunk when we were ten?
I wouldn't mind remembering that.
She lets out a sigh as she looks at everyone in the room, " What did I miss? "
Newt decides to speak up, although his mind doesn't seem wholly on the conversation at hand. " We decided to get you a prosthetic. "
" How? " Louisa asks, her eyebrows drawn together. Her head is still on my lap, and now she's staring at the ceiling.
I know what we're doing, but I don't want to be the one to say it. Right now, Louisa trusts me, and I want it to stay like that. I'm walking a thin line. One wrong step and she'll snap at me too.
" By going to see King Crank. " Nandini says while pushing off the wall she was leaning against. She strides forward, confident as she approaches Louisa. " But he doesn't do anything for free, and his place is impossible to get into. " I subconsciously put a hand on Louisa's side, pulling her closer to me as if I could protect her from what Nandini is going to say.
She stops right in front of Louisa, and leans down.
" Are you prepared to get kidnapped? "
" Huh? " Louisa says, blinking at Nandini. She obviously hadn't expected that.
" You're just his type—Immune. So, if you get kidnapped, he would get you a prosthetic so you could stand by his side—among other things. "
" Who says he wants a cripple? " I can see the wince on her face as she says it.
" Let's just say it's a fetish. "
A shiver of disgust goes down Louisa's spine and I slightly squeeze her side to let her know it'll be okay. We'll rescue her before he has a chance to do that to her.
" So, I'll ask you again. " Nandini says, crouching beside her so she can look Louisa in the eyes. " Are you prepared to get kidnapped for the sake of walking again? "
Louisa doesn't respond right away.
" For the sake of seeing what's left of your family? "
How does Nandini know that? I don't tryst her. I don't care if she is Newt's sister. If she tries to hurt Louisa, I will make sure she feels the same amount of pain—if not more. Louisa's been through too much already. All of us have.
Without a response, Nandini stands with a sigh, " I thought you were willing to do that, but it seems like I was wrong. You're weak, pathetic, and a sorry excuse for the supposed ' hero ' you're trying to be. All you're doing is destroying everyone around you. "
" Shut the hell up you insolent child. " Louisa snaps, " I know you've been through hell and back, but right now I could care less. You better watch what you say, or I'll make you wish you'd died in WICKED's basement. "
" Louisa, " Newt says, taking a step closer, " Don't say that to my sister. "
Louisa lets out a harsh laugh, " Your sister. Did you know she tried to kill me in the Scorch? It wasn't outright, but I could tell she was. She was just letting me wither away into nothing, managing to find a way to survive herself without telling me. So before you try to defend the little brat, learn a little bit about her. "
Newt's eyes go aflame. But not at Nandini like I thought they would, but towards Louisa. " She's my bloody sister. Surely you know what it feels like to find out you have a family. But, unlike you, I plan on protecting mine. "
Louisa sits up so fast she's a blur. How could Newt say that, knowing that it's a touchy subject? I thought he loved her, but once again, maybe I was wrong.
" You bastard. " She growls, clenching her fists. I feel like I should say something to calm her down, but I don't want to. Whatever she's going to say, Newt deserves it for what he said, and what he's done.
" Hey, guys, " Frypan says, but the two arguing glare at him and he shrinks away.
" You don't have a family to protect anymore. Why are you so pissed off about not being able to walk? "
" Who wouldn't be? " She shouts. I can see her eyes watering, and her shoulders shaking, but she doesn't cry. " Do you know how badly I wanted to just die? To see if I could hug my mom, one last time? To see my brother smile? But I didn't. Because of you. I remembered the promise we made in the Maze. " Louisa takes a deep breath, " Now, now I hate you for forcing me to promise that. For making me live and suffer through all of this. "
Her voice shifts back into a growl, " I hate you, Newt, and I wish I'd never loved you. "
One look at her face tells me she doesn't really mean it. She's holding back tears and her lip is wobbling.
" Nandini was right about you. " He says quietly as he leans against the walls and stares at the floor, his eyes glossy.
Louisa collapses into me, burying her face in my chest. I can feel the warm tears through my shirt, but I don't say anything about them. Instead, I wrap my arms around her and do my best to calm her down.
" Minho, " She whispers, her hands clenching on my shirt, " Don't betray me like Newt did. Don't hurt me. "
" I wouldn't dream of it, Lo. " I mumble into her hair as her silent tears wet my shirt. I cast a glance at Newt, who's talking to Nandini—the one he defended against Louisa and completely put Lo down over—a person he barely knows. He doesn't look at Louisa, and seems to be talking normally, like it didn't effect him. He's my friend. I can tell when something is bothering him.
But right now, if anything is bothering him, he's doing a pretty good job of hiding it.
" I'll do it. " Louisa mumbles, " I'll get kidnapped so I can get the prosthetic. "
I hold her a little tighter. I just want to have five minutes alone with her, so she can talk to me without everyone eavesdropping or something like that. She needs to vent. Not argue or scream and yell, but to have someone to talk to that she can trust.
" Well, we have about an hour before the guys make their rounds for today. " Nandini clasps her hands together, smiling at Louisa despite what she just said to her moments ago.
" Let's get you cleaned up. "
I was nearly sobbing writing this because LEEEWWWTTTTT (T^T )
Louisa is heartbroken and it's changed her personality. I was writing this and I was letting Louisa lead the story, and this is what happened, and I was like Yo, Lo, what the hell is this? But every time I tried to change it, it didn't work out. But I added a happy-ish thing with the drunk memory, right?
Please don't kill me.
It seems like Nandini accomplished what she was trying to do, just by pushing Louisa a little, and causing her to snap, and then Newt defended her. I think Newt is just confused and now he's heartbroken too.
Can Lewt be mended?
{ review responses }
Swagmaster5000 ~ THANKS
Chipmunk1123 ~ I was surprised when Louisa got her leg chopped off too. I can't seem to control my characters. I'm excited to write some more of it, and next chapter I'm going to write the majority of it in Newt's and Nandini's POV. YOU ARE LOVED :) lol Thanks. My wrist is better, and I should be able to write more now.
{ end of review responses }
I gotta go wipe the tears off of my computer.
Have a nice day, night, evening, morning, afternoon!
P.S. Don't kill me.