"What's wrong?" Randy asks, looking at me as I put the phone on the nightstand. "Jon stole Colby's phone" I say. "He knew I wouldn't answer him." He nods. "Would you?" he asks. I shake my head. "I can't" I whisper. "Randy, every fibre of my being is calling out for him. I miss his voice, I miss his kiss, I miss his touch, I miss the way he bites his bottom lip when he looks at me, his smirk, his laugh, the way he draws circles lightly on my ribs as he kisses me, how he grabs my hair, the way his gaze softens when he sees me. Fuck Randy I just miss him so much!" "Shhh Tor" he whispers, moving closer to me. He hugs me tightly as I cry on his shoulder. "Tor" he whispers finally. "Seeing you like this, it's killing me. It's like when you first moved back all over again. I can't see you in this much pain and not do anything." I shake my head. "There's nothing you can do Randy" I say looking up at him. "I've made my decision, I can't go back on it now. Not again. I let him get away with it once, how is it gonna look if I let him get away with the same mistake again? How weak do I look?" He shakes his head. "You're not weak Tor" he says. "You're anything but weak! You're the strongest woman I know! But there's something about Ambrose that makes you feel weak. And that's love Tor. That's pure, true, deep love. And you can't ignore it, cos it's gonna eat you up." "So what do I do?" I ask. "If you've got all the answers Randy, what the fuck do I do?" "Talk to him" he says quietly. I shake my head, looking at him in horror. "Randy!" I say. "If I talk to him I lose all my resolve and I'll be gone, I'll be moved back in with him before I know it. I can't say no to the man!" He nods. "I know" he says kissing me. "So what does that tell you?" "I'm weak" I say. "And I let him walk all over me." Randy shakes his head as there's a knock at the door. "I'll be back" he says, getting up to go answer it.
Michelle is through my door next. "Hey" she says sitting on the bed. "I come bearing gifts. Well, a note, anyway." I frown as I take it from her. Deans writing is on the outside. I shake my head and hand it back to her. "I can't" I whisper. She holds her hands up. "Woah missy" she says. "I only told him I'd give it to you, I never said I'd take it back. Just read it, please?" I take a deep breath and unfold the paper. "Dear Torrie" I read. Michelle looks at me. "You comfortable reading it out?" she asks. "I haven't read it, I don't know what it says. I can leave you alone..." I shake my head quickly. "No" I say. "Stay, please?" She nods and I carry on reading. "This past week has been complete and utter hell doll. I miss you. I miss Dessie. And yes, I know it's all my fault. I never should have kept it from you the way I did, I thought I could handle it alone and the problem would be gone without you even knowing about it. But I was wrong, I'm always fucking wrong. By trying to make things right I've made them a thousand times worse. I lost everything anyway. I lost my only two reasons for living. I lost my girls. I don't blame you for not forgiving me Tor, I can't forgive myself so why I expected you to, I don't know. I'm a stupid fucker. I only hope that one day you can forgive me. I'm not asking for now, I'm not asking for tomorrow, but one day. I love you. Yours, and only yours, always, Jon." I look up at Michelle as she wipes her eyes. "Soppy fucker" she says smiling. I nod. "That's my Jon" I say smiling. She hands me a set of keys and I frown. "Ro's car is outside" she says. "Jon is at his house. Alone. Go speak to him. Leave Dessie with me and Randy. We've got this. Go see him. If you still feel the same way by the time you've talked, then at least you tried." I nod. I know she's right. I stand up and check my makeup and hair. "You look amazing Tor" she says smiling. "Go." I nod and grab my phone before I can even think of a way to get out of it. "Torrie?" Randy asks as I run through the lounge. I don't answer him. If I stop, I won't go. I get in the car and drive straight to the house.
I knock on the door loudly when I get there. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Dean yells as he walks downstairs. He throws the door open. "This better be good..." he says looking up. "Torrie? Come on in." I don't say a word, just walk into the hall and wait for him to close the door. He walks in to the lounge and waits for me. I follow him and sit on the sofa opposite him. "Michelle gave me the note" I finally manage to say. He nods. "I wasn't expecting you to come over" he says quietly. "Neither was I" I admit, turning my phone over and over in my hands. "Jon, I don't know what to do. You gotta help me here. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, or where we're going. I feel if I back down now then I'm weak. I came back after the last time and now I feel so stupid..." "No doll" he says looking at me. "Last time was totally different. Last time I was a fucking ass! This time, I was doing it for us. To get rid of her. I..." "Jon" I say looking at him. "If we're as strong as we think we are, we shouldn't need her gone. There should be no temptation there." He nods. "I know" he says quietly. "Babe, believe me I know that. There is absolutely nothing there, I promise you. No feelings at all." "I wish it was enough" I say, tears rolling down my face. "I wish believing you was enough Jon." He's by my side straight away. "Please" he whispers, wiping the tears away. "Tor I need you to believe me. I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than look at her again. You and Dessie, you're my girls, the only girls I need. You're my life. I'm nothing without the two of you. This house, it's not a home without the two of you here. I need you Tor. Fuck, I need you so badly." Now it's his turn to cry. I can't help it. I pull him to me and hug him tightly as we both cry.