A/N: Gah! This one makes me feel *all* the feelings, every. single. time. Oh the tears and heartache. This one is laid out quite differently from all of the other episodes because as Elena is dying we get to 'hear' her thoughts so to speak, so there is a section between Damon's POV where we go to Elena and then return to Damon if that makes sense. It's all in italics and I did it because it was *really* important to me that Elena acknowledged certain things before she turned vamp and got all sire-bondy. So I hope it works for you all. Also, this episode just completely blew The Return and Dangerous Liaisons out of the water for me as far as writing processes go, so I sincerely hope you like it at least a little.
The Departed
"Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out
Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth
Oh, you run away 'cause I am not what you found
Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out"
Stefan and I have been driving for a while when we get a phone call from Jeremy telling us that something happened to Elena and he took her to the hospital. "You did what?" how stupid is he? "I took her to the hospital. When you find your sister unconscious you call 911" no! You call a fucking vampire!
"Every remaining Original is gonna want Elena dead to stop Alaric. She's a sitting duck in there" Stefan says, Jeremy tells us that Meredith wants to keep her there but no! Just. No. "Jeremy get Elena home. We're on our way" fucking hell. Once this is all over, I think I need to sleep for, I dunno, a year. At least.
"Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you not being the dumbest brother on earth?" at least someone around here has their head screwed on the right way. "You know one of us needs to keep movin' right? If Klaus really is the sire of our bloodline we need to keep his body hidden before Alaric finds him, kills him and we all end up dead" right of course, Evil-Aric and his stupid death-quest.
"Our life is one big proverbial coin toss" only this time I really do want to win it. Clearly the universe just hates me though, and Stefan gets to go home to Elena while I rid the world of a desiccated hybrid. Yep, gotta love my life.
To be fair, Stefan has always been better at the whole 'damsel-in-distress' thing than I have. Excluding Georgia of course, I reckon I did a pretty good job that time.
Sometimes, I try and pinpoint where it all started, with Elena. But it's hard because there are so many different moments in time that add up to one big love. You know, was it when she told me she was sorry, about Katherine? When she slapped me for trying to kiss her? When I stole her to Georgia? When we danced at Miss Mystic? But every time I question it, it always comes back to that one night. The night that truly started it all. The night that changed everything.
Oh my phones ringing, it's Elena. Or. Elijah. He wants to make a deal. Man I am sick of Originals. He wants his brother, of course. "I give you my word Elena" hah, right! Like that means so damn much these days.
"Why should she trust you? All you've done is screw her over" quarterback's got a brain in him, that's exactly what I wanna know.
"Elena I leave it to you to make the decision whether to trust me or not" – "Not. Hello? Did that concussion give you brain damage? His lunatic siblings will kill you the first chance they get" but I know Elena better than anybody and even a hundred-some miles and a phone away, I know she's only a few smooth words from selling all of our souls.
"Do we have a deal?" the devil asks "No. No no no no no, did I mention no?" well I have to at least try and stop her!
"Elena it's up to you" god dammit Stefan! So much for not being the dumbest brother, "Oh come on" – "Why do you want Klaus's body" – "he's my brother, we remain together" and there it is. There. It. Is. The smooth words that seal our fates 'cause no way is Elena gonna be able to say no now.
I mean, I love the girl, upside down, inside out, to the moon and back but sometimes? Okay, make that frequently, she makes bad choices.
"We have a deal" yep. Called that.
But I don't have any choice in the matter so I turn back in the opposite direction and head for the storage-unit on the other side of where I am, Bonnie's gonna come and do something or other to prevent Evil-Aric from finding Klaus and Blondie Bex is coming to get her brother.
"You know I'm not halfway out of Virginia and Elena sells our souls to the Originals" I say as Sabrina and I come off the lift and I lead her to coffin-Klaus. "It was her call" yeah "you know what else is her call? Everything bad ever" seriously, bad choices! Anyone remember the whole sacrifice fiasco?
"Where's the body? As long as it's un-spelled Alaric is one witch away from finding it" I put him in locker 1020, "mini fridge, coupla bird cages, box full of playboys, one beef-jerkified Original" we open up the coffin and Klaus opens his eyes which is just plain creepy.
"I need a minute" what? Why "Just jam the witch locater, bat-signal, whatever, get on with it Bonnie" – "Elena and Jeremy lost Jenna and Alaric because of him, Tyler's a hybrid, my mother's a vampire. Could you give me a minute to just appreciate the sight of him like this?" well when you put it like that Bonnie, sure. Your wish, my command, I leave her to it.
When she leaves I call my brother to see how things are going on that end, they're trying to lure Evil-Aric to the woods so the Originals can grab the stake and make a run for it. "I got Caroline and Elijah in place, Jeremy's gonna lead Alaric to us" yeah, that doesn't sound reassuring at all.
"You just had to let her make the choice didn't you?" – "What would you have done Damon" oh you know me brother, "grabbed her, gagged her, throw her in a well, I dunno, anything other than let her trust Elijah" who, might I remind you all, just threatened to kill Elena, by sister no less, like, last week!
"You know she'd just hate you for it right?" yeah, been there! Done that! "Yeah but she'd be alive and she'd hate me, thus the eternal difference between you and me brother" that difference is gonna land his ass in some very hot water one of these days, sooner or later.
The noise of the lift alerts me to my next visitor "gotta go, the Original sister's here" I hang up on Stef and stand up to meet Rebekah. "It's about time sexy Bex" and then I'm being choked from behind by someone who is definitely not Rebekah and definitely is Evil-Aric. What the hell Bonnie? So much for jamming the locater spell!
"Where is Klaus?" wouldn't you like to know. "How did you find me?" – "Oh you'd be amazed at how competent law enforcement is when it's not corrupted by vampires" what the hell did he do? "Now where. Is Klaus?" – "In a storage locker, there's only about a thousand of 'em. Have at it" he's not in a stora-
Darkness.
God but I am getting sick of having my neck snapped. I wake up to the sound of lockers being opened and then "Damon?" shit no. Rebekah. "Damon where are you?" I grab her and keep her quiet and then we run for coffin-Klaus. Gonna need to get him outta here. Now.
We're rolling the coffin out and then Evil-Aric appears out of nowhere. Not good, not good at all. He grabs Bex and slams her into the truck and then kicks me to the ground.
"NOOO" – "No" – "NOOO" – "NO" Ric stakes Klaus and Rebekah is screaming and I'm holding her back so she doesn't become next on his hit list. And I'm gonna die. For reals this time, assuming burning Klaus was telling the truth that is, which, as much as I hate to admit it, I think he was.
"No get off me" Rebekah's screaming at me and Evil-Aric pulls the stake out of Klaus and turns to us. "Next" – "Rebekah run, Run" I dart for him and he throws me to the ground again and then runs after Rebekah. I hope she's faster. Time to call my brother, share the good news that we're all gonna die.
"Damon" – "Bad news brother, Alaric staked Klaus, he's dead" I failed you. I failed us all and I'm sorry. "I feel okay. Do you feel anything?" I feel like my former best friend kicked shit out of me but other than that "no". Stefan says it took Sage an hour to die and I mention the possibility that Klaus may have lied.
"Well if he wasn't lying...an hour's not enough time to get you all the way back to Mystic Falls" nope, even running I don't think I could make it in an hour, and honestly I don't think I have enough energy to try running right now anyway.
"For us to have our epic goodbye Stefan?" s'allright brother, meet me on the Other Side.
"Not us brother" oh god don't say it. Please, don't say it. "You and Elena" fuck he said it. And it hurts, god it hurts.
"Well, I guess you'll just have to say goodbye for both of us won't ya?" lucky bastard. Still, I already got one death-bed goodbye with Elena, I guess it's his turn.
"Call me if you cough up a lung" goodbye brother.
I'm contemplating my impending death when the love of my life, undead or otherwise, phones me. "Let me guess, calling to see if the grim reapers paid a visit?" – "How are you feeling? Are there any symptoms?" I dunno, do the voices in my head count? "Not yet, but I'm sure we'll have a laugh when we find out that Klaus is a big, fat liar" – "Yeah I'm...I'm sure we will" she's in a car. Why is she driving?
"Hey where are you?" or, really, where are you going?
"Matt's taking me home" oh. Hm. "To Stefan" I'm not really surprised, I mean we all knew it was coming I guess, but it still hurts, it hurts more than having my neck snapped 100 times. In succession.
"Not just to Stefan, Damon. To Tyler, to Caroline" oh 'Lena, it's okay "no I know, I get it so...since I'm possibly a dead mean, can I ask you a question?" – "Yeah, of course"
Remember, in Denver, when I said that asking Elena if she had feelings for me was the stupidest question I'd ever asked, well I'd like to reverse that statement now please. This, this is the stupidest question I'll ever ask in my life. But fuck it if I could stop myself from asking anyway. And I know the answer, don't think for a second that I don't but I'm a fucking masochist so I ask.
"If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice, who got the goodbye? Who would it be?"
Her long silence tells me absolutely everything that I don't need to know but I'm about to hear anyway.
"I love him Damon" oh I know honey, I know you do. But you love me too, you just won't let yourself. I wonder if this is my fault, I mean, I am the one who compelled her to believe that my brother deserved her. Do you think that made a difference? I didn't mean it to, but I can't help but wonder if it did.
"He came into my life at a time when I needed somebody and I fell for him instantly. No matter what I feel for you I...I never un-fell for him" yep, called that. Still hurts like a bitch. But having said that, it's the first time she's actually admitted to feeling anything for me, so I suppose it's better than nothing.
"Hey I get it, it's Stefan. It's always gonna be...Stefan" I am such a fucking masochist. Why? Why must I do these things to myself? Oh, oh I know! Hope. Well let me tell you something, hope is a bitch. Get out while you can.
"I can't think about always, all I can think about is right now and I care about you Damon, which is why I have to let you go" then why are you so sad 'Lena? You know, if it hurts this much to let go, then you're probably not meant to.
"I mean, maybe if you and I had met first" oh she didn't. Oh god, I think I just completely lost the will to live. But there is a part of her that is saying it because she knows it's actually true. She doesn't remember, doesn't know why or how, but she knows it's right.
"Yeah maybe" – "You're gonna be fine you hear me?" yeah I hear you, but my old buddy who just turned up again probably has other ideas. "You're gonna be okay and I'm gonna see you soon" – "Real soon. Goodbye Elena" I love you. So. Much.
"I see you're still pissed. I take it goldilocks gave you the slip?" clever Rebekah. He runs at me and punches me in the face, how many times has my jaw been broken this week?
Evil-Aric's attacking me and punching me and for a change I'm not even trying to fight back. Well, he is freakishly strong. At least I'm not fighting back, until I hear her voice in my head.
"Maybe if you and I had met first" and that, that was the night. And it gives me the strength to fight back, as I remember that night. The night that started it all, the beautiful girl in the road, my Elena.
The girl I met first, remembering that special night, those few precious minutes before her life was turned upside down, before her world collapsed around her, when she was still the carefree girl who thought that nothing bad ever happened, when she was innocent and full of life with a burning bright future in front of her.
"I'm Elena" yes, yes you are.
"I'm Damon" and I'm about to do the stupidest thing I've ever done in my very long life.
"Not to be rude or anything Damon but it's kinda creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere" yep, that's my girl, every part of Elena Gilbert that I love was right there in front of my eyes that night.
"You're one to talk, you're out here all by yourself" I still remember crazy impulses flashing through my mind, telling me to take her, bite her, keep her, but I pushed them all away. Yep, I'm pretty sure she broke my switch with "I'm Elena".
"It's Mystic Falls, nothing bad ever happens here" oh how very innocent she was back then, naive but pure.
She told me about her boyfriend, who I now know to be Matt, and then she said that she didn't know what she wanted. That should have been my first clue really. You know, to Elena's perpetual inability to make decisions, to know the truth of what she wants.
And then I told her "you want what everybody wants...you want a love that consumes you, you want passion, and adventure and even a little danger" and I was right. The only part I left out was that I could give her all of it. All of it and more.
"So what do you want?" You. Only you. Always you.
Oh look, here comes the idiotic part of me. "I want you to get everything you're looking for, but right now I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing I'm in town yet" I compelled her and then I left. Because I am an idiot. And I always knew that that night was gonna come back and bite me in the ass and it has. But it's enough.
"Is that all you got?" – "Not quite" he goes to stake me and I somehow manage to fight him off. I shove him away from me and then I'm fighting. I'm fighting with everything that I have because I am so angry. But I'm only angry at myself, and like anyone else I need a target for that anger so I don't turn it on myself. Thus Evil-Aric becomes my new punching bag.
TVDTVDTVDTVTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDVTDVTDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTV
Stefan saved my life. That's what love should be. Love the person that makes you glad that you're alive.
Damon. When I'm with him he just consumes me.
You'll destroy their bond.
I don't know how I feel – yes you do, you're just afraid to say it.
Damon's not with them. 100 miles out of town. It's your choice.
I'm dying. In the same dark cold water that killed my parents, underneath the same bridge that nearly took my life the first time. And these are my last thoughts as the water fills my lungs and steals my life.
I love him.
I love Damon.
I should have told him. I knew. I knew before now and I should have told him because he deserved to know, and now he never will.
Damo-
TVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDT
But he shouldn't be. Something is wrong because it shouldn't be this easy. "What's happening?" – "Oh no" he falls to the ground. "No. No no no Ric, Ric" and he's...he's in my arms and he's, he's, "You are not dead. You are not dead" get the fuck up! Get up! He's not getting up! And I think I'm screaming and I think I'm crying but I don't really know because all I know is that he has to get up. But he's not getting up.
I have to get back to Mystic Falls, right now. Please don't let it be true, don't let it be true. I will do anything, anything to just make it not be true. I will give you everything I have, everything I am, everything I have ever been or will be if you just tell me it's not true. Please don't take her from me. Don't let her be gone, please don't let it be true.
She's not, she's not, she's not, I refuse to think anything else as I break every speed limit that ever existed to get back home. It hurts too much in every part of me to think anything else. I won't let it be true. It can't be true.
But I have to know. She's not. It's not true. It can't be true.
I finally make it back to the hospital and I blur inside and I don't even care if anyone sees me.
"Where is she?" – "No Damon" shut up! "Where is she?" – "Wait" Get. Off. Of. Me.
"You need to know, when Jeremy brought Elena in here earlier tonight her injuries were worse than I let on" what is she? I don't care. Where. Is. She.
"It wasn't a concussion, it was a cerebral haemorrhage, bleeding on the brain" wait. Wait. Wait. What?
"What are you saying?" is she saying what I think she's saying? "He was so worried, I didn't wanna tell him but I...I helped her. She needed my help" – "You what?"
And seriously...that is what you start with! You start with 'she's alive'. You scream it from the fucking rooftops. You wave fucking banners. You start. With. That.
She's not dead. She's not dead. I mean it's actually true and I can't. It's too much and I think I might collapse under the weight of this night but I can't. I need to see her with my own eyes. I need to make it true.
She's alive. Ish. She's gonna be a vampire but she's alive. She lives. She exists. She's still here and they didn't take her from me.
Thank you god. Thank you Meredith Fell for blood-jacking me. We will get her through this. She'll be okay. I will help her. We will all help her.
She's alive.