I GOT THIS CHAPTER OUT ON TIME FOR A CHANGE OML
I can't move. I can't breathe. I can't think.
" Hello, Louisa. " He says, crouching down next to me, " You've been through hell. "
My mouth moves but no words come out. Every thing in me is screaming to run, run away from the deadman walking, but I can't. It's like someone has piled bricks on top of me, keeping me in place. Trapping me.
" I'm disappointed. After all this time separated, you aren't going to say hi? "
He's supposed to be dead. I killed him. He shouldn't be talking. He shouldn't be moving. I hear Teresa talking to Thomas but it's like background noise. My eyes are frozen on Reed and the smirk plastered on his face.
" Thomas. Come on. Remember, anyone tries something, the arrows fly. " Teresa says, hauling Thomas with her and keeping the spear trained on everyone else.
" We'll be taking Lo as well. " Reed adds, smiling at me.
He reaches down and grabs my arm, hauling me to my feet. I shrink away from his touch, my heart thundering painfully in my chest. The bruises he left flash through my mind, black, blue, and purple. I manage to struggle a little, but not enough.
" No way! " Minho yells, " You aren't taking either of them anywhere! "
" This isn't a game. I'm going to start counting. Every time I get to a multiple of five, one of you die. " Teresa says, authority in her tone.
I try to stand on my own but my legs are weak and my left is throbbing from how many times Teresa hit it. Without a choice, I slump against Reed, my skin crawling with repulsion. He notices my struggles and picks me up bridal style.
" One! " Teresa shouts. Thomas doesn't take any chances and walks forward, ignoring comments from Minho and the others. I can see the pain on his face, clear as day as he looks at Teresa. Teresa is betraying us, taking Thomas, and probably going to kill him.
" Fine, " He says, " Take me. "
" I only made it to one. " Teresa sounds disappointed.
" Yeah. I'm really brave that way. "
She hits him with the spear again, so hard he crumples to his knees again. He spits, causing blood to splatter on the ground.
" Bring the bag. "
I was supposed to prevent this from happening to Thomas. Now, he's on the ground, spitting up blood and having a large, frayed burlap sack pulled over his head. Reed's hands are on my back and on the back of my thighs. I wish I could scream. I wish I could thrash.
I'm petrified.
" We're taking them with us! " Teresa yells, " If anybody follows, we'll hit him again and we'll start shooting you. "
Minho takes half a step forward, his eyes on me, and an arrow hits the ground centimeters next to his foot. I think a strangled gasp makes its way out of my mouth but I'm not sure. All I can hear are my heartbeat and muffled words.
" Teresa! " Minho says, "You catch the Flare that quickly? Your mind's obviously gone already. "
Teresa slams the butt of the spear into Thomas's head. I cringe at the sound of the impact and Reed's hold tightens on me. My stomach churns.
" Anything else you wanna say? "Teresa asks. I could see the battle in Minho's eyes as they looked from me to Thomas and back to me. I want him to help me. I want him to take me away from Reed. But I don't want Thomas to get hurt. " Didn't think so. Let's go. "
Teresa turns around and two girls grab Thomas by each arm, dragging him across the dirt and rocks. Reed goes to turn around...
" No. " I say, regaining some composure and swallowing fear. " No! "
I start to struggle in Reed's grip, but it's weak. " Put me down! Don't touch me! "
He's squeezes me harder, maintaining his hold on me. An icy fear blankets over me. I scream and cry and thrash but nothing is good enough. I'm not strong enough. No food for the past couple of days has left me malnourished and weak.
" Please! Put me down! " I look up at Minho, but he can't move or he'll be shot. " Please! "
I'm crying, sobbing, my shoulders shaking. This is impossible. I killed Reed. He's supposed to be dead! He can't be touching me again, not after I snapped his neck. Is he nice? Is he mean? Did I ever forgive him?
No, I never forgave him.
" Put me down, Reed! " I nearly choke on his name.
" I can't do that. Sorry, Lo. "
No! He doesn't get to speak so casually to me! He doesn't get to touch me or hold me or carry me! He deserves to rot in hell! I thought that was what he was doing, but apparently I was wrong. How? Why? It was probably WICKED that let him live, but when I checked he didn't have a pulse. I don't think WICKED knows how to bring a person back to life, but hell, I could be wrong.
" Please, Reed. " I say as he turns and follows Teresa. I look over his shoulder at Minho with blurry vision. Newt is standing next to him, his mouth pressed into a thin line. I resist the urge to call out, to tell them to help me. Doing that would only get them killed.
So I silently let myself rest in Reed's arms, trying to empty my brain and think of a way to get Thomas and I out of this damned situation.
…..
I should have warned her.
She looked so distraught, so broken, so scared when Reed appeared out of no where. I had the urge to pummel him—still do, actually. And then her screams. Oh my God her screams. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to go and help her. I've never seen her look so small before. Louisa never really told me what happened between her and Reed, I just know that he… violated her. Something else obviously happened for her to have that intense fear in her eyes.
" Newt, what the hell did he do to her to make her so scared of him? " I ask, clenching and unclenching my fists.
" Before he… You know… He had been abusing her for weeks. Bruises where no one else could see them. Forcing her to do things, being over-possesive. " Newt's voice is shaking with anger and his jaw clenches.
We just let her get taken by him. She's back in the arms of the person who abused her.
" Wait, who was he? " Nandini asks, completely relaxed about the whole situation. I'm surprised she's still here, hanging around Newt. He hasn't exactly been the brotherly type towards her.
" Reed. " I say, the name tasting sour in my mouth.
" And… He abused Louisa? "
" Abused, raped, mentally tortured. Take your pick. " Newt says, his eyes locked onto Louisa's fading figure in the distance.
" R-raped? " Nandini stumbles over the syllable, eyes wide. " She never mentioned it, she was always.. And I suggested we let her get kidnapped and possibly… "
Nandini ran a hand through her hair as the other kid put a hand on her shoulder.
" We have to get her back. " I say, starting to pace. " We have to get both of them back. "
" We have to get to the place WICKED told us to go to. We have four days left. " Aris says, still a little shocked from seeing all of his friends. I narrow my eyes at him, not even bothering to hide the scowl from my face.
" Did you know anything about this? " I ask. The sun is rising and I can already feel the air heating up. Aris turns and faces me, shaking his head no.
I grind my teeth. We let this happen to her. We could have done something to help her—both of them—and we just watched. I saw the desperation in her face as she looked at me. Me! Not anyone else. And all I did was watch.
" We'll keep moving. " I say, " And we keep an eye out for them. If we cross paths… We obliterate them. "
" Or just cripple them enough to get those two shanks back. " Frypan suggests.
" Or that. " I agree. Louisa must be rubbing off on me. I've become more violent. " Let's go. "
Group B is out of sight, so we try to pace it where we trail behind them. Out of sight, but close. I'm half tempted to march right into their little group and sling Louisa over my shoulder, effectively kidnapping her back. Then we could go get the cure and then be normal teenagers.
Of course, with what we've learned throughout the trials, we will never be the same. Louisa's mental stability is probably gone, and I know mine is reaching its breaking point. Who abandons kids in the middle of the desert with no food? If this is what the rest of humanity is like, I don't know if it's worth saving.
...
I'm tied to a tree. Thomas is on the other side, watching the girls set up camp in the small, flat area. My legs are hanging over the edge of a cliff as I watch the barren landscape. The city is in the distance, and if I try hard enough, I can still hear the Cranks screaming from their perches in the towering buildings. Or maybe it's just my imagination.
My face is wet from tears and sweat. The noon sun is beating down on me, relentless and cruel. My stomach feels hollow and my body feels weak, like I could collapse at any moment. Well, I can't really collapse but I doubt I'd be able to stand.
It's a good thing I have Reed to carry me, right?
No.
Hell no.
I've come so close to shooting him so many times. The only thing that has prevented me from doing so is the fact that they could kill Thomas and not think twice about it. I, for one, am sick of seeing people dying ( unless it's someone who deserves to lose their life ) so I have restrained myself.
Barely.
" Louisa, " Reed says, leaning against the tree next to me. I don't look up at him. I don't want to see the blue eyes of someone who used to be my friend. Of someone who abused me. Of someone I killed. The image of his body slumped in the floor, his neck at an odd angle is pasted into my mind, something I can't forget. " You can have this granola bar. "
He goes to hand it to me but my arms are tied to the tree, so I shake my head no. I won't eat anything this bastard gives me, no matter how much I need it. I can't even grab it, so how stupid is he?
" Oh, right. My bad. " I hear him open it, the package crinkling. He holds it in front of my face and the smell of honey drifts up into my nose. My mouth waters and my stomach growls, but I clench my teeth. There's no way I'll eat it. " Open up. "
I shake my head no again but he just pokes my lips with it. See, this is his problem. He doesn't understand what the word ' no ' means.
" I'm not going to let you starve yourself. " He says, almost softly. I would talk, just to tell him to fuck off, but then he could shove the granola bar in my mouth. " Could you please let me make up for what happened? "
" What makes you think you— "
He shoves the granola bar in my mouth, silencing me. A satisfied smirk settles on his face and I wish I could slap him or kick him. Of course, I'd probably try to do it and then freeze, scared. Intimidated. Because I'm weak and can't face the person that abused me. It's annoying, but it's mainly petrifying and frightening and terrifying.
What do I do if he tries it again?
I take a bite of the granola bar, my stomach winning over my stubbornness. He pulls what's left away, and I make it a point not to look at him, instead scanning for anything to keep my attention.
" I really am sorry about what I did. WICKED just— "
" Shut the hell up. " I say through a mouthful of food. I don't want to listen to him talk; he shouldn't be talking at all!
The granola sucks the little bit of moisture I had in my mouth out, leaving me with cottonmouth. It struggles to go down as I swallow, but somehow it does. My skin is crawling knowing that Reed is so close and I try to ignore it, but it doesn't work. I'm too aware of his towering presence next to me.
" Here. " He holds out water, " Drink. "
Begrudgingly, I open my mouth and let him put the bottle to my lips and pour some in. It feels heavenly against my dry tongue, but he pulls it away.
" Honestly, Louisa, I'm truly sorry. I— "
" Didnt you hear me? " My voice is shaking, quivering. I don't want to know what happened. I don't want to know if I killed an innocent person because I was manipulated by WICKED.
" WICKED gave me the memories of what happened during those two weeks. What I did… I understand why you attempted to kill me. But you have to know, I had no control over my body then. The Reed that did that—he's gone. "
" I said shut up! " I screamed the words, my mind racing. I can't—I just, I can't deal with this right now. I don't want to think about what happened, about anything.
" Loui— "
" You should be dead! " I yell, clenching my fists against the chafing ropes. " Dead! I killed you! "
My vision is blurring and I realize I'm crying again, but I can't wipe the tears away.
" WICKED slowed my pulse to where it was nearly nonexistent. " He says quietly and I notice the camp has gone quiet. " You aren't as strong as you think you are. "
You aren't as strong as you think you are.
I know that! I told myself I would be useful to the Familiars, that I would protect what little family I had left, that I would protect Newt, but all I've done is been a liability. They've had to go out of their way to help me because I got that damned infection. They put themselves in danger for me. I was trying got fight for them, to shoulder their worries, but the exact opposite ended up happening.
" What's up with the cuts on your forearms? And what happened to your leg? "He asks, seemingly genuine and curious, but I just shake my head. I can't talk to him so casually yet. I doubt I'll ever be able to. I mean, I tried to kill him. How can he talk to me like this? Almost nicely? Polite? If someone tried to kill me and I saw them again they wouldn't live to say a single sentence.
When did I get so brutal? Violent?
So heartless?
" I'm— " sorry. I can't get the single word out. I haven't forgiven him, but if I could take back killing him, I would. Well, he didn't die, but I thought he was dead. The guilt was like this unbearable pressure on my chest, pushing harder and harder until I thought I was going to crack.
I can feel his gaze, but I just stare out over the rolling sand dunes and at the city. I briefly wonder how far that building we were in in the very beginning is, and if anyone is there. A laughing, smiling, flour covered Newt flashes through my mind and I bite my wobbling lip. Why? Why? Noah with tousled hair as he stands in the doorway of his room. Mom stitching my hand with nimble fingers. Dad, giving me his prosthetic with tearful eyes. Lee, smiling at me, putting his arm around me as we eat.
Never. Never will I see those things again.
I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't cry.
A muffled sob escapes my throat despite my protests. I press my lips together and grind my teeth. Gone. So many things gone. There's nothing left—nothing for me to cling to.
And all I can do is cry.
Weak, useless, helpless, worthless, selfish.
" Louisa, " Thomas says, his voice wobbles, " It'll be okay. "
No it won't. He needs to stop lying—everyone needs to stop lying to me!
" We're almost to the place WICKED wants us to go. Just a little further. " He says in a soothing voice. I try to calm down, I really do. But I'm tired. Tired of trying, tired of fighting. Tired of this aching feeling that leaves me feeling hollowed out. Teresa said she was going to kill Thomas, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. This overwhelming helplessness is really starting to tick me off.
" You guys really don't want to kill me, do you? " Thomas asks. I can't tell who he is asking, but I'm just going to assume he's talking to everyone. Well, everyone except for Teresa. She went off on some kind of patrol earlier and hasn't come back yet.
" Based on what Teresa told us, we escaped our Maze three days faster than your group did. Lost fewer people and killed more Grievers to do it. I think knocking off one little insignificant teenage boy won't be too rough. " The voice sounds familiar but I shake it off, not in the mood to divulge into anymore memories at the moment. I wish I could shut my brain off. Maybe then the hot tears would stop streaming down my cheeks, and I could forget.
" Think of the guilt you'll feel. " Thomas says, pleading to her ' nice ' side if she has one. I understand what he's doing but don't try to help him. I doubt I'd be able to do much.
" We'll get over it. "
" We don't have a choice. " A different voice responds, " WICKED said that was our only task. If we don't do it, they won't let us in at the safe haven. We'll die out here in the Scorch. "
" Hey, I understand. Sacrifice me to save yourselves. Very noble. " Has Minho's sarcasm rubbed off on Thomas?
" It's not just you. We were told to take Louisa if she was still alive. " I recognize the voice, the same one as before, Sonya. The girl I was trying to get Lee to cast his affections onto. I wonder how she's doing? Well, I suppose it doesn't matter now. She's trying to kill Thomas. " I kind of doubt what we have to do thought. " She mumbles the last part but I catch it, and so does Thomas because he says:
" I think it's some test and maybe you're not really supposed to kill me. Maybe we should share what we know, figure something out. "
I let my head rest against the trunk of the tree. I will listen, but I won't interfere until something goes awry or if the situation turns dire. Thomas is a big boy. He can handle this himself.
" We better do it before Teresa gets back. " Reed says, moving away from me. I let out a breath of relief, but I know that he'll be back and talking to me again. " I'll round everyone up. "
" And untie us. " I add. I may have a long sleeve shirt on, but that doesn't mean the rope isn't binding or chafing. It's also annoying. And I'd like to wipe the tears tracks off my face. I hate having red, itchy eyes.
Reed just takes a knife out of the sheathe on his waist and cuts the rope. They fall away and I bring my arms forward, semi-happy to feel them free. My hands go to my face and I wipe at it, making them wet. My head hurts from dehydration, but Reed hands me the water bottle I drank from earlier before sauntering off to go gather the rest of the girls.
I scoot around the tree and sit next to Thomas. The cliff was starting to make me uneasy. Being around all these unknown people that want to kill your friend and possibly you made me realize that with one push, I could be gone. Dead like I was never even here. I wonder if my body would splatter on rocks, or if it would just... Rest there?
" What information do we have that they don't? " I ask Thomas, whispering and leaning close to him. My voice still wobbled, but I had stopped crying.
" You know more about WICKED than I do. And then the Mazes could have been different. " He whispers back and I nod. I do know more about WICKED than the rest of the Subjects, simply because I've got my memories back and they don't. Considering what I've remembered, having them back isn't all fun and games. It can be hell.
Reed walks back and sits next to Sonya, a little too close for my comfort. She doesn't seem to mind but the idea of any other girl getting hurt by him makes me want to hurt him the way he's hurting them. I would never actually do it, though. No one should have to go through what I did.
" That should be all of us. " He says as a few other girls sit around Thomas and me, eyes alight and bodies tensed. They want to know what we do. Badly.
I stretch my leg out, slightly rotating my torso to check if my gun is still in the waistband of my jeans. It is, and I relax a little. If things go crazy I could always just pull tout, hopefully shocking them enough for Thomas and me to get away. Never mind the fact that I only have two bullets. Sometimes, it's the mere presence of something or someone that can change the perspectives of everyone around it.
Reed props a knee up, draping an arm over it. But it's the dark skinned girl that speaks up, one that looks familiar, and not because I've simply seen her somewhere. Her mannerisms seems familiar, and that isn't something you pick up on when you just glance at someone. I feel like I know her… Like I've known her for a very long time.
" Tell us everything you know, and don't leave out a single detail. " She says, crossing her arms over her chest. When I hear the tone in her voice I nearly groan.
This is going to be like an interrogation, only twenty times worse.
HEY HI HELLO.
I am very very excited because #1, this is the thirtieth chapter! Already? Yes already! #2, today is March 16th, which some of you might not see the importance of but... well.
Last year, I posted the first chapter of Fighting Against You on March 16. It was the day I started writing everyday, which solidified my resolve to want to be come an author. So yea.. March 16 is an important day for me now. And, it's also..
LOUISA'S BIRTHDAY!
She's turning 17, the same age as Minho now! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SMOL CHILD.
{ review response }
Chipmunk1123 ~ Yes. Plot twists. Gotta love them. Also, thanks! I've put a lot of effort into this fanfiction, so I'm glad it's at least decent! I know at times Louisa is a bit dramatic and the scenarios don't make sense and the reactions are off and the descriptions are weird, but that'll get better the more I write.
{ end of review response }
I barely got this chapter out on time. It's currently 11:00 PM, and I've spent literally all day on this chapter. But I did take a break to make apple cinnamon cupcakes with a cream cheese frosting, and they tasted amazing. I forgot to do school, but eh, I'll do it tomorrow.
I'm gonna go to sleep now. I just want to let you guys know that I love you all so much and thank you for the support on my stories and for Louisa and the rest of them. I really appreciate it.
Have a good day, night, evening, morning, afternoon, I'm going to sleep.