A/N: Whoa-kay. So, something you all should probably know is that I nearly didn't even *begin* writing this entire story, because I was *so* nervous about writing this one chapter. Obviously I decided to suck it up and just do it because here we are. However, I have *never* been more nervous about posting something in my entire life, I am not at all versed in the world of writing smut so if any of you are expecting that then I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. I'm superbly worried that this is not at *all* going to live up to your expectations but I re-wrote this chapter about 10 times and felt like a pervert watching it over and over again to try and get it right. That being said, I give you My Brother's Keeper, at least we get to do it without the Caroline-commentary.
My Brother's Keeper
"And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
And remember when I moved in you
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah"
My brother has not been home all morning so I'm guessing that my latest foolish attempt to do the 'right' thing has worked out in his favour, sometimes I am such an idiot. After the quarterback gave me the information about the nutty professor and his shady link to the pastor I think the time has come to do a little more digging.
Ah, here's Stefan now, maybe he can help me track down the professor. "Where have you been?" what's the big rush, slow down there brother. "Oh you know, out" o-kay, someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. "Where you goin'?" – "out" what the hell is his problem?
"Okay I see shady Stefan's back, please tell me that you're not still working with Klaus?" I thought we were past the whole keeping secrets part. And honestly, whatever he's hiding can't be that much more important than the bomb-shell that was the cure. He stops at the door and turns back around to face me.
"You obviously haven't heard, Elena and I broke up" huh? What? Why would I have heard that, you've been gone all morning Stefan.
"Oh" what am I supposed to do with this information? Oh, I know! Nothing. It's not like they've not broken up and gotten back together five minutes later a bunch of times before.
"Got it, uh well, I'll be quick then. So apparently if we wanna find the cure we have to find a vampire hunter who can kill enough vampires to reveal the map on the hunters mark. Now unless we want Jeremy to go all Connor 2.0 I suggest we find a different hunter" how one goes about actually doing that though, well I'm at a loss.
"Okay. And?" um, and I could use your involvement Stefan. God, he's the one that's so desperate to find the damn thing.
"And I was gonna ask Professor Shane but turns out he's shadier than you are. Matt Donovan connected him and the pastor through phone records, apparently the two were very chatty the day the pastor blew up the council" I don't seem to be getting anywhere with Stefan, he looks just as pissed off as he did when I started.
"Oh, so you're gonna confront Shane, threaten him, possibly kill him, that sort of thing" yeah, that sounds about right, "unless he tells me what he's up to, what do you say, should we tag-team this?" I'll be the bad cop.
"No. I'd say you're on your own" well hey now, wait just a second. "Or we could just blow it off man, go get drunk, brother-bond over some Tri-Delts if you, you know, want some quality time" 'cause honestly right now your face looks like you're five steps from a full blown Ripper binge and that I do not have time for right now.
I mean, I get that he's down about breaking up with Elena, but why the hell does he seem so pissed off with me? What'd I do? Is it because I told her about the cure?
"Let's not pretend like this isn't the best day of your life" he slaps me on the arm a couple times and then walks out of the door leaving me more confused than ever.
Why would this be the best day of my life? Again, they've broken up a buncha times before, difference does it make to me? All it means is I got a mad-pissed off brother and probably an overly emotional Elena to deal with on top of all my other problems.
Unless...nah, nothing to do with me. Elena would have said something if it did have something to do with me, I'm the one who practically shoved her back on my brother.
Stefan's little temper tantrum has put a bit of a spanner in the works so far as my plans for the day were concerned though so instead I spend most of the day drinking, contemplating my brother's relationship problems and waiting impatiently for him to come home.
Eventually I resign myself to the fact that he's not gonna, and considering I haven't heard a squeak from Elena all day either I'm a big enough boy to put two and two together and come up with, the happy couple made up, so I'm going to bed.
See, five minute break ups. They're like watching a rather bad teen-drama, and I just wasted an entire day worrying about nothing, so, thanks brother.
I wake up rather well rested, today is the Miss Mystic Pageant and I have to be there, okay I probably don't have to be there, as a Founder I'm expected but it's not strictly necessary. However, Elena will be there and I think we all know I'm a sucker for punishment, and reminiscing.
I can't believe it's been a year since the last Miss Mystic, doesn't feel like it has, at least this time Stef's not completely off the rails, though, that did work out rather spectacularly for me the last time. Alas, there will be no dancing with Elena today so I'll just have to make do with my memories. Yep. Sucker for punishment.
I get dressed in my suit and head for the Lockwood mansion where I follow the sound of Caroline's voice to hopefully find Elena.
"Gracie Lockwood had a three-foot slit her year and practically got laughed off the court" didn't Blondie have a three-foot slit last year? 'Course I was only really paying attention to Elena so I could be wrong. "She got my vote" Elena jumps like she's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar when I make my presence known, what's with her?
"Get out lurker" Blondie throws something at me "ouch" and comes to close the door. "Where's Professor Shane?" – "Check the judges table" I stop the door from slamming in my face and push it back open again.
"Red one, definitely" I tell April regarding her dress choice, "we've already agreed that the red one's a little too showy" what is up with these people today? I mean, Blondie is usually a little antagonistic towards me but this is extreme, even for her. I suppose she's probably just pissed that she has to give up her crown.
"Did you win Miss Mystic last year? No I don't think you did" kinda feel like I did though. I got to dance with Elena.
"Neither did Elena, she wore blue" Elena looks shocked that I would remember the colour of her dress, does she think I could forget?
"Nobody cares what you think" well screw you too Blondie. "I care" April pipes up for the first time since I came to the room.
"See April cares, red, right Elena?" come on honey, help me out here. She sucks in a breath as if she's surprised that I've spoken to her before turning to April, "the red is pretty" thatta girl, though she's acting weird too. Someone's gonna have to fill me in on all the crazy sometime soon.
"And my work here is done" I give Caroline a smug smile and leave them to it. I hear Blondie turn to Elena to lecture her for agreeing with me but I don't stick around to listen, her friends are way too judgy for my sensitive ears.
"Damon" Elena catches up to me on the stairs and I turn to look at her properly for the first time. She looks stunning today, her hair's all twisted and lying to one side showing off inches of perfect creamy skin and she's wearing a beautiful black and beige lacy dress showing off inches of gorgeous long legs. Yep, girl is perfection in a person.
"Still here" I'm standing in almost exactly the same place I stood waiting for her last year which feels all kindsa strange and I can't decide whether she looked more beautiful on that day, or this. I think today might win the prize though.
"We need to talk" ooh, four little words that strike fear into every man's heart. Having said that she can't break up with me because we're not together so whatever it is it can't be that bad.
"Stefan told me about the break-up" assuming they are in fact, still broken up, I fill in the blanks when there are no more words forthcoming from Elena and then she starts to walk down the stairs towards me.
"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not" well, I'm not sorry that they broke up at any rate. I'm sorry that my brother is hurting, where the heck is my brother anyway? His track record at this pageant is appalling.
Elena falls into place beside me and we start to walk away from the stairs "what did he say?" I stop in the middle of the floor and turn to her. "Oh you know Stefan, guy just went on and on about it, wouldn't shut up" honestly it probably woulda done me some good if he had, might at least explain all the tension in the air everywhere.
"So he didn't tell you why?" no, and if someone doesn't tell me soon then I think I might implode.
"Nope but I'm sure it has something to do with you acting weird so why don't you tell me?" because 'relationship councillor' is so my thi-
"You"
...
Me?
I...what? Me.
Wait. Wait. Hold on. Stop the fucking clock.
Is she...is she saying what I think she's saying? I have...lost the power of speech. She is saying what I think she's saying. She's saying me. She...me.
She's saying what I think she's saying and she's standing there waiting for me to say something and I'm saying fucking nothing. But I can't. I can't because it's actually happening and I don't know what to say.
Say anything you idiot. Say something.
"Damon Salvatore" Fuckery! What the fuck is wrong with people? I hate all people. Except Elena, Elena who just uttered one word that changes fucking everything.
"Looks like we travel in the same circuit" Elena's face looks as pissed off as I feel and I'm guessing right now she hates all the people too. Except me, apparently.
"Professor Shane. Just the guy I wanted to see" I turn to Elena who looks like she might kill someone right now but I have to go. Not least of all because I don't have a fucking clue what to say back to her that doesn't involve me falling to my knees at her feet and professing my undying love like a love-struck fool.
I turn back to look at her one last time as I follow the professor out and she's still standing there, watching me leave. I hope she understand that it's only because I have to.
I fucking love this pageant.
"So I'm in search of another hunter" I tell Shane when we step outside. "Why?" oh you know, so my one true love's little brother doesn't murder us all before I make her mine. And fuck me I am going to make her mine.
"Same reason anyone needs a hunter, loneliness, drinking buddy, or for golf" Shane makes reference to Jeremy, the 'potential' but "he ended up being a potential problem" now can we get on with it so I can get back to aforementioned love of my life? You know, the one who may or may not love me back.
I have never wanted to rush through a day as much as I want to rush through this one. "There's nothing I can do for you" he says, well now, I don't believe that for a second.
"Well why don't you help me with this, why are you here? What's in your little lesson plan there professor?" – "You think too highly of me Damon" on the contrary, I don't think very much of you at all.
"I'm gonna go find the other judges" good maybe I can get back to Elena.
"Hey, no pity votes for April Young okay? I mean, just because her dad blew up a house with a dozen people doesn't mean she should get a tiara, but you knew that didn't you? 'cause I hear you two racked up a pretty impressive phone bill" so, got anything you wanna share with the class?
"If you wanna know something about me Damon just ask" well okay then I will "how did you convince the pastor to kill all those people?" I really am curious about that. How does one orchestrate a murder through a telephone?
"Did you just accuse me of mass murder, in the middle of a high-school pageant?" why yes, yes I did.
Carol Lockwood starts speaking and the nutty professor walks off leaving me without many answers but I don't really care right now. I don't think I care about anything right now that doesn't involve me and Elena in the same room together for longer than two minutes without being interrupted. Preferably today if that's not too much to ask.
I move to watch Blondie introduce the new girls of Mystic Falls and Elena appears on the opposite side from me, when she catches my eye I give her a small smile and I can hear her sharp little intake of breath from here, I can't tear my eyes away from her.
I hear Little Gilbert's name being called but he's nowhere to be seen, what is with this pageant and leaving girls abandoned? This time the quarterback steps up to escort April, who went with the red dress and as they start dancing I'm transported back in time to when that was me and Elena, surrounded by a sea of people that I had no clue existed. When all I could feel, see, touch, smell, know was Elena and nothing else mattered but holding her in my arms.
I still remember being so utterly transfixed and confused about what I was feeling because I didn't realise, hadn't accepted that I was in love with her yet. I sneak a look at Elena and when she looks at me and then the dancers I figure she's probably thinking the same thing I am; I wish I could dance with her right now.
I watch her walk away, clearly anxious about something, her brother no doubt and I follow after her.
"He's not picking up" she says to Blondie as I approach, "do the math, emo teen, open bar, its fine" it's so not fine. With my brother suspiciously absent along with hers, my math adds up to something I don't like the idea of at all.
"Matt said Jeremy's been having nightmares about killing vampires and he's been hiding it from me" also, not good. "Relax I'm sure he's fine" – "I don't know I have a bad feeling" Elena says shaking her pretty little head.
"If I'm not worried you shouldn't be worried. Let it go, I'll go look for him" find him and my idiotic brother, knock some sense into both of them. "Okay" Elena says and I leave her with Blondie.
I just, don't want her to stress out today. Today is a good day. Today could turn out to be the best day of my fucking life and no brothers are gonna ruin it for either of us. So hopefully if she knows I'm on the case then she'll relax and be happy again.
I find an empty dressing room where I can make a phone call to my brother in peace, "Please don't tell me that you've roped Jeremy into a world of crazy" I say when he picks up the phone.
"I had no choice, Elena needs the cure" right, of course, she needs to be 'fixed' "So you can turn her back into the girl that's still in love with you" damn but he's stupid sometimes.
"You know I get why you wouldn't wanna believe it Damon but she isn't herself anymore" well you would think that Stefan, god this isn't even about Elena, where the hell is Jeremy? "Leave it alone Stefan" he hangs up on me. Dick.
I head back outside and take a seat; my brother is bound to show his face here sooner or later so I may as well just wait him out. I see professor creepy hanging out with Lockwolf's new girl-buddy and when he goes inside I follow him to the dining room, it's time to get creative about gettin' some answers.
"You again?" yeah buddy, I am your worst fucking nightmare "I must be the least intimidating mass murderer ever" well, when you got fangs as pretty as mine you'll find that not all that much is intimidating anymore.
"You still never gave me a name and it's kind of urgent" he says that there is no name, no other hunter, apparently finding one is next to impossible and then he walks away but sorry pal, not good enough.
I speed up and come to a stop in front of him, "subtle" yeah, I don't care. "You have five seconds to give me another name or you die" he starts talking about the hunters mark and the map but he says we need a 'certain' kind of witch to perform the spell that unlocks the holy fucking grail cure.
Eventually we get to the point; we need Bonnie, of fucking course. As if a crazy Jeremy wasn't bad enough, now we have to deal with a witch who can't do magic as well. And as much as I would really like to kill him, I can't, apparently we need him now. Sucks.
All right, time to find my brother; and Elena for that matter. I find both of them together which probably shouldn't make me jealous but I'd be lying if I said it didn't. Mainly 'cause I'm still not entirely clear on where Elena and I stand at the moment. But when I get closer and start to listen to their conversation I realise they're actually arguing.
More to the point, Elena is arguing, "you mean me. The only way to fix me, you don't have to love me like this; this is who I am now. The old Elena died when she went off that bridge. Let her go" my brother looks up and sees that I'm here and Elena turns to watch him walk away before coming to me. Turns out there really is a first time for everything.
I drive her home and she tells me that Jeremy tried to kill her; Stefan saved her. Stefan put her in danger in the first place more like. So, Elena's gonna come and live with us for a while. At least until we can figure all this out. I leave her alone to pack up her things and head home to change; she arrives at the house not long after.
When I open the door for her she gives me a small smile and then Stefan comes down, yeah, I may have forgotten to mention that we have a new house-guest to him.
"I can't stay at home anymore" Elena explains it for me, "pick a room. I'll crash somewhere else" Elena comes to stand by me and we watch Stefan leave. Seems like all my brother has done today is walk away from us and a part of me hates it.
But we always knew that someone was gonna get hurt in this situation and for the first time it's not fucking me and Elena I really need to talk so I push all thoughts of Stefan out of my head for the night and take her bags from her, I drop them at the bottom of the stairs, there's plenty of time to pick a room later.
I pour us both a glass of bourbon and pass hers to her before taking a seat on the couch beside her, "Thanks" she says before taking a big drink. "I was being polite. Thought you hated whisky"
"My brother wants to kill me" I know that feeling well honey "welcome to the club" ah, she smiles! Good to know I haven't lost the ability to make that happen.
"Jeremy can't live with me. Stefan wants to fix me. And Caroline flat-out admitted that she doesn't like me this way. I think it's safe to say that I'm not so great at this vampire thing" well, I disagree. Completely.
"Wanna know what I think?" she straightens up on the couch as if she actually does wanna know what I think, as if what I think matters and I love the thought of that.
"I don't think I've ever seen you more alive" beautiful, radiant, glorious. And I think her friends are stupid if they can't see what's right in front of them.
She looks at me all softness and light, mirrored with shadows and soft smiles and when she looks back into my eyes hers are bright with that fire that I love so much.
"That dance that they did today, it kinda reminded me of when" – "When we danced together?" I finish for her, yeah, me too.
"I wanted to dance with you today" she says the words somewhat shyly, softly, as if they might somehow scare me away but they wouldn't, won't, can't, because I know the feeling all too well. I wanted to dance with her today. Every day. I want to dance with her every. day.
And dancing can definitely be on tonight's agenda. I put my glass down and then hers before standing and holding out my hand to her, there's no music but we don't need any. She puts her hand in mine and I lead her to the front of the fireplace where the fire I lit for her earlier still burns brightly and then I pull her into me.
After that it's just me, and Elena, no interruptions although honestly it'll probably be a while before I stop expecting one. It's the silence that surrounds us that is both peaceful and beautiful; it's the softness of her hair against my check, the heat from the flames and her body against mine.
When I spin her away from me and pull her back in I couldn't say who kisses who because all that really matters is that she's kissing me. I'm kissing her and nothing ever felt so damn right, nothing ever tasted so damn good.
Her hands come up to touch my face and then rest on my shoulders as we fit ourselves together and this is not Denver, this is not the front porch, this is new, this is different. This is Elena, ready. Finally, ready, to let me in.
Suddenly she pushes me up against the wall and knocks over, god knows what, something, I don't know; don't care because I just want her closer, I just want more. And she's running her hands over my chest and then she rips my shirt open and this officially becomes the best day of my life.
I rush her against the fireplace and lift her leg up around my waist because I am aching and I need her to feel, to understand what she does to me, I have never been more thankful to be a vampire who doesn't need to breathe than I am in this moment because I never have to stop kissing her and I don't intend to anytime soon.
In the midst of all the kissing, clothes get torn away and we end up in my bed, Elena on top of me in the most beautiful picture that even my very best fantasies could have never lived up to and then I spin her around on her back because I want to have all the sex, right now, talking can wait.
Every breath that she exhales is one that I breathe in, I don't want to miss any part of this, I don't want to lose a second of her, of Elena giving me all that is her.
I want to carve a place for myself inside of her, bury myself inside and create a space that she'll never let go of.
When I finally enter her I have to pause because this is real, it's actually happening and it's not a dream. Not even my very best dreams could ever compare to how she actually feels, to how she feels surrounding me, to how it feels to be inside of her.
Her soft hands hold me to her, keeping me still for innumerable seconds while we adjust to each other, learn each other and as I gaze into deep brown eyes that hold a million different emotions it takes every ounce of willpower I ever owned not to tell her how much I love her. Worship her. Adore her.
Instead I show her how much I need her as I finally begin to move inside her. On the first stroke I think I'm going to lose it before I even start.
On the second stroke I think I'm going to lose myself. I don't know what's happening to me and I have to stop. There is too much. It's too much for any one man to feel and I don't know if I can stand all the feeling.
But then her lips are pressed in my neck, on my chest, my arms, soothing me, calming me, healing me. She broke me apart and her lips and her soft words put me back together again piece by piece as she promises me that it'll be okay. That she is Elena. That we are safe. That we are fine. And I believe her. I always believe her.
After that everything is okay again, I feel connected again, to myself, to Elena. And then I'm kissing her and her firm legs are clenched around my waist, pulling me closer and closer, her nails clawing and digging into my flesh and then all I know are words.
Wet, so fucking wet, tight, hot soft heaven until it comes together in a beautiful, glorious symphony of "need you" – "want you" – "please Damon" – "Elena" – "Damon, DAmon", it's the 'Damon's' tumbling out of her mouth that do it for me really. I don't think there's ever been a sweeter sound than my name, Elena's voice, my bed, her choice.
When Elena shatters to pieces around me in a tangled mess of 'Damon' laced words I think I have truly died and gone to heaven, if we are together forever, and we will be, I will never forget this moment, I will never let her go, I don't think I could.
And on the last stroke I lose myself again. But really I am found.
Beneath a canopy of fireworks and stars and endless suspended moments of time I am found. I find myself in Elena's arms, I find myself in Elena's body, I find myself in Elena's heart.
Dear Diary,
Damon is sleeping in bed beside me, his bed this time, he's tangled up in the covers like some kind of greek god or archangel that fell out of the sky and found himself next to me and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I wasted so much time being so scared, I ran away from him so many times, too afraid to face my own feelings, to accept them, to admit that there was always something there. I was too afraid to figure out what I truly felt for Damon and what it really meant. What it really said about me, about people's expectations of me, but I'm not that girl anymore and I finally feel free.
When I tried to tell Damon today that I wanted to be with him, my speech that I had prepared just flew out the damn window and all I could say was 'you'. Really that's all that mattered when it came down to it. Him, just him.
Damon makes me feel, alive, free, beautiful, Damon makes me feel like I belong, and I do, I belong with him. We made love tonight and I was right, it really was everything. But it was so much more. It was more than making love, it was, god I don't know, it was incredible.
I always knew he would be amazing in bed but tonight he just took it to another level, I've never been loved like that, which is understandable I guess because Damon loves so completely, he loves with everything he has, he gives everything he has and he gives it all to me.
When he first entered me though, something happened to him, I don't know what exactly but I could tell that he was scared, I think maybe he thought that I wasn't really there, that it wasn't real but I kissed him, and held him to me, and I told him that I was there, that I'm real, that he was safe and after that everything was fine.
Everything was so far beyond fine that I can't even, Damon completes me in every way, when he moves inside of me it feels like I've come home, it feels like a piece of me that was long lost and gone has finally come home.
So many things are wrong right now, so many things need attention, not least of all both of our brothers but I'm not going to ruin this night with talk of that, because no matter what else feels wrong, Damon and I are finally right. And that's really all that matters to me on this night.
Elena