A/N: One of my absolute favourite scenes *ever* is Klaus' 'death to all hybrids' moment with *that* music, makes me cry every time. There are some scenes I just *wish* I could incorporate into this story that I'll never be able to, sad face! Hope you enjoy the chapter.

O Come, All Ye Faithful

"Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that's all right because I love the way you lie"

As it turns out I can be selfish with Elena, although whose fault that really was I don't know, but I admit, my resolve crumbled and shattered, yes, I am weak. My sense of self-preservation however, didn't completely abandon me, my need to protect Elena, if only from myself, didn't abandon me. No matter how much she tried to employ her very own distraction techniques to get what she wanted, and let me assure you, Elena's distraction skills are a sight to behold.

From the gentle tug on my hand as she pulled me along, to the alluring sway of her hips and ass as she led me to my bedroom, to the way she spread herself across my bed like some kind of angelic vixen sent to tempt my every last desire. Lying there ready and waiting for me to devour every inch of her but nope, I stayed strong.

Stayed firm, in fact, all parts of me stayed firm, but I did not give in to the temptation that is Elena Gilbert. Hell yes I'm proud of myself, little tease that she is; who knew she had it in her?

"This would be so much more fun if we were naked" I keep my eyes closed for a second longer in the morning so that I don't have to actually acknowledge the fact that we are very much not naked just yet. "That was your fault not mine" Elena says, calling me out on my apparent inefficiencies.

"I was being a gentleman" I flip over on my back so I don't have to look her in the eyes "you shouldnt'a stayed" shouldn't have let you stay. "I know" she sighs, god I have got to get off of this bed.

"I should have made you leave, sent you packin'. I promised Stefan" I say turning to look at her before opening my drawer to find a fresh shirt. "I know" she repeats.

"You're sired to me Elena, which means everything that you think you feel might not even be real"

"I know Damon" well I know you know, I just have to keep reminding myself because you keep insisting that it is real.

"But" she gets off the bed and walks over to stand in front of me and I already know what's coming next, I think she's stuck on repeat-mode, "it feels real and I'm not ready to let go of that" see? It feels real she says. And fuck it if I'm ready to let go of that either.

"Well I can make you, invoke the sire-bond"

"So do it" she challenges me, because she knows I can't.

"I told him I would set you free, right after I didn't tell him that we slept together"twice. And yes, a part of me feels guilty because it's my brother, and it's Elena, but I'm just, not ready. I just need some time.

"So what do you wanna do?" oh what do I not wanna do is the much more appropriate question Elena. I step closer to her and lower my voice because two can play this game.

"I wanna throw you back in my bed and never let you leave"

"So do it" she challenges me, because she knows I will.

I fight with myself, against myself, in spite of myself for a few seconds before deciding just to fucking do it and screw the consequences when her phone rings.

"Saved by the cell phone" I whisper at her mouth because I'm still transfixed by lips that look insanely kissable right now.

"I have to meet Bonnie, she's teaching Jeremy how not to kill me" she says as she backs away from me and prepares to leave me alone, again. And I can only stand and watch her go. I can't ask her to stay, I can't ask her if I can come, can't really say fucking anything because she'll do whatever the fuck I want. This sucks.

"Wanna come?" in more ways than you know Elena, I nod my head at her though because yes, I do want to go. I want to be beside her, near her, for as long as I can be and she asked me, so it was her choice, that makes it okay, in my book.

I drive her to the lake house in my car and she holds my hand the whole way which feels somewhat safe so I allow it. Okay, I cherish it; because I know that by the end of this day I'm gonna have to send her away. But in the meantime I want to try and at least enjoy it as much as I can.

We arrive while Little Gilbert's chopping wood, boy got some muscle on him, personally, I'm not all that convinced that this is the best idea Elena's ever had, but of course I can't say anything about that lest she change her mind.

"What the hell is Professor shady-pants doin' here?" I ask Elena when I watch him open the front door and step outside to meet Bonnie and Jeremy. "I invited him" oh well that's just, great Elena, fantastic. Ah well, hopefully we can at least get some information out of the guy.

There's a short time delay as Little Gilbert takes his sweet time to invite his sister into the house and then there's a short-circuit in my brain as he goes for Elena with a stake he magically seems to produce out of nowhere.

Fortunately Elena's a quick little vampire and she has Jeremy in a head-lock before I can scream 'invite me in the fucking house'.

While Jeremy internally debates the merits of inviting me inside the aforementioned fucking house, my brother phones to inform me that Klaus's hybrids are planning a revolution and revolting against him, tonight and he can't find the sword that leads us to the cure, at least, I think it does, could be wrong. Bad attention to detail span.

"Well he's not walkin' around with it, check the rest of the house" I tell Stefan when gets huffy about playing a game of hide and seek with a sword. "I am but I haven't found anything" it's a damn sword Stefan, gotta be pretty hard to hide.

"Kill Tyler before he goes to Klaus, or, since Klaus has suddenly become MVP in our relay-race for the cure; tell him about the hybrids, he'll kill Tyler" at least I still get to share my opinions with someone and those are the best suggestions I got.

"Hello? Stefan?" is he still there? He's gone all quiet.

"Look I know it's a touchy subject but do you know where Elena is today?" ah, hmm, kinda? "I think she's runnin' around trying to figure out how to de-program Jeremy" well it's, mostly the truth. I just left, me, out of it.

"How did she take it last night, you telling her to stay away from you?" oh Stefan, please stop asking me questions. "Not well" again, the truth, kinda. Well I'm not full on lying.

"You okay?" – "Peachy" okay now I'm lying, but not about Elena so that's okay. "Gotta go, Bonnie's enlisted Dr. Evil in her plan and I have to thwart him" I am a bad person. I am a bad brother, I need to fix this.

Right now though we need to fix Little Gilbert, the nutty professor is trying to hypnotise or persuade him or some shit so he doesn't wanna kill Elena anymore. Only, it doesn't really seem to be working, I wonder why. After Jeremy's subconscious lets off a little steam at Elena she heads out back and after a few seconds I follow her.

"You're not allowed to feel this sorry for yourself unless you're sitting on a bar stool" I tell her and sit down beside her on the railing, "fortunately, I travel with the bar" yeah, I probably drink too much, but what's a guy to do when everything else falls to pieces?

"It didn't work. I shouldn't have put so much hope into reprogramming someone's mind. If it were that easy then you and I wouldn't be in this situation" did she just liken us to Jeremy? He harbours a secret desire to kill vampires and she, what, harboured a secret desire to jump my bones? This shit is confusing.

"Right?" I don't know Elena.

"Last time I was here I was so completely in love with Stefan" I, don't think I ever needed to hear that "now it's just barely a memory. Is that the sire-bond? Or just that I'm so happy to be here with you?" she reaches up to stroke my face with her hand and I can't answer her question, partly because I don't know the answer, though I wish I did. And partly because I'm back to that place where I can't say anything out of fear of making her think something she doesn't feel, this is one fucked up mess.

"Maybe there's something else they can try" I say instead before standing and walking away, maybe at the very least I can sort her brother out for her.

I make the suggestion to Bonnie and Jeremy that "using a vampire to suppress the need to kill another one" might not be the best way forward in this situation. "Find someone else to attach your warm and fuzzy detour feelings to. Gee, I wonder who that could be" Little Gilbert gets the hint, he feels things for Bonnie and now that my work here is done "I'll be anywhere else".

I find Elena talking with Professor creepy which concerns me so I bring Jeremy's axe along with me for company. "Tell me why I'm not killing you?" 'cause I still really want to, more so when you're near my girl there.

"Damon" well, glad to see the sire-bond hasn't affected her morals, good to know I suppose.

"I'm serious, why are you after the vampire cure?" he says that he's not looking for the cure, but he can tell us where to find it apparently. How does this guy know so much?

"Klaus' sword'll tell us where to find it" but Shane says that he can lead us to the same place, because he's already been there. Well, I guess it's story time.

Turn out, Silas may not have actually been a fairytale after all, seems he really does want to rise again and wreak havoc on the world. He's trapped in some underground cave, with the cure. So just, more creepy to add to all the creepy. Guess I better fill Stef in on, well, the creepy.

"Don't ask how, or why, or who, but I just found the answer to your Tyler problem" I tell him that he doesn't need the sword which is all he really needs to know right now, "you're kidding" nope, I am not. And then he hangs up on me and we get to continue with story time.

Shane takes out Jeremy's drawing of the tattoo and explains that when it's complete, or, to translate, 'when Little Gilbert murders enough big bad vamps' it'll contain the spell we need to get to this Silas guy. Where this Silas guy is I'm still a little unclear on; 'cause he hasn't told us.

"You threatened to kill me what, like, three times already this week? Location helps me survive your bad moods" well, that makes sense I suppose. My clever girl asks him what he wants out of this fun little treasure hunt and he says that he just wants to find Silas, research and whatnot, but I don't buy it.

"You don't have to buy anything, you just have to believe that I can fix your brother and when his hunters mark's complete I'm gonna take you to the cure" don't really buy that either. Guy is fishier than a, uh, fish.

Elena pulls out a box of Christmas decorations and seems somewhat more cheerful, "I think Shane's gonna get us through this. I trust him" oh 'Lena, you'd trust Klaus if you thought it was good for you or someone you love sweetheart. Apparently my face agrees because Elena picks up on it "but you clearly don't" well, I don't really trust anyone that isn't you Elena.

"Maybe because I think he blew up twelve people at the Young farm...little tip Professor, heard you before you even took your first step" I say when he appears behind me in the room. Shane does a stand-up job of lying through his teeth to Elena about pastor Young and the explosion but with any luck she'll be a little less trusting of him now that she knows I don't trust him. Hey, I never said I wouldn't use the sire-bond to protect her.

"Elena" Jeremy comes into the room and I immediately stand to block his path to Elena in case we have another attempted staking on our hands like we did this morning.

"It's okay" he says to halt me in my course, "I think we got this" you think? I'm supposed to entrust her life to think now? It's that 'think' that makes me step in front of Little Gilbert and stop him on his way. I'm not moving until he turns over the stake in his hand. Over my. Dead. Dead. Body.

He hands over the stake and I step aside slightly and thank Christmas when he hugs his sister. She got her non-crazy brother back, not like I don't know that feeling, peace on earth and all that jazz.

I've been sitting outside watching Elena and her brother re-connect and somewhat missing my own whilst preparing myself for what I'm about to do when she comes out to see me complete with a sprig of mistletoe like my very own Christmas fairy.

"Elena we can't. I can't" I tell her as she holds her mistletoe above my head.

"Damon you can't keep telling me that this isn't real" and you can't keep telling me that it is, because we don't know.

"I know how I feel and that you feel it too so stop fighting it" how very fucking ironic my life has become. All that time that I spent when she was still human, just begging her to stop fighting me, to let me in, to admit that there was something between us and now here we are, both vampires and my how the tables have turned.

"It's good to see you like that, all normal with your brother. I want that again for you. Christmas was always mine and Stefan's favourite holiday when we were kids" yep, used to be my favourite time of year, the crisp in the air, the smell of fresh cut trees and toffee apples, building snowmen and throwing snowballs, warm cocoa by the open fire. My father singing carols while my mother played piano. You know, back when everything was all roses, and sunshine.

"Not that we've celebrated it since, kinda miss that" because then my mother died. And Christmas was no longer a happy time of year. It became lonely and desolate and it only became more so as the years passed by and I turned and then I spent most Christmas days alone and wasted by an open fire.

I think Elena could change that, given half a chance. I think I could learn to love Christmas again, with Elena by my side, but not this Christmas. Maybe next year, a man can dream.

"You're thinking about...how upset he'll be when he finds out that you and I are together" yeah, amongst other things.

"I've been lying to him all day...it's not what I was doing, the point is that I'm here with you. I was supposed to invoke the sire-bond Elena, send you away. I was supposed to do the right thing by you and the right thing by my brother" gotta do it, gotta do it, gonna do it.

"Which is what I'm gonna do right now. You're gonna go home" she tries to fight me but I can't let her, won't listen. "I'm gonna stay here with Jeremy, I'm gonna help him complete the mark. I'll teach him how to hunt, I'll protect him and we'll kill vampires without you" I'll take anything to give me a fucking purpose.

"Damon please" her voice cracks and there are tears in her eyes and I wonder if it works if you're lying, or if the sire-bond somehow figures out that you're trying to deceive it.

"I'm setting you free Elena. This is what I want" this is not what I want. I paste a smile on my face on the off-chance it might help, "this is what will make me happy" it feels like the very worst lie I have ever told.

The weight of those words in my mouth make me want to throw up everything that is left inside of me, to cleanse myself of the biggest falsehood I've ever uttered.

It's the right thing to do I know it is. It's the right thing for everybody, for Elena, for my brother, even for me in the long run, but knowing something is the right thing to do doesn't make actually doing it any easier to bear. Knowing that it's the right thing to do doesn't make it feel any less wrong.

"I was ready to fight you on this but suddenly every part of my body is telling me that I need to get in this car and leave you" she says when I walk her out to the car.Well at least that clears up the question of whether the stupid sire-bond knows if you're lying or not.

"So do it" I challenge her. I challenge her because I know she has to do it, because I told her to. I challenge her, because more than anything I somehow want her to make it not true. But she can't, because it is.

But then she reaches up and presses a gentle kiss to my lips and I'm stunned. Was I not clear? I don't think that's meant to happen. What the fuck? I open the car door for her and watch her drive away from me.

Watching her leave me feels like every kind of wrong you can imagine, nothing has ever felt more wrong than letting her walk away from me and the further away she gets, the more parts of myself I feel like she's taking with her until all that's left inside of me feels lost, alone, I feel empty.

I don't know much anymore. I don't know if I messed up somehow. I don't know what that kiss means.

And most of all I don't know. I don't think I can do this.

Dear Diary,
Damon sent me away tonight, invoked the sire-bond. He sat and he lied to my face, told me that me leaving him would make him happy, that it's what he wanted and I know that's the furthest thing from the truth that there could be.

But I also understand why he did it, he did it for me, because he wants to protect me, because in some twisted parts of himself he thinks I need protecting from him.

He did it for Stefan, because he promised his brother that he would set me free and I honestly wish people would understand, that it's not being apart from Damon that sets me free, it's being with him that does that.

But he also did it for himself, he did it to protect, himself. Because he is so scared, so scared that this isn't real, that I don't have real feelings for him, that it's all just some magic hocus-pocus sire-bond crap and he's trying to stop himself from getting more hurt in the end, and I swear, right now, right this second, I will never, ever, break his heart.

I know this is real, I know what I feel, I know what I felt as a human, everything is so much clearer now, and I just need to figure out a way to get Damon to believe me, to believe in me, to believe in us, because he always did before and I'm not going to let him give up on us now.

I hate not being near him, I miss him, even though it's only been a few hours since he sent me away, I feel like a vital part of me is missing, I feel lost, I feel...empty, and I know he feels it too. So I'll do whatever I can to help him, I'll message him and leave voice mails on his phone until he gets sick of the sound of my voice.

And as soon as he lets me, I'll go to him and I'll find a way to prove to him that this is real. That we are Damon and Elena. That we are real.
Elena