AN: I write this to make people happy. If it doesn't, I hope you find one that does. There are some great stories out there. If it does, that makes my overjoyed!

Enjoy!

Chapter 5

"Your dad get pissed? Did he think Ed punched you?" Jane asked, as she leaned over the bar. It was two weeks later and I was trying to make sense of the jumbled mess that was the bar's financial information on my computer. This confusing maze of figures was still a far better gig than the piercing kiosk.

"He thought it was hilarious actually." I looked up at my new boss with a grin. She was clad in the same tank top I had seen previously. It was still missing the help of a supportive bra to reign those puppies in. I knew exactly what I would be getting her for Christmas. "He offered to teach me how to fight."

I couldn't help smiling as I remembered the lesson my dad tried to give me.

"Kiddo, put up your dukes," Dad stated as he held up his two fists. We were in the kitchen after Edward finally walked me home. That man had been apologizing profusely after the attack on my mouth by his mullet. "If you're going to start fights with the locals, I think you need to learn how to protect yourself."

"Stop joking around. I won't be getting in any more tussles. I'm just going to keep my head down and stay quiet." I grabbed a soda and headed back into the living room.

My dad followed me with his hands still clenched. "You're a know-it-all Swan, just like your old dad. There is no way for you to keep your mouth shut!"

I stopped and turned toward him with eyes narrowed. "What do you suggest as a lesson?"

"Punch me in the gut, grasshopper!" My dad looked excited. He watched way too many old kung fu movies on late night cable.

"Really?'" I placed my soda on the coffee table and made fists. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Remember not to tuck in your thumbs. That's the way to break them," Dad instructed.

I looked down at my fists. "I know that."

My dad looked positively nonchalant as he rocked back and forth on his heels. I had a feeling he was certain that I would tap him gently on the shoulder. After that, Dad would take me under his masculine wing and teach me the brutal art of hand to hand fighting.

"You asked for it," I reminded him.

I punched him in the gut, causing my father to fly backward and land on his ass. He just sat there on the floor with his eyes closed. I must have killed him.

"Dad!" I ran to him and tried to check his pulse. His hand gripped my wrist.

One of his eyes opened, revealing light brown. "Where the hell did you learn that, kid?"

"Self-defense class, Dad."

"Not too shabby." My dad chuckled. It turned to a groan as he rubbed his head. "Not too shabby at all."

"I thought Ed would try to teach you some moves," Jane stated. She started drying some beer mugs. "Though I would imagine it would be more of the naked wrestling variety with the two of you."

My mind went to some dirty thoughts that were entirely appropriate with her mentioning of naked mud wrestling. I tried to banish them by changing the subject. "I need all your receipts from the last year, Jane! How the hell did you pay your taxes?"

"Honey, I was a pre-med major. Give me blood and guts over spreadsheets any day," she explained with a sigh. "Just the thought of dissecting cadavers at Hopkins makes me miss the good, old days."

"Why are you here?" It was amazing to me that she was now at this bar stuck in the land that time stopped in the eighties.

"It's my home." She looked back at the kitchen where Alec was washing vegetables for the dinner rush. "Dad died and Alec couldn't handle this place. I just wish there were some more pretty girls of the sapphic persuasion around these parts. Are you sure you like penises?"

"Yes, Jane, I like men." I sighed and opened up the payroll. Pushing up my glasses, I attempted to concentrate on the numbers in front of me.

"You sure know how to work a pair of spectacles, girl. Naughty librarians are fun." Jane slid a beer in front of me, as I pointed my middle finger at her. "Break time, woman! You know you changed the subject, right?"

"I did." I attempted to ignore her and the beer in the frosty mug.

"You failed, honey. What's going on between you and Ed?" Jane shut my laptop as I tried to type. "Is he an insatiable lover? Tanya was revolting when she described the Edward Cullen prowess in the bedroom."

Tanya?

"Who?" I squeaked. I willed myself not to act jealous, but it must have been written all over my face.

"A waitress that used to work here. Supposedly, she ran off with some trucker so she could dance in Vegas." Jane did love to gossip. "Honey, you like Ed. Just admit it."

"I choked on his mullet! All I can think about is chopping it off with scissors or a hatchet! I've been avoiding him like he has the plague! The dreams, Jane! Sometimes I have sexy ones about him ravaging me in a gazebo and other times I have nightmares that the mullet is stalking me in an attempt to kill me!" I had diarrhea of the mouth.

It hit me that I missed Angela and Jane was becoming a close friend.

"You are having sex with him!" Jane exclaimed with a grimace. "Penises are gross. They just hang there like elephant trunks."

"That's a horrible visual, Jane! It is also not at all accurate! Some of us like them!" I scoffed. I could, however, see where she got that idea in her head. They were trunk like. "We haven't had sex."

"No way! Not yet?" Jane looked me over. "You want to."

I took a long drink of the beer. "Ye. .. No."

"Liar. Is it the hair?" She asked and poured a shot of vodka. It was pushed in front of me. "Do you actually like the old school Stamos mullet? It's very Full House. Do you think if he cuts it off that he would lose his Bella wooing power like the biblical tale Sampson and Delilah?"

"I absolutely do not think that mess of unnecessary hair has magical powers brought down from God. His mullet does remind me of Uncle Jesse." I looked down at the shot of vodka. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Yes. Maybe you'll flash me? It's been so long!" Jane exclaimed hopefully.

"No."

"Jane, my dear friend, leave that poor girl alone!" I turned to find an attractive man with a blue faux mohawk stroll in. The man was clad in a Sex Pistols tee-shirt and had his nose pierced. If I was seventeen, that random stranger would be in so much trouble. Lucky for him, I was way too old for rockers and had an unnatural attraction to Edward. "Hello there, new girl!"

He was pushing a cart with the name Volturi Premium Distributors stenciled onto the side that was loaded with cases of beer. The name triggered a something in me. They were overcharging Jane! I threw open the laptop to search for my proof.

Jane looked at me in confusion. "What the hell are you doing? More drinking and less math, Swan! Garrett, this is Chief Swan's only daughter. Her name is Isabella and unfortunately not interested in me."

The man sat next to me and held out his hand to shake mine. "Enchanted, Isabella Swan. I'm Garrett Hanson, guitarist and art genius. Happy to meet a new female in this town that can liv—"

I kept scrolling down the file of payments to vendors. "You're overcharging, Jane. The markup for the beer is way too much. Jane, we need to explore new distributors that won't charge you an arm and a leg."

"Well fuck me!" Jane exclaimed.

Garrett, the so-called guitarist and artist looked offended. "I only deliver the stuff, Janie!"

"No wonder this place is bleeding money. These Volturi people are shysters." I looked down the columns and sneered. This was ridiculous. I could decipher this much, but Jane really needed more help than I could give her. "You really need an accountant."

"Aren't you an accountant, Isabella?" The handsome Johnny Rotten asked. "Want to count my tattoos, sweetheart."

"Bella is just a very smart girl, Garrett. We needed fresh perspective in this town and she's going to bring it with her snobby, college girl elitism," Jane stated. She poured another shot for me.

I threw it back. "It takes one to know one, Dr. Jane."

"You got me there, Swan." She let out a snort. "We are two regular peas in a pod."

Garrett grabbed my mug of beer and started drinking it. He paused from draining it and looked at me then Jane. "I would pay good money to see the two of—"

"That is the epitome of disrespectful. Jane and I shouldn't be treated in this manner." I pushed my glasses on my head to stare the man down and grabbed the mug out of his hand. "This sir, is my beer. If you want a drink, I suggest you purchase one from my friend. She needs as much money coming in her as she can get."

"You are something else, lady," Garrett said in shock. "I think we're going to be great friends. More if you play your cards—"

Jane threw her dishrag in his face. "She has a suitor all ready, dumb ass."

"Who?" Garrett questioned. He looked genuinely interested.

Before I could refute Jane's claims, Edward strolled in the bar and announced, "Me."

Jane muttered, "He really is a red-headed Stamos."

Garrett hopped off his bar stool quickly and rushed towards Edward. At first I assumed they were going to come to blows, but instead they embraced.

"It's been a long time, man!" Garrett patted Edward's back. "How's it going?"

I saw Edward look over at me with a solemn expression. "It's been okay. You going to be around town for a while?"

"Yeah. Aro is being a bitch. I've been thinking about looking around here for a new gig." I saw Garrett glance in my direction. "The view around these parts has improved significantly."

"Don't get any ideas, Hansen." Edward patted Garrett really hard as a warning. Men and their macho displays made me want to roll my eyes, but Edward was the exception. Only a little bit. I still rolled my eyes, but I wanted to jump his bones at the same time. That man drove me insane.

"I should start writing a new employee handbook!" I yelled this to deflect Edward from wanting to talk to me. Must deflect attention at all costs! "Maybe I should take inventory in the back!"

That was not at all in my job description.

"You don't have to do that," Jane pointed out.

I just shrugged and scurried into the back room.

The back room was a creepy place that was dimly lit by a bare lightbulb that was in the middle of the room. It was filled with cases of various types of alcoholic beverages and random cleaning supplies. I thought I heard a mouse squeak nearby and I let out a corresponding noise.

"Whoa there, baby! You're okay." I felt a hand on my shoulder and I spun around to face Edward. "You've been avoiding me."

"I wouldn't say that," I lied and pulled away from him. I pretended to read the label on a box filled with wine bottles. "Busy times lately. You think that a wine called, Georgia's Italian Vino would even be made of grapes? I really need to talk to Jane about her choices of wine. I'm no sommelier, but—"

I was whirled around and my back pressed against the boxes of questionable wine. Edward had one hand around my waist and the other placed on the back of my neck. His mouth hovered over mine. "Tell me you don't want this."

"I'm not the type of girl that lets a man push me against a bunch of bad wine. Buy a girl some decent booze first," I joked badly. I was going to keep deflecting.

"No more jokes, Bella. I need to know if I should just back off now." His hands gripped me tighter. Slowly he repeated, "Tell me you don't want this."

"I don—" I looked into his green eyes and thought about how much I missed him over the last two weeks. "I do want this."

His mouth pressed on mine. I kissed him right back with everything I had.

His fingers traveled under my shirt. I moved my lips away from his and asked breathlessly, "Are we going to have sex in here?"

"It's tempting," he answered lightheartedly. "I don't want to scandalize the rats."

"You mean mice?" I looked around us. I thought I heard little feet running around our shoes. Edward didn't answer. I asked again, "You meant mice, right?"

"Maybe you could call them mutant mice, but I'm certain those giant guys are rats." He laughed as I cried out in response. Edward swung me up into his arms. "Don't worry, I won't let them eat your toes."

I tried to squirm out of his grasp. "I can handle some mice, Edward."

"Sure you can, slugger." He gave me a quick kiss. "I am taking you on a picnic."

"Now? I need to work!" Edward was the pushiest man.

"Honey, we need some fun without the threat of you getting punched again." He then bit my earlobe and whispered, "You know how I love experiencing the great outdoors."

"Oh my God! You want to have sex outside!" I gasped. He was a kinky pervert. Of course, I must confess, I enjoyed making out on the top of my truck.

"Making sweet love in the beauty of nature that God created with me buried deep inside something else beautiful would be amazing." Edward licked his lips. "Very deep, baby."

It was official, a picnic in nature was now the most stimulating idea ever. Who would have ever guessed?

XXXXXX

I absolutely, positively did not want a bite of Edward's meatball sub. There was some other meat that Edward had that was far more interesting to me. I really didn't want that meat in my mouth. He probably would love his meat in my mouth, though. I imagined gagging in such a large amount of meat.

"Are you hungry? Interested in a banana?" He asked as he held out a large, yellow phallic shaped fruit.

I was a pervert.

"Nope. I'm good." I looked at my surroundings instead of at Edward.

We sat in a small clearing that was surrounded by gigantic trees that created a shelter from any prying eyes of woodland creatures or wayward hikers. There was random groupings of wildflowers that added small bursts of pastel colors amongst all the green. I added, "It really is secluded here. Your version of make-out point?"

"More like my thinking place. You would be the only girl that I've ever brought here." He put down his sandwich and scooted closer. He pulled me into his arms and laid me down on the wool blanket. I didn't point out that it was scratchy. It would be a mood breaker. "You're a pretty special girl."

"I'm kind of a snob with a superiority complex," I admitted. "I'm working on fixing that."

"Bella, none of us are perfect. You have pointed out repeatedly about my need for a haircut," Edward stated. I cringed as he laughed. Slowly he unbuttoned my shirt. His fingers grazed the skin of my chest. "We are all works in progress. I see how kind you've been to my sister and the way you make your dad light up when he talks about you. You're a good person, Bella."

Falling. He makes me fall.

My bra was unclasped and I was on the blanket unclothed from the waist up. "You are so fucking pretty."

His mouth peppered kisses on my chest and breasts. His tongue circled my nipples which would have felt absolutely incredible if it wasn't for my back.

It started as a small itch that being that I assume was from the evil, red plaid blanket woven out of hypodermic needles and the prickles from a hedgehog. Then the itch became more intense as Edward's hand headed south towards the button of my jeans and his tongue swirled around my belly button.

That tongue move he just performed would have been amazing if it wasn't for the pain that now accompanied the itching. I started squirming trying to scratch the pain away. I was just making the situation worse.

"You like that, baby?" Edward asked heatedly. His fingers went into my underwear and pressed onto my clit.

I liked a part of it.

He pressed down harder and made those long fingers of his circle faster. It was incredible, except for the unpleasant fire that was making me want to cry out that completely eclipsed the fire in my loins. I hissed, "Oh God! Oh God!"

"Oh yes, sweetheart! Do you love it?" Edward kissed my neck.

Not really, because my back was now filled with boils.

"Fuck! It burns!" I raked my nails down his back.

"Scream my name!" He begged.

All I wanted to scream was about how this must be what I imagined hell fire would feel like.

I stated as calmly as possible, "Edward, you need to get up. It hurts."

He stopped immediately. "Was I too rough? Honey, I'm so sorry—"

"My back hurts!" I explained, as he helped me sit up.

"Was it a root pushing into you?" He went to look at my ailment and let out a gasp. "Your back looks like it was in a chemical fire!"

"I think I'm allergic to the blanket." I felt tears fill my eyes. "Why does this keep happening?"

"Bella, my dad has creams for this type of thing! Nice organic lotions that he uses on pregnant women! I'll fix you up. Don't cry!" Edward pulled off his tee-shirt. "Wear mine. It's looser and won't rub on the rash."

Edward was so sweet and kind. His naked chest was absolutely amazing. I cried harder.

"Baby, this is just a little bump in the road!" Edward tried to wipe away my tears.

"We're cursed!" It was the only logical conclusion. I grabbed his hand and placed it on my back. "Scratch this."

I hoped Edward had a back scratcher in his car for the trip home. If today was any indication, I wouldn't be that lucky.