AN: Hi ya, gang.

Chapter 9

"You should let me braid it," I suggested. We were sitting under a tree in the park, Edward's head was in my lap, and I was twisting that mullet of his between my fingers. It would be easier to chop it off if it was all contained in one place.

"Do I get to braid yours, too? We can have a slumber party and watch girl movies." He squinted up at me with a grin. "I can think of a couple of things we could do with ice cream, baby."

"Lesbian porn and you licking ice cream off of me? Kind of sticky, but I'm game." I poked him in the nose.

Edward's eyes bugged out of his head and began to choke. I love making him do that.

He gasped, "My parents are right over there!"

"Have you met your parents, Edward? I think you forget every time they embarrass you. You have parental amnesia when they speak. I bet your mom and dad do naked slip and slide in ice cream. In fact, I think your mom has some fabulous tips for us. I bet they even have some special DVDs for us to watch."

He turned his face into my lap to hide it. I looked over to where his parents had their sexuality table under a pink tent at the farmer's market. It was a table full of sex toys, pamphlets about finding your inner sexual goddess, and a large replica of a woman's uterus. They even had hula hoops scattered around to attract people to the table. Unfortunately, they were only attracting children with the hoops.

"Do you think that little boy will stop trying to poke the uterus with his cotton candy? I'm thinking this image is pretty disturbing to just about everyone," I continued.

The little boy wore a Mariner's baseball cap low over his blond curls. His tee-shirt was covered in jelly and he was singing some rap song while whacking that pretend reproductive organ. The other children had stopped their hula hooping and were staring in rapt attention at the cotton candy pummeling. Carlisle used the ruckus to give an impromptu lesson in the biology of reproduction.

Edward groaned into my lap.

"That felt pretty good, buckaroo. Should I ask your dad why your mouth makes my womanly parts tingle?" I asked with a snort. Edward turned around and glared at me. "Seriously though, why are no adults stopping this?"

He explained, "They're the town's lovable eccentrics. They get away with more than most people."

My father was laughing hysterically nearby. I guess they did get away with a lot.

"You want to buy some peaches?" I was gathering up that crazy hair of his in my hand. "I saw a stand that some great specimens."

"Woman, you're trying to figure out a way to cut my hair again?" He looked at me with a half-hearted scowl. The beginning of a smile was showing.

"Always. If I had some nail scissors in my purse, you'd be in big trouble." I kissed his forehead and pushed him off of me. "I have a hankering for juicy fruit. Let's go, mister."

Edward kissed me hard. He pulled away slowly and stroked my cheek. "I can think of some juicy fruit I want to enjoy."

I started laughing so hard, I was hyperventilating. Edward rubbed my back and cooed, "Calm down, baby."

"You're as bad as your parents!" I cackled.

"Stop it." He stopped touching me and crossed his arms.

My giggles resumed. "I have no idea how you can be embarrassed of them. You kinkiness is obviously genetic."

He continued to pout. I calmed down enough and wrapped my arms around him. "I'm teasing and you think I'm adorable."

"You're right about me being like my parents. You're also correct about being adorable." He pulled me against his chest and nuzzled my neck. "You make my life so much fun, Bella Swan."

Fingers laced together, we headed toward the tables of produce and handmade goods that filled the park. There was old Miss Cope who made handmade soaps surrounded by her twenty cats. The soaps smelled faintly of kitty litter. Mr. Molina had a table full of hand carved garden gnomes that looked somewhat sinister with their narrowed eyes. There was the rival butchers of Paul Smith and that giant Emmett. They were glaring at each other over large slabs of meat.

I had thought he was a repairman. If he was as competent a butcher as he was a repairman, we would all die from botulism or pathogenic bacteria. We would skip that area of the market. It was safer.

Edward led me over to a different stand than where I was originally heading to. The fruits and vegetables were beautiful. The variety of colors reminded me of a rainbow. I would have loved to admire the produce more and suggestively fondle them in front of Edward, but there was a fight underway.

Jasper was holding Alice away from a shouting woman with dark hair. Her dress was tight and red. She was speaking so quickly that I couldn't understand a single word she was uttering.

"Maria, just go home!" Jasper pleaded. He was barely holding onto the flailing Alice. She was a small girl, but all muscle. The way Alice was twisting and turning was pretty impressive. "Alice, love, calm down."

"She said I was a mouse! That you were sleeping with a disease riddled rodent!" Alice screamed.

"Don't listen to her, my love! Making sweet love to you while listening to Warrant is the highlight of my life!" Jasper declared. "You are my sweet, cherry pie!"

Oh my God, he's ridiculous. It was also romantic. Edward made me a sucker for this love stuff.

The woman squealed, "I want my man back, pipsqueak!"

Alice started crying. "You want her back, Jasper? I won't stop you."

The way Jasper looked at Alice when she collapsed in her brother's arms, made it apparent that he only loved only one person. It was only Alice Cullen that he saw with loving eyes.

"Alice Cullen, you are everything to me!" he pleaded.

There was only one thing to be done. This was all Edward's fault. He made me a happily ever after girl.

"You lose. Leave right now." I stood in front of her with a frown.

Maria fluffed her hair and scoffed. "And who are you?"

"I am Edward's girlfriend, Alice is Jasper's girlfriend, and no one is interested in you." I pointed toward the parking lot. "Go away. I'm sure you can make a nice profile on one of those dating sites."

She didn't budge. "You are too weird looking for Edward. Is he sad for you? Is that why he brought you here? To be nice?"

"She's beautiful! I love everything about this woman!" Edward disagreed. He whipped me around and planted a knee weakening kiss upon my lips. He was my badly coiffed Prince Charming.

He released me and I whispered, "Wow!"

"Wow to you, baby." He hugged me tight.

"You two are disgusting!" Maria stomped her foot.

We continued to stare at each other and said in unison, "Thank you!"

There was a huff behind us. We turned to see Maria stumble over the grass in her high heels. She called out behind her, "This isn't over yet, Jasper!"

"Have a good life, Maria," Jasper replied, then grabbed Alice and kissed her with all his power.

I looked around us and saw the rest of the market goers continue shopping and they were not glancing in our direction. The angry voices didn't even faze them. "Is fighting in the air in this town? I've never been involved in so many confrontations in my life! I think we need to do some chemical testing of the water supply."

"I think love is in the air," he replied. Edward motioned toward Garrett who was giving Angela a piggyback ride near a jewelry table.

"I'll be damned. Ang moves fast." I watched her happy face. Her laughter echoed through the park.

"I think I have a fun idea with some strawberries and peaches." He wiggled his eyebrows.

I had to laugh. "Like mother like son. I think I saw that maneuver in one of her pamphlets."

"I resemble that remark." He popped a berry in his mouth and kissed me again.

It tasted like happiness.