A tear fell from his face when he reappeared next to the town library. He entered the apartment above the library and wandered to the kitchen. He was on auto-pilot, rehashing the details of his interaction with Arthur and Belle. As he made himself spaghetti for dinner in the miniature kitchen he stewed over what he was going to do next. After putting Belle to sleep and setting her down on the living room couch he tried to think of what his past self was doing at the time. Then it occurred to him. He was trying to create the tracking spell to find Lily. But did he actually finish it? He had to. I had to. He thought.

He sat down and ate the meal in silence. Fortunately for him, the apartment kitchen was still fully furnished. It was minimal, but there were still pots, pans and a few plates along with some glassware. As he cleaned up the dishes he used, he tried to remember if he ever used the tracking spell. I did use it, didn't I? Rumple thought to himself. He hovered over the sink as he cleaned up dinner when he realized… that he never used the spell. Why didn't I? If I had used the spell, Lily would have been found already. But she wasn't. So what stopped him?

Something wasn't right. Something had to have happened that prevented him from finishing the spell. The evening progressed and it was getting late. He couldn't help but feel that there was something he missed. He went through the motions in his mind, recreating the tracking spell. He thought of the limited materials he had in the basement of the house. What happened afterwards?

He wandered down to the library below to think, pacing up and down the quiet and lonely aisles. He ran through the list of ingredients in his mind for the tracking spell:

3 ounces of Rose petal juice. Dust off of a dog's nose. A sprinkle of Lilac seed oil. A worm's ear. Three drops of Dragon's tears…

Dragon tears.

Dragon tears wouldn't be materials he would find in the basement of his house. The foreign, more dangerous and rare materials would exist in his shop. That's why he never remembered finishing the spell. The last ingredient he needed was… in his shop!

He rushed out of the library to look into the shop across the street. Sure enough, his past self was already roaming around the inside of the shop looking at all the items. The memory of entering his shop was coming back to him. He couldn't remember learning anything while in the shop. Did he learn anything? He hoped not as his memory failed him again. He hurried inside the library and into the elevator ascending quickly to the tower. He huffed anxiously, as he viewed his shop through the tower's clock face. He looked down and thought, all of this exhaustive effort just so he would choose the hat. It was why Arthur made it easy for him to enter the shop; to be reminded of his power and secure his choice when tempted to take on the hat. That damn hat. Then suddenly it hit him; his plan to change the story. Not only did he need to not want the hat, he needed his past self to destroy it, but how?

Destroying the hat was easier said than done. He knew it was going to be difficult, like threading-the-eye-of-a-needle-from-three-feet-away difficult. How was he going to destroy the single most dangerous and powerful object he's ever known? One thing he knew for certain, slavery to someone is a curse and is never the answer to happiness. So long as the hat existed, no one could ever truly find happiness.

Arthur was very sure that no matter what universe they found themselves in, he would always choose the hat. He said so himself during his egotistical tirade. Did that also mean that there were alternate universes? Was there an alternate way for this story to play out? The mere prospect made him hopeful and it was enough to continue his plan.

How long had he been in there? Rumplestiltskin thought to himself with worry. As much as he wanted to change the Author's story, he couldn't allow his past self to be looking through the shop. Any item in there would undoubtedly inspire him to conjure alternative plans for himself and thus changing the story prematurely. If the story changed too soon then it would result in changing his current timeline. If he lost the advantage of knowing the precise moment Arthur gives up the hat, then he'd surely lose any possible chance of destroying the hat. No. Everything had to play out accordingly until Arthur gave up that hat, which meant that that Rumplestiltskin had to stay away from the shop.

Rumplestiltskin lifted up the dagger and called to it, "Go back to your wife."

He felt a slight tug on the blade as if the dagger was trying to leap from his hands, but his grip on the weapon was stronger. From his view from within clock tower, he saw his past self step out from within the shop.

"I know who you are!" called out his past self from down below. "So why don't you reveal yourself already?"

It was incredibly strange to be using the dagger on himself, but it was necessary. He gripped the dagger a little bit harder and said more firmly, "Go back to your wife!"

Rumple could feel the tug-of-war in his hands. The blade started to vibrate violently and he thought he was about to lose control when suddenly he saw the Rumple from down below disappear in a cloud of smoke. He slammed the blade down on a box nearby and leaned his body up against a firm wall clutching his chest. The event might have happened years ago, but even to this day he could feel a phantom pain in his chest and it was like suffering from a heart attack. A memory he would have liked to have soon forgotten.

Wait a minute, he realized. I remember!

Right after this experience, he remembered passing out by Belle and then waking up by her side the following morning. He remembered that the next morning he was beckoned by the dagger again to go to… to go… to go where? Where did they go next? Blasted! Lost again. The moment of recollection was certainly fleeting. His old age was catching up to him as evident by the continuous memory failure.

The elevator lowered him to the library again and he paced the shadows of the Storybrooke's main street. The shop was still open. Certainly there would be something there to help him remember? There had to be. He wanted to see Belle again. Seeing Belle was what inspired him decide to change the story, but he knew he shouldn't go near her again. Perhaps he could still view her from… a crystal ball! He entered the shop and immediately began searching for Zelena's crystal ball. He wandered toward the back of the shop and dug through old cabinets and felt each shelf. Nothing. He came across another wooden cabinet in the room and pulled out each drawer. When he reached the last drawer he discovered the crystal ball cradled in a sandbag made of felt.

He lifted the object from its home and rested it on one of the work tables for better viewing. He waved his hand over the object and the ball glowed instantly. The images were cloudy at first, but after a few moments it showed Belle placing her husband on the couch. He couldn't hear what she was saying to his lifeless body, but he knew that it was something out of worry. It pained him to watch her as he saw tears fall down from her face from worry. He doesn't deserve her, he thought to himself as he shook his head. She was and always has been too good for him… for us.

Lily! He waved his hand over the crystal ball and saw his daughter in a darkened room. He waited anxiously to see if she was alright. He saw her and recognized her body, but barely. He squinted harder into the ball to see where she was, but couldn't make out her surroundings. The lifeless form he saw in the ball gave him pause, which made him fear the worse. He needed to know that she was alive. He waited with bated breath to see if she was at least breathing. He couldn't relax until he knew that much. When she inhaled deeply and saw rhythmic breathing he realized that she was just simply sleeping. He exhaled a sigh of relief. It was still too dark. He would have to wait till sunrise to determine where she was being held.

He waved his hand over the viewing glass again and an image of Arthur came into view. He was about to see what Arthur was up to when the viewing orb suddenly blurred. His magic was losing its strength. He was hemorrhaging power by keeping the orb activated. So he decided to reserve his strength for the time being and wait till morning for more light. With better light he could view his daughter again and extrapolate where she was. Once he figured out and knew where, he'd immediately direct Belle and his counterpart on where to go rescue her.

Rumple took the witch's crystal ball and placed it in its drawstring sack and carried it with him out of the shop. As soon as returned to the library he went to the apartment and placed it on the table along with the rest of his few possessions. He walked back down to the library and lit up the darkened halls by flipping on the main light switch. As the fluorescent light-bulbs flickered on slowly he made his way over to the abandoned Fairy Tale section. He slowly scanned the spines of each book, reading the titles along the way. As he passed by he recognized the stories, not because of how this world told them, but because he was in them. He knew how each story originated and they all typically involved magic or making a deal with him.

As challenging as it was to remember the most crucial events of his life, he somehow easily remembered every single deal he made. Part of him blamed his old age for his selective memory, but the other part felt like this ability to remember deals was hardwired into him. Was his inability to make the right decision hardwired into him as well? Was he a man who made his own destiny like he had at one time claimed, or was he a man powerless to an author? It felt like that was the case. It was as if his author always had it out for him from the beginning and that he was never destined to be happy. Like being the constant antagonist was his curse. It was then that he believed that his author deliberately gave him a cursed life. Why? Why would his author be so cruel?

Perhaps the author that's currently occupying Henry's body could be reasoned with. Surely Arthur would have the power to change his fate and break this cruel time-looped cycle. There had to be some loophole he could negotiate with Arthur to get out of wearing the hat. Certainly…

Rumple stopped what he was doing and froze in place as he suddenly realized.

The loophole… it was the one wish.

The hat was never forced upon the host against the host's will. He remembered having to write for it using the enchanted pen and paper to acquire it. His memory was coming back to him again. Before he took on the sorcerer's hat he had to wish for it. He had to write his one wish down onto the enchanted paper using the Author's pen. That was the loophole. The sword, the pen, Excalibur, was indeed the greatest weapon in all the land and it was what held the power to destroy the hat. As much as he wanted to marvel at his own revelation, he couldn't help but be angry with himself.

Why didn't I see that this was the other option? He said cursing at himself. What happened? How did I wind up choosing the hat?

If the first step to his plan in changing the story was to get the hat, then the second step would have to be acquiring the author's pen and paper. Then he realized something else, Arthur still had the pen and parchment. How did he come across those items to acquire the hat in the first place? Arthur came to him… no, not Arthur… Henry. Then he remembered what happened during the hat's exchange…

He caught his other self kissing his wife. He confronted Merlin and discovered that Merlin was actually himself from the future. Merlin was actually just the pen name the author used to call himself while he used his body. He told him that he would have to make a choice. At the time he didn't quite understand what that choice was, which was possibly the reason why he chose the hat in the first place, but he knew that this time things would be different. He remembered Merlin cloaking the hat and leaving the library, saying something inaudible to Belle along the way. He remembered Henry arriving just in time, asking him if there was a way to destroy the hat. Being stubborn as he was, he argued saying that taking on the hat was the only way to ensure his happy ending. He remembered placing his hat on his head and then… fog.

One moment he was in Storybrooke, the next he was somewhere else. While he was Merlin he caught glimpses of what Merlin was doing with his body through his own eyes, but it was all like a distorted dream. It was like an out of body experience, but within his own body. When Merlin slept, Rumple dreamt of staring down at a computer screen for hours on end. On the computer screen he read the events that had just happened from the previous day. That was the torture. Not just experiencing your slavery, but reading about it in your sleep…

His whole reflection on what it was like to be under the control of the hat was sobering and it was what motivated him to keep pushing forward.

Without a complete plan set in place he couldn't sleep. However, for preventive measures and to avoid accidentally falling asleep like he did last time, he insisted on standing while he read. With his insomnia, he perused through a few books to pass the time. He came across the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and suddenly was reminded of Mary-Margaret's and David's involvement in the acquisition of the hat. They were still in town. They were there when they found their children together. It was coming back to him. He smiled to himself as an idea was formed in his head. He had a plan. He knew exactly what to do.

Sorry for the belated posting! I had to work this weekend and there was an event that prevented me from reaching my computer in time for my typical Sunday posting. So here it is! It's getting exciting, eh?

A quick shout-out and thank you's to ladybugsmomma, Grace5231973, Imusicluver23, Montreat11 and BreathingintheSun for reviewing. xoxoxoxoxo