AN: Hi. One more I think.

Chapter 15

The bar was filled with so much perfume, hairspray, and estrogen that I was practically choking on it. Okay, maybe not the estrogen. The amount of spray that Rosalie was putting on her teased monstrosity was enough to kill a small pony.

My coughs were filling up the room. My watery eyes could barely see who slammed their hand on the table I was sitting at. The voice, however, was like nails on a chalk board and made it easy to guess the speaker. "I need you to give me a trim, dork!"

I wiped my eyes with a cocktail napkin to see the glaring Jessica. Or was she really glaring? That might just be her permanent expression due to years of hard living and just being born ugly. "What?"

"You cutting Cullen's hair tonight and I want one too. There is no way my Sammy is going to cut his mop if I don't do it first." She threw down a ten dollar bill. "That's how much they charge at Hair Cuttery."

"Oh." I looked down at the money in front of me.

Edward put a pitcher of beer in front of us. "What the hell are you doing, Jess?"

"Don't let your wife drink when she's going to be chopping my curls. I need to pretty myself up if Sammy is going to be hanging out with those hooker waitresses at Aro's," she hissed.

"We aren't married," I pointed out. Edward had some weird gleam in his eyes that I blamed on Jessica's error in our relationship status. She was putting ideas in his head and I wasn't planning on rushing down the aisle again.

Jessica snorted. "I'm not married to Sammy in the church way. You live with each other and that makes you his common law old lady."

"I don't think it actually works that way," I disagreed. "We're more like roommates who kiss."

Edward sat next to me and threw an arm around my shoulder. "I like your thinking about this, Jess. I do think I need to get this filly to settle down, but I'm more inclined to have a nice church wedding or put her over my shoulder and take her to Vegas."

"You're kidding me, right?" I pulled away from him and gave him the stink eye.

My discomfort made him crack up. "Simmer down, spitfire. I know you want to take your time with this, but if you happen to get drunk and want to head to the justice of the peace, I'm game."

"You are the king of romance, Edward," I deadpanned.

"I am! I'm planning on romancing you in the bathroom in about ten minutes," He countered with a wink. "The men's room is completely empty tonight."

The only ones with male genitalia in the place was Edward, poor Alec, and Carlisle. Alec was sulking in the kitchen making finger food for the ladies night, while Carlisle was doing a reproductive health seminar by the jukebox for an audience of one. Drunk Shelly Cope at the spry age of seventy was sipping a whisky sour and learning about the easiest way to get pregnant.

Esme's class on toys to be used in intimate moments was deemed more popular. The majority of women were surrounding her in a big group and listening to Edward's mom in awe. It was disturbing to listen to my future mother-in-law speak like that. It got even worse when she yelled, "I think Eddie would like using this one, Bella sweetie."

She held up a large, purple phallic shaped vibrator. Edward and I looked like we were both going to hide under the table.

"Ma . . . I . . . Could you please put that down?" Edward's face was the color of a fire engine. My man could dish it out, but he certainly couldn't take it.

"Don't be embarrassed, baby! Mommy is just showing these lovely ladies how to please their significant others. Bella, come on over here and see this. Ladies, your lover might be intimidated, but if you add enough lubricant it will be pleasurable when you slide this into his—"

"Oh my God, Ma!" Edward exclaimed looking pale.

Carlisle stopped showing Mrs. Cope a diagram of fallopian tubes to chime in. "It really is an amazing experience, Edward. It makes me more in touch to what my lover feels."

"Please never speak of Ma like that ever again, Dad," Edward begged. He looked about to pass out.

"You really should have Bella try it on you, son!" Carlisle got a dreamy expression on his face. "Es, my angel—"

Esme held up that giant purple menace and waved it at her husband. "This shall be for you tonight, my love. I have a yellow one to give to Bella. Come over here, dear. I'll teach you the proper way to use it on Edward."

Shaking his head in disagreement and grabbing my knee, I knew I had to save him. "I really need to cut Edward's hair. Maybe if the other men see how nice it looks, they'll be interested in a cut too."

"As long as they stop going to that twit's poor excuse of a bar," Jane hissed. Tanya rubbed Jane's back trying to soothe her.

Jessica pointed to her horrific mullet. "What about me?"

I stood and grabbed the scissors and pulled that greasy mop away from her head. Two snips later that nasty thing was twisted in my fingers and Edward was helping me try to untangle myself from it. It was like the strands were evil vines trying to tighten so I would lose all circulation in my pinky.

Jessica lifted a glass and gazed at her reflection. "I'm beautiful!"

Not really. It would take a face transplant, but at least she only had that disturbing crewcut now.

Dropping her scary vibrators, Esme came over and stroked Jessica's head. "Very pretty. I can't wait until Edward's hair looks like that."

"I thought you like my hair?" Edward asked his mother. He looked offended by his mother's words.

"I like things if you like them. sweet baby boy." She stroked his head. "I think you want to be like Emmett and that's why you kept your hair in this odd in-between place. You should either cut it or grow it all long like that handsome Jacob Black. Its like a gorgeous horse's mane!"

"I agree with your mother, Edward," Carlisle said. "Jacob has glorious hair. I should grow mine out like his!"

Esme actually purred. "You'll look like Fabio, Carl!"

At his mother's words, Edward jumped up with my scissors and swung me up into his arms. My legs went around his waist. "Jane, Bella and I are using your office."

"Sexy times?" Jane asked. "Your mom has that yellow thing."

"Haircut." He answered. There was a determination in his eyes that made me swoon just a bit.

We strolled to the back as all eyes were on us. As soon as we entered, Edward plopped me on the couch in Jane's office and went over to lock the door.

"You don't have to do this, Edward. I like you no matter what," I told him. I did and I would live with that hideous mullet if it made him happy.

He didn't answer. I watched as he pulled his shirt over his head and he started unbuttoning his pants. It was a beautiful sight, but it also made me confused.

"You don't need to be naked for a haircut," I pointed out with widening eyes. He pulled off his pants and was completely nude.

"Get undressed," he ordered with darkening eyes.

"What, Edward?" I squeaked, but following his orders. I didn't allow him to tell me what to do, but this was kind of fun.

He walked over and pulled me up. His mouth met mine with a searing kiss, as he took the straps of my dress in his hands and pulled them down causing the fabric to slip down my body. Edward took off the rest of my clothing and his hands traveled all over. "Damn, you're a pretty one, baby. You are going to fuck me and cut off my mullet."

"I can just have sex with you without the new hairstyle," I suggested to give him an out.

He backed me over to the couch while grabbing my supplies. He sat and placed me onto his lap. "I don't want to listen to Emmett anymore. He convinced me that this is what was cool when we were kids. I'm too old for that shit and the hair just makes the way my neck sweats worse when I'm working on gardens."

Edward bit my ear. I let out a little groan.

"Baby, brush my hair first," he whispered, as he fingers entered and stroked. I was going to be a worked up mess by the time we got to actually cutting anything.

Brushed that crazy mess I did and made Edward scream a little when my comb got twisted in a knot. I was afraid I really hurt him, until he cooed, "Do it again."

I kept pulling at those snarls in his mullet and Edward was moaning and burying his head in my breasts. He squeezed me tightly and cried out, "This is heaven."

"Edward, you okay?"

There was a moment of silence, until Edward lifted me slightly and entered me. He murmured, "Cut me, sweet love."

It was going to be tricky, but I decided to be brave. I moved over him and took my scissors. Edward cried out at the motion and whimpered, "Do it again."

I complied with his suggestion and worked my body into an odd snipping and pushing give and take. Edward's eyes were rolling into the back of his head. It made me feel powerful as I had a pair of scissors and a handful of freshly cut Edward hair in my hand. It was the best aphrodisiac in the world.

We kept going and cutting until our screams filled the room. There was a knock on the door and Angela asked quietly, "Are you two alright in there?"

We must have been a little loud. I giggled and pressed my head to Edward's. We were more than okay.

Finally, we pulled apart with a kiss and Edward said a sweet, "Thank you."

We got dressed and I ran my fingers through Edward's new hairdo. It was crooked and made his hair look wild. "I need to even this out a bit."

"Rematch at home?" He asked with twinkling eyes.

"Absolutely! How about we head home right this minute?" I pressed up against him and licked his now bare neck.

Edward hummed happily. "That feels so good. I should have had a haircut sooner. Let's see what kind of trim you can do in our bed, babe."

"Hey, Edward!" Garrett called through the door. "I need your help with Emmett."

"Damn it," Edward muttered. He took my hand and led me to the door. "To be continued, Bella."

I just followed him with our fingers linked. The smile on my face was so big it made my cheeks hurt.

"Nice look, buddy," Garrett announced, as we left the room. The bar was now filled with men who were looking very cranky. "Ang and I came out of the lodge to find these angry yahoos trying to beat down Janie's door."

Garrett and Angela were celebrating their engagement with a fancy steak and baked potato dinner at the lodge. Coming out into a group of raging mullet heads must have put a damper over the romance of the evening.

"Shouldn't they be drinking beer across the street?" I questioned. "Isn't that those sexist idiots way of teaching their ladies a lesson?"

Edward let out a chuckle.

I noticed Alice glaring at Jasper as he threw her a kiss. She angrily spat, "You're still cut off, Jazz!"

"Those beers were ten dollars. Totally not worth it to see waitresses in tight tee-shirts. I went to high school with most of them. No big surprises there," Tyler admitted, as he sat at the bar. He pointed to his dreads. "I have the best hair in this joint. I have no allegiance in this fight. Beer, Janie?"

"You got it, pal," Jane answered looking happy.

"Rosie, my balls are blue! You need to give me some satisfaction!" Emmett was fighting with Rosalie and she didn't look impressed with his predicament.

"You have five fingers. Use them," she suggested. I was so proud of her.

Emmett stomped his foot like a toddler and before he could whine at his wife, he noticed Edward's hair. "What did you do, Ed?"

"I like it," Edward stated confidently. "You should try it. My girl does great haircuts."

Emmett threw himself on the ground and banged his fist on the floor. "Demon woman!"

"I can't do anything with that," Edward admitted to Garrett as they watched Emmett's temper tantrum. "He's all yours."

Edward helped me step over Emmett's large, flailing body and we headed out the door.

In the cool night air, Edward placed me on the top of my truck in the parking lot and we kissed like the first night we met. The stars twinkled above us and honky tonk music from Jane's bar mixed with Emmett's infantile yelling.

"Are you ready for a trim job, Mr. Cullen?" I asked huskily, my chest heaving.

"You better believe it." His hands roamed under my shirt.

It hit me at that moment in the arms of the man that I loved, that I was overjoyed not to be going back to school for my doctorate. I should go to beautician school instead. Obviously, as I watched Edward getting more excited as he nibbled my neck, I had quite the knack for beauty.

Maybe. I still needed a couple hours of research on the subject. Preferably in my bed and hopefully the dining room table.