AN: Hello lovely readers. Sorry to leave you waiting so long for an update, life happened. Always inconvenient, I know. I already have the next 3 or so chapters written up. Let me know if there's something you'd like to see happen. Hope you enjoy it, and please review!
School was canceled for the rest of the week.
Quinn wished they hadn't called it off, if only for the fact that her normal routine would bring more comfort to her than being alone in the large, silent house. Judy had of course expressed her thanks for the Lord for saving her daughter. She made sure to tell the members of the church how God had saved her Quinn, that her many prayers had been answered that day.
Quinn knew Judy spent the day wasting money because she had enough to waste.
Now, with days to reflect, Quinn was terrified. She was terrified of herself, of what had become of her since the day her world was turned upside down. The unbearable silence of an empty house was maddening. Sleep didn't come easily. Like the first time she closed her eyes, the images where scared into the back of her eyelids forever.
Then there were the nightmares.
They were all different, though very much the same. They always involved Rachel.
Quinn walked down the hallway, students parting before her and staring in her wake at her power. Flowing hair and dress, she held her head high as she made her way to a clearing in the hallway.
Then there was Rachel, staring back at Quinn with that same glassy expression she'd held on that bus ride.
Then suddenly, blood starting dripping from between Rachel's lips. Then there was more. Rachel's neck slowly slit open, blood pulsing out as the girl screamed at the top of her lungs, gurgling noises being emitted from that throat that had always sung with such beauty.
Quinn found herself rooted to the spot. Despite how much she struggled, she couldn't reach the brunette. She couldn't speak. Quinn was simply left staring as Rachel screamed her name, bleeding out in front of her…
The blonde awoke with a start, eyes wide, slender body slicked with sweat as she slowly uncurled her fingers from their grasp on the bed sheets. Groaning, Quinn pulled herself out of bed. The bedside clock read 5:16am, and to the ex cheerio, that wasn't unusual. Not anymore.
Today, however, was the first day back at school. Quinn wasn't really sure what to expect, other than that she knew the school would hold an assembly to regroup, mourn the victims and offer counseling.
As she applied her make up in the mirror, Quinn considered what it would be like seeing everyone after that day. In the days that had past since the shooting, she hadn't left the house. How could she face Tina? Would Noah even turn up? Santana had been texting her all week, letting her know how Brittany was doing, reassuring her friend that she was taking care of her. Quinn didn't need that reassurance; she knew Santana would be there for the other blonde, and that alone would help the latina.
Rachel. Oh God, how had she not tried to contact Rachel? A wave of self hatred took over the blonde as she packed her schoolbag, cursing herself out loud for her cowardice. Not reaching out to the singer because she thought it would be too hard? Rachel was probably going through hell, and Quinn hadn't been there for her. Their newly founded friendship was, however surprisingly it was to her, important to Quinn; Rachel was important.
Thoughts of how she could apologize ran through Quinn's mind as she drove to school. It was harder than she expected. With every second she got closer, her heart beat faster. By the time she'd parked and stepped inside the gates, her heart was wild. Had he stood here? He had walked through these doors. Maybe reloaded his gun here in the hallway. Leant against her locker.
She was surprised to see television crews and newspaper reports to the side of the auditorium. She was less surprised to see 23 large pictures lined up behind the speakers podium, each of a smiling face; a face that without a doubt wasn't smiling mere seconds before their death.
Finn and Mike were among the numbers.
Maybe that's what they were now. Just numbers. Just two of the 23 that didn't make it out alive.
Quinn looked over the masses of students already seated. She slowly walked down the stairs of the auditorium, looking along the rows of seats to find a spare one. Reaching close to the front, she spotted Rachel. The girl gave a small wave, lifting her bag off the chair beside her and motioning for Quinn to come over.
Rachel had saved Quinn a seat.
And suddenly the pain of being back in this place again was gone, because that one small gesture just meant so damn much. Quinn sat down beside the brunette, looking past her to see that more of the glee club members were sitting along this row too.
"Hey", Rachel said in a voice that made all that pain return to Quinn; because how could she be so selfish as to allow the girl to make her feel like she was walking on air, while Rachel was surely hurting so very badly.
Quinn didn't bother with pleasantries of small talk. They didn't need that.
"I'm sorry I didn't call, Rachel. I just…", Quinn tried, trailing off and hoping the look she gave the brunette was sufficient in conveying her pain.
It must have been, because Rachel merely gave a small nod, turning her attention to the stage as the presentation started.
Principal Figgins gave the opening address, talking of how through this tragedy they would grow stronger. That in this time of darkness, friendship would be their light. That now, more than ever before, they all needed to be there for each other.
"He proposed to me on that stage, you know"
Quinn turned to Rachel, at a loss for words. The singer didn't look away from the stage. Didn't elaborate onto why she felt she needed to point it out. Quinn didn't need her to. She simply returned Rachel's earlier small nod, going back to listening as a montage started to play.
Oh God.
Projected onto the stage, images of lost young lives glowed. Quinn heard a choked sob escape Tina the instant Mike appeared, the taller boy tall and proud as he gave his 'West Side Story' performance. Mike leapt across the screen, his body twisting and bending effortlessly. Quinn had never seen anyone look more alive, young, joyful and free.
Finn throwing the game winning pass to Puck, who carried the ball into the touchdown zone and the final horn sounded. The two boys running to each other, arms flying in an embrace, grinning ear to ear as they started a chant. Finn nestled behind Rachel, his height allowing his arms to drape over her shoulders so that he could hold Rachel's slightly raised hands, playing with their fingers before leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. Finn singing on the stage, circling Rachel until he cupped her face, giving her that damn kiss that cost them the competition.
Quinn was all to aware of Rachel frozen next to her, her head hung low in an effort to escape the images that once bought so much joy, but now delivered nothing but pain. The blonde looked at the singer, mouth agape, trying to find words before chocolate eyes looked up to lock hazel. There was a long moment, simply looking at each other before Rachel did it. Without breaking eye contact, the brunette reached out slowly, closing the gap between them until her hand found Quinn's.
Quinn allowed her hand to warmly slip into Rachel's as the tears found their way from the singers eyes. Face scrunched up in pain, Rachel resumed hanging her head, as Quinn took up running her thumb across the top of other girls hand.
Mercifully, the presentation came to an end, as a silence took over the large crowd, still and unsettling beside the ever present sniffling of restrained agony.
"And now, we have a very special announcement", the principal said, causing the cameramen and news reporters to sit up and start taking notice. They clearly knew what was going on, even if the students and scattered parents didn't.
"During the course of these horrific events, a student exhibited outstanding courage. It could be said that this student saved the lives of many that day. As such, the police chief and myself have decided that not only is this student worthy of acknowledgement, but also become a recipient of the Ohio Bravery Award"
Now, the silence was complete. Quinn's breathing hitched, feeling Rachel sit up straighter beside her, already glancing the blonde's way.
"It is my great pleasure to call Quinn Fabray to the stage"
The room erupted in applause, whistles and cheering, Sam and Rory patting her on the back as she raised on shaking legs. Forgetting she was still holding Rachel's hand, she felt the brunette give a tight squeeze, mouthing 'Go ahead'.
Dazed, Quinn made her way up to the stage through a frenzy of white flashes, photographers bending awkwardly to get a good shot. The cheering continued, settling only upon the police officers comical hushing.
"Now, I know everyone loves a good hero story. And none come better than that of Quinn Fabray's acts that day. Not only did she keep a group of students under control and resume a role of leadership under great distress, she also fearlessly lead a group of students out to-"
Somewhere off stage, something metal hit the floor.
And so did Quinn.
The blonde flung herself to the ground, shielding her head with her arms as she curled into herself, body trembling.
Once again, the crowd became silent as they watched this 'hero' crumble at the sudden sound.
With her chest tight, breathing rapid, Quinn managed to stand despite her body still trembling.
And walk straight off the stage, away from the endless stares. Away from people who wanted to reward her for doing nothing more than cradle a dead boys head in her hands and lead another to his death. A girl who fell to the ground at a dull bang, her heart racing just as fast as it had that day.
Quinn didn't see Rachel immediately stand once she hit the ground, looking as if she wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold the girl. Didn't see the brunette leave the moment she left the stage, causing her own stares to settle in her wake.