Written to: In Summer - Olaf (Josh Gad), Frozen OST. Crosspost from AO3. References to Chapter 56, "Ludic", and Chapter 46, "Oubliette."
Attaccabottoni: Literally "button attacher;" a bore who 'buttonholes' you with long, uninvolved, and uninteresting tales of woe.
Byleistr wakes up a week or so later from his drunken stupor in the dungeons of Asgard, where he has been locked up for public indecency and showing himself to a minor (a vast quantity of minors, to be fair, but most of them had been looking past him to where Volstagg was in the process of trying to see how many drumsticks he could fit into his mouth).
He picks himself up, groans at the throb in his head as he stands up, brushes a few clumps of potted fern soil off of his shoulders. He casts around his cell, looking for something, anything, and finds himself suddenly face to face with a very deranged Malekith.
"Byleistr!" Malekith says in a delight that has his eyes lighting up red from the inside, much to Byleistr's horror. "I've been waiting centuries for you!"
And this most certainly was not true; Malekith had only been confined to the dungeons of Asgard for a few weeks while Idunn was in Svartalfheim, trying to plant some nice trees in the realm to puncture all the grey dismalness. She would return a few days later, unsuccessful, and would claim that the dark elves had hissed and spat and swore at her the first instant they caught sight of any sort of colour.
When Byleistr just stood there in shock, gaping at him and wondering what he had done to deserve such misfortune, Malekith sighed and toppled over onto the floor, proceeding to sob disconsolately.
"You're probably not even Byleistr," he pouts. "You're probably one of those silly demons that convert themselves to look like people that you desperately want to love. Or maybe I am finally going insane, that would be something, wouldn't it?"
Byleistr wanted to point out that he was fairly sure Malekith was already completely insane, but the Dark Elf proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs in despair.
"You would think that anybody would be delighted that the great ruler of Svartalfheim would want to make their acquaintance before having intimate relations with them," Malekith says, turning a tear-stained face back over to stare at Byleistr's boots. "But he didn't want to, can you imagine? He just wanted to skip straight ahead to the sex. I know it's probably very hard to imagine, you not being real and all that, but let me just tell you it was the single most devastating thing that has ever happened to me during my long life."
Byleistr starts to edge away, but the cell confines were rather small for two people, and Malekith reaches out and slaps a hand over the top of his right boot.
"Your shoes are very nice for an apparition," he muses, rubbing at the soft leather under his fingers. "We do not have such tender fabrics in Svartalfheim. But it is a much better realm than it was a few eons ago, under my realm. I am a very good ruler, you know."
Byleistr wants to tell Malekith that he wasn't capable of ruling any realm larger than a metal lunch tin, and even then that was questionable, but Malekith continues on his little tirade.
"So one night before I left, he was sleeping in his chambers and I snipped a little lock of his hair off. The most beautiful blue-black, smelling of ice and snow and blood, the most delicious aroma. Would you like to see it?"
Byleistr is horrified when Malekith reaches inside his shirt and pulls out an oval locket, snaps it open to reveal a little strand of dark hair.
"Smell," Malekith commands, shoving the locket towards him, and Byleistr tentatively reaches out and takes it from him, wondering if he can possibly break down the force field surrounding the cell. "He is a delightful being, Byleistr of Jotunheimr."
"Yes, I suppose he is," Byleistr says, feeling like he can do nothing but agree.
Malekith takes the locket back from him, tucks it carefully back inside the remnants of his shirt.
"Well, since you're just a figment of my demented mind, you might as well take a seat and listen. I feel we'll be in here for a good long while, and I have plenty of stories of my conquests and lost loves," Malekith tells him, quite cheerily.
At that moment, Helblindi taps past the cell, and Byleistr runs over to the wall, pounding on it; his older brother turns to face him and just gives him a cool, questioning stare as Malekith drags Byleistr back into the cell, sits him down against the furthest wall, and proceeds to regale him with the time of how he proclaimed himself the ruler of a small colony of meerkats.