I remain at the window long after the woods have swallowed up the last glimpse of my home. This time I don't even have the slightest hope of returning. Id actually figured out what I wanted my last words to my loved ones to be, how best to close and lock the doors and safely leave them behind. And now the capitol has stolen that as well.

"We'll write letters, Katniss," says Peeta from behind me. "It will be better, anyway, give them a piece of us to hold on to. Haymitch will deliver them for us if…they need to be delivered."

I nod and go straight to my room, knowing I'll never write those letters. I'm too heartsick to try, and all I want to do is ball up on my bed and sleep until we arrive at the Capitol. By the time Effie knocks on my door for dinner, I am empty. The meal is subdued, and there are long periods of silence, only relieved by the removal of old dishes and the presentation of new ones. Peeta and Effie make halfhearted attempts at conversation which die out quickly. She's redone her hair to match my pin, and maybe she can get something for Haymitch so we'll look like a team. I don't really listen to their conversation. The only thing I can think now is that I am certainly pregnant. Even the slight motions of the train make me nauseas. I'm pregnant and I am going to die. If I don't, my baby wont have a father. And then I'll want to die.

Everyone is getting up from the table now, so I follow suit. I've barely touched my dinner, which earns me several disapproving looks from Haymitch and Effie. Peeta looks about as blank as I feel. We've ended up in the car with the plush couches, I suppose we watch the recaps of all of the reapings. I try to make mental notes about the tributes, but none of them really stick out to me. Beautiful brother and sister, a handsome bronze haired young man, a hysterical young woman who is quickly replaced by an elderly woman. Another woman who is torn from the clutches of her children, then there's me, and then Haymitch is called, and Peeta volunteers.

Effie says something, but I don't catch a word, then Haymitch excuses himself, and Peeta and I are the only ones left in the room. I didn't notice Peeta had been trying to talk to me until he's waving his hands in front of my face. "Hmmm?" I say.

"Why don't you go get some rest?" He says

Because I can't handle the nightmares. Not without you, I think. I'm sure they will be absolutely horrid tonight, but I can hardly ask him to stay with me tonight. We've barely spoken since the morning after the Quell announcement. "What are you going to do?" I ask him.

"Just review my notes for a while," He says. "I want to get a clear picture of what we are up against. But, I'll review them with you in the morning. Get some sleep, Katniss."

So I go to my room and try to sleep. It takes a while to drift off, and when I do, I wish I hadn't. I watch my baby sleep, he's so peaceful. And then Snow is there, and he is taking my baby. Stealing my baby from me. He's saying I don't deserve happiness, not after what I've done to the Capitol, after all the damage I've caused. And then the old woman from District Four is there and she's transformed into a giant rodent, and she is gnawing at something in Snow's arms. Wait, he's feeding my baby to her!

I wake with a scream, having seen the face of my unborn child torn to shred's, the sound of his agonized cry's burned into my soul. That will never happen, calm down Katniss, it was just a dream. I tell myself. But I cant calm down. It all seemed so real. Snow really would try to get to me through my child. That's how evil he is.

I screams echo in my ears, but no one comes to see if I am alright. Not even Peeta. I pull on a robe to try and calm the chill bumps that have risen up all over my skin. Staying in this compartment is impossible, so I decide to go and find someone who will make me some tea, or hot chocolate. Anything to sooth these wounds into submission.

I find a Capitol attendant roaming the halls, and ask for some warm milk. I hear voices from the television room, so I go in and find Peeta sitting on one of the couches, scribbling away on his note pad. He's watching the Victor's tapes Effie got for him. He notice's my entrance, and immediately rises and switches the television off.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Not for long," I say, pulling my robe more securely around my waist as I remember the rodent woman chewing away at my baby.

"Want to talk about it?" He asks. I know that talking sometimes helps, but I don't think it would really be the right way for him to find out about my 'condition,' so I shake my head no.

Peeta hold out his arms, and I instantly walk into his warm embrace. It's the first time since the announcement that I can remember him offering me any sort of affection. And suddenly I realize how much I've missed it. Instinctively, I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, and he pulls me close, burying his face in my hair. Warmth radiates from the spot where his lips just touch my neck and it feels so impossibly good that I know I wont be the first to pull away.

Why should I? I ask myself. I've said goodbye to Gale, I'll never see him again, and I know that's for certain. And even if there were the slightest chance that I could, what would he say about my child? The product of a one night stand, when I was drunk and unforgiving?

He moves his lips up and down my neck, caressing my face with his palms. A soft kiss for my lips, moans escaping with each breath. Something stirs within me, telling me I should quit this, but at the same time, telling me to continue. Though, I don't get the chance. The arrival of the Capitol attendant breaks us apart. He sets the jug of warm milk on the table with two mugs. "I brought an extra cup," he says.

"Thanks," I say

"And I added a bit of honey, for sweetness, and just a touch of spice," he adds, looking as if he could say more, but just gives his head a slight shake, and backs from the room.

I look at Peeta for a behavioral explanation.

"I think he feels bad for us. You know, star-crossed lovers from District Twelve. We were the best Victors yet, and now the Capitol will make sure at least one of us dies."

"Right," I say, pouring the warm milk into each of our mugs.

"I mean it," he says. "They get attached to their champions."

I don't really care all that much. I give him a shake of my head, signifying my understanding, and I sip from my mug. I'm looking at Peeta with such an intensity, that even I don't understand, and at first, he seems confused by the looks I shoot at him, and then I think it finally clicks when he takes my mug from me, and gently sets it on the table next to his.

He is reaching for me, and I am reaching for him. We are enveloped in each other, and I never want it to end. Something stirs in me again, and this time I realize it isn't emotion. Its my baby, our baby, and he's kicking my insides. It's an uncomfortable feeling, but strangely addictive. When he stops, I find I am wanting more. I realize that I've left Peeta for another world, and he just sits next to me, watching me revel in my own bliss.

I'm brought back into awareness when he strokes my cheek and says, "What's so great it's got you ignoring my kisses? One minute you thirst for them, and another your staring off into space, a smile dancing on your lips?"

All I can do is look at him. If only he knew. Oh, how I wish I could tell him, but that would just make him go crazy over my protection, and that is really the last thing I want right now. "Oh, its nothing," I say, a slight smile still happily displayed across my features. "So, you're watching all of the tapes again?" I say, hoping to change the direction of our conversation.

"Yea," he says, obviously still confused by my actions.

"Who's next?" I ask.

"You pick," he says, holding the box out to me.

I dig around through the contents and come up with the one tape we haven't watched.

The year is Fifty, and the victor is Haymitch Abernathy.

He playfully snatches the tape from my hand, and puts it in the player, the quickly retreats back to me. I snuggle up close to Peeta, and he wraps his arms around me. I cant believe how incredibly much I have missed his touch. We sit in silence, watching Haymitch's younger counterpart being reaped, strolling through the streets of the Capitol during the tribute parade. We laugh at his witty responses to a younger Caesar Flickerman's interview, and we watch intently as he rises from under the arena, the gong sounds, and he has been to the Cornucopia and is taking off into the woods while his opponents stare, taking in the sheer beauty of the place.

I don't hear Haymitch's entrance, but when he speaks, I am overwhelmed with fear. Will he be mad at us for watching his Games? I whip around and see him smirking there, in the doorway. So caught up in my thoughts, I'd missed their musings. "Hmm?" I say.

"Oh, we were just saying how his stunt with the force field is almost like ours with the berries," Peeta clarifies.

"Almost, but not quite," Haymitch counters, as he takes a swig from his bottle. So much for sobriety. I guess I should care more, but I really don't. I've been caught up with other feelings. A new confidence is building inside me, because I think I might have finally gotten a hold on who Haymitch really is. We are part of a team, and surely, two people who have caused the Capitol so much trouble could find a way to bring Peeta home alive. With or without the girl he loves, and his secret unborn child.

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Hate me yet? Well. Leave me a review, and I'll try to read them all! Chapter's 6 and 7 are very much in the works(: