Peeta just stands there, holding my hair back as I dry-heave onto the carpet. God I wish Cinna was here. At least then he could go and get something for me, anything to make this stop.
"Katniss?" He says cautiously.
I grunt, and he just rubs my back, and for a minute, we all just stand there, staring at the mess I've made of our floor. Peeta bends down to knock my feet from under me, and scoops me up, carrying me down the hallway. I'm crying again, and he doesn't say a word, just comforts me in anyway he can. He kisses my forehead, strokes my hair, and then we are in my old room, and he's set me down on the bed.
"Katniss, what ever it is, you can tell me. I'm sure its not that bad," he says reassuringly, as he too sits, and places my head in his lap.
"N-no, Peeta. I c-cant." I hiccup, fresh tears staining my face.
"What if I guess? Will you tell me then?" I have to think about that. Surely he wouldn't guess I'm pregnant? He's sure I believed the lies he told me after the announcement. Isn't he?
I guess he took my silence for a yes, and the game of twenty-questions has begun. "Does it have anything to do with Gale? Do you think you'll never see him again?" Those words coming from Peeta's mouth burn. It's like he thinks I could really care less about him. Its like he thinks our whole relationship is a ruse. Its all I can do not to hit him, but I just shake my head no.
"Prim, your mother?" He asks, and once again, I shake my head. I don't want to play this game. I just want to lay here, wrapped in his comforting arms, not a worry in the world.
"Pe-peeta?" I huff, lifting my head to look into those magnificent blue eyes. "Why does it matter? Why do you have to know?"
"Because, Katniss. I cant stand to see you in this much pain. You're crying all the time, getting sick everywhere. Is it nerves? Do you think you're going to be one to die in that arena? Because I wont let that happen. I wont ever. Katniss, you have nothing to worry about. You're going home to your family."
His words bring fresh tears, and I am at a loss for words. I flop over on the bed, burrowing my face in the pillows, only to have Peeta lay next to me, encasing me in his firm, yet gentle grasp. "If you don't want me to know," He says. "Then I'll stop badgering you. I'll just be here. Waiting with open arms, you know. For when things get tough. You can count on me." He kisses my hair, and we lay in silence, our suits slowly dieing out, and I drift into a simple sleep.
XXXXXXXXX
When I wake, I feel as if I've slept for hours and hours, when in reality, its only been about forty minutes. I've completely cried myself out, and when I bring my head up to look for Peeta, I am embarrassed by my actions. All he does is look at me, and brush the hair form my face. "Feel better?" He says, and plucks a quick kiss on my lips. "Lets just eat dinner in here. Its not like Effie and Haymitch cant survive one meal together without us."
I nod in agreement, and then there's Effie, knocking away at my door. Peeta gets up to answer it. "She's not feeling well. I don't think she really needs to be around everyone in this state…" He says.
"What about the recap?" Effie retorts.
"Maybe I can coax her out long enough for it. Give us a knock when its time." He turns to me as Effie leaves, "I'm going to go change really quick. Think you'll be okay for a few minutes?"
I nod my head, unable to move the simple words from my throat, and he's gone. Then I slump back over onto the pillows, and feel a movement in my belly. My hand automatically moves to hold my stomach, and for a moment, I'm utterly enraged at myself. How could I have let this happen? What happened to not wanting kids? No. No, no, NO! I'm beating myself up on the inside. This is all my fault, and I catch myself banging my head into the pillows.
"Katniss?" I didn't even hear the door open, but Peeta is back, and staring at me like I'm a mad woman. Well, I am….
I take a deep breath and exhale, trying my best to be as calm as possible. "I know I've been crazy for the last few weeks. I…I want you to know so bad, but I just, I don't think it would be all that good, for you to know I mean. You know, with the Games and all… Everything would be so different if we didn't have to go back in. Even if we were just mentors, it would be so much easier."
He just stands there, thinking about my words, not speaking. A few minutes pass, then he moves over to the little microphone and orders us a feast for dinner. I force myself from the bed, and go to the bathroom, where I wash the purple and black shadows from my face, remove my now dead suit, and fold it neatly. My Capitol issued clothes are in the other room, so I reluctantly move back into the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel, un-wanting to redress in the suit just to grab a t-shirt and pants.
I am greeted by a very surprised look on Peeta's face. Well, this really shouldn't come as much of a shock to him. I mean, he's seen me naked before, right? Or else how would I be in this predicament?
"What?" I ask, returning his stares with a playful smile.
"You've never let me see you in… that amount… of clothing." he stammers.
"Well, we are getting married soon, aren't we?" I say, suddenly a sensation in me burns deep, and I find myself wanting him. Before I know it, I've dropped the towel to the floor, and I'm walking over to him.
"Katniss, what are you doing?" he says alarmed.
I don't answer, instead, I plop onto his lap, straddling him, and send my forefinger up and down his jaw line.
"Katniss…I-"
"Shhh." I say, cutting him off as I place my mouth on his. He resists for mere moments before he's given in to temptation.
Our mouths are engaged in a blissful dance, and before I know it, I'm completely overcome with my need for him. I kiss him more fiercely, running my hands through his hair, moving them to his shirt, carefully opening the buttons. Peeta senses my urgency, and unwillingly pulls himself away.
"Not tonight," he says, catching his breath, holding my shoulders.
I just stare at him, the rapidness of my breathing depleting. "W-why not?"
"Because, Katniss. I wouldn't feel right…" He says, looking into my eyes. I turn my gaze downward, not wanting him to see the anger, the hurt in my eyes.
It wouldn't feel right? I've clearly just given him my consent, and he says it wouldn't feelright? I want to hit him in the head, but I restrain myself, and instead, I lift myself from him, and walk to the closet. I find and dress in a simple shirt, and cotton pants, then walk back into the bedroom, where our feast awaits us.
We eat in silence, catching each other's glance every now and again, and then there's a soft knock on the door, and its time to go watch the recap of the Tribute Parade.
I wedge myself in between Haymitch and Cinna, not wanting to be next to Peeta. It might not feel right. I grimace at the thought, then become absorbed in the precession to the City Circle. The other stylists have tried to have their way with fire, not wanting to be outshone by Cinna and Portia. Their costumes look grotesque, and the elder Victors look rather hideous in some of the costumes. Once again, Peeta and I have outshined them all, we are young and magnificent, dressed as glowing embers.
As soon as the recap is finished, I stand, thanking Cinna and Portia for their amazing work, then head off to bed. Peeta is right on my heals, and I hear Effie faintly calling a reminder to meet early for breakfast so we can work out our training strategy. I don't have time to slam the door in Peeta's face, so I just decide he might as well stay with me tonight. At least I wont have nightmares.
I climb into bed, Peeta quietly following. I don't speak, letting him wrap his arms around me. I feel a little kick and hope to god he couldn't feel it too. I lift my head, and look back at him. He just stares at me, confused. "What?" he says.
"N-nothing." I say, laying my head back down, and snuggling in for the night.
XXXXXXXXX
Its early morning when I wake, finding that I am completely drenched with sweat. Maybe I just had bad dreams, and I cant remember having them? I find my way into the bathroom, strip off the sweaty clothes, and take a shower. The water has a cooling relief, and when I've finished, I fall back into bed wearing nothing but a towel, and somehow find sleep again.
Peeta is shaking me, and I don't know why. I slap his arms away, and grunt rolling over. "Katniss, we have to go to breakfast." He says.
"I don't want to," I moan into the pillows. "Cant I just stay in bed all day?" I say, lifting my head long enough to find his gaze.
"I'd love to, but you know Effie and Haymitch wont have it," He sighs, pulling at my limp arm. "By the way, I was wondering. Why are you naked again?" He smiles.
"I woke up early, and I was all sweaty. So I took a shower, mister twenty-questions," I grunt, pulling myself into the sitting position. "Why, does my nakedness…bother you?" I say playfully.
"Not in the least," he counters, smiling. He pulls me off the bed into his arms, and we just stand there, enjoying one another. "I'm sorry about last night." he whispers in my ear.
"It's fine," I say, leaning in for a kiss, which he doesn't protest.
Minutes pass as we stay connected, only to be interrupted by a harsh knock at the door. Haymitch is ordering us to the dining room, so I let myself out of his embrace, and find the clothes Cinna has left me for training. We leave my room hand-in-hand, and enter the dining room, Haymitch looking furious.
"You're late." He snarls, looking at the pair of us. "You've got two jobs today," He says, giving us a stern look. "Stay in love, and make some friends."
I don't bother fighting with Haymitch, because I'm more than sure I'll lose. Breakfast is quiet, and when we've eaten our fill, Effie escorts us to the elevator and sends us on our way.
Training drones by. I keep myself busy, as does Peeta. Watching the other Victors, seeding out the ones we want as allies. I work with knots, building fires, and when I get bored, I practice shooting. The victors seem to like that enough that almost all of them have put in formal requests to be my ally.
The final day of training is upon us, and its time for the private sessions. I still have no clue what to show the Gamemakers, and it seems Peeta doesn't either. We wait hand-in-hand silently as each tribute is called for their session, debating internally what they may do. Finally Peeta is called, and I am all alone.
I suppose the baby senses my loneliness, and kicks as a way of telling me its there. I hold my stomach, reveling in the pure miracle of the little one's being. I cant believe you'll never know the outside world… I think, and it kicks again.
Finally I'm called, and when I walk in, the smell of ammonia is strong, and I almost puke everywhere. Thankfully, in the past few weeks, I've somewhat learned to control my vomiting fits, and I don't spew everywhere. I cover my mouth, and walk farther into the room, still trying to decide what I should do. The morphlings have clearly been at the camouflage station, the paints are all a mess. I catch sight of the knot tying station, and inspiration hits me. I really want to piss of the Gamemakers, right? I think I've found the perfect way.
I grab a length of robe, and try my best at a noose, hang it from one of the bars in the middle of the large room, then retrieve one of the target dummies, and hang it. When I see that the dummy is secure, I race to the camouflage station, feeling that my time is nearly up, and grab a blood red, and a brownish color, then set to work.
Not wanting the Gamemakers to miss who I was trying to portray, I pain his trademark beard, and right his name across the dummy's chest. I want them to know that I havent missed a beat, and I'm still going to be who I am. The Games will never change me.
I've just hung Seneca Crane, and as if in agreement with my thoughts, the baby gives me one swift kick, harder than any ever before.
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I know this took forever. A lot has been going on in my life recently, but just know that I haven't forgotten about you lovely readers, and I will not be leaving this Fanfiction to die. Please leave me a review, and keep watch for the next chapter!