A/N: So, I'm the worst updater in the world. I'm not going to give excuses… but I do have university, animal fostering, part time work, volunteer work, girlfriend…okay, maybe a few excuses. I just wanted to express my absolute and sincere thanks to those who have reviewed recently. I've sat down, and now have a good idea as to where I'd like the story to go so that I can give you guys the ending you deserve. A huge thanks to all of you. Every word is for you.

Quinn was surprised that Puck hadn't pushed for more details on the kiss. Had she known she would be sharing such news with him a year ago, there would be no doubt that the response would be a smirk followed by some kind of invasive question or sexist remark. This new Noah simply took her under his arm, shielding her from the inevitable self-criticism she was going to put herself through. He hadn't said anything else, really. They just watched the world pass, existing without them for that one moment. Standing there, in that exact spot, they could live without swimming against the tide. They could breathe without their lungs filing heavy with water.

That moment, however fleeting, provided the respite that she needed to go on with this horrid day. The remainder of the school day had been tough, surrounded by framed pictures with tacky, meaningless words strewn across them. Yet she'd gotten through it, as she always had. The world kept turning, as her mother always liked to say.

The blonde looked at herself in the mirror as she fixed her hair for tonight's festivities. Noah was determined to have a gathering tonight, with the aim being to 'remember Finn and Mike, and get shit face drunk until we can't.' It wasn't a party, not really. It was a way to express grief, and for people like Puck and Santana, it was the best chance at release they had. Things did need to return to normal, she knew that. The Glee club had to allow themselves to embrace some resemblance of happiness again. They deserved as much. Still, Quinn was initially reluctant to attend, even for Noah's sake. Then she heard Rachel was going.

How can she say no to that?

With her hair now attended to, make up perfected and legs smooth as silk, Quinn was forced to decide on her choice of clothing. Normally, things like this wouldn't bother her. When she was interested in boys, it seemed pointless to worry about clothing, her chest was all they saw anyway. But now, a very buried part of her wanted to look as good as possible for Rachel. Not just good...sexy even. She wanted Rachel to want her that way. The very thought made her swallow hard, but this new part of her was stronger than her reluctance. Giving in, she threw on the outfit, stashed her bottles of Smirnoff Ice into her bag, and headed out.

As she made the short drive over, the butterflies in her stomach took flight. This would be the first chance she'd have to talk to Rachel since the kiss. She'd hardly been able to look at the brunette as they passed in the hallway, instantly ducking and slinking away like a dog. She had no idea, honestly, how Rachel felt. Not about the kiss, their relationship, or even Quinn herself. Tonight, she was determined to find out, because as bad as the shame that itched at her skin at the thought of being gay, the stabbing sensation that shot through her whenever she thought of Rachel's face as she fled the room that night was much, much worse.

So despite that the sun still lingered along the horizon, she knew it was going to be a long night.

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By the time she arrived, she'd managed to steel her nerve, reassuring herself on the drive over that the warming affects of alcohol would be her safety net. It was time for her to find out what this all meant to Rachel, and the way that made her stomach an acrobat meant that she needed the protection of something to dull her.

So with this new resolve, she entered the Puckerman household. Having arrived late, everyone else was already out on the back patio, chairs strewn around a center table. Judging by the empty bottles, they'd already started drinking, which was perfectly fine with her. She already knew how the night would progress: Drinks out on the patio, dance session in the living room, followed by everyone collapsing into the couches, lazily chatting before passing out for the night. The perfect Puck Party Recipe.

"Hey guys," Quinn greeted, doing her best to prevent herself from searching the sea of faces for Rachel, instead focusing on smiling to Santana.

"Damn, Q! Way to turn it up!" Santana laughed with the grin, followed my multiple fast nods from the boys.

But it was Rachel she was looking at. Quinn had been careful not to overdo it. Simple makeup, her hair out so that it could rest on her bare shoulders, covered only by the straps of her yellow sundress. Okay, so maybe the dress was a little short, and maybe it accentuated her chest, and maybe the small heels she was wearing made her legs look amazing.

So what, it's 'all fair' now. Game on.

And by the looks of things, Rachel had turned up ready to play as well. Wearing a red dress shorter than any plaid skirt she owned, the brunette smiled as she looked up to Quinn under darkened lashes, and quickly folded one of her foal legs over the other.

"Nice to see you Quinn. Please, take a seat," Rachel said, patting the chair beside her.

Maybe Quinn was imagining it, but she could have sworn Rachel rasped the words in the most irresistible voice. The way she said her name shot a shiver down her spine. But maybe she was imagining things, because she was already in a state of shock from the sight of the angel before her. What she wasn't imagining, and what she didn't even notice, was the unabashed grinning of Noah and Santana. Everyone else didn't seem to notice the blonde look as if a truck had just hit her, and once Quinn was seated, conversation easily surrounded her.

Memoirs of Finn and Mike came easily. Tina told the previously unknown tale of how Mike had asked him out. Artie laughed as he recounted the time Finn told him to try to at least 'move his legs a little' during a dance practice. And for the duration, there was no sadness. There was laughter, smiling, as stories good and bad were shared amongst those who understood. They understood each other, the understood those boys. And as Sam raised his red solo cup, he led everyone into singing 'Don't Stop Believing' at the top of their lungs. Quinn sung along (or, more accurately, shouted), and as the starry night settled down around them, she allowed herself to feel at home in the company of her friends again.

And she drank.

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Just as Quinn had predicted, once everyone had drank their share, Puck announced the migration to the dance floor. Tipsy at this stage, everyone eagerly nodded along as they stumbled their way back inside.

What the blonde hadn't accounted for, however, was Noah's new additions to his prized party place. From the moment he walked in and flicked a few switches, music blasted as the strobe lights came to life. A small smoke machine caused smoke to snake around their ankles, like they were standing on a cloud. Normally, this would have made Quinn wonder where on earth her friend had gotten the funds for such equipment. And tonight she would have, if it wasn't for the fact that she made the awful, game-changing mistake of looking at Rachel. If she'd looked like an angel before, then standing in the soft clouds of smoke as the lights danced off her face, surely she was a goddess.

As the music pulsed through them, it was as if they were young again, in heart at least. Age may not have wearied them, but the events of late had forced them to grow more than their mere teenage years reflected. The uniting feeling coursed through the room, mixing with the smoke as they breathed it in. This is what they were; a bunch of kids who wanted to belong. And they'd found that once. For as brief as Finn and Mike's lives were, they'd found it too.

Once everyone was suitably broken up into their respective pairs, dancing and laughing between each other, Quinn finally delved into the confidence at the bottom of her bottle, placed it haphazardly in the growing pile, and searched for Rachel. It wasn't a hard task- it never was- her eyes seemed to have developed a sort of radar for the girl.

"Hey," she said with a lop-sided smile, and even in her altered state, she noticed the slight slur to her words.

"Hey," Rachel replied, returning the smile in earnest. She seemed genuinely happy to be talking to her blonde friend.

Point, Fabray.

Extending a hand, Quinn's small smile didn't falter as she looked into those warm depths that had given her more security than she'd ever experienced.

"Dance with me."

She could have sworn Rachel blushed before she ducked her head, neatly tucking her hair behind her ears. When she looked back up, an even bigger smile tugged at her lips. The brunette nodded her reply before taking Quinn's hand in her own.

At first they just swayed, interlacing their fingers as they stared into each other. There was so much beauty to Rachel's face, Quinn noticed. The porcelain features of her cheekbones, the slope of her nose, the small wrinkle between her eyebrows from scowling. There was so much to the small little thing that played such a big role in her life, and who she knew for certain would play an even larger role to the world. Despite the blonde's vision blurring in and out, there wasn't any missing the way Rachel smiled.

So Quinn pulled her closer. Rachel stiffened a bit, but Quinn was determined to make this work. This was something she would never have the courage to do unless she did it now, behind the dizzying mask of alcohol and darkness. So she leaned in even closer, pulling Rachel towards her in the process, and placed her hands on the smaller girls hips. The brunette was moving to the music slower now, looking differently at the girl before her as if she was a riddle that needed solving. But Quinn didn't want to be a riddle; she wanted to be capital letters. She wanted to be a giant banner, a message in the sky. She waned to be clear to Rachel that this was what she wanted.

So while the music drowned out everyone else, while the lights broke through the darkness to dance across their faces, Quinn leant in quickly to close the small but agonizing gap between them. Her lips crashed into Rachel's with a force and sloppiness that only comes with the assistance of alcohol. The blonde's mind was fuzzy. She couldn't understand why her heart wasn't aching like last time, why the butterflies in her stomach hadn't spun into a cyclone that made her feel like she could fly.

The only thing she felt was Rachel's hands against her chest.

Pushing her away.

When Quinn opened her eyes, the lights struck the smaller girl's face with precision timing, illuminating the hurt that was strewn across it. It took her brain a while to process what exactly was happening, because it seemed like the most bizarre thing in the world to her right now. One second she was kissing Rachel, the next second she was not. The kiss was what she had been trying to bring herself to do all night. Yet judging by the look on Rachel's face, it had been anything but what she'd wanted.

"Rach…" Quinn began, stepping forward.

"No," Rachel replied sharply, the shock and pain already replaced by an indignant anger that sparked in her eyes.

Quinn's body was warm and numb at this stage, and she staggered a little on her feet as she stepped forward again.

"Y-you don't want me to kiss you?"

"No, I don't-" came the reply, before she stopped herself short as Brittany accidently knocked the drink she was carrying against Quinn, causing the pink liquid to spill all over her friend.

"Brittany, what the fuck?!"

"I'm sorry, Q, it was an accident!" Brittany exclaimed, a pout already creeping across her lower lip.

"Well watch where you're going!" Quinn shot back, in what was basically a growl.

Rachel had seen her friend like this enough times to know what was about to happen, and she certainly wasn't going to allow sweet Brittany to take the brunt of such an attack over what was clearly an accident. Besides, Rachel was who Quinn was really mad at.

At this point, Noah had turned the music off, and everyone was looking towards the confrontation. Everyone except Santana, naturally, who was storming up behind her girlfriend and giving Quinn a look so heated it could burn right through her. However, before the confrontation could occur, Rachel had inserted herself in between them, calling over Santana's shoulder to Noah.

"Is it alright if Quinn and I sleep in the spare bedroom tonight?"

There was something that sped across his face. It was only there for a second, but the brunette saw it.

"Yeah, sure, we're all crashing out here though. Join later if you want."

With that, Rachel took Quinn's hand and led her into the spare room. The blonde wasn't really sure what was going on, but her brain felt dizzy and just… not happy. But wherever she was with Rachel was happy, so she allowed herself to be dragged along. The smaller girl set her down on the bed, before digging around in the overnight bag she'd bought with her.

"Did you bring a change of clothes?" Rachel asked while she continued to search.

"No."

"Well then it's a good thing I did. Now strip," Rachel smiled as she turned around, producing pajama pants and a loose fitting shirt.

Quinn felt heat rush to her cheeks, which was quickly addressed by Rachel's smile.

"Don't worry, silly. I'll go out of the room while you get changed, okay? Just get out of that dress, it's soaked."

So while Rachel waited outside and inevitably fielded questions from their friends, Quinn staggered around the room trying to fit herself into the clothes. Was getting dressed always this hard? Eventually she managed, and after lying down on the bed while her head continued to spin around the room, she called Rachel back in.

What followed was the small sound of the door closing gently, and the dip of the mattress as Rachel slid into position beside her. The brunette seemed to be doing all she could to avoid touching Quinn on the single bed, and together they lay in silence, both aware the other's eyes were staring at the same ceiling.

"You did a stupid thing tonight, Quinn."

The blonde knew she had. At least her heart knew- if the way the sharp pang of pain shot through it was anything to go by. Her brain, however, wasn't quite up to speed. So for once, Quinn was left to listen to what her body wanted, what her soul needed, rather than the constant roar of self-doubt that plagued her mind; And with those words lingering in the night air, she fell asleep.

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It seemed hardly a few hours had passed before the glare of the morning sun shone through the window, causing patterns to form on Quinn's newly opened eyes. Instantly, pain flashed across her head, throbbing along to the nausea that rocked her stomach. Yet neither of these ailments hurt her as much as the realization that Rachel was no longer beside her.

And that's how Quinn Fabray learned what it felt like to be walked out on.