Sam's heart sped up at the beeping of his phone, "Sam? Please." Right now countless miles away Blaine was staring at his phone waiting for him to just press call. And he wanted nothing more than to do that. But he didn't. He couldn't. How had he believed that they could stay friends? Well, that was before. Everything was different now. If Sam had thought he'd been hurting before – that he'd been confused back when he first figured out he had feelings for Blaine, and then with Blaine getting together with Kurt – it was nothing compared to the pile of burning crap that was now Sam Evans. Staring at his phone, he realized something else that made his stomach churn; today was Blaine's birthday! He started typing. Happy b-day B! Then he just stared a the screen for a long while. This was not how it was supposed to be! He deleted the message and threw the phone across the room. After the past week he really didn't think there would be any tears left in him. But there was. Even when exhaustion overcame him and he fell asleep.

Blaine tried calling him again. He'd lost count now. His final shard of hope had been that today was going to be different. Of course it wasn't. He stared at the tickets in his hand. Buying them had been such a foolish thing to do. He'd known for weeks that Sam would have left by now, and still he'd had some crazy idea that somehow Sam would be there for his birthday. He didn't even know why that was so important. Well, Sam had been talking a lot about it, and it was a big deal to them. Had been a big deal. A part of all that had been so great with them, with their friendship. The friendship that now had turned to ashes. Because even today Sam didn't answer his text. He ripped the tickets and let the pieces fall to the floor.

For a long while Sam couldn't bear talking to his mom and dad. Although he would have never admitted it, not even to himself, a part of him blamed them for everything. Sure, he'd screwed things up with Blaine all on his own. But still if they hadn't been leaving he probably never would have let it happen.

Blaine had stopped trying to reach Sam; he wasn't even sure what he would say to him anymore. He had stopped avoiding Kurt and his friends, and slowly but surely he worked his way up to the surface again. If he ever had use for his acting skills it was now. On a good day he could even convince himself that he was that happy teenager, albeit with spirits understandably dampened by the moving away of a best friend, spending a first carefree summer with his amazing boyfriend.

Working at the Dairy Queen turned out to be a disaster when it came to helping his family with their financial struggles. However it was great when it came to creating a distraction from his empty life – there was still over a month until school would start – he met some great people there. A lot of the girls were flirting with him and he even went out with a couple of them, but it never went any further than a first date. Though Sam wanted to believe that was because they just couldn't compete with Mercedes – he did still love her after all – he knew that the truth was that they were nothing compared to Blaine.

Blaine hated the thought of leaving Dalton. He knew it was a terrible decision. McKinley was, to be frank, not a very good school. And the thought of leaving his friends and his lead position in the Warblers was almost unbearable. But how could he say no to Kurt? How could he deny Kurt that after what he had done? After he had kept lying to him every single day. But lately things were changing – finally. The pain was duller now, and the lie had started to become a truth. He only wanted to be with Kurt. Kurt was right for him. Good for him.

But there was something else that drew Blaine to McKinley. He knew it, but he didn't want to spell it out to himself; he just couldn't stand the feeling of being so completely severed.

The girls' lunchtime buzzing seemed to amuse them even more than usual."What are you guys gossiping about today?" Sam grinned widely.

They collectively burst out in a hysteric giggling. Sam was not prepared for what he heard next, and definitely not for his reaction to it. He couldn't have said who spoke, but the words stayed in his mind, "You know Josh is hot for you, right?" Sam felt his cheeks heat, and his head involuntarily turned to glance at the brown-haired boy busy flipping burgers in the kitchen. "Ooh, you two would be so hot together!"

After that Sam started to notice things about Josh. Things like his smile, how his eyes seemed to light up when they met, how he always laughed at Sam's impressions and the way that made the pain inside him go away for a minute. Was he into Josh? Well, why was he surprised? The way he'd felt with Blaine that night, the way he still felt whenever he thought about it. No, what was more surprising was how easily taking the next step came, without even contemplating it.

"Hey Josh, gotta second?"

"Sam!" That smile again, "What's up?"

"Are you doing anything later, or do you maybe, um, wanna hang out?"

"Sure Sam. My shift ends at nine," Josh's brown eyes were locked with his own.

"Cool. I, I'll pick you up?" Sam smiled.

It turned out the girls had been right: they were pretty hot together. But still it didn't really help to get his mind off Blaine. Because everything about Josh reminded Sam of Blaine in a strange way. His hands were warm and strong just like Blaine's but still, they were nothing like Blaine's. Running his hands along the curve of his gorgeous ass, that was just the right combination of firm and soft, he remembered how perfect Blaine had felt to his touch, and not just his ass but every part of him. Well sure, there were also things that Josh did to him that blew all thought out of his mind making any comparison impossible.

Being with Josh felt so nice. It didn't create any of the crazy turmoil inside him being with Blaine had. It was just sex. And Sam decided that even though he knew that sex before marriage was a sin, it was just too good to pass up. Thinking about it he realized he wasn't sure if the marriage-bit was even a thing when it was two guys. Well, anyway he was pretty sure it was always a sin for teenagers.

Walking down those halls again, it was a feeling of home more real than any his own had ever given him. Blaine always enjoyed performing, but nothing beat singing with the Warblers again. And then there he was – Sebastian Smythe. Wow! Blaine had never met anyone like that before. The way he flirted with him so openly; Blaine had never been subject to that kind of desire before. Save for once. Kurt wasn't flirty like that; he was just always his own lovely self. And that integrity was one of the things Blaine loved about him. But that didn't change the fact that the way Sebastian was totally inappropriate stirred things up inside him. Blaine might not have a clear memory of that night with Sam, but his body remembered everything. He felt almost desperate to start replacing those memories with new ones he'd create with Kurt.

"You're so beautiful, Sam. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Um" Sam blushed, "I guess not."

"Well you are. And the way you move, you're amazing."

Josh was stroking Sam's naked chest and Sam was getting somewhat impatient with all the talking."So what you're saying is that you wanna blow me?" Sam winked.

"Well, I do. And I will." Josh flashed him a wicked smile. "After I tell you my secret. And only if you don't freak out."

"Shoot!"

"You know how DQ pays really shitty wages? What if I told you I have another gig on the side that pays way more, and that I could probably get you in on it?"

"I'm all ears."

Lying to Kurt was killing Blaine. Sure he could get off on a technicality like never actually saying it, just talking about it as our first time. But the lie was still there, and the betrayal. Because his first time was forever lost to Sam. And as painful as that was, it was still – something. Something he would always have. Everything was so different with Kurt. It was so peaceful. Their passion burned with a steady flame that left them both unscathed. It was real. It was safe. And it was truly wonderful. Everything about being with Kurt just made sense.

"We're so glad to see that you're making friends, honey. And Joshua seems like such a nice kid," Sam's mom smiled at him.

"Um. Mom – Dad – I actually wanted to talk to you about that. You see, me and Josh, we're kinda, um, dating."

"What do you mean dating?" his father answered harshly.

"You do know what dating is don't you?" Sam was instantly annoyed.

"Samuel Evans don't use that tone with me!" Dwight reprimanded him.

"This is crazy, Sam." Mary's tone was softer. "Why would you be dating a boy?"

"Well mom, why do people date? Because I like him I guess."

"Sam – you're not gay."

The way her voice suggested this was the most self-evident fact made Sam so mad. "Who are you to say what I am or not?!"

"Sam, we've seen you with Quinn." She was still infuriatingly calm. "And with Mercedes. You loved them. You're not gay."

"Son," his father continued sternly, "whatever it is you are doing with this boy, you need to put a stop to it."

"What are you guys saying? Because I can't believe what it seems like you're saying?"

"Life is full of temptations, but that doesn't mean we should give in to them. You have a choice, Sam. I mean why would you put yourself through that when you have a choice."

Sam was so furious. And so disappointed. His parents had never been anything but loving and supporting of him. But of course it was easy to be supportive of your son when the most controversial thing about him was that he was a bit of a comic book geek. But with this, something real, when he really needed them to be there for him all that was gone, replaced with – that. Not wanting to understand. Wanting him to go and talk to Reverend Petersen about it! And that wasn't even the hardest part. The hardest part was that somewhere inside him lurked the feeling that they might be right.

"My only regret is that I'll never get to fuck that sweet ass of yours. But I get it, you're saving yourself for Mr Right and that's sweet," Josh teased playfully, although his eyes weren't smiling. The way he was just being his usual easy going self throughout the conversation all but made Sam change his mind again.

"So no hard feelings then?"

"I don't know about hard but..."

"Come on, seriously."

"No, you do what you gotta do, man. You never promised me anything. Besides I wouldn't want it to be weird between us, we're still gonna be working together, right? But let me just ask – is it someone I know?"

"No, it's not like that."

"You know, some day you're gonna make some lucky guy real happy, Sam Evans."

If Sam was doing the right thing, how come it was so fucking hard?

In the break between their shows Sam wordlessly pulled Josh with him into the janitor's closet. Sam's back was pressed against the door and Josh already kneeling in front of him looked up at him, hands on his hips, "Sam, are you sure about this."
"Are you gonna make me beg?"

It had never felt like this before. This made him feel dirty, and like such an asshole for treating his friend like that. Still he couldn't help it. But he did make sure it didn't happen often, and he always beat himself up about it after.

Once Sam lay down on the couch he noticed that someone – probably one of those little rascals that called themselves his brother and sister – had left the radio on but he was way too tired to get up and turn it off like he normally would. Just about any song reminded him of something about his time in Ohio, and he still couldn't really bear thinking about it. His time in Ohio. Was that what it was? Was he really never going back? He'd let himself believe this was all just temporary. And now months had passed and he was still here. It wasn't bad. Not at all. It was just not really home. So he would never go back, what difference did it make? He still couldn't be with him, right? And then there it was. That song. From the first notes he felt it like a jolt through his heart. Even though the voice streaming out of the speakers was hers, Sam heard only him. The memory of Blaine's hand in his and the first time he'd met the gaze of those amazing hazel eyes; it seemed like a lifetime ago. All over again he felt his insides slowly implode.

"Sam – hey. I didn't think I would see you here again." Josh's smile was quizzical. "Oh, you look like you've had a rough night?"

"How 'bout we don't talk and you just fuck me?"

Sam pushed passed him through the doorway but Josh caught his arm and gently turned him around. With a calm look in his beautiful brown eyes he answered, "How 'bout we do talk about it. And after if you still want to you fuck me."
Sam just barely managed a nod.

...

"That's bullshit, Sam! They have no right to say shit like that to you. After all you put yourself through for them, this is how they repay you?" Sam had never seen Josh mad like this.

"You know what, I really don't feel like talking anymore." If Sam was sure about anything it was that his parents did love him and that they wanted what was best for him; they would never hurt him or lie to him. "I shouldn't have come."

"So you're not staying?" Josh looked up at him, biting his lower lip. Why did he have to do that? "I'm sorry if I was outa line about your parents."

"No, I'm sorry." Sam grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You're so great. I just gotta go. I'm sorry."