A/N: Sorry that I took so long to update!
This chapter comes with a warning: It contains the timeline of the episode On My Way and thus there is some non-explicit mentioning of Karofsky's suicide attempt. Also, the whole story is still pretty angsty.
That being said I want to thank all of you who are reading and reviewing – you're awesome!
Staying at the Hudson-Hummel house was really quite awkward. Not because of Burt and Carole, they were great, they'd treated Sam like one in the family from day one. No, what was awkward was being around Kurt. Not that Sam didn't like Kurt, he did, at least he knew that he should because Kurt had given him absolutely no reason not to. But still being around him made Sam uneasy. The worst part was when Blaine was there as well; Blaine never actually talked to him unless he had to and Sam had no idea how to act around him. However it didn't happen all that often – most of the time Kurt went out to see Blaine. Or to his house, Sam guessed. His room.
Sam couldn't help but to notice how Kurt's dad and stepmom also unreservedly treated Blaine as part of the family. It made him think about his own parents; granted, they had welcomed Rory into their home with open arms during Christmas break – but only after Sam had assured them that he was just a friend. Of course the Hudmels wouldn't allow Kurt and Blaine to be alone in Kurt's room with the door shut – not that they didn't do that anyway which always made Sam even more uncomfortable. That was hardly the point though and anyway Finn was definitely not allowed that with Rachel either. Sam missed his family like crazy, but being away from them made him see things he hadn't before. Because what if... He had to make himself think it. What if they were the ones who were wrong? Sam knew he wasn't particularly smart but wouldn't everything actually add up then?
Blaine hadn't really stayed in touch with his Warbler friends, not even Nick, but he still missed them and being friends with Sebastian made him feel connected to them and his life at Dalton. Kurt was obviously his best friend but still it felt good to have a someone outside of McKinley, someone who he never had to pretend in front of. Because as difficult as not seeing Sam had been, seeing him every day at school was in a way even harder. Not to mention seeing him around Kurt's house. Sam was so inappropriate! It seemed like he was always hanging around the Hudmel house and more often than not in those old sweats that rode so low on his hips... Wait, what? No, that wasn't it. At all.
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion; Sebastian raising the slushie cup, Blaine stepping in front of Kurt, the icy red liquid hitting Blaine's face and Blaine collapsing on the ground. Sam heard Blaine scream and the world unpaused again, only he seemed to still be frozen. He just stood there as Kurt knelt at Blaine's side. Oh God, please let him be alright! He just stood there as Sebastian and the rest of the Warblers left, and as Kurt and Finn helped Blaine get up and to the car. He just stood there as they drove away with him to the hospital. A single thought kept repeating in his head, God, please let him be alright!
"Oh, hi Sam!"
"Hi, Mrs Anderson. Is... uhm, can I see him?"
"He just woke up, you just go ahead upstairs." Mrs Anderson turned towards the stairs and called "Blaine honey, Sam's here!"
Sam knocked softly on the door and said in a hushed voice "Hey, B. It's me – Sam. Can I come in?" He waited a second before he carefully poked his head into the room, wincing a little at the sight of Blaine's eye patch. Blaine's back was propped up with pillows against the headboard and he looked strangely small in the big bed.
"Come in, Sam," he answered calmly, the corner of his mouth hitched upwards slightly in a failed attempt at a smile.
"Hey." Sam took a few hesitant steps into the room. He felt something tugging at his heart. "Are you in a lot of pain?" He searched Blaine's face.
"I'm okay. I have painkillers."
"I'm glad," Sam smiled briefly. "I'm sorry for just showing up like this. Do you want me to leave?"
"It's okay. It's actually nice to see you." Blaine gestured to a chair next to the head of his bed, "You can sit if you want."
Relieved Sam walked over to the chair and sat down. "I was so worried about you." He took Blaine's hand in both of his own, but feeling Blaine tense up at the touch he let it go again. "I'm sorry!"
"No, it's alright." Blaine looked down.
Without really thinking Sam asked "So are you scared about the surgery?"
Blaine let out a sigh. "You have no idea."
Sam took his hand again and squeezed it, letting his thumb caress Blaine's knuckles. "You'll be fine."
"You don't really know that, though."
"I do," Sam looked right into Blaine's good eye, "I do know that."
Blaine returned his gaze, he didn't speak and although he still looked so sad there was the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. Maybe it was just the pain meds making Blaine docile or maybe, just maybe, he was finally starting to forgive Sam – or at least tolerate him. Either way Sam was glad to have this moment. Even if it was just for now.
Sam felt like he was back on track. He was definitely making progress with Mercedes. She had even kissed him and now it was just a matter of time before she would break up with Shane and they could be together for real. But also having been able to have a conversation with Blaine that didn't end with the latter yelling at him and storming out felt awesome.
Sam's heart jumped as he looked at his phone and saw something he hadn't in ages, a text from Blaine.
"You were right!"
A wide smile spread on Sam's face. "Damn right I was!" He wasn't expecting a reply and there was none but still this had just turned into the best day he'd had in a very long time.
Sam was crushed. As Mercedes sang to him – so beautiful and so sad – it all welled up inside him. The pain of having hurt her like that, of losing her. He was so angry with himself, why hadn't he even considered before how seeing her behind her boyfriends back would hurt all of them. Could she ever forgive him for that? Could she forgive herself? That was so painful to think about. Why did he just never stop to think before acting?
Considering everything Sam expected this Valentine's Day to be even more depressing than last year's, even though at the time he hadn't thought that could be possible. However Sugar's party was actually kind of awesome and while performing he couldn't really focus on feeling sorry for himself.
"Okay, everyone! It's time for my extra special guest." Sugar was shouting out to the crowd with a bright smile. "Back from the dead and cute 'n' compact as ever!"
"Happy Valentine's Day everybody!"
Sam's breath caught in his chest as he saw Blaine, looking as gorgeous as ever in his stupid bow tie and ridiculous little hat. Yeah, clearly he was fine. More than that – he was amazing.
Blaine was so furious about all that was going on with Sebastian, what an impossible jerk he was that still after almost blinding him didn't back down. He was confused and frustrated by the situation with Sam. It had felt so nice to see him, almost like they were friends again. But that was when he was hurt, feeling vulnerable and he guessed the medication he'd been on might have made things seem simpler. Now the pain was back. Sure, his eye was healed but aside from that it was all still there. At least he knew one way to deal with his feelings, one that might even help them beat Sebastian and the Warblers at regionals. He focused all of his anger and pain into the song.
And so I run now to the things they said could restore me, restore life the way it should be.
When he stood there in the auditorium pouring his angst out to Kurt he didn't know what was happening right then across town. He had hated Karofsky so much for what he did to Kurt; the months of torture he'd put him through. He'd fought guys like Dave Karofsky his whole life to be accepted for who he was.
Like everyone at McKinley Sam was shocked to hear about Dave. "I just can't understand how he could get to such a horrible dark place."
"It's all over facebook." He could hear the held back tears in Mercedes' voice. "A couple of kids from Karofsky's new school saw him at Breadstix with Kurt on Valentine's day. They posted mean stuff on his page and texted everyone that he was gay. He couldn't take it."
It couldn't be right. If his despair and shame about being gay had nearly killed Dave – that just couldn't be right. No one should ever have to feel that way about anything. And those kids at his school harassing him that was so awful. How was Sam's own thinking that his feelings for Blaine was wrong really any different? He'd let his parents convince him of that, but no, it wasn't right. There was no way it could possibly be right. As he tried to wrap his head around all of it Sam felt angry and sad but most of all scared.
What had happened didn't make his own problems any less real but it did make them seem small. Blaine would probably never trust Sebastian again but he found that he could forgive him. Holding grudges didn't seem all that important anymore. So when during the break before their performance Sam asked to talk to him he didn't tell him no like he would have just a few days ago. He let Sam bring him to the side and listened patiently in silence to his ramble.
"I just want to say one thing, so please hear me out. I'm sorry about everything, the way I messed everything up. I want us to be friends again. More than anything. And I know that you might not be ready to forgive me yet. But when you do – if you do – I'll be here. Okay?"
And he was glad he did.
Blaine preferred hanging out with Kurt at his own house. Or actually anywhere but Kurt's house. He had decided to not be mad at Sam anymore and he sort of pulled it off, at least when they didn't really talk to each other. Still he felt a lot more relaxed not being in the same house with him. Plus at Kurt's it seemed like Carole was always there, while his own parents – well, his dad was of course almost never around but also his mom often worked late. And it was really nice to have the house to themselves and be able to focus on each other. But then again, he couldn't always avoid it; that would perhaps come off as weird and also the Hudmels were always so nice. Tonight he had even agreed to stay for dinner. He hadn't ran into Sam today so it was possible that he for once was out. On his way from Kurt's room to the bathroom at the end of the hallway Blaine passed by Sam's door that was slightly ajar and he was relieved to see that the lights were off. Flinging the bathroom door open he stopped in his tracks, his hand still on the doorknob. His jaw dropped and he had to steady himself against the doorframe at the sight of Sam's bare ass. Sam spun around with an equally shocked expression on his face, clutching his towel – the one he'd been using to dry his hair when Blaine walked in – to his crotch. Blaine wanted to scream at him but he couldn't. He couldn't move. He couldn't even take his eyes off him. Sam didn't move either except for the heaving of his chest that Blaine was very aware of. His hair was a tangle of wet dark golden strands, his lips still slightly parted. Without realizing it Blaine took a step into the steamy room. Sam took one towards him. They were so close that Blaine could feel the searing heat from Sam's body. He didn't register Sam's hand moving but when Sam's fingers just barely graced the back of his hand he felt it in his entire body and let out a heavy breath he didn't know he'd been holding in.
"Boys! Dinner's ready!" Burt's voice from downstairs cut through the heavy air.
"Why don't you lock the goddamned door!" Blaine slammed the door shut behind him as he left.