A/N: I'm really sorry about taking so long with this. Thank you for your patience!

I'd trade my soul for a wish

Pennies and dimes for a kiss
I wasn't looking for this
But now you're in my way

I beg and borrow and steal
At first sight and it's real
I didn't know I would feel it
But it's in my way

Blaine could not wrap his head around it. He just felt this pain of longing, like he'd lost something. Why did he have to ask Sam about it anyway? It was so stupid. They'd just never talked about it and he'd had this feeling that they should. But clearly he'd been wrong. Because now it had crept under his skin and he couldn't shake it and suddenly he didn't know how to be around Sam anymore.

Why the fuck did it have to be so complicated? It was supposed to be simple, fun, right? Sam had tried to talk about it, well at least sort of he realized thinking back to their last actual conversation – if it could be called that.

"Hi Sam." Blaine hadn't sounded excited like he normally would picking up a call from Sam.

"Hey, B. How're you doing?"

"I'm fine. You?" Blaine had sounded – felt – distant.

"Are you... Are we okay?"

"Hm, sure, why wouldn't we be?"

"Well, you kinda hung up on me yesterday."

"Mm, sorry about that. Um I..."

"It's okay, I just..."

"Um, Sam... I, um, look I'm sorry but I can't really talk right now, so... talk to you later?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah, okay."

"Okay. Bye."

Blaine hadn't called him back though. And Sam hadn't called either, not really knowing what to say anymore. He'd figured things might work themselves out once school started. And in a way they had; Blaine was actually talking to him again, in fact he acted completely normal. Except there was nothing normal about it, because it wasn't them, it was just being polite, pretending nothing was wrong. It was such a long time ago – even though sometimes the memory of it was still so real that he felt like it just happened. The point was Blaine and Kurt were still happily together, so why did Blaine have to keep holding a grudge about it? He'd apologized over and over. What the hell did he want from him?!

No, things weren't ever really simple with Blaine; their friendship was excruciating at times but also incredible – however it was long since it had been simple. He had to talk to Blaine and finally make things right again.

Blaine was surprised that Sam didn't leave glee practice together with Brittany, as he seemed to always do these days, but rather hung back to wait for him.

"Hey, got a second?"

Blaine felt a flutter inside. "Sure."

"Okay, er, I just want to make sure you know that you don't need to worry about it happening again. You know... Because it wont. It's... I'm..." Whatever had stirred inside him froze as Sam took a deep breath and continued. "I just want us to be friends. But you have to decide, Blaine, because I can't keep doing this. We have to put that stuff behind us."

"Oh. Um, yeah."

"Think about it, okay?" Sam gave his shoulder a squeeze, "See you tomorrow, bro!" and jogged off towards where Brittany was waiting for him by his locker.

Blaine knew there was probably dozens of people that would be better suited as his candidate for vice president, but he couldn't think of anyone he'd rather have. Their conversation the other day had taken him by surprise and first he'd been sort of upset by Sam so clearly stating that he wasn't interested anymore. But it wasn't as if he'd thought that he was. Before Sam told him about it Blaine hadn't thought he'd ever been interested. Even if they were drunk and it was just as an experiment the thought that Sam had wanted him then always sent shivers all along Blaine's spine. But he'd never said that it was more than that. Blaine could never hope for more than that. Well, he didn't have to hope for anything, right? He had a boyfriend – and amazing, beautiful boyfriend. Yes, he was still with Kurt even though he wasn't there anymore. He'd left. Kurt that had been his constant. He'd always been there, and now he wasn't. Blaine knew he'd urged him to go, but Kurt staying in Lima was never an option; it wasn't good for him. And if he stayed because of Blaine it would definitely lead to resentment. Of course he should leave. And they still talked every day and he was happy that Kurt seemed so excited about his new internship and he was so proud of him. So he really had no reason to react the way he did to learning that the experiment had apparently failed – or perhaps succeeded depending on what Sam had been trying to prove – either way now he wanted nothing more than to be friends again. And he felt so stupid for the way he'd acted, shutting Sam out like that. And why? How could he explain that to Sam, when he didn't fully understand it himself? But now thanks to Brittany he had Sam as his running mate and it was sure to help defrost their friendship.

As it turned out hanging out with Sam was still a bit complicated. For one there was Sam's habit of trowing off his shirt at more or less unexpected times. Blaine couldn't help the way his stomach did a somersault each time it happened even though he felt bad thinking about Sam that way knowing it made him uncomfortable. And also Sam was flirting with Brittany, he was almost sure of it. That was definitely bugging Blaine and not entirely unjustly he figured, after all she was their competition plus wasn't she and Santana still together?

"There's the man of the hour. You alright?"

"You know, it didn't hit me until right now: I came to McKinley for Kurt – that's it. And now he's gone, and even with glee club, it just, I feel really, really alone."

"You're kinda killing my party buzz, bro."

"I'm sorry, it's just that I did all of this for him, I did all of this for him. And now he's not here. And so it just kinda feels like none of it matters."

By now Sam should have gotten used to Blaine moping about how difficult it was to be apart from Kurt, but it was just hard; apparently promising Blaine that he would never try to act on his feelings again didn't magically make them disappear. And this was supposed to be their time, their celebration. Blam, right? Also he knew that this was actually really important to Blaine and now he wasn't even excited about winning because he made it all to be about Kurt. He strained to not let the part of him that just wanted to scream at Blaine take over.

"Of course it matters. You're McKinley's First Gay Guy President."

"Nobody cares about that."

"Look, before you, Kurt was the first gay kid I met. Don't get me wrong, he's great, but I just don't really get his Bravo jokes or the fashion thing or Broadway. You and me, it's different, you know? I never had a gay bro before. We'll be like Wolverine and Cyclops, you know, show people how we're cool with each other. And you know, if you ask me, that's what matters."

"Thanks, man. You're right. But just so we're clear – "

"I'm Wolverine."

" – I'm Wolverine."

"I said it first." Obviously Blaine was in the right, but Sam was not about to admit that.

He was better off celebrating with Brittany. In fact he actually liked hanging out with her more than with Blaine these days; even though running the campaign together had been great they still were a long way from where they were and often, like he had tonight, Blaine just brought him down. So maybe that's why he'd decided to vote for her? No, he admitted that the biggest reason was so that he could tell her about it right now, because he'd known it would make her smile and he loved to see her smile – to make her smile.

"But you're coming in two weeks, right?" Kurt made it sound like it was nothing, like two weeks more couldn't just as well be an eternity.

"I know, but what am I supposed to do until then – just hold my breath?"

He didn't need to hold his breath though. He already couldn't breathe. And he needed to. He needed to feel something else than this awful emptiness. It had already been happening for months, he'd been losing Kurt for so long. And now Kurt had finally figured it out, that Blaine didn't deserve him – to be loved by him. There was no place for Blaine in Kurt's life anymore. Of course Kurt didn't care about his stupid little life in stupid little Lima, why would he? He didn't need Blaine anymore. And Blaine needed Kurt to need him. The walls were closing in around him. He was trapped and hurt and abandoned. And there he was – this guy – flirting with him, offering him just what he needed. A chance to feel something else; to get away from the pain, the doubt, the fear. There was no way Eli could hurt him, or leave him. And he wanted him. He was there. The feeling of him being so fucking right there.

"Since Kurt and I broke up, I haven't slept, I lost my appetite. I don't even gel on weekends."

"This is pretty serious, then."

"Sam, Kurt was my soul mate."

What was he supposed to say to that? He was supposed to be Blaine's friend. Blaine was so crushed over his breakup with Kurt. And it broke Sam's heart. All over again. There was a part of him – and he was so ashamed of this – that had been glad to learn about the breakup, but seeing his friend so completely broken was really painful. Sam tried to be a good friend, to say the right things. He'd been through his fair share of breakups so he should be able to give some kind of advice. But it seemed like nothing of that applied here. Still he felt he knew something about what Blaine was going through. What had he expected? Nothing really. But he became aware that he had been hoping, foolishly, that Blaine would tell him how he'd been wrong all this time, how it was him that he wanted to be with.