B. Interlude I

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"I don't have to believe you." Shinichi nods, but his tone carries much scorn and defeat. Scorn at himself or at her words? He doesn't know. But he has shaken himself lose from the past, from the memories. At least temporarily. Too many questions remain and few can be answered with just memories. "I don't have to believe you," he repeats in a whisper, never once looking at the girl standing before him. Defeated for sure. By what, one may never know. Then he snaps. "No. I can't believe you!" He stares into her eyes.

Those blue eyes stare back into his. Just like always, he thinks, unreadable – those eyes of hers. Calm and impenetrable. There isn't much sorrow to read from her eyes. There's more... apology and indifference. A strange combination, he decides. Or is she hiding again?

"I suppose," he starts, sounding angrier than he intended to be, "that you thought it was funny to give me the antidote – the permanent one – instead of the temporary one, which was what I'd thought I'd be getting, without telling me. You didn't need a week for the temporary one, did you? You were working on the permanent one. That's what you meant by doing Ran the favor. Isn't it?" He takes a deep breath, irritated by her unresponsiveness. Either he's making the right accusations, or she's finding his act amusing. He decides that he should shut up. To force her to speak. Maybe.

A long moment of silence passes before the strawberry blond girl shifts on her feet and opens her mouth. Her voice comes out low and calm. "It wasn't funny. It was painful. I didn't want to."

"Then why did you?" He doesn't know why he is so upset at what happened. He doesn't know why he is so upset at her in general.

She stops before her words can come out, and another long pause follows. "For you and for her," she says at last. "I thought you'd be... happier with the antidote than with a temporary one."

"You could've told me! But no. You had to go off and disappear."

This time, she looks up at him with distinct resentment. "I didn't want to. They found me. They captured me." She closes her eyes, shakes her head, sighs, and looks away. Her face is no longer expressionless, but it's hard to describe what feeling her face is betraying.

Shinichi opens his mouth to retort her but clamps his jaw shut. He digs his hands into his pockets and stares at the ground. He doesn't have to believe her, he knows, but he chooses to do so anyway. Something tells him that he's taking things in the wrong way, that the girl in front of him didn't come to argue with him. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, finally relieved of bitterness.

She smiles. Or scoffs. It's kind of hard to tell. "I don't know... I don't know." She pauses and her eyes meet his. She chews her lower lip for a second before asking him, "Why didn't I tell you? Why didn't I tell you when I first finished the antidote way in the beginning when we just met?"

Shinichi's eyes widen. She smiles – lifts one end of her mouth – and looks more as if she's going to cry. So many apologies. Shinichi shakes his head and buries part of his face in one hand. "You mean, it was done...?"

"At most two weeks after we just met. Yes. Way back." She sounds as if she's affirming a simple fact to someone who's just grasped it.

"I don't believe you," he says decisively. "So many things... they don't make sense."

"They will, once you understand one little thing." He looks at her, waiting for her to continue. "I needed you," she says in a shaky whisper. "I needed Edogawa Conan. Or I would've died."

He shakes his head, not comprehending. Then he looks at her, as though he's just had a revelation. "'I'll protect you.'" She doesn't react, but he laughs. "But Kudo Shinichi can protect you, too. It doesn't have to be Edogawa Conan. And it still doesn't make sense: the fact that you said that there's too much information on APTX that you can't remember it all and the temporary antidote based on Paikaru... No... you – "

"The Organization wanted you dead, Kudo-kun. Sherry would've killed you. From orders. You failed to save Miyano Akemi. So Miyano Shiho would've killed you, too. To seek revenge. But you met Haibara Ai, who had nothing. Nothing in her, nothing against you. Except maybe a surreal past and the wish to ask you why." He casts a confused look at her and she continues calmly, "I have a gun. Would you like me to use it to take your life? Since, according to your logic, Ai is Shiho is Sherry?"

His face becomes grave. He doesn't know how to respond. He wants to say, But you are her; you are Ai, you are Shiho, and you are Sherry. He wants to tell her that Sherry has killed him – almost, one time in the past. But after that, he has nothing to say, except sorry. "Sorry. I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?" she asks with frightening gentleness. "There was nothing that you could've done." It was as if she was mocking him. So much suppressed bitterness.

He scoffs and looks at her. "Nothing..." He is scoffing at himself, but at the same time, he realizes that she may be bitter about herself. He swallows. "It wasn't that there was nothing I could've done. It was that I did nothing when I could've."

Her eyes become clouded as she forces herself to look into his eyes and to smile. "Why?" Her voice breaks, but she clears her throat.

Looking away, he says in a whisper, "I don't know..."

To his surprise, her smile widens. But is it full of hopelessness or understanding? He can't tell. "No," she says. "I didn't think you would, or you would've answered me already. A long time ago. But what difference would it make?"