A/N: Sorry (again) for taking forever to update. Thank you so much for you patience with me and with the story.

And a special thank you to all you lovelies who take the time to leave reviews, you're the best!

"So do you think it's safe to leave the trophy in your car like this?"

"It'll probably fit in your trunk so let's put it there."

"You're a genius, B!" Sam beamed at him. Blaine smiled back and their eyes locked. For a brief moment there was just them, just the two of them and no questions or worries. Then Sam looked over his shoulder, "So how do you wanna do this? You can go in first and I'll be along in a minute."

"We're not here on a secret mission, Sam – we can walk into school together."

"Oh, right."

Sam felt like everyone turned and looked at him as he entered the building. The way Blaine still filled his whole consciousness, burning so brightly, the feeling of Blaine's soft lips on his, his warm hands on his body. It seemed that people would have to notice. Brittany greeted him as usual with a big hug.

"Mmm," she nuzzled his neck smiling. "Good morning, Sunshine!"

"Good morning, Sparkles!" Their Algebra class, which on an ordinary day would be slow, dragged out to what felt like weeks. Their little game of Sam making commentary to Brittany's doodling was a good distraction, and though his efforts today could at best be described as halfhearted Brittany didn't seem to find it any less amusing than usual.

Blaine was really trying to concentrate – on the teacher, on whatever class they were in at the moment, on Tina. But his mind was working at a million miles an hour, his thoughts spinning out of control. Postponing talking to Sam until the end of the day didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. He was in no way way less confused now than he'd been this morning. He was trying desperately to sort out the mess in his head. It had not just been a dream, right? No. But sitting here in school it felt a world away. What did it mean? And how could it have even happened? Did Sam...? Was Sam gay? And Blaine hadn't known... How had he not known? He'd always thought... and now... What would happen now? Sam. The feeling of Sam's strong arms around him, his warm skin against his own, it was still there. It was everything he wanted. Wait, it was? Wasn't it what he'd always wanted? How fucked up was that? Had he been... All this time? All he knew was that being with Sam had been amazing, by far the best thing he'd ever felt. But how could it even have happened? Sam had made it clear that he didn't want it to. But still it had. And Sad hadn't freaked out about it, actually Blaine was pretty sure he'd really... enjoyed it, and the way he'd acted this morning – he'd been so sweet. But what would all that add up to now? Could it ever possibly be more? And now Sam really seemed to be freaking a bit. He kept looking away, avoiding to meet Blaine's eyes.

Next period was Spanish – he'd get to see Blaine again. Sam had been a little bummed when he realized that they didn't sit together anymore. He'd sort of forgotten that the way they'd been yesterday – well, they hadn't been close like that for months. Not since summer. Not that he would have known how to sit next to him. As it was Sam was trying not to stare at Blaine – trying not to notice the way his bulky knit sweater only seemed to highlight the fact that all of Sam now knew exactly what was underneath it, or the way the curls at the back of his neck that no amount of hair gel could tame brought the feeling of his soft hair and skin back to his hands. He was trying really hard because just being in the same room he felt his cheeks burn and his heart pound and he didn't know what would happen if he met Blaine's eyes. He'd probably burst into flames. And then people would definitely notice.

Sam was standing at his locker when Blaine walked up to him. "Hi" Blaine smiled tentatively.

Sam turned to him, smiling, feeling a blush creep up along his neck, "Hi."

"How you doing?"

Sam couldn't not notice the way Blaine was chewing his lower lip. He wasn't sure if Blaine meant to touch him but suddenly he felt a chock ripple through him from where their hands brushed against each other. He yanked his hand away. Because he couldn't do what that touch prompted him to, right? He couldn't take Blaine's hand in his, and pull him close. He couldn't spin them around and push Blaine up against the lockers and just kiss him. And kiss him. So he yanked his hand away before he wouldn't be able to stop himself. "Er, fine. You?"

"Um, good. I have to, um, go to class." Blaine walked away and Sam stood there staring at his hand that was still burning where it had touched Blaine's.

"I told you the treble clef was a good idea."

Blaine turned his head and looked up at Sam from where he was sitting on the edge of the stage. "Yeah – you did," he smiled back.

"You really are a genius." Sam sat down next to him, though a couple of feet away. "Today was really weird, huh?"

"So weird!" Blaine looked back out over the empty auditorium then down at his knees, "You know, I really don't want to mess things up between us again. I really hate it when we're... when things are weird between us."

"I hate that too. Hey, tell you what – we'll just not let them. We'll not let things get weird again, okay?"

"Okay." He looked up at Sam "You promise?"

"Sure, I promise, silly," Sam smiled and reached out and very gently pushed his shoulder, then letting his hand stay on his upper arm for a second.

The touch sent a thrill through Blaine, but also something peaceful – a warmth. He realized now he'd been longing all day for that touch. He resisted his impulse to lean further into it, and then it was gone. They should talk. Right. But even without Sam touching him he had no idea where to start. "So..."

"Yeah, so... last night," Sam was rubbing the back of his neck, "this morning – that was nice, huh?" He glanced sideways at Blaine.

Blaine nodded – and added, his voice barely carrying, "Yeah."

"So... er, what happens now?"

Blaine kept looking down at his legs dangling over the edge, "I..."

"I mean nothing has to happen, obviously," Sam added quickly.

Did Sam want anything to happen? "Okay..."

"If you don't want it to – I mean, if you don't want it to happen again I'd be cool with that."

"Oh, okay..." But he did! He did want that. Blaine ventured a glance at Sam, he had to know, "And... if I... What if I did?"

"Oh. Yeah, I'd be cool with that too."

"Oh. Right."

"I mean – way more than cool obviously. I guess, but... is that what you – would you want that?"

No words would escape Blaine's lips that were now pressed together, but he nodded emphatically, eyes still fixed on his own knees.

"You would?" Sam looked up at him with the most adorable little smile, but it faded quickly and his gaze was turned back to a point somewhere on the floor beneath them. "Can I ask you something though, B?"

"Yeah, of course. Anything."

"Did it mean anything to you?"

"What?" Blaine breathed. He couldn't believe Sam had asked him that. Sam asked him that. And what could he say? The truth was – well, he couldn't grasp it. It was too huge. And also he didn't know exactly what it meant and he didn't have words to describe it, because... because yesterday Sam had been his straight friend that he was trying so hard not to crush on!

As Blaine scrambled for an answer Sam continued, "I mean, I know that you love Kurt and all, but still..."

Kurt... He did love Kurt. But Sam was... This was... "Of course it meant something, Sam. It was... You... I..."

"Yeah."

It was just one soft little word but Blaine felt it said so much. It told him that he didn't have to break himself trying to explain, because somehow Sam got it.

Sam smiled again, "So you really wanna do it again?"

"Sam, I'm just, I'm really confused. Um. So – um – can I ask you something?"

Sam was chewing his lower lip again, "Sure, what?"

"Okay, this is really weird to ask, I know – but... um, you're not really straight, are you?"

"You're just figuring that out, huh?"

Damn it, that smile. He was so cute! And he really pissed Blaine off. "I'm serious, Sam!" He pulled his leg up and turned so that he was facing Sam, who did the same and was now sitting cross legged opposite him. "What's up with that? Are you just figuring that out or have you been – what – like, lying to me?"

"Lying? What, no? I mean, we... no."

Maybe Blaine was oblivious, maybe he was stupid, but he hadn't imagined Sam dating practically every girl in Glee Club, or the things he'd said... "So what about 'not being gay – helping with the straight vote'? What about us being like Wolverine and Cyclops?"

"Okay, yeah, I guess we're really nothing like Wolverine and Cyclops, huh?" Sam grinned. "Except for the fact that we're both, you know, really hot and you've got that amazing sideburn thing going on – and quite frankly, a bit of a temper... But..."

Blaine couldn't help but to smile at that. But he also couldn't help that he felt cheated. He was probably out of line, but this was such a huge thing. He'd always thought that Sam was straight and if he wasn't then – well... "But don't you think that being gay is something you should let your best friend – y'know, your gay best friend – know?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Blaine. You're being really intense about this and no – I'm not out or whatever at school. But I didn't lie to you."

"No? How's that?"

"I mean we hooked up and... I figured... But, yeah – we should have talked about that. But it was all so... well you know."

Blaine had thought he knew, but nothing made sense anymore. "No, I don't know, actually! I don't know what happened."

"You, um, you mean...? Um, what happened was... It was amazing. But you were with Kurt and I was leaving and it was..."

"Amazing?"

Sam was smiling fondly at him, "You really don't remember, do you?"

Blaine did remember – at least enough. The intensity of Sam's gaze made Blaine look down a his hands, his fingers idly fiddling with the hem of his jeans. What he did remember clearly though was how he'd felt during that fall, when Sam hadn't talked to him. But that was all so long ago. He'd moved passed that, right? They'd moved passed it. "But still you keep saying you're not gay..."

"Yeah, for the record, I guess technically I'm not gay though, right?"

"Okay wh... Oh." Sure Blaine had been jealous before, even of girls, but this wasn't that exactly, he didn't know what it was, but it made him feel small – inadequate in a whole new way. "Because you still like girls, right? You like Brittany?"

"Well... I like you, Blaine." Sam leaned a little forward and caught Blaine's eyes again with his earnest greens.

And just like that they were once again the only two people in the universe. "I like you too, Sam."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Blaine's heart was racing, his stomach tingling like crazy. In a way this was even more intense than the way they'd been this morning, the way they'd touched. Still, there was so many things left unspoken between them. "But... what about Brittany?"

"Brittany? What about her?"

"You like her, don't you?"

"Sure I like her – she's awesome, and we're great friends. But we're just friends if that's what you're asking."

"So you really... like me?"

"Yeah! I mean," Sam was looking down at his hands but he kept glancing up at Blaine, "I guess it's sorta obvious that I, y'know, more than like you..."

"Oh." Blaine's head was spinning. Was Sam actually saying what it seemed like he was saying? "So, um... what, do you want?"

"I..." Sam was fidgeting, still alternating looking out over the auditorium and staring at his hands, and in between glancing up at Blaine, "This – I guess. You. Us."

"Oh. Um, okay."

"Okay?"

"I mean – I don't know what I mean. What are we talking about here, Sam? Dating?"

"I don't know B – are we?"

Were they really talking about dating? It was all moving so fast. Too fast. Dating Sam would mean...

"What about Kurt?"

"Kurt?" It would mean giving up on Kurt, giving up on everything he'd thought his life would be. But it would mean getting to be with Sam. Like, for real.

"Yeah, I don't think I can do this if it's just a rebound thing."

"It's not."

"It's not?" Sam looked up at him through blond bangs.

But, how? How it could ever be? So Sam wasn't as straight as he'd thought he was. So maybe he was bi or at least bi-curious, but what had really changed? "But the way you acted in school today, you barely even looked at me..."

Sam was looking at him now, "I wanted nothing more all day than to kiss you again."

Blaine gasped. This was it right? He could just lean in and kiss him. He could just let go. But he didn't. Why didn't he, when this was his actual dream coming true? Why wasn't he able to make himself move? Not even an inch. "But you didn't. You wouldn't even let me touch your hand... Would you be able to handle us dating? I mean like in school and stuff."

"School? I don't know. Yes! I would. Maybe we don't have to tell people about it right away though? I mean what would we even tell them?"

"So it would be some secret – thing?"

"Sounds kinda hot doesn't it?"

"Seriously though, would you be ashamed to be with me?" For everything Blaine lacked in confidence, every part of himself he found wanting, being gay was something he thoroughly accepted, perhaps even loved, about himself, something he would never apologize for, not to anyone. He'd been through too much for that – with his dad, with everything.

"No! Of course not, that's not it at all. I mean, It's just sort of new to me, and I never really considered... coming out... at school. I guess I didn't feel I had a reason to. And y'know I'm not like you, Blaine..."

"What?"

"I'm not brave like you. I don't know if I could... Not since..." Sam trailed off.

Blaine heard the pain in Sam's voice, this was obviously really hard for him. Why was he even pushing it like this? All trace of anger was gone from his voice and it was soft as he asked, "Since what?"

"Well, since my parents decided to be dicks about it, I guess."

"What? Oh my god, Sammy. I'm so sorry." Blaine instinctively reached out his hand and placed in on Sam's. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

"Well, I tried to talk to them about it. It was back when I was living in Kentucky. I was kinda seeing this guy and I..."

Blaine's heart stopped for a second. Sam's words hitting him like a kick in the gut. What guy?! He was struggling to breathe. There had been other guys? Of course it had! He had just been stupid enough to think that it was he who was so fucking special. There was nothing special about him. He could never hope to be enough for Sam, there was always going to come along someone better, some hotter guy – or girl! – and there was nothing he could do about it.

"... so anyway they think I should just be with a girl."

What the hell was he doing? He wasn't even listening to Sam. He just couldn't get out of his own stupid head. What kind of friend was he? What kind of a shitty, small person was he? Fuck! Blaine didn't know what was happening. He felt the room spinning. He heard himself speak. Like it wasn't him. Like he was watching from a distance. "Maybe you should."

"What?"

"I said maybe you should be with a girl." What the fuck was happening?!

"But, Blaine? What..."

"This was a bad idea, Sam. We should just stay friends."

"Why are you? I thought... So you, you don't...? Is this about the coming out? Because of course I'm gonna come out, I, I just need time and..."

"No, it's not that. I just, I don't want to do anything to risk our friendship."

"Is it... about Kurt? Is it because you're still in love with Kurt?"

"Yea, I guess it is."

Sam didn't say anything more, he just got up and left as the tears that had been welling up in Blaine's eyes spilled over and trickled down his cheeks.

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

Blaine was finally able to move again. He had no idea how much time had passed, it could have been seconds, or hours. He wasn't sure what had happened, he just felt numb. There was only one thought in his mind. Sam. He started running even as he scrambled to his feet, running faster than he'd ever done before, his legs barely carrying him, ever on the verge on tripping over his feet. He ran through empty halls and out onto the parking lot. He got to his car and stopped. Just staring at the empty space beside it. He was gone.

Sam was lying in his bed, curled up around his pillow, clutching it tight to him – pressing back against the pain raging inside him. So Blaine didn't want to be with him. Well, he'd never thought he did. He hadn't expected anything else. Blaine wanted Kurt and not him, that was just a fact. And he'd known it all along but still it just really, really sucked! It shouldn't be a big deal, right? He was supposed to be able to just have sex with someone and it wouldn't be a big deal. But it wasn't just sex, and it wasn't just someone. It was Blaine. And it was a big deal! It was a huge deal and it fucking hurt! And why the fuck had Blaine said those things... Why had he said all those things if he didn't mean them? Or had he just been stupid? Had he read something into it that wasn't there because he wanted it so much? What the hell was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to deal with this? How would he ever get away from this pain? But somewhere in his teary mess – even as his heart was being ripped from his chest – he must have fallen asleep because suddenly a knock on his door woke him up.

"Sam? Are you up? We should get going." Finn stuck his head in the door. "Whoa, dude, are you okay?"

"I... I don't know, I had a rough night I guess." Fuck, he'd completely forgotten about Glee practice. He couldn't go. Not today. If ever. But sure as hell not today. "Hey, I'm really sorry, man, I know sectionals is next week but I'm really not feeling well. Would it be cool if I skipped practice just this once?"

"Sure, but you're gonna make up for it on Monday, okay?"

"Yeah. Cool, thanks bro."

"Get some sleep now, man, you really look like shit." Sam picked up his pillow but before he could muster the energy to throw it Finn's head had disappeared and the door closed.

It was clear now that Sam wasn't just being late, he wasn't going to show up. Was it... because of him? But really, where was he? Was he okay? What if he wasn't! What if – something had happened to him? Oh, god what if something had happened to him! He would have been driving home last night, and he was... upset, right? Fuck! He really should have called him to make sure he was... Fuck!

"Hey, Finn – where's Sam?"

"He was sick, so I told him to stay home and rest."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, I guess it's just a cold or something. He'll be back on his feet by Monday – he promised." Finn gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before hollering something to the group that Blaine didn't register.

The next time Sam woke up it was dark. What time was it? Had he slept all day? He fumbled on his bedside table and found his phone, but he never noticed the time. There was a text. From Blaine.

"Hey. Are you alright?"

What the actual fuck! He quickly typed his response. What do you care?! … No. No, he wasn't sending that. Sure he was mad. He was so mad. At Blaine. At everything! But he really had no one to blame but himself. Blaine hadn't promised him anything. He knew that – with his mind that is – his mind knew what his heart seemed not to, that touches and kisses weren't promises. But, yeah, he'd promised Blaine something. And he was going to keep that promise. Even though he couldn't be with Blaine the way he wanted, and even though he didn't have the first idea how he was going to be able to handle seeing him, he knew he couldn't lose him – never again. "I'll be fine. C u monday."

"Hey, Sam. Look, I'm really sorry... If you were, um, … disappointed? I just, I – I think it's probably for the best."

"No, it's... yeah. Don't worry about it, bro. It was... what it was, I guess. I should, um... but see you later, 'kay?"

"Yea." Blaine slumped back against the lockers, the pit in his stomach growing even deeper as Sam walked away.

Sam did not have a good feeling about the performance. He'd practiced his dance moves, he was confident about that part, he just couldn't psyche himself up into the right mindset. He'd gone through the motions in school, and Puck being back in town had actually proved a nice distraction. And then there was Brittany. He would not have made it through the week if it wasn't for her. He didn't talk to her about it, but he felt like he didn't have to. Like she didn't have to know to do and say just the right things. But now somehow he found himself next to Blaine in the show circle. He was supposed to hold his hand. He couldn't hold Blaine's hand! But it would be too weird if he didn't – everyone would notice, but... Sam felt Blaine's hand slide into his own. He tensed up but willed his hand to stay in Blaine's that was warm and solid and despite everything actually made him feel better.

God, how he'd missed Kurt! Hearing his voice again after all these weeks was like coming home. He loved Kurt. So much. If he knew one thing that was it. And now he felt that maybe, just maybe there was a chance that they were going to be alright. He was going to be alright.

Seriously! This was shit! His whole life was shit! Glee Club was gone. And Blaine... And though Burt and Carole were really good to him they were not his family – they we're Kurt's. Why was he even still in Lima? Not that he wanted to go back to his parents. He couldn't even think about speaking to them right now – he'd pushed all of that aside for so long, but he just couldn't do that anymore. There had been just one thing left, one thing that was still good and bright. Her. Yes, it might have been the stupidest thing he'd ever done – putting his heart on the line like that again. But still it had been all he could do. And fuck it he'd really thought that Brittany was into him. At least, you know, that she wanted to do him. Which he was totally fine with and also, he guessed, was really all he could ever hope for. And if it hadn't hurt so much he would have actually found it funny how what kept him and Brittany apart was the same fear of what people might think, or say, or do that he'd felt with Blaine. Why the hell should people even care? And why should he care if they did? And if he wasn't frightened by the lesbian blogger community why was he scared of – whoever it was he was scared of – his folks? The football team? But maybe it was for the best, he was probably not fit to commit to her the way she deserved.

She changed her mind, and everything seemed so simple. She kissed him and she tasted so wonderful of bubblegum and peppermint lip gloss and it was just... Perfect.

Had he lied to Blaine about Britt? Had he had these feelings for her all along? What did it matter anyway? Blaine had chosen Kurt. So why shouldn't he be with her when clearly she made him feel good? He wouldn't run away from Blaine. He would do just what Blaine wanted – let them stay friends.

There's a battle ahead
Many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

Sam's heart leaped when he saw Blaine standing at the top of the stairs. He wanted to make sure Blaine knew that he was really going to be fine with being just friends. He'd lost count now – how many times had he ensured himself that he could be fine with that? But he just kind of knew that he had to pull it off this time. And maybe Blaine was right, maybe it was better like this. Easier. Blaine smiled back at him – that amazing smile – as they sung together again and the first snow was falling. It was supposed to be easier, right? And it would have been if it just wasn't so fucking hard.

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win