A/N: Fair warning, this chapter contains graphic description of injury. Sorry in advance for all the feels you're about to experience!
Next time: There are theories, and then there's plans of action. Sabine starts to adjust to a new reality.
Through the Daybreak
Part Three
The blast is so strong that Ezra is blown backward from his sitting position, debris stinging his eyes. His ears are ringing so strongly that he can't hear anything else for several seconds. As he scrambles to his feet, he's hit by a sudden wave of vertigo and almost topples over on top of Sabine, who's curled to one side and screeching more loudly than he ever thought possible.
Through his missions with the Ghost crew and subsequent training, Ezra has seen some horrific things. But nothing could have prepared him for the sight of his friend's injuries-there was just so much blood.
Blood covering the side of her face, dripping down the side of her neck into the cracks of her armor. Blood pooling between her fingers and coating her hair. Tiny shards of metal had embedded themselves in her scalp and even on the surface of her armor, creating quite the gruesome scene. Without a second thought to his own injuries, Ezra gathered her into his arms and cried, "Sabine! Are you okay?"
It was a massively rhetorical question, for surely he could tell just by looking at her that she wasn't okay. That's what she would have thought, if everything around her was not completely silent. She responded by curling into his chest and wailing even louder. The pain was more than she'd experienced in her entire life, and Sabine considered herself to have a pretty high tolerance towards most cuts and scrapes. It was as if she could feel the life force draining out of her, staining the sand below them. And then she discovered a troubling new development.
She couldn't hear herself scream.
This wasn't the first time Ezra has felt helpless, so he sends out the sensation of sheer terror on all of his mental frequencies, hoping that Kanan, Ahsoka, anyone hears it and comes to their aid. He couldn't possibly get Sabine back to Chopper Base in her present state.
Besides the cries of his best friend, the desert was silent. Even the krykna had ceased their movements and dived underground in reverence. In every direction, there was no one as far as the eye could see.
He forced her to unclench her hand, prying the grenade's pin out from her fingers. The gloves she'd been wearing absorbed some of the blast, but underneath the durable fabric all he saw was raw flesh torn bloody. Swallowing the sheer dread rising in his throat, Ezra dropped his chin to the top of her head, not caring how filthy he got. And not knowing that she couldn't hear them, he mumbled encouraging words, rocking them back and forth in the dust.
Two speeders arrived a few minutes later. Hera barely had time to stop her vehicle before she was running towards them, expression wrought with horror.
At first she took the two of them in her arms, but then Sabine leaned into her, trying her best to see around the blood dripping into her eyes. "Momma," she wailed, reverting back to childlike exclamations in her panic, "Momma, help me!"
Frantically she took stock of her daughter's features, including the dust and burn marks that covered her arms. "Oh, sweetheart. It's alright. I'm here. Momma's here," Hera assures her, voice wavering so hard that Ezra had a hard time believing it.
Sabine's cries weaken and she reaches out to touch Hera's lips, leaving a bloody trail where her hands have been. She repeats these words as many times as she can in one breath, watching the desperation grow in the girl's features.
Finally Ezra can take it no longer. He runs to Kanan and wraps his arms around his midsection, burying his face into his shirt. Ahsoka places a placating hand on his back and begins to rub in small circles, brows furrowed in concern. Over his shoulder, the adults exchange a look that conveys boundless depth.
Soon they are beginning their trek back to base. No one wants to see Sabine try and walk, so Hera leans her against the handlebars of the speeder in the reverse direction she's facing and drives with one hand, the other braced on her back. They take off at a decent clip, churning up clouds of sand behind them.
Noticing the limited transportation, Ezra insists he can walk the mile or so home. Shoulders drooping and feet dragging, he makes it only a few steps before he collapses, weeping in a way he hadn't since learning of his parents' death.
Some sort of silent communion happens between Kanan and Ahsoka. She takes the speeder without a word, leaving master and apprentice alone on the Atollon wasteland.
He's there in an instant. Before Ezra can protest, he finds himself lifted off his feet and carried like a small child, the only sounds being his muffled tears and Kanan's heavy boot steps.
-0-
"We are fortunate that she was wearing everything but her helmet," the fleet medic tells them irreverently as they stand outside the makeshift surgical suite some time later.
Fortunate? One of Hera's hands, which has been resting comfortably in the crook of Kanan's elbow, clenches down with undue force. Her daughter was less than a foot from a detonating hand grenade and this was supposedly preferable to something else?
Her lover didn't so much as flinch, accepting the proffered datapad. A computer's recreation of Sabine in profile dominates the screen. As they watch, areas of particular impact are illuminated. "The proximity to the explosion resulted in complete sensorineural deafness on both sides. We're working to salvage the external ear. To restore hearing would require a complete cochlear transplant," the young man explains, his expression relaying that this was not unheard of, but probably couldn't be done with the resources they had.
Kanan swallows thickly and has to glance away. There had been a time when he'd been prepared to make peace with the loss of another sense, but if there was a way to help Sabine, he would see to it come hell or high water. "Is there anything else?"
He indicates another set of colors. "Extensive scarring over the scalp and face. If the shrapnel had gone a touch deeper into the elbow, we would have had to amputate."
"If that's all," Hera exclaims sardonically, her voice an octave higher than normal. She moves off from the group, burying her head in her hands.
The medic interprets this social cue as an opportunity to leave. He soon did, with a promise to retrieve them when Sabine started coming to. As Kanan watches, Hera's lekku inexplicably arch away from her midline, indicating her anguish.
They step into the nearest unoccupied room, not waiting for the door to slide shut before falling into each other's arms. Over the years they'd found comfort in one another in times of need, but somehow this felt different. Unlike Ezra's temptation with the dark side and Cham's treachery, Sabine's condition was completely out of their hands. Neither liked feeling powerless.
"It's going to be alright, Hera," he murmurs. "She's going to live. We're going to find out what caused this."
She steps back, hands pressed flat against his chest. "You don't know that, love. Nothing is certain. If this was an accident, it could easily happen again. And all the investigation in the universe isn't going to give her hearing back. Not without a miracle."
When Hera was upset, her native Rylothian accent came to the forefront. By the end of her train of thought, her words are so slurred together that he can barely discern where one ended and the other began. From the corridor came a tangle of muffled voices; he recognizes them as that of Ahsoka and Rex, the former of whom was in tears. Everyone knew the togruta shared a special bond with Sabine; their relationship was more like that of aunt and niece than brothers in arms.
Whatever conversation they were having reached its emotional breaking point, and Ahsoka was off, her footsteps echoing about the walls. From Rex's preliminary findings, the smoke grenades they'd been delivered didn't appear to be tampered with, but it was impossible to tell without detonating more. At the behest of Commander Sato, who was currently away on mission with Phoenix Home, they'd gone to general quarters, just in case. Their partners in trade hadn't yet been alerted to their plight, but she suspected that the crew would have more than a few questions for the long haul freighters that brought in their supplies from all corners of the galaxy. It was possible that this wasn't an act of maliciousness by their many enemies, but a simple accident. To Ahsoka, this simply wasn't logical; Sabine was well versed in the handling of explosives. She was too careful, too conscientious, yet had a way of reckless abandonment that had endeared the girl to her.
After many years of practice, Ahsoka had learned to hide her misgivings behind a facade of calm. She had been expected to keep it together in more harrowing situations before, but that didn't mean she wasn't mourning in her own way.
Entering the Ghost, she turns into the main galley and stands before Sabine's cabin. The hatch is locked tight, but she knew the passcode after many a night spent telling stories and painting the walls, though her creations never looked as beautiful as her companion's. Many times Hera joined them and the women relished the opportunity to be together, knowing each time that it may be the last. Right now, she needed to be in the room where these wonderful things had happened, to gather her thoughts and prepare for what she was about to see when the bandages came off.
The lights are dimmed, but Ahsoka can make out the form of a young man facing away from her, legs crossed and upper body bent to his work. Around him lay sundry pieces of armor, only a few of which had been cleansed of blood and debris. As she watches, Ezra takes a cloth from a floor and sets to scrubbing Sabine's chest plate with undue diligence.
Carefully, she says his name, and he turns his chin up to her. It's plain to see that the boy has been crying, for his cheeks are still stained with tears. Glancing back at his work, Ezra explains, "She polishes her armor every few days. I thought it would be a good surprise when she wakes up."
He removes a dollop of Ketsu's armor polish from the jar balanced on his knee and buffs the surface to an immaculate shine. Ahsoka joins him on the floor, taking one of the shin guards in her hands. She can feel the grief rolling off Ezra in waves, so she replaces it with hope. Acceptance. Serenity.
At last he hands her another rag, treating his mentor to a forced smile. But there's something else behind it, a little bit of the usual twinkle in his eye.
They both return to work.
-0-
Sabine awakens to a reprise of the most severe pain she's ever known. Everything hurts, all the way down to the tips of her toes. Her head is throbbing so hard that she can barely focus on anything, let alone register that she's in the infirmary on Chopper Base.
It all comes rushing back to her. Their foot race, their wager, the explosion. Screaming. Silence.
She attempts to raise her hand, but it feels like she can only move her appendages in slow motion. Moving it into view, she finds that everything up to her shoulder is covered in gauze. Little dots of blood have already begun to prick through the white material, and just the simple motion is excruciating.
Experimentally, Sabine turns her head to one side and instantly regrets it. She's keenly aware that something is missing; the network of half-healed scars across her scalp pull apart, causing her to inhale sharply through her teeth.
At least, she thinks she did. All of a sudden, the world is quiet. Even the rustling of the blankets doesn't register. "Help." She thinks she says this in a normal tone, but it comes out in a whisper.
The medic is at her side instantly, checking her vitals and administering some foul tasting medicine. Her throat is raw from crying out. The young man hovering above her is saying something, but she can't understand it for the life of her.
He seems to realize this and begins again, making sure the motion of his lips is exaggerated with every word. Sabine's gaze drifts downward, and she finally understands: "Are you in pain?"
With the hand that was less damaged in the blast, she offers a weak thumbs up.
There's more medication which feels like ice flowing through the veins. Sabine relaxes enough to get some sense of the rest of her body; save for her arms, everything below the neck feels alright. Her heart rate slows, but her cheeks feel like they are pulsating.
Both elbows have been immobilized with some kind of splint, but her shoulders are just fine. With a shrugging motion, she brushes against the ear that had been on the opposite side of the blast.
Nothing.
Doing the same thing with the other side is futile, for she can't discern anything underneath the bandages that cover most of her profile. Now that she's confirmed her own deafness, Sabine is afraid to close her eyes for fear of losing contact with the world. But the medication soon takes effect and she does anyway, dozing off into a fitful sleep.
She comes to a second time to what feels like a slight rumbling underneath her cot. It fluctuates irregularly, but she feels it. Someone is coming.
Several people enter the room in a flurry of activity. Kanan is the first to reach her, his expression stricken no matter how hard he tries to hide it. He takes in the sight of his daughter, so strong yet in that moment so fragile, and presses a kiss to the bandages across her temple. He doesn't say much because he doesn't need to. "You pulled through. That's my girl."
Hera comes to stand at his shoulder and makes a comment whose nuances are lost as she chokes back a sob. Sabine thinks she can decipher a few words: like this...firefight...here for me…
"I love you," she blurts out just as Zeb comes into view. It occurs to her that their family doesn't say it enough. And what good was that, considering any one of them could die on any given day? "I love you all."
The Lasat is shocked at how different her voice sounds, fluctuating in tone and shifted into a higher register. What's more, she can barely recall to put pauses between the words, causing it to come out close to gibberish. But Zeb understands, because he's worked with her for so long that he doesn't want to remember a time when the sarcastic, fun-loving teenager wasn't at his side. He places his index finger into her free hand and she squeezes it, managing a small smile around the ointment dried on her face.
Eventually Ahsoka works her way to the front of the crowd, beaming down at her and relaying, extremely slowly, just how glad she was to see her awake. She just exudes tranquility and affection. Sabine soaks it up like rays of the sun.
Ezra approaches tentatively, eyes wide with shock. "I'm not made out of glass," she protests, beckoning him to sit at the bedside with Hera. Their mother is gently stroking her arm through the bandages.
After a long while in which no one's lips moved, Sabine tries to make light of the situation, though it retrospect it seemed ridiculous. "You're all looking at me like you've seen a ghost."
What ensues is a bit of bickering among the adults, conducted behind curved palms. This irritates Sabine, who is just getting used to reading lips. Ultimately Kanan leaves and returns shortly with a datapad tucked under his arm. The screen is off, so he turns the reflective surface towards her and allows her to witness the damage the accident has wrought.
She shortly forgets to breathe. Her entire head has been shaved, leaving behind the barest suggestion of her natural hair, a dusky color near black. Dozens of small wounds have been stitched up across her forehead and scalp, even bridging her nose with their irregular tracks. The skin on her neck is red with burns. All of this would heal in due time. What's more concerning is the swath of bandages that encircles her face like a halo; on one side, the slightest swell of her ear. On the other, a flat surface.
The realization hits her like a volley of blaster fire. She's irreversibly wounded and permanently trapped in the silent version of an otherwise vibrant world. Sabine begins to shake, but the tears never come.
(to be continued)