There's more awkward silence when I'm driving but I don't let it bother me.

"You're wasting your time Peeta."

I hear her say in barley over a whisper. I want to tell her everything right now again just get it out there but I say something different instead

"What do you mean Katniss?"

"I mean I will never be who you want me to be."

I just let that soak in for a moment...the thought of Katniss never being herself again haunts my mind everyday but this time hearing her say those words makes it even more difficult to process.

"Worthless."

"What?"

"Nothing Peeta."

I raise an eyebrow and it surprisingly makes her smile a little.

"Tell me Katniss."

"It's nothing really I was just thinking how worthless I am to everyone."

"Not true.. you mean everything to me."

"I do? real?."

"Yes ."

We both smile and the rest of the ride home ends up being completely in silence.

When we get to our little apartment I allow Katniss a nap, which gives me time to think out my next move on getting her to be herself.

I come up with a little game much like the real or not real one but this time I decide to tell her things about her life. I hear some drawer in the kitchen and take a look in from around the corner, it was Katniss making herself some tea and after she had almost finished it off I explained the game to her.

"So it's like real or not real.. right?"

"Exactly."

She sits up on the couch with her legs under her.

"Except I don't want to play a game I want to do something else."

"Like what?"

"I want you to teach me how to make those cheesy buns."

"Okay fine you win."

She smiles and watches me carefully while I make fresh cheese buns for her.

"You must have loved me a lot.. to wait on me like this."

"Katniss I still love you a lot and I always will, nothing can change that.. ever."

Even though I want to believe she understands this I know it's impossible for her right now. It just seems so easy at times but then I'm reminded we need to take things slow..

I see she is stepping out onto the balcony and I watch from far, admire really how strong she is, and then follow her out

"Out here.. no one can hear the madness. There is peace where chaos once was... I want to be there.. take me there."

she seems to be reciting a poem, maybe one she's wrote or read but she's looking down upon the streets where the peacekeepers once used unnecessary force on everyone in their way. Maybe she is having another setback where she sees things that not everyone else does.

Instead of asking her what it meant I left the night silent before she said a quick goodnight and headed to bed...

Not too long after she left I made a wish on the first star I saw that night...

I wish Katniss would come back to me.

SO another chapter finished :) hope everyone likes this story so far but idk I feel like it's moving really slowly so feel free to leave comments and like or follow this story!