AN: Thank you as always to those taking the time to review, means a lot. Sorry for the longer than usual time between updates - doing some renovation projects that have been taking up a bit more of my weekends than usual. Hope everyone is doing well.

Take care and enjoy.

CHAPTER 19

KELLY POV

I feel awkward.

Like, really awkward.

I've only been to this lab once before, when I was meeting Catherine a little over a week ago for lunch. Seeing everyone bustling about with purpose, I try to blend in, focusing on the identical looking hallways to attempt to retrace Catherine's steps from that visit.

Noting another group of people passing me with badges that declare "VISITOR" in bold colors across their lapels, I curse under my breath.

Perhaps stopping at that desk with the uncomfortably friendly lady behind it wasn't so much a suggestion as it was a requirement.

Whoops.

Keeping my head down, I glance in each of the various rooms to the side of me, thinking I've picked the wrong hallway when a familiar profile finally catches my eye. Taking a deep breath, I don't know if I'm less or more nervous that I've succeeded in finding her.

Deciding there's no time like the present, I knock hesitantly on the doorframe.

Eyes jerking up, Sara glances at me before doing a double take.

"Kelly?"

Then, looking behind me, she sees the empty hall.

"I don't know where Catherine is," she says before I can speak. "Sorry."

"I'm not looking for Catherine."

Sara's brows furrow, her expression confused. Then, it grows a lot tenser.

Straightening up, Sara puts her pen down, her hands gripping the edge of the metal table she's standing behind.

"Look," I broach, stepping slightly further into the room to keep this private. "I wanted to speak with you. If you'd allow me."

"Speak with me about what?"

"Sara," I breathe out, getting straight to the point. "I want to talk with you about what happened the other day. But, I don't want to do that here."

Sara's jaw tightens, her lips pressed into a stern line.

"There's nothing to say."

"Maybe you have nothing to say," I tell the young woman before me, her intense gaze threatening my resolve. "But I do."

Sara looks fully on guard, her eyes dark.

"Is this you wanting to talk, Kelly, or Catherine?" she asks, also getting straight to the point. "Because I think I've been more than clear that I have nothing to say to her about this particular topic."

"I'm coming of my own volition," I tell her honestly. "I wanted to speak with you."

"Kelly," Sara shakes her head. "I'm not trying to be rude, but I really have nothing to say to you either."

"Perhaps I have some things to say to you."

Sara watches me closely, like she's searching for any sort of evidence as to what my particular angle is here. Why I'm here and why I'm speaking to her. Why I'm requesting to see her.

"One coffee, Sara," I say gently. "That's all I ask. One coffee and you can walk away after that and never have to speak to me again."

Watching me, Sara looks towards the door like she's still waiting for someone else to step through or some evidence that this is a trick.

Eyes moving back to me, Sara looks torn, like she's debating between telling me to fuck off and giving in so that she can get me out of here quicker. The brunette eventually sighs, cursing under her breath.

"One coffee," Sara says. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say, but that's it."

"Fine," I agree, taking the deal. "This morning?"

Sara glances towards the clock, noting that her shift is nearly half over already. "I get off at five."

"Six o'clock, coffee shop on Longfellow and Weston."

Sara looks anything but happy, but she nods, giving me her agreement to the terms.

"See you in a few hours."

I can feel Sara watching me as I walk to the doorway.

"Kelly," she calls me back. When I turn, her expression is stern. "Just you."

I get her hidden inference, the veiled reference to the person she is not interested in seeing.

I nod. "Promise."

Exiting, I try to mentally prepare myself for what is likely to be one of the most nerve wracking coffee plans I've ever made.

Sara, at my house, with her dark, intense gaze, was intimidating. Sara, placing herself mere feet across from me, with that same dark, intense gaze, in a secluded booth at 6am in a mostly empty coffee shop? Pretty damn stressful.

Especially when her expression is otherwise the epitome of unreadable.

"I took the liberty," I tell her, sliding the coffee I got for her across to her side of the table. "Cream and sugar are in the corner if you need them."

Sara watches the cup before finally taking it.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

"Look," I tell her, trying to keep my own expression open. "I don't want to keep you here any longer than needed. I know you've had a long day."

Sara glances down, eyes studying her coffee cup.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry," I start. "For what I was witness to the other day."

"You didn't do anything," Sara responds evenly, voice as stoic as her expression.

"Maybe not," I agree. "But I was there, and I feel like I need to acknowledge it."

I try to get her to meet my eyes, but she avidly dodges my gaze.

"I may not know you, Sara Sidle. Our past encounters may be limited to one impromptu dinner at my house, but you are an important part of my best friend's life. Whether you want to be or not. And, that makes you an important part of mine by default."

I pick at the edge of the ceramic paint on my mug.

"When things in Catherine's life are strained, they're strained for all of us. Me. Lindsey."

Sara's eyes narrow.

"You're blaming me for bringing stress into your and Lindsey's life?"

I feel my eyes widening, "What?"

Shaking my head as I try to adjust to her complete misunderstanding of my comment, I lower my head to bring my gaze closer to hers.

"No," I state firmly. "That's not what I meant."

I breathe out. "What I was trying to lead up to is that when Catherine's life is strained we notice. Catherine notices. But, Catherine doesn't always have the best control over what it does to her, despite her being more than aware that it's happening. It's like she knows she's not being rational, but can't seem to step out of her emotions enough to stop it."

Trying to focus my words to conform into exactly what I want to convey, I eventually give up and just speak from the heart.

"What Catherine said to you was inexcusable, Sara. She should never have said what she did about your past."

Sara tenses, her body language revealing just how much she despises this particular topic.

"I want you to know that Catherine's aware of the level at which she's screwed up. She fell apart as soon as you left that room and hasn't been much better since then. She's tearing herself apart over this."

"What do you want from me?" Sara questions directly, her intense eyes finally meeting mine. "An apology for avoiding her? A promise to be nice to your friend so that she can forgive herself and we can all live happily ever after?"

Sara's jaw tightens as she pushes her back tensely into the booth.

"I'm sorry," she shakes her head. "But like I told her, I'm done with trying. Every time I do it just feels like a mistake."

Sara's gaze moves to the window.

"I think Catherine and I need to focus on being professional to one another at work. Not trying to keep forcing anything more than that. It's never worked for us yet."

"How hard have you tried?"

Looking over at my question, Sara's eyes narrow.

"How hard have you tried to get to know Catherine?" I question. "Or let her get to know you?"

I lean forward, keeping our gazes locked.

"Look, you know about Catherine's past, including about Eddie. That scares the shit out of her. Her past is something she's worked hard to overcome, and here one of her new coworkers, one she has the most tenuous relationship with, knows everything. Do you know how scary that is for her – wondering when it's all going to be made public again?"

"I wouldn't," Sara shakes her head tightly, angrily. "I would never do that. I didn't do that."

"I know," I agree. "And now so does she. But, in the heat of the moment Sara, when she didn't know that, all she saw was her and Lindsey's future falling apart. Her future being held in the hands of a woman she barely knows."

"People here wouldn't judge her like she thinks they would," Sara says defensively. "Even if it were ever to all come out. Which, Jim and I made more than sure wouldn't happen. If Catherine ever wants to share later on, that's her decision. It's her past and it's her right to share it with only the people she feels comfortable."

"You're probably the noblest person I've ever come across."

Sara's eyebrow raises in question at the seemingly random statement. She looks angry, distrustful, like she's still trying to figure out the trick to all of this, my secret motive.

"Catherine as well." I tell her. "She's not expecting someone like you when it comes to handling Eddie. She's used to all the other jerks and assholes who tried to 'help' her in the past. When in reality they only used the information to exploit her. She wasn't' expecting someone with a heart and a moral compass like yours."

I reach across the table, placing my hand across her forearm, holding it firmly when she starts to pull away.

"Catherine messed up, that's a given. But, she's not the person that you're expecting her to be, either. She's got your best interests at heart, Sara, I promise you. She misread you, mistrusted you when she shouldn't have. But, she wasn't trying to hurt you. She never was."

Sara swallows, head lowering as her arm remains tense under my touch.

"Even though she clearly did," I breathe out, seeing the underlying damage that Catherine has done written all over the young woman sitting before me.

Of course Catherine's statement hurt. It wasn't just Catherine's secrets being thrown around during their altercation. Sara's own secrets were thrown right in her face in the most harsh and insensitive of ways. But, instead of lashing back, Sara turned inward. She walked out of that room, walked out on Catherine.

Catherine reacts with fire. Sara reacts with ice.

"I'm not asking you to be her best friend," I tell Sara. "All I'm asking is that you don't assume that one very regretful comment represents the woman that I know Catherine to be. The kind, caring, warm, loving woman that I respect beyond words."

I squeeze Sara's arm.

"She messed up, big time. And I'm so sorry for how deeply she hurt you. But, please, don't completely write her off. Get to know her first. She's better than the person you saw that day."

I look at her dark profile.

"And, Sara, please let her get to know you as well. I think the two of you have more in common than you think."

"Why?" Sara bites back lowly. "Because we both have people in our lives who 'beat the shit out of us' as she so kindly publicized? We're automatically supposed to be best friends now?"

I watch the woman before me, the anger in her eyes. The defensive set to her shoulders as she draws them closer, like she's trying to raise just one more wall around her to keep the world out. One more to the hundreds it seems like she has around her already.

"Not at all," I tell her, hating to see how haunted and angry this wonderful person sitting in front of me is underneath it all. "All I'm asking is that you don't let that one heated statement define everything between you. Eliminate the progress the two of you had made."

Sara looks over at me, eyes dark, her body stiff under my touch. I can tell she's still resisting pulling away from me, from ending this entire conversation right here.

"Catherine…" she trails off, trying to figure out how to say what she wants to express. "Catherine's approach regarding relationships with people is different than mine."

Sara's voice lowers, her tone even smokier than usual.

"She keeps expecting a level of openness between us that I'm not ready for. Especially now that I know how she treats the limited information she does have about me."

Sara shakes her head.

"I'm sorry."

"Then tell her that, Sara," I respond. "It's okay if you aren't ready to be friends or forgive her, or whatever. But you need to tell her how you're feeling, you need to at least acknowledge what's happened so that you can move on from this anger you keep bottled up inside of you."

Sara leans back, finally successfully pulling her arm from my hold as she leans her head back into the booth with a long breath out between her teeth.

"And, she needs to at least have the chance to say what she needs to say, Sara, so that she can move on. You can do whatever you want with that conversation, but you both need to have it."

When the silence stretches on, I bolster my own emotions for the final thoughts I still have left on my mind.

"The last thing I wanted to say to you Sara, is thank you. Thank you for protecting her, for protecting Lindsey. I never got a chance to say that before this all happened."

I shake my head, trying to keep the moisture from my eyes.

"Everything going on in your own personal life, much of it involving Catherine in a less than positive way. And yet you protected her without hesitation, put your own life in jeopardy without a second thought."

I lean forward, "You're an amazing person and I'm glad you entered into Catherine's life. Whether or not you're glad she entered into yours."

Sara's eyes are on the table, her features conflicted.

"She's helped me as well," Sara says quietly. Gesturing vaguely towards her ribs, she swallows tightly. "She could have left me in the desert that night, but she didn't. I probably would have bled out if she hadn't been there and insisted on helping me."

Sara looks up towards me, still not quite meeting my eyes, but closer.

"I don't think Catherine is a bad person," Sara tells me. "I just think she's very different in how she handles things than I am. And, I'm not willing to keep putting up with her lashing out at me, physically or verbally, every time she feels threatened by something. I'm not a threat to her, I'm not going to hurt her, but until she believes that and stops immediately assuming the worst of me I need some space."

"Wait," I narrow my eyes. "You said 'keep putting up'…has this sort of thing happened before?"

Sara's eyes flicker up to mine before leaving, her mouth subconsciously tightening.

"She's been aggressive towards you before?" I ask in disbelief.

My companion remains silent, the brunette unwilling to expand on her slip.

But, she doesn't need to.

Inside, I cringe as Sara's point of view takes even firmer shape. Yes, Catherine's approach with Sara during their last encounter was vile. It was awful to watch and be witness to. That alone would be grounds for Sara to walk away permanently.

But, if you add in prior encounters that were similar, it becomes less of a convincing argument that it's a fluke, a bad moment. It becomes a pattern.

"What happened, Sara."

It's not a question, it's a demand.

Sara shakes her head. "That wasn't my point. I'm just saying that I respect your friendship with Catherine and the close relationship you two clearly have with one another, but the relationship I've had so far with Catherine has been a very different experience."

Sara tightens her hands along her coffee.

"And, like I said, it hasn't been all negative, I can tell that she cares. She probably saved my life when I got stabbed. But, I can't keep wondering which Catherine I'm going to get when I interact with her. I can't keep wondering how she'll misconstrue what I do or whether she'll keep reacting first and asking for clarification later."

I look her over, as if her body will reveal to me what Catherine had done. But, to be honest, with the way the brunette is favoring her side, angry discoloring around the gash by her eye, the pale and hallow features, it would be hard to pick out one altercation from another.

"Stop looking at me like that, Kelly. Our other interactions were not a big deal," she shakes her head. "She didn't hurt me."

"That's not the point."

"Look," Sara states. "I respect that your relationship with Catherine is different than mine. That your interactions with her are different than mine. But, to trust someone I need to feel like I know them. I don't know which version of Catherine is real, Kelly. Yours or mine."

Sara shakes her head, the heaviness of her words ringing through me.

"I'll talk to her if she still wants to talk, let her speak her peace," she says evenly. "I owe her that much. But I'm not ready for anything else beyond that."

I nod, trying to steady myself and my thoughts.

"I think that's fair."

And, I do.

Their relationship has been volatile from the start, thrust into each other's lives in the most stressful of times for each of them. Their actions have been unpredictable, and at least in Catherine's case, uncharacteristic.

They need time to sort themselves out, to feel like their feet are back on solid ground before they can fathom trying to build any sort of foundation with each other.

But, it's a shame that they didn't meet under other circumstances as perhaps things then would be different. I know the amazing and beautiful person my friend has always been to me, and I see the loyal and selfless person that Sara has revealed herself to be.

I think the two of them would make an amazing team here in Vegas, a team that could be based on respect, support, and loyalty. But, to get there, they need to be able to trust the person they are building that relationship with. And, that trust clearly just isn't there yet.

Reaching over, I startle Sara when I tilt her jaw up gently so that she meets my eyes. Once she finally matches my gaze, I remove my hand, keeping my eyes steady with hers.

"Thank you agreeing to meet." I tell her sincerely. "With me, and with her. It means a lot."

CATHERINE POV

"I heard you spoke with Kelly."

Sara doesn't look up, placing her vest on as she tightens the Velcro across her shoulders.

"She said you would be willing to speak with me if I would like."

Sara's hands secure her gun at her hip before she turns to face me fully, still remaining silent.

I watch her for a moment before I close my own locker.

"I would like that very much, Sara," I tell her. "If you're still willing."

Sara's hands move towards her hips, her fingers anxiously tugging at the threads from her vest.

"When and where?"

Taking this as agreement, I let out a breath.

"Kelly's place after shift? You know how to get there and this way she can watch Lindsey while we talk?"

Sara nods, "That's fine."

Looking down at her pager, she flips through the screen before she moves to the door.

"I have to go. I'll see you after shift."

She's gone before I can respond.

"You sure she's not bailing?" I anxiously tap my fingers along my pants, glancing at my watch as I do so.

"She's only twenty minutes late."

"Sara's early, to everything."

"Cath."

"I know," I breathe out tensely. "I need to be patient."

We wait for a while longer. I'm about to give up all hope when I hear a car pulling swiftly into the drive. The driver side opening, Sara steps out into the early morning light and quickly ascends the drive.

"Hey," she says, slightly hesitant when she sees both Kelly and I sitting out front waiting. Clearing her throat, she gestures towards her watch. "Sorry I'm late. I got stuck at a scene out in Mesa."

I look her over, the slight hunch to her shoulders, her hand running through tangled hair.

"You want to do this another time?" I question sincerely. "You look exhausted, Sara."

The brunette looks like she should be doing nothing right now except crawling into bed.

"It's fine."

Moving her tense gaze between us, Kelly stands, stepping forward to squeeze Sara's shoulder briefly.

"Good to see you, Sara." she tells Sara gently. "I'm going to head in to keep an eye on Linds."

We both watch her go, the environment becoming much tenser in her absence. Clearing my own throat, I gesture to Kelly's vacated chair. Hesitating a moment, Sara finally sits.

"Thanks for coming," I start. "I know it's not easy for you to be here."

Sara nods, eyes watching the early rays of light peaking over the mountains.

"I first and foremost want to apologize, Sara. What I said to you was beyond out of line. I am so sorry."

Sara doesn't immediately respond, her body tense as she remains completely still, only her fingers moving anxiously along the armrests of the chair.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me," I tell her. "I just need you to know I'm sorry. It must have hurt you deeply, and you didn't deserve that."

I sigh, feeling like the words are horrifically inadequate.

"I'm so sorry, Sara."

Sara eventually nods, leaning forward in her chair to place her elbows along her knees, hands fiddling anxiously with one another.

"It happened," Sara eventually says quietly. "We move on."

"Sara," I shake my head, not wanting to let her short change this. "Please don't shut this out."

"What do you want me to say?" she questions.

"I don't want you to say anything. But, I want you to trust what I'm saying," I tell her honestly, not wanting her characteristic polite placation, her stoic dismissal as if what I said didn't bother her. "Whether or not you are able to forgive me someday, I want you to at least trust that I'm truly sorry for what I did."

Sara's head lowers, her hand coming up to rub her temples.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly.

Straightening up, Sara lets out a long breath.

"I'm trying to trust you. I'm trying to move past it," she says. "I really am."

"I don't expect you to pretend like it didn't happen or force yourself to forgive me or move on before you're ready, Sara. To be honest, I'm not sure something like I said can be forgiven."

I know better than to reach out and touch her, much as I would like to place my hand along her slumped shoulders.

"I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I got caught in the moment, blinded by my frustrations and fear. You didn't deserve that, Sara."

Sara nods slightly, acknowledging that she heard me.

"And you didn't deserve me so carelessly referring to such a delicate topic, such a sensitive part of your past."

Sara stiffens, gaze moving even farther away from mine.

"I care about you Sara, and I care that those things happened to you when you were younger. I'm so sorry that it happened, and I'm so sorry that I used it in such a hateful and angry moment."

Sara turns slightly away, her gaze and her head now completely facing away from me. I hear her clear her throat, taking a shaky breath before she returns her gaze to the ground in front of her.

"That's not what we're here to discuss," she says quietly. "I'm not talking about that. Not now. Not ever."

It's clear that Sara means what she's saying, the heavy emotion underlying her dark tone.

Though I wish Sara wasn't so closed off to discussing anything personal, regardless of the magnitude, I knew something as big as this would be even more extremely off limits. And, as much as the brunette's private nature doesn't surprise me, I wish she felt comfortable to discuss things like this – with at least someone. Having seen her CSI file, I know now why the portions regarding her early information was so sparse. And, I worry that she had the information kept from her file specifically to keep it private, even from Gil.

I have no doubt that no one on this CSI team knows about these personal demons Sara's kept buried deep within herself.

"Okay," I whisper, respecting her request, but hoping that someday Sara can find it in herself to open up. To at least find one person to confide in and stop guarding herself so firmly against a world that she seems convinced is set against her.

Recentering myself and trying to tuck away my own emotions, I take a deep breath.

"So how do we proceed from here?" I ask.

Sara's pensive gaze is still on the ground, her shoulders brought up tightly around her.

"We move on," she says quietly. "We get back to working together like professionals."

While Sara and I have remained professional, even when we were at the worst of this situation, we've been too avoidant. Leaving rooms instead of discussing evidence just to get out of the presence of the other. Ending conversations earlier than needed, ending discussions that could potentially help move our cases forward.

We need to manage more than civility between us. We need productivity, cooperation.

"I agree," I tell her. "You're a hell of a CSI, Sara, and I enjoy working alongside you. You have my word that I will keep things work related between us. No more avoiding each other when we're on cases together, you don't have to worry about me bringing things up that aren't relevant to our work."

Sara's eyes down, she slowly nods.

"I look forward to moving on," Sara says quietly, diplomatically.

Then, standing, she runs her hands anxiously along her jeans.

"Sara," I call her back as she starts to head for her car, getting to my own feet.

Slowly approaching, I come to a stop before her.

"Eddie was officially booked this morning," I tell her quietly. "Formal charges are pending, but Brass said that everything went through with the DA. Because of protection for Lindsey, he's not even eligible for bail."

I breathe out.

"He's out of our lives, Sara. At least the next couple years, he's gone. I just wanted to let you know."

Looking into her averted hazel gaze, I hesitate before reaching out to gently take hold of her shoulder.

"I can never thank you enough, Sara. For what you did for me and my daughter."

Sara's jaw is tight, her eyes still away from mine.

Nodding, she takes a deep breath, allowing the rare physical contact.

Then, she steps back, my hand falling from her t-shirt.

Getting into her Jeep, she nods in my direction.

"See you tomorrow, Miss Willows."

AN: Thanks for reading.