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Rory started up the street. She walked past the sign for Kim's Antiques and had to stop herself from automatically going through the gate or, as she glanced upwards with a grin, climbing the tree. It had been years since Lane had lived at home yet Rory somehow imagined her there still, crosslegged on her bed with forbidden music all around her.
Lane had moved out years ago. Rory took a big sigh and walked on to where she lived now, a few blocks away, with Zach and her children. Lane's life circled around little else these days though she held defensively to the fact that Hep Alien were still together, even if rather through name than practise.
Rory walked up to the newly painted black door and stopped her hand before knocking. She ran a hand hesitantly through her hair and a sweated palm on her pants before shaking herself – nervous to see Lane? – and knocking smartly on the door. There was a scuffle, a baby's cry and then Lane opened the door. Her brow was creased with tiredness and she looked ready to snap but as she saw her friend her frown instantly melted into a smile.
"Rory!"
"Hey!" Rory exclaimed, hugging Lane tightly. "How are you?"
"How am I?" Lane laughed, leading her inside. "I'm fine, how are you? I had no idea you were back, I wasn't expecting you for another couple of days."
"We got to Stars Hollow early."
Rory followed Lane into the living room, almost tripping over one of the many brightly plastic toys which littered the floor. Lane winced and picked it up.
"Sorry."
"Lane, I'm the one who dropped by without being asked. I'm sorry, I should have called."
"Are you kidding?" Lane beamed. "This is the best surprise since – I don't know when. How are you? How's Logan?"
"He's fine. We're both fine."
"And I'm fine," Lane said happily. "Now that we've cleared that up, do you want some tea?"
"I'd love some," Rory said, sitting down on the couch. The house seemed unnaturally quiet and she asked curiously,
"Where are the boys?"
"With Mama," Lane said, putting the kettle on the stove. "She looks after them for a couple of hours every afternoon, it's a lifesaver. I know I complained about her a lot growing up but I swear, Rory, I'd lose my mind without her help, especially now there's three of them."
Lane had had another baby at the start of the year. Rory had gone to see her as soon as possible but it hadn't stopped the stab of guilt of missing another birth of Lane's children. The baby had been a girl and Rory bought her a pink elephant.
"Where's Nico?" Rory asked. The girl's namesake was after the musician or an obscure saint, depending on if you were talking in front of Mrs Kim or not.
"Sleeping," Lane said, hastily lowering her voice. "Do you want to see her?"
"I don't want to wake her up," Rory said. She expected Lane to say they could peek around the door but her friend looked thankful and said,
"Everything wakes that kid up, just glancing at her. Now that you're back you'll see a ton of her!"
Rory smiled at the happiness in Lane's voice. The kettle began to whistle and Lane got up to brew the tea but, just as it was steeping, there was the sound of a baby's cry. Lane groaned.
"Guess you'll see her after all," she said wearily. She went into the next room and came back with the squalling baby, along with Rory's elephant.
"Hi, Nico," Rory said, getting up to see her. "What's wrong?"
"I don't think anything's wrong," Lane said, sitting down on the couch and examining her daughter. "I fed her just before you came and changed her. I think she's just grumpy at being woken up."
"I'm sorry," Rory said guiltily, as Lane rocked her and hummed what sounded like Velvet Underground under her breath. Nico's cries turned to grizzles and then to contented silence.
"Don't be," Lane said, looking anxiously at the baby to see if she would start crying again. "It wasn't you, it was the kettle boiling, she hates it."
"Maybe you need to switch to electric."
"Doubt it would make a difference."
Lane silently rocked Nico and Rory picked up the elephant which had fallen onto the cushion, already beginning to look tired.
"She loves it," Lane smiled. "I put it in her crib every night."
"Isn't she a little young to appreciate a stuffed animal?"
Logan had mocked her choice of gift, saying Rory should have given Lane something more practical. Rory had secretly held the same doubts but she didn't want to give Logan the satisfaction of buying something else and so had stubbornly kept her first gift.
"Of course she's not. She cries if it isn't there. I mean, she cries all the time anyway," Lane added ruefully, "but she cries more without it."
"I'm glad she likes it."
Rory smiled at the baby in Lane's arms and Lane offered,
"Want to hold her?"
"Oh -okay."
Lane gently passed her to her friend and Rory carefully supported the head, silently terrified. She didn't have much practise with babies. The last time she had held one was when a wife of Logan's colleague had given birth and they gone to her house to congratulate her. Rory had only held the baby for a minute and that was enough. Babies were fine when they reached their first birthday, got more robust, but at this stage they seemed to be made of china.
"You okay?" Lane laughed, noticing Rory's tension and she smiled, feeling embarrassed. "You're not going to break her, you're doing great."
"I don't know how to hold a baby."
"Don't let her head hang back, which you're not. Relax."
Rory let out the breath she'd been holding and looked down at Nico. Her impossibly small body was warm in her lap, her legs loose, and she stared up at Rory with tiny eyes, a beautiful sheen of black hair already coating her head. She smelt overpoweringly of baby, which shouldn't be surprising to Rory yet somehow was all the same.
"Hey, little girl," Rory said gently. "Remember me?"
Nico yawned and closed her eyes. Rory tried not to take it personally.
"She loves you," Lane said in a satisfied voice. Rory rolled her eyes.
"I doubt that, she's gone back to sleep."
"Exactly – she feels relaxed around you. She's not with most people."
Rory looked back down at the sleeping baby and then at Lane.
"I'm sorry I missed her being born," she said regretfully. "I wish I could have been there."
"Rory, you live on the other side of the country!" Lane exclaimed. "You came as soon as you could. You couldn't have just moved back for my due date."
"I know. I'm still sorry."
They sat in silence for a while. Nico let out a yawn and fell back asleep.
"Remember when we were kids," Rory said suddenly, "and we planned to have our kids at exactly the same time?"
"That's right!" Lane said, laughing at the memory. "A girl and a boy –"
"The girl first –"
"And the boy second. And they'd be like each other's brothers and sisters," Lane finished for her. "And, naturally, that wouldn't get in a way of me being a world famous rock star and you being a journalist." Her smile faded slightly as she added, "We all know how that worked out."
"Right," Rory said softly, looking down again. She gently traced the baby's hand, made of impossibly soft skin.
"For one of us anyway," Lane said, her voice cheerful again. "You're out there, living the dream!"
Rory nodded but didn't say anything. Lane looked at her and then asked,
"You're not – are you and Logan planning kids yet?"
Rory looked up in shock and Lane said hastily,
"Sorry, that's not really my business."
"Lane, you're my best friend, you can ask me anything," Rory said firmly. Lane smiled in relief, not noticing Rory's nervousness, and she bit her lip.
"We haven't talked about it," she said eventually. Lane looked at her curiously.
"Do you want kids?"
Rory shrugged, shifting slightly. The baby was beginning to feel heavy in her lap.
"I don't know," she said honestly. "I thought I did."
Lane didn't say anything and Rory found herself admitting,
"I had a scare."
"A scare?" Lane echoed. "You mean –"
"Exactly."
"But you weren't," Lane guessed. Rory nodded. "Were you sorry?"
Rory shrugged. She suddenly didn't want to say that she had been relieved and instead said,
"I wasn't sad. I mean, I'm barely in my mid-twenties."
"That's true," Lane agreed. "You know, everyone's said to me that it's good I've had kids young because I can relax when I'm older but Rory, it feels like that's never going to happen. I know I'm supposed to enjoy them when they're little but I'm so tired, all the time, even with Mama helping out – Zach works all day and now with Nico..."
Her voice trailed off and then confirmed Rory's suspicions as she said,
"We didn't exactly plan her."
Rory nodded and, taking her friend's silence as criticism, Lane hastily said,
"Not that I'm sorry – I've always wanted a daughter and you know I'd never regret my kids."
"Lane, you don't have to tell me that."
"It's just..." Lane stopped and sighed, looking tired again. "This wasn't the plan, you know? I wanted to get married and I wanted to have kids but there was going to be time. I was going to have fun, tour with the band, and I only had a glimpse of it..."
Lane sounded wistful but she quickly added,
"I know it could be a lot worse. I'm married to a great, rocking guy and I've got three amazing kids who I'm going to make into rock stars."
"Do they get a say in it?"
"What do you think?"
"You get more like your mom every day," Rory said and they both burst into giggles.
"I could say the same for you," Lane said. "Smart, independent woman out living the dream! How's the great California life? Any jobs on the horizon?"
"Not right now," Rory said and Lane looked at her comfortingly.
"Something will come up, I know it. Maybe it'll be easier now you're back in the East. You're certainly dressed for it. I haven't worn a shirt like that, since...I've never worn a shirt like that!"
Rory blushed and Lane asked,
"Should I put Nico down again? You don't want to get spit-up on that – what is it, silk?"
"Satin," Rory said, feeling suddenly embarrassed. "It's fine."
"She should finish her nap in her crib anyway," Lane said, gently taking the baby and kissing the top of her head. "The boys will be back soon and she needs some real sleep."
Rory smiled to see Lane cradling the baby, looking suddenly serene. She watched her leave the room and thought about telling Lane the truth about the scare. She was her best friend after all but she worried, suddenly, about what Lane would say and if she thought Rory had thought the wrong thing so instead she said nothing at all.
"So," Lane said, coming and sitting back down. "What have you been doing today?"
"We went for Luke's for breakfast. Kirk was there, being Kirk."
Lane laughed and Rory added,
"Luke told me Jess is coming back."
She tried to keep her voice casual but Lane's eyes widened and she exclaimed,
"You're kidding! Jess? Jess Mariano?"
"What other Jess do we know?"
"Is he staying for long?" Lane asked. "How come he's back?"
"Something to do with work, I don't know," Rory shrugged. Lane looked at her and asked shrewdly,
"Are you nervous?"
"Nervous?" Rory echoed, trying to laugh. "Why should I be?"
"You were in love with the guy," Lane said truthfully. Rory fiddled with her wedding ring.
"I'm married now," she said uncomfortably. "It's all in the past."
"I guess," Lane agreed and Rory forced herself to stop looking at her ring. She decided not to tell Lane about what had happened in a Philadelphia, an incident she never told anyone, not even her mother. She wished she had never mentioned Jess at all; memory of the kiss and touching herself the other day flew painfully up in her mind and she forced it away.
"What are you doing for the rest of the day?" Lane asked, moving on. "How come you had time to stop by?"
"Mom's at work and Logan's in Hartford checking out our apartment."
"On his own?"
"I didn't want to come."
"Why not?" Lane frowned. "If I was you I'd kill to see where I was going to live."
"I saw it online," Rory said defensively and Lane scoffed.
"That's not the same!"
"I just didn't feel like it," Rory shrugged. "We're all going to Grandma's later anyway. I wanted to hang out here, see you. I've missed you, Lane Kim."
"I've missed you too, Rory Gilmore. Remember how we used to hang out in my room and talk about the future and being grown-ups? How far away it all seemed?"
"Yeah," Rory said softly, her mind filled with the image of two young girls in jeans and borrowed sweatshirts, listening to music and dreaming about the day they'd leave home.
"It just went," Lane said. "In a flash. Look at us now."
Rory looked at her friend, whose clothes looked old and tired and then at herself, with clothes which seemed designed for some other, wealthy woman.
"Yeah," she said quietly. "Look at us now."