AN: Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews – truly means a lot. I love hearing your guys' thoughts and opinions along these journeys. While a lot of times the major plot points of my stories are set in my head before I ever post the first chapter, I love hearing everyone's unique perspectives on the characters, the pairings, etc, as they are revealed along the way. Your insights give me the opportunity view these characters in ways that are new and refreshing, hearing thoughts and perspectives beyond my own. You guys are wonderful and your ever present support of my writing means the world.

Take care and enjoy.

CHAPTER 23

CATHERINE POV

"You look like shit."

Sara's eyes meet mine briefly, the brunette quickly looking away to focus back on the papers in front of her.

"Thanks."

Smiling slightly, I push a coffee across the layout table.

"Extra shots of espresso."

I watch her gaze meet mine again and I grimace at the dark circles ever present under the young woman's eyes, even more prominent than usual this morning.

"A lot of extra shots."

Sara finally breaks her tense gaze, her mouth letting out the barest hint of a smile before she takes the beverage, using it to warm her hands a moment before taking a sip.

"Thanks," she tells me, this time genuinely.

"You get here early?" I ask, noting the amount of progress she's already made processing the evidence from our rave in the desert. "You have to be the only person I've ever known to come in early when they're hungover."

Sara shakes her head, pushing a paper away to focus on the next.

"The victims shouldn't have to wait just because I decided to get drunk last night."

I appreciate her dedication, at her work ethic that rivals that of anyone I've ever worked with. Even my own, which says a lot. But, I worry that these are clearly habits the brunette cannot possibly sustain long term. Even now she looks like she's barely holding herself together, her coloring off as I'm sure she's more than a bit nauseous. Even I woke up this morning with a pounding headache, and I had only a tiny fraction of the amount of alcohol the brunette did.

She should've called off. I know for a fact she has more overtime stored up than most people could dream of. Everyone here would be supportive of the workaholic young CSI taking a break for once. The only time she's spent away from the lab having been when she was forced to for the trial. When she was sent to stay in jail until the case was dropped. And, being subjected to the hells that she was put through in that jail cannot be qualified as any sort of break.

She needed the chance to let go of everything haunting her for just one night. And, this morning, she more than deserved the time off to recover.

"Did it help?"

Sara looks up at my question, searching my gaze for a hint of what I'm asking her.

"Last night," I clarify. "Did it help?"

Sara's expression darkens slightly, the reaction surprising me.

"No," she shakes her head. "I shouldn't have let that happen. It was unprofessional, irresponsible."

"Sara…"

She looks away, drawing in a shaking breath as she takes a long drink of coffee.

"Sara," I call again, reaching out and taking her wrist when she sets the coffee back down. "Listen to me. You needed to escape, and I more than supported you. Then and now. You did nothing wrong."

The young woman's expression pales slightly at my words, her fist clenching tightly.

"Hey," I call, reaching out with my other hand to draw her face back towards mine. "Don't do this to yourself. You can't be holding yourself to these inhuman standards all the time. You're one of the most dedicated, professional, and responsible CSIs I've ever come across. Don't ever doubt that for a moment."

I move my hand from her wrist to squeeze her arm.

"Don't let yourself burn out because you're too stubborn to stop holding yourself to these impossible principles. Ones that no one could feasibly ever sustain."

I'm not sure if she's listening, taking in what I'm saying. Her expression gives nothing away, remaining quiet as usual.

"This field needs you, Sara. You're one of the most talented CSIs I know. But, you're no help to anyone if you keep going like this and burn out before you even hit your mid-30's."

Leaning in, I move my hand to her shoulder.

"I need you around for the long road, Sara. Who else is going to challenge me, frustrate me, and push me in the ways that only you seem to accomplish so well," I question with a wink, letting her see the kindness in my tone.

Taking a deep breath, she straightens up, nodding to me to let me know my message has been heard. Loud and clear.

"I, uh," she clears her throat. "I think I found something that connects our vics."

And, with that, she gives me one last look, and I give her shoulder one last squeeze, before we move on to the work at hand.

"Still can't believe the extent of things people are willing to do to their own bodies."

Sara simply shrugs noncommittally, the brunette having barely raised a brow during Doc's post that revealed more drugs, piercings, tattoos, and high risk lifestyle choices than I could have imagined two teenage boys having had access to. But, the world is a very different place than it was when I was their age. And, my own past at that time had its very own colorful chapters.

It makes me nervous for Lindsey. For this changed world that she's going to be growing up in, one where it seems nearly impossible to remain innocent much longer than kindergarten.

"It really doesn't bother you?" I question curiously.

"Choices are choices," she says simply, glancing at me as we ascend the stairs from the morgue.

"Okay, but don't tell me you support those choices?" my eyes widen. "Those kids in there were billboards for irresponsible decisions, might as well have put themselves in front of a loaded gun."

"So it's their fault they ended up murdered?" Sara questions, tone neutral.

"No," I counter. "I'm not saying that. But I'm saying that they may have never been in this situation if they didn't put themselves right in harm's way with the lifestyles they were leading. This world is unpredictable enough without making lifestyle choices that increase the odds of bad outcomes."

"Lifestyle choices…" Sara mumbles the words somewhat quietly. "Lifestyle choices that increase the odds of bad outcomes. Like the ones that place people at a higher risk for disease, death?"

"Yes."

"Oh," she raises a brow, nodding with an unreadable expression. "Like smoking?"

I look at her, eyes wide.

"I'm just saying," she shrugs. "We all make poor decisions even when we sometimes know better. We're just the lucky ones who haven't been asked to pay the price yet."

Sending me one last glance, we finish our journey to the main lab.

Damn it, Sidle, I mutter to myself, unable to help the small smile that comes to my lips. Touché.

"You going to be okay here if I take off?"

Not bothering to look up, Sara nods. "Have a nice night."

Then, perhaps not hearing me leaving, she looks up, for the first time noticing my expression.

"Everything okay?" she asks, concern lacing her tone.

"Yeah," I breathe out. "At least I think so."

Seeing her narrowed eyes, trying to read through the lines, I shrug, glancing down at my phone.

"Kelly asked to speak with me after shift." I tap my fingers along the edge of the screen. "She just seemed a bit…off. I don't know," I shrug, "probably nothing."

Sara gets strangely quiet, her features paling slightly as she looks away from me.

"Maybe."

The brunette's own behavior is now adding to my list of things that are 'off.' What the hell is going on with everyone today?

Giving her one last confused glance, I shake my head and walk out.

"Lindsey inside?" I ask, Kelly having done me the favor of picking her up today from school since I stayed a little past the end of shift.

"Yeah," Kelly answers, gesturing to the open screen door where she's been keeping an eye on my daughter playing with what looks like a puzzle on the living room floor.

Heading in, I greet Lindsey with a huge hug and kiss, much to her dismay.

"That's gross, mom," she squeals as she wipes dramatically at her cheek.

Laughing, I ruffle her hair before stepping away.

"How was your day, sweetheart?"

Lindsey fills me in on the day's events, which involves lots of drama surrounding a lost toy at recess. And, Lindsey's apparent CSI skills showing up early as she confidently states, "I know Danny took it."

Not able to resist, I raise a brow. "And how do you know that?"

"Because Danny's a weirdo."

Not able to help the laugh that escapes before I can hold it in, I try to make my face appear neutral. But, God help me, it's hard. And, apparently my daughter's investigative skills need some time to evolve.

"Linds, you know we don't say things like that about other people," I say, putting on my best 'mom' look. "It's not nice."

Lindsey shrugs, "I guess," she agrees. "But, it's true," she adds as an afterthought.

"Even so," I tell her, "we only say nice things about other people, okay?"

She considers this, eventually agreeing to the terms of this arrangement. "Okay."

"Good," I move over and kiss her hair before stepping back. "Kel and I are going to talk outside for a bit. You going to be okay in here?"

"Yup," she barely glances up from the puzzle she's determined to figure out.

"We're right outside the door, call if you need us."

"Uh huh," she mutters, distractedly fitting another piece together.

Smiling, I take a deep breath before moving back outside to join Kelly on the front porch.

Wordlessly, Kelly reaches over, handing me a glass of what looks like lemonade as I take a seat.

"Thanks," I take a long appreciative sip of the refreshing beverage. "So," I call when it looks like Kelly is going to remain silent. "What's on your mind?"

Kelly looks over at me, appearing more conflicted then I've seen my friend in a long time.

"I kissed Sara."

There it is. In true Kelly fashion, she doesn't waste time, never one to be able to dance around the topic when something's bothering her.

My own eyes go wide, not expecting this confession in the least.

"What…" I get out. "When?"

"At the bar last night."

I swallow, mind flashing back to Kelly and Sara's disappearance.

"When you said you were in the bathroom."

"We were," she amends. "But we were…"

"In the bathroom kissing."

Kelly nods uncomfortably. Kelly is a lot like me in most ways, but she's a bit more reserved than I am. She doesn't necessarily like topics relating to personal things like this, much more in her comfort zone when we're talking about these things when they relate to other people instead of herself.

"Okay…" I get out, still trying to wrap my head around this development. While I knew Sara and Kelly had a unique connection, getting along better and quicker than I would have anticipated, I did not see this coming. Yes, I knew Kelly found Sara attractive, but I never thought…

"Wow."

Kelly groans, leaning her head back against her chair.

"I know."

Trying to gather my thoughts, I face her.

"Are you upset it happened?" I ask her curiously. "Seemed like you like her."

"I'm not upset it happened," Kelly answers. "It was really good, to be honest. And something I'd wanted to do for a while. I'm just more…confused."

"About?"

"I'm straight," Kelly tells me seriously, making me smile slightly. "I've never just gone to a woman at a bar and made out with them in the bathroom. No matter how attractive they are."

Kelly shakes her head, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. "And I've certainly never wanted to do anything more than make out with a woman before, either."

Oh.

Brows raising at her unspoken insinuation, I try to couch my expression, not wanting to spook Kelly any more than she already is.

"Kelly," I tell her seriously. "You like who you like. Doesn't necessarily make you gay, bi, straight. Whoever you fall for you fall for. Attraction doesn't even have to be organized into a specific category at all if you don't want it to be or if none of those categories feel right to you."

"I just…" Kelly trails off. "It's so unexpected. And it's sorta freaking me out?"

Smiling slightly, I feel my thoughts racing, picturing Kelly and Sara sneaking off to make out with each other in the bathroom. Both drunk, but both clearly interested.

God, and to think I spent the whole day with Sara and she didn't give away a damn thing.

"I wanted to talk to you," Kelly says quietly, as if reading my thoughts. "Before you heard it from Sara."

I laugh, "You really think Sara would ever tell me something like this? Better chance of the president telling our foreign enemies our nuclear codes."

"Good point."

Kelly straightens up, eyes searching mine.

"You aren't angry, are you?" she asks sincerely, body language revealing her nervousness. "I know Sara is your colleague at work, and I don't want to complicate things for you professionally. I don't know what this is, or will be, but it doesn't have to be anything if you tell me to stop."

Kelly and I have been best friends for years, I know her allegiances are to me, like they always have been. Just like mine are to her.

And, if I'm honest, the thought of her and Sara together stirs some less than pleasant emotions in me. Ones that I can't quite sort out. I want Kelly to be happy. I want her to be with someone who is respectful, loyal, kind. All things which I know Sara to be.

But, maybe it's that I still don't quite trust Sara. Yes, my trust for her has grown, and I wouldn't hesitate to trust her with most things. But, I don't know her well enough, don't trust her well enough, to feel guaranteed that something as important as the heart of my best friend is safe in her hands. A whole other level of trust is required for something like that, and I honestly don't think Sara and I are there yet.

But, while all of that is true, I think another part of me is feeling emotions much more selfish. While I want Kelly to be happy and safe, part of me is frustrated that my friend has gotten to a place with Sara where the brunette is willing to lower her guard enough to be making out with her in a bar restroom.

Meanwhile, I can barely get Sara to consistently call me by my first name.

"You alright?" Kelly asks, watching the emotions playing across my features.

"Yeah," I answer. "Just trying to give you an honest response. But, I'm not really sure how I feel."

"You," Kelly trails off, eyes growing wide. "Oh God, you don't also…"

I look over, mind putting together her unspoken ending.

"Do I also like her?" I raise a brow.

"God, if I overstepped…if you and Sara…"

"Kel," I cut her off. "Sara and I…"

I breathe in, steadying my own emotions.

"Sara and I are barely civil. We barely speak. And, when we do, it's about work."

Lowering my gaze, I shake my head.

"There's nothing but a professional relationship between Sara and I."

"Are you sure?" Kelly asks me, searching my expression.

"If you want to pursue things with Sara," I tell Kelly, meeting her eyes. "You have my blessing."

Knocking on the wooden door, I wait a few moments in silence before I hear it opened.

"Catherine?" Sara questions quietly, keeping her voice low for the sake of her neighbors at this late hour.

"Sorry to drop by like this," I respond, glancing over her boxers and t-shirt. "Did I catch you sleeping?"

Sara shakes her head, stepping back to let me inside.

"I don't want to take a lot of your time," I state as she closes the door quietly. "I just wanted to discuss something with you privately before we see each other at work."

Sara nods, moving to place herself against the counter, respectfully waiting for me to start.

"I spoke with Kelly."

The brunette's expression doesn't change, the young woman being smart enough to know exactly the reason I'm here.

"I'm not your boss. I'm not here to tell you what you can and cannot do on your own personal time."

I watch her expression.

"Or who you can do it with."

Taking a deep breath, I steady myself, trying to get this out.

"But, you should know that Kelly is my best friend. One of the finest people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing." I step slightly closer to my silent companion. "If she's just another distraction to you, if she's someone that you're just using to escape whatever demons you're running from, then find someone else to use."

I keep my gaze stern, letting her see the unspoken threat I'm not even bothering to hide.

"She deserves better."

Sara straightens up, her own hazel gaze hard.

"You don't know me," she finally gets out. "So I'm going to let your assumptions about me go. But don't think for one minute I would intentionally hurt Kelly, or anyone, in that way."

"So your feelings for her are genuine?" I question directly.

Sara's hard gaze leaves mine. "I don't…" she trails off. "I don't know what my feelings towards her are. Not yet."

When she looks up, I see the honesty in her eyes.

"Which," she tells me tightly. "I directly communicated to her last night."

Sara shakes her head. "I don't know what this thing is between us, I don't know what I want it to be. If I even want it to be anything." Her eyes burn into mine. "And I made sure she knew that up front. I would never…"

Swallowing, Sara again looks away, eyes dark.

"I may be a lot of things, Miss Willows, but I would never use someone in that way."

When she remains quiet, her gaze looking elsewhere and her expression reflecting the traces of hurt that she can't completely bury, I lean forward, turning her face back towards mine.

"I may not know you," I agree with her statement spoken just moments ago. "But I know enough about you that when it comes to keeping other people safe, there's no one I would trust more."

I watch her closely.

"But, Sara, you have to understand this is my best friend we're talking about."

Jaw tight under my grip, Sara's gaze doesn't falter.

"Figure out what this is, what the two of you are. Before someone gets hurt."

Taking my hands off her, I step back, giving her one last glance as I show myself out.

When I reach my car, I can't help the way my fist tightens against the steering wheel.

I can't help but acknowledge how my heart tightens much the same in my chest. My conversation with Kelly, this conversation with Sara. Giving my blessing for them to figure themselves out without interference from me. Each time it felt like a little bit more of my heart was getting torn off.

Imagining them together, imagining the two of them holding hands, laughing together, smiling at each other from across a room, waking up in each other's arms…all of it makes my hands grip tighter and my eyes well with tears I refuse to let fall.

How is it that it takes losing something you never had to realize it was something that you wanted?

AN: Thanks for reading.