Hello again, my faithful readers. I am here with yet another chapter. This story will not be beta-ed as I do pretty well with checking the grammar in this story.
Up to this point I have been labeling chapters as "stages". They will now be called "steps" because they will be explaining the symptoms that Ciel will be experiencing in the downhill into anorexia/bulimia. While the story is fictional, the issue is not and can be deadly if not treated. Unfortunately for some, help comes too late.
Disclaimer: I am not held responsible for triggering any thoughts of anorexia, bulimia, or any other eating disorder.
Warnings: bad language, slight homophobic slur, poor body image, angst, and purging.
Stage 4: Beginning of Something Less
Step 1: Strenuous Exercise and Purging
"Shling". The sharp sling of foil swords clanged and clashed one another as two fencers faced off. (1)The two opponents partook in the epic sport of fencing. Both had their typical fencer's uniform on, faces concealed and all. The challenger lunged at his rival leaning as he did, while the opponent merely dodged. The challenger then did what fencers refer to a "balestra" meaning sudden leap in French. Sword in tow under his arm, he aimed for his target, when it happened…a firm "touché" was sounded throughout the building. The point of the foil sword struck against the latter.
The teacher clapped his hands twice signifying the end of the sport.
"Very good, my students, you did well once again as usual. Though I could say your footwork could use some improving, right Collin?", the teacher inquired to one of the two.
Both students took off their helmets, revealing who they were. One was our very own Earl Phantomhive, with his eye-patch on. The other revealed a young boy; approximately same age as Ciel, with cropped brown hair, reddish-brown eyes, pale skin, and slim figure, though not as thin as he. Both glanced at their teachers in revered silence.
"You are quite right, teacher. Although, you got to admit, Ciel did catch me quite off guard with that last move. I am amazed he can see through that helmet what with that eye-patch he sports so often", the boy known as Collin gestured to the latter . He was curious to see how Ciel could get away with such while he had to make sure he was free of any appendages that would hinder his concentration.
"Ciel has his own reasons, Collin. It is not your duty to find them out but to find ways to work on your foot work. (2) You are a member of the McCrullin family. My parents granted me the honor of being your fencing coach", the teacher explained pointedly. Collin could only sigh. Of course Ciel would be recieve special treatment; Ciel's family was hell of a lot richer than his family. The Phantomhive's were granted a special place in high society due to their "old money" standing. Collin felt envy toward his rival. (3)His family only recently became rich because his uncle happened to stumble upon an underground cave with copper in its veins. This led to a copper mining franchise. They then sold the farm and moved into the mansion which they now called their home.
"I will do my best to try harder, sir", Collin bowed politely to his teacher. Then he walked off to the changing quarters to change out of his fencing outfit. Ciel thanked the teacher and did the same. His butler would pick him up later. He wiped his brow, mentally applauding himself for such a flawless performance. The sweat he perspired through his body was proof that he had indeed worked his core muscles ragged.
As he was changing he heard a blasé cough. He turned around to see his rival glancing at him with an undignified expression.
"I have to say Phantomhive, once again, you have bested me", the brunette stated rather than asked.
"You did well too, McCrullin, now if you will excuse me, I need to change so do please turn around, I would hate for people to think you're a (4) dandy", the Earl remarked teasingly. Collin blushed as he glared at the snide little bastard.
"Whatever, there is nothing I nor anyone else, would want to see on you", the boy retorted as he turned around his back facing him. Ciel stiffened. He only hoped the other boy did not see the love handles on his body. God he would die from the utter humiliation.
The servants of the Phantomhive Mansion did not expect to experience much except for if it concerned the Earl and Sebastian. But then again, the Earl had plenty of surprises up his sleeve. Finny, Mey-Rin, and Bardoroy were especially intrigued to find their Earl…running?
Yes, running, quite fast too. Ciel was garbed in a plain white T-shirt, gray sweatpants, and brown tie-up shoes (not his dress shoes). His face was furrowed, his breathing even as he jogged around the entire perimeter of the mansion. His eye-patch was on his covered eye. The three servants excluding Sebastian all watched in apprehension, Mey-Rin especially.
"Oh young master, if you keep this up, you'll kill yourself", she recalled telling him. All Ciel did was tell her to have his inhalor ready if anything should happen. Ciel had gone around the mansion say five times, and he showed no signs of stopping.
"I-I-I will go get the master some water with lemon", Finny piped. Bard was equally concerned. He had seen the horrors of war long enough to see what happens when men push themselves too far to the point of excruciating pain. After all he used to be a soldier.
"Mey-Rin, you and I both know that the master is ambitious and all but he keeps going about this all day he could injure himself or worse…"
"I know Bard but he did request we be there for him. Anyone who was foolish enough, would ask to do this alone. And master is no fool", the cherry-haired maidservant replied to her comrade. Bard was not convinced. Ciel had been acting strange since he got back from the gala weeks previous.
Ciel rounded the corner for the sixth time, he was jogging now and sweat was pouring down his flushed, red face. He slowed down momentarily and stopped by Mey-Rin.
"Inhalor 'hah' please, he pleaded. Mey-Rin nodded and handed the device over to him. Finny appeared with an ice cold pitcher of water with a glass cup handy. He handed it to Ciel who merely replied thanks as he hurriedly gulped the entire glass. Now was the time to break it to the stubborn Earl.
"Young master, now that you have stopped, I feel I must be frank with you on a certain issue", Mey-Rin stated not taking her eyes off the young lad. Ciel glanced up at her getting his breathing under control.
"Me, Finny, and Bardoroy, and Sebastian have all noticed your behavior. You have been eating less, throwing yourself into a strenuous work-out routine, and even refusing desserts. Is there something peculiar you find about that?", Mey-Rin inquired. Ciel tensed up. Could Mey-Rin really be catching on to his weight-loss plan? He only had to play dumb with her.
"As a matter of fact, it just so happens I needed a lifestyle change. The part about me cutting back on sweets, is actually good for me. Too much can make a person lazy and stubby. Everyone in my family has had to make sacrifices to bring this company where it needs to go, right? So adopting a new diet is a sign of maturing. Only an immature child would sit on his ass all day and eat fatty foods all day, even sugary to greasy dessert items", Ciel replied confidently to his maidservant.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have about six more laps to go, then I will jump rope". Not giving the other servants time to react he sped off again. Mey-Rin sighed. Ciel really did not know what he was getting himself into.
After having completed his jump-roping; Ciel then set off toward his bath chamber. He pulled out a metal device. It was a personalized weighing scale that told where his weight stood and all that. It used the English-styled number conversions as opposed to its American counterpart. Ciel never thought he would have use for it because it matter little to him. But now was time for the moment of truth. Surely he should have lost some weight.
He set the device down and stepped on it. He watched the blurred black and white letters buzz as the needle pinpointed his exact body mass. He looked down nervously as he read. The needle pointed to (5) 50.8 kg. Last time he checked he was at 54 kg. He was after all 5 feet 2 inches.
"Damn, it was not nearly enough", Ciel yelled stomping from the thing and plopping down next to the bathtub as he breathed deeply to quell his frustration.
"There must be some new way I can shed more pounds". He sat there for some time contemplating.
"Boy, Elizabeth sure has it easy. Of course she's a woman; it is much easier for her to keep such a perfect figure. Then again, men do let themselves go at some point", he replied laughing at the irony of it all. (6) He remembered reading an article about horse jockeys that would swallow tapeworm eggs to help them lose weight. By theory, the tapeworms would mature and swallow whatever food dropped into the stomach. However they would have a rather gruesome parasite living inside their bodies. Ciel scrunched in face in disgust. He would never degrade himself to swallowing tapeworm eggs. Having the covenant seal on his eye was a parasite on itself.
He sat up and stretched himself. He sniffed for a moment and shuddered as he realized just how sweaty he really was. He needed a bath big time. The Earl was tempted to call Sebastian to prepare his bath for him, but stopped himself. He could do it himself. He did not need his butler to come in here just to mock him on his "failures". (A/N: I am going to pretend that he has running water and a working toilet, cuz the thought of a chamber pot is just gross to me).
"I will show that butler of mine, I can indeed make myself thinner. Heck I may even become thinner than him" he boasted to himself. (A/N: You already are Ciel "-"). Plus I hear steamy hot water is good for the body, he added as an afterthought. So he proceeded to fill up the tub and bathe himself.
Sebastian was just on his way to his master's bedroom with a pair of finely pressed clothes when he happened upon the sound of running water.
"How strange, if I had not known better, I say bocchan was taking a bath. And without my assistance of all things", he thought to himself. He silently opened the door and set the clothes on the king-sized mattress. The dark-haired butler turned his eyes to the bathroom-chamber and saw steam blowing through the slit in the bathroom door.
(Sorry, fangirls, no Sebastian being a perv and peeping on Ciel. Maybe next story ]
Normally, Sebastian would assist Ciel during his bath time, but from the sound of things, Ciel did not appear to need his help. He could hear the master sigh in bliss as he nestled himself in the warm waters. Sebastian felt rather sad. Being a demon he was not allowed to make attachments or have compassion toward his "prey". He would not admit to anyone but he thought of Ciel as sort of a friend; a younger brother even.
"The least I can do is hand him his bath robe when it comes time for him", he replied to himself. He was quite hurt Ciel was avoiding him. Almost as if he was afraid of him. What he had said that day couldn't have affected him so badly. He then shook his head stubbornly.
"No get those thoughts out of your head this instant, Ciel is only a ploy in the contract, no more", Sebastian convinced himself. He breathed in deeply.
"Ah well, at least I can be there for him when he commands". Sebastian picked up the white cotton bathrobe and walked on over to the bath chamber. He opened his master's bathroom door slightly to look inside. Ciel looked pensive and content laying his head against the linoleum rim of the bathtub. His head was wet; proof that he had indeed dunked his head underwater. His eye-patch was off revealing both of his closed eyes.
He set the robe on the towl rack next to a white towel. His workout clothes were scattered on the floor. Sebastian shook his head. Indeed, never a dull day working for Ciel Phantomhive. He picked up the clothes and used his magic to transport them to a hamper (Hey if it works). Ciel "hmmmed" as he turned his head. He opened up his eyes. They widened and Ciel sat straight up splashing loads of water onto the floor.
"Gah, Sebastian you prat, how dare you come in here without my consent, of all things", the child shrieked. Sebastian just stood there indifferently not looking at Ciel. It was no surprise that he would react that way; who wouldn't?
"I am merely setting your bathrobe for you when you get done taking your bath", Sebastian retorted.
"Well, I was enjoying my bath, before you skulked your way in here, like a depraved cobra", Ciel snapped; a blush present on his face as he covered himself. He was too tired to add any bubbles so he settled for just shampoo.
"Well, whatever, just leave it there, then get out! I prefer to have privacy if you don't mind", Ciel snapped again harshly. Sebastian nodded then walked out shutting the door behind him. Ciel huffed. That was more eventful than he wanted it to be. He eased back to his previous position and rested against the bath tub edges.
Some time later...
The doors of the bath opened letting out steam. Ciel who was dressed in his bathrobe and stretched his arms. Aside from Sebastian's unexpected visit, the bath felt so good for his aching muscles, and made him a lot cleaner. He walked over to his bed where he noticed the clothes that Sebastian had neatly placed for him. Ciel felt terrible for being so rude to Sebastian. The dark one meant no harm when he happened upon him bathing. He knew he was acting rather petty for being still angry at Sebastian because he brought up the manner of his weight.
That was not to say he forgave Sebastian. No he was still pissed at him. Right now was the time to get dressed. Ciel checked his pocket-watch and saw that it was a quarter half past four. In about two more hours, it would be dinner time. He had been on his new diet for two weeks now and he was nowhere near his intended weight loss goal.
"Perhaps, I could have Sebastian assemble a simple tossed salad with filtered water and a lemon wedge. That would definitely suffice for tonight".
Two hours later…
It was now time for supper. The servants dashed back and forth as they hurried to complete their chores. Ciel had sent word from Finny to Sebastian to prepare him a salad and spring water. He would not be coming to the table as he had documents to fill out. Sebastian prepared a tray for the master's erm…food; A bowl of crisp romaine salad and crutons, a glass of spring water with a lemon wedge and dressing.
He tottered off to his master's office when he spotted Mey-Rin out of the corner of his eye. She was currently carrying a large vase albeit awkwardly and looked like she was about to drop it.
"W-W-Whoa!" she stuttered and wailed as she careened toward the floor. Expecting to hit the floor she shut her bespectacled eyes, preparing to hear a "crash" when she felt an arm wrap around her waist. She looked up and blushed as she saw her crush staring at her with a calculating gaze.
"S-S-Sebastian, oh thank you. I thought I was going to break something like I usually do, heh heh" she giggled nervously still holding the vase like a lifeline.
"Good thing I caught you because I have a favor I need of you", he responded to the clumsy maid. Mey-Rin nodded and adjusted herself on her feet. She stood there in excitedly as she waited for the handsome butler to speak again (A/N; Aint it the same with all our crushes).
"Would you take this tray up to master Ciel? I would so gladly take that vase you're holding off your hands" Sebastian told her with a charming smile. Mey-Rin felt like she could explode. Sebastian brought out all kinds of emotions from her. She handed him the vase and exchanged it for the tray she was now holding.
"Very well, Sebastian, I will do that right away. You won't be disappointed" she prattled giddily. She then rushed off to her required destination. Sebastian chuckled and shook his head. He would never get that girl; but it sure was amusing to see her blush and fidget.
The scribbling of an ink-marked pen on papers broke the silence of the office where a young man sat. His eye was focused on the numerous papers on his desks. Some of which he had to rack his brain to understand exactly what many of these were supposed to be representing. One document included request for another business merger from a novice company. The earl had to admit many of them were amateur at best, but did not sport the skills to make it further into the business world.
"How ridiculous it all is, I say. Half of these so-called franchises don't even know a merger from a contract. Where did they learn their "skills", snake-oil salesman?", he laughed sarcastically. He was interrupted by the knocking of a door.
"Come in, but act quickly I have no time to deal with meager screw-ups right now", he stated thinking it was Sebastian. He did not expect to see Mey-Rin walk into the room. She brought the tray meant for him.
"Good afternoon, sir, how are you?" she asked with her typical subservient honorifics.
"I am just fine thank you very much. Thank you especially for bringing me my dinner. I am perplexed, however, that Sebastian asked you of all people to do such a task", Ciel implored her.
"It really is no trouble at all for me. It just so happens I was handling a large expensive vase which would have broke had Sebastian not humbly provided his assistance in exchange I hand you your dinner". Ciel smiled and nodded.
"That is just like Sebastian, always has to do things flawlessly. He wouldn't be a good butler if he didn't, now would he?".
"You are quite right. But somethings off about your tray", her face took on a look of deliberation, her brow was quirked. "Your tray was abnormally light even for a dish tray". Ciel just stared coyly at her.
"I will have you know Mey-Rin there is nothing off about how my tray is prepared, in fact whether I have more or less is none of your concern. Plus pretty stupid thing of you to ask. Did your trays not feel light when you served me and my relatives their tea? Or when guest arrive, did you not have trays that carried nothing but endives or any other d'oeuvre?" Ciel inquired her patronizingly. His eye dared her to say "anything else".
"O-o-o-of course not, sir", she whispered. She only bowed and left to complete her other chores. Ciel sighed. Once again he had snapped at another one of his house workers. He needed to stop doing that or else everyone would become suspicious. It's like they were all plotting against him, like they wanted him to stay fat. He rolled his chair and stared at his dinner.
"Now which one do I try first?" , he asked gesturing to the tray. (7) Eating salad and drinking water was definitely a healthier choice as opposed to eating red meat, and sugary substances. He took the salad topping and poured it all over the salad. He picked up his fork and dug into the bowl of leafy greens. He did not care at the moment for couting calories, he was hungry. The salad had a crisp and fresh taste to it. The dressing and crutons just added more flavor. Ciel then picked up the glass of water and guzzled it all down. He set the glass down and heaved a sigh after having completed his meal (A/N: wow, a whole lot of sighing going on here).
Upon doing so however he was overcome with regret. He had adopted alternatives to sugary substances but it was not enough to shed the calories off him.
"There must be something I have thought of but could not bring myself to do it", Ciel closed his eyes and put cupped his hands underneath his chin. He stayed in that pose for about forty seconds. His visible eye opened as he came to a wretched decision. It worked for a lot of women. Why can it not work for him? Like parishioners who seek to relieve themselves of their sins, he could relieve his body of the unsightly fat that plagued his body…he would purge himself.
It was so easy. He would partake in lots of food then he would purge himself soon after. That way his body would have no time to absorb any unneeded calories. He would just have to be sneaky about it.
Nighttime loomed over the Phantomhive Mansion. All the servants excluding Sebastian had already gone off to bed. He had no need for sleep. But that is another story. The one that remained awake had a plan. He laid in bed and bided his time. He searched his pocket watch and saw that it was past midnight. Better do it now.
He silently lifted his sheets off him and tip-toed to his bath-chamber. He turned on the lamp that which lit the room. Ciel stared at the toilet, stood over it, and hesitated.
"I can't believe I'm really considering this", he thought to himself. He turned his head to the oval mirror above the sink. His reflection watched him from afar, he could see his stomach through his thin pajamas.
"No, if I ever hope to achieve my weight-loss goal, measures must be taken".
He really was determined and he was not going to let anything or anyone stop him. He kneeled and placed his head over the commode; took two fingers and placed them in the far back of his throat as he could. For the first several seconds, nothing happened. He pushed his fingers farther and gagged as he felt himself regurgitate. Every bit of food he had consumed earlier spewed out of him. He coughed as he threw up the last bit of whatever was in his stomach. Don't forget to flush obviously. His eyes watered as he huffed getting his breathing under control. It sure took a lot out of him but he did it regardless. Ciel balanced himself as he stood up. The Earl went over to the sink and cupped his hands as he filled them with water to rid of the awful taste.
He paced back to his bed and pulled the covers over him. He slowly shut his eyes.
"It is only until I reach the 100-pound mark. Just couple more weeks of this and I will have become thin again", he whispered to himself. Unknown to the sleeping Earl, a pair of worried, shocked, and sad brown eyes glimpsed at him through his window from atop a tree.
There you go people. Ciel's downward spiral into his eating disorder. I would like to explain this chapter for those who are confused. Anorexics will feel the need to exercise constantly to avoid unwanted "calories" from settling in. They may get defensive when confronted about it. They will even feel self-conscious about people seeing them exposed because they are afraid of being scrutinized by their peers. While it does not always lead to bulimia, there is a chance the one affected may want to get rid of their excess body weight by throwing it back up.
1. Forgive me people if I messed with explaining the art of fencing to you. I looked up on Wikipedia. Less violent form of sword-fighting. Here are the terms:
a. Foil- duded edged thin sword.
b. Balestra-"sudden leap". Describing when two opposing players lean in for the "kill"
c. Touché-only plausible when the duded edge touches the chest.
2. Introducing my O.C., Collin McCrullin. He is the self-proclaimed rival to Ciel Phantomhive. His relatives are the proud owner of a copper mining operation in lower part of Britain. He is not as rich as Ciel nor is he well accepted by his upper crust peers because of his "new money" stature, and is under pressure from his parents to excel in just about anything. No surprise he holds both resentment and mutual respect for the young Earl.
3. "Veins" are a term to describe crystallized material imbedded in rocky structures. Found in caves, the California Gold Rush took off from the exploration of these veins.
4. Dandy is another word for "gay".
5. 112 lbs. in English weight/mass system.
6.I looked on the internet and found this story. It was actually in the 1930's but for the sake of keeping with the story plot, we will say it's a recent article. It's true women in the 1900's would swallow worm eggs to help them lose weight.
to popular belief, eating salad and water doesn't count as a zero calorie food items. Romaine lettuce however has more nutrients than any other lettuce brand combined. Croutons are just bread items. Eating breaded items actually pertains as starch and calories.
Next Chapter: The second stage of the eating disorder. Finny tries to reason with Ciel to make him "see sense". Ciel does not take it well and becomes snappish and crass with his servants, including Sebastian.