A/N: Thanks for you reviews, alerts, and favs. I've had two people PM me with their suspicions about what is wrong with Tony. Also someone not liking my portrayal of Tony - likening it to the Tony that we all hate over the past several years. I agree - that's partly where the parody comes in. and the rest - well like I said, you have to wait and see. The next couple of chapters might give you more of an idea where this is headed. There are four more chapters and chapter 7 will finally have Dr Wilder make a diagnosis and formulate a treatment program.

Just to reiterate, this story hasn't had the benefit of a beta. If you notice anything major that needs to be corrected - I'd appreciate you letting me know so I can deal with it. Enjoy :)

Internal Conflicts

In the previous chapter -

I still think that we are missing something big and I'd really like for us to deal with it before I attempt to make sense of what is going on with you. Let's talk about your childhood." Dr Wilder wasn't oblivious to the look of horror, panic - perhaps both on his client's face before an expressionless mask slipped into place.

Chapter 5

Appointment 3 continued:

George Wilder watched as Tony did the therapeutic equivalent of 'abandon ship' when he touched on the clearly touchy topic of family. He emotionally detached since he couldn't physically escape without making it blatantly obvious that it was because of a huge festering sore. Of course, that wasn't going to cut it either and Tony reverted to one of his fall back defence mechanisms - humour to try to divert the discussion he didn't want to have.

"How very cliché of you, Doc." He joked nervously, before pursing his lips in a way that had the psychiatrist thinking that it wasn't anger or defiance so much as a desperate attempt to prevent an outward manifestation of panic like a quivering lip. Sighing resignedly, he answered the previous request, to discuss his parents. "Let's not."

Proceeding carefully, knowing he had hit a sore spot which meant it was imperative that they explored it, George knew he had use utmost finesse and care. "Why is that, Tony?"

He was silent for several minutes before realising that Wilder would wait an eternity for a response. Giving in exhaustedly, he spoke in a monotone, barely above a whisper and George had to lean forward to catch his answer, "Because I'm going to sound insane."

Sighing, the psychiatrist leant forward even more and laid a gentle hand on Tony's shoulder to get him out of the funk he was slipping into. "Look Tony, I don't think that you are crazy but if you are thinking that something will make you look crazy then you need to share with someone. Rob it of its power to control you, since it sounds like it is something that might be important. We'll figure it out together," He promised before backing off to wait for Tony to make up his mind.

He watched as DiNozzo carried out a private conversation inside his head – his face for once betraying a gamut of emotions, before finally his shoulders slumped as an expression of despair and defeat manifest itself. "What would you say about someone who up until a couple of years ago thought that their childhood totally sucked, that their old man, aside from being an alcoholic, was a tyrant? Someone who forced me to report on my school day each night after measuring out my father's two fingers of McCallen whiskey? Who brainwashed me to believe that being weak was the worst sin possible, that it made me a failure? Who truly believed I had a father who told me that I would end up in the gutter and made it clear to me that I was a burden and inconvenience?"

Tony paused, clearly debating if he should continue before exhibiting even more hopelessness. "What would you say if I told you I was convinced he left me alone in a hotel room in Hawaii for two days when I was 12 because he forgot about me when I was a kid and not for the first time? Who disowned me – not disinherited – he disowned me, said I wasn't his son when I was 12 and send me away to military school. A dad who married repeatedly after my mother died, who ignored me pretty much my whole life, who wasn't exactly the spare the rod sort of guy when I did something wrong - which was most of the time."

Seeing Tony had run out of steam, Wilder decided to give him a prompt. "What sort of things did he not spare the rod for, Tony?"

"What… oh like well when I decided to make a Halloween costume because I knew that it was the only way I'd be like the other kids and have one. I was a real little shit – and talk about dumb. Took my father's designer snow suit and made a spaceman costume out of it. He was so mad when he found out, he tossed all my candy away and I couldn't sit down until Christmas.

"What about your mother?" George coaxed, softly.

"I mostly remember her being inebriated. You know, she drank the only pets I was ever permitted to have – some lame ass sea monkeys. She was so off her face she thought they were a glass of mint julep." Tony shuddered. "She forced me to dress up in sailor suits like some freaking doll - made me a target with the other kids. Then she went and died when I was eight and the old man told me that DiNozzo men didn't cry." He was lost in thought for several minutes before confessing, "She made me take piano lessons from a teacher who used to hit me over the knuckles whenever I made mistakes." He collapsed, gutted by all he revealed. He usually joked about any snippets of his family life he did choose to share, just so people wouldn't pity him.

The psychiatrist was confused, not clear why he felt any of that information might be grounds to suspect he was crazy. Realising that Tony expected feedback from him he obliged, cautiously. "What would I say? I'd say that you had a most unhappy childhood, an abusive, neglectful, unfortunate childhood. I guess what interests me though is how would you characterise your childhood and your parents, Tony?" Wilder enquired of the deeply trouble agent.

"I… I guess until a few years ago I'd agree that it was a pretty shitty childhood, although growing up I thought I deserved it, since I was such a bad kid." He said, nervously.

Leaving aside the obvious elephant in the room right now about deserving it, because it was a common enough reaction from neglected and abused kids, he focused instead on the part of Tony's assertion that jumped up, practically gnawing his butt off. "So what happened to change your mind, Tony?"

Watching as DiNozzo stood up and began to pace, George noted that the muscle relaxants had definitely helped his ability to move freely. That was a good thing of course as it meant he was feeling less physical discomfort, yet it also spoke volumes to his state of mind that such an apparently innocuous question could provoke such an extreme reaction. Finally, he came back and sat down and Wilder had the random thought that if it continued he was going to be re-carpeting his office in the not to distance future.

"A few years ago my Dad just appeared at one of our crime scenes. He was broke, having squandered the family fortune. I found out that he was nothing more than a conman and he was looking for new marks when I ran into him."

He saw the confusion and explained quickly. "I always thought that Anthony DiNozzo Senior was an uber rich, super successful businessman since we lived in a mansion on Long Island, had several other residences and travelled first class around the world. Anyway, Senior proceeded to charm the socks off my teammates and now he turns up at least once a year, embarrasses the Hell out of me with the team. He makes me look like a spoilt, ungrateful brat who doesn't appreciated him and my workmates encourage me to make peace with him, since they all think he's a great guy."

Leaping up and resuming his nervous pacing again, he continued. "It's like him being drunk most of the time, disowning a 12 year old kid and shipping me off to a military boarding school- and to this day never giving me a reason why, taking me to Hawaii and forgetting me and teaching me that I couldn't cry or even pass out because it was weak and DiNozzos mustn't show weakness… THAT WAS IRRELEVANT! Which means that it was all a figment of my imagination, it never happened and I made everything up cuz the team thinks dear old dad was such a great guy and they are top notch investigators. that they wouldn't we taken in by an abuser. That or, the only other possible explanation is it wasn't a big deal and should just suck it up and be grateful that he actually wants to reconcile with me. After all who else would want to spend time with me? " He asked, bitterly.

As the psychiatrist tried to process all the information, he couldn't help but ask for clarification. "Did any of your team mates know that happened to you during your childhood?"

"Um no, only what I told you…" he looked guilty, realising what he'd just let slip. Not bothering about further deception, he shrugged. "But yeah my Boss, Abby and the ME seemed to make rather pointed remarks at various points that lead me to believe that they knew more than what I'd told them. But obviously, I was wrong, because he was welcomed into our Christmas get-together with open arms. They even went to drag him back after I threw him out." He grimaced in pain, slowly sinking back onto the couch, rubbing his face with his left hand. Quite obviously he was exhausted after another poor night's sleep.

"Why did you throw him out, Tony?" Wilder asked curiously.

"When he used my bed to screw my nympho neighbour even after I told him I don't bring my own dates back to my own place because it is my sanctuary, I just saw red. Well…was my sanctuary, he tainted it. I've put up with him ignoring the fact that I hate being called Junior, tolerated that he discounts my feelings as unimportant, that he didn't have an invitation to stay with me and wasn't sensitive to what was important to me but finding him in my bed with my neighbour was the straw that broke the camel's back." Tony paused, as if expecting the psychiatrist to express disapproval. at him kicking his dad out. When none was forthcoming he shrugged.

"So you see, I either just imagined everything in my childhood, made a mountain out of a molehill or… maybe I'm a compulsive liar. That makes more sense, right Doc?" He looked at Wilder, desperately grasping at straws.

Dr Wilder looked seriously out of his depth and was lost for a response since he didn't know where to begin in the storm of data dropped into his therapeutic lap. Tony immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"See, I told you I was crazy. Who else invents a crappy childhood and totally believes it? I mean, people do stuff like that to get sympathy, right? Isn't that Munchausens Syndrome - I'm a pathetic pile of shit!"

George could feel the self-loathing pouring off his client. Was he out of his depth – maybe? Was he ready to admit it? No way in Hell – here was someone drowning and he was going to toss him a lifeline. Figure out the rest later on.

"Tony I've only known you briefly but you seem to be the last person who want people's sympathy. In my observation, you blame everything on yourself and hate being pitied. Just because your colleagues seem to have difficulty separating out the personality of your father from his behaviour, doesn't mean that it never happened and that it wasn't neglectful or abusive. I'll admit, that as investigators, I would expect them to look below the surface and know that perpetrators don't all present as evil or unlikeable people. but don't let their ignorance rule your life."

"But I've imagined something big that didn't happen in the past, so why couldn't I have made up my whole childhood?" Tony argued, clearly determined to be the bad guy. "I convinced myself that I had bullied this kid along with the other bullies when I was at boarding school. I remembered doing some horrible and embarrassing stuff to him and then got it into my head a couple of years ago that I had to apologise. When I found him, he told me I didn't bully him, it was the other way round - I was the one up the flagpole in only my underwear. If I could fabricate that episode and convince myself it happened, then why couldn't I imagine everything else? My team wouldn't suck up to Senior if he was an abuser."

George made more notes trying not to grimace at the amount of damage done to this individual during his formative years. "When you confronted this bully and he told you what had happened, did you then remember it happening to you?" He enquired gently, mentally noting that once again Tony was feeling that he needed to apologise for things that he had no responsibility for. And wasn't that just classic behaviour for an abused child – he really ticked the boxes.

"Um well yeah I guess so, and other stuff that happened back then too. I was scrawny and I got picked on right up till I had a growth spurt and started getting onto the basketball and football teams." He revealed guardedly.

"Well there's the answer. It's not that uncommon for kids to repress traumatic incidents and it sounds like that must have been terribly embarrassing – given the indoctrination about weakness you'd received by your father. So you transposed it and flipped it round. Yet when confronted with the reality, you still recalled the truth. That hasn't happened with your father, even when you question that it might all be a fantasy, so I'm pretty sure that it really did happen the way you remember – for a number of reasons."

Tony looked unconvinced. "You saying you remember another childhood, Tony?" George challenged him.

"I used to go to the movies with my mother and I went fishing one time with Senior." He offered, seemingly determined to paint himself as either crazy or a fraud.

"So you don't remember being left in Hawaii or your father drinking or you mother drinking or being disowned and going to military school?" the doctor asked intently.

"Well um yeah um yeah I guess but what if I am imagining it all. What if I'm crazy, Doc" He gasped, desperately.

Sighing inwardly at his failure to reassure Tony, George stood up and walked over to his desk, rummaging around. He returned with a brochure and place it into his client's hands.

"What's this, Doc?"

"This is a health retreat that I go to when I'm really physically stressed and work gets too overwhelming, Tony. I don't want you to be alone until we can figure this out and I don't want you around any of your workmates at the moment, either. Solace will pamper you, give you some massages which you need, trust me. You can have spas and participate in yoga and meditation sessions for relaxation and I only want you to do moderate exercise, under their close supervision. I do not want you to do what you did last night to try to prevent panic attacks. I'll ring and let them know that you're coming. They even have a really amazing African drumming class that is great stress reliever."

He convinced Tony to book into the up market health spa and come back again tomorrow. On the surface it looked like this guy was the victim of severe abuse, both as a child and in his current work situation coupled with a severe case of stress but George felt like he was missing something big and he needed to figure out what.