Chapter 15: I never imagined
It was three months ago, three months since I killed the court, since I killed Trigon, since Jason died. I wasn't able to do anything. The magic that had awakened that night had not been enough. It wasn't enough to heal him. I don't even know how I killed them, how I thought I'd be able to heal Jason. I wasn't capable of magic. But how wrong I had been.
I did have magic. Powerful magic. Even more powerful than Trigon's.
But I was too late to realize. I did not realize the power I really held before it was too late.
I never imagined that Jason would die like that. I didn't imagine that he'd die at my hands. That I'd kill him. Four months ago, I'd be happy with this, but now… I don't know anymore. I have no feelings for this. My hunter says that I should be happy about his death, but my heart says no. I'm broken.
My family have tried to reach me, I've noticed, but I won't let them. They're too precious to me. I won't lose them too. No, I won't. That's why I'm leaving. I leave nothing of mine behind.
I rode the horses with the wagon up to the house to pack. I told them I needed time alone. Away from everything, which is true, but I'd rather have spent it with Jason.
They tried to come with me, but I wouldn't allow them. I need to do this alone. I need them to be safe from me. I'm dangerous.
Being the ultimate hybrid was more dangerous than being a hunter, the difference is that I didn't know before. Had I known about my powers, I'd never set foot in their house. I had never spoken to them. But it's too late now.
All I ask of them, is to forget me. Forget that I existed, forget that I was their sister. I know it's going to be hard for them, but it has to be done. I can't be in their lives and put them in danger with each living second.
I hate to run away from my problems. I hate it with every blood drop they'd have to clean up. I hate it more than I hate myself, because I know I'm leaving them in pain.
I never imagined that I'd be so broken. That a vampire's death would cause me so much pain. I haven't felt so much pain since my mother's death, but that was anger, it was anger for revenge, but now… It's so much. It's so much pain. I don't know how I can survive anymore.
But I'm gonna. I'm going to live.
I promised him so much. I promised to take him to my home town, Azarath. I promised to never hurt myself again. I won't break that promise, even though the first was an empty promise. I would never be able to take Jason to Azarath. Never.
Even though I wished I could, there's so much I wished I could've done with him.
I began to travel the last day of the third month. That's when I left, I don't regret it, since they're much safer without me. I won't come back to them, even if I did, I'd watch them from afar. They deserve better than me. They were always too good for me. What did I do to get such a great family? But what I did to them when I left was far worse than anything I have ever imagined.
I travelled away from them, I won't hunt again, but I'll protect. I protect humans from the shadow. Only kill when they're threatened. I won't go back to my hunt-and-kill hunter mind. Many of the vampires that I'd killed hadn't actually hurt anyone. They were vampires and therefore a danger to humans.
But now I see, I killed too many innocent, so many innocent that won't forgive me. I just know it. They won't.
However, when Death comes for me, I'll welcome him with open arms… I won't let my victims suffer, not the innocent ones. They should've lived.
I am sorry… I am so sorry…
That I took their innocent lives.
That I ripped them from their families.
That I took pride and money for it.
That I did it in my mother's name.
That I killed.
That I killed Jason.
I am sorry… I am so sorry… Jason.
-Raven Roth.
xXx
Last chapter, you'll hate me for killing him like that!