Update! Thank you for all your support this far, it's nice knowing someone likes what you're making. :D
I fear this fic will be longer than I first expected...
Note: For those of you who like dark, post apocalyptic fanfics, please read my newest x men story: and unknown past. I've only written 3 chapters so far, but I would really apreciate some support on that too. One week more, and then its back to school. *sigh* but hey, its only temporary...
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It was 02:30am, and two teens were still up. They had been watching a movie on her laptop, but even though it had ended hours ago, none of them had been in the mood for sleeping. Kitty had been babbling for half an hour, leaving Kurt half-asleep on the floor, leaning up against her bed. He didn't really listen anymore, as his eyes slowly got heavier.
"Bla bla bla high expectations, bla bla bla only option"
"The words no longer sounded like real words, just gibberish. He didn't put any energy into listening, until a very specific phrase stuck his ears.
"And therefore I've signed myself up to the local beauty pageant!"
That woke the boy up. He jumped slightly in shock, not expecting to hear such Folly's words come out of her mouth.
"Are you insane Keety! You don't have anything to prove!"
"What, you don't think I'm pretty enough to win?"
"You're a very beautiful girl, no point denying that, but you aren't really made for such stressing matters."
"And who says that, you? My parents always told me that I was a pretty girl, and that I had to use every opportunity I got. I was a price-winning dancer as little, and a little beauty contest isn't gonna kill me you know."
"But what if you lose? Then what?"
"Oh please, how hard can it be? … I just wanna feel normal, feel beautiful, why's that so wrong?"
"But you aren't normal Keety, what if something goes wrong?"
"Ugh you're like, so not gonna stop me, I've already send in pictures, and they accepted me. Now if you'll excuse me, I don't wanna talk anymore about this."
"It was you who started it."
"Yeah, because I thought you would support me! If you aren't gonna support my decision, then just stop talking all in all... You know, we could use our lips to something else…"
"Uhm, what are you doing?"
Kitty moved closer to Kurt. He slowly moved farther away from her, as he felt his personal space getting invaded.
"Nothing, just wondered. Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Wow, that was a uhm, very personal question…"
"But do you?"
"I uhm, no I don't, but I don't really want one either."
"Really? I don't believe that."
She now moved even closer, looking at him innocently, her big blue eyes shining. Kurt didn't dare to move as the cute teenage girl moved her head closer to his. She took out her hairband, letting her smooth long hair fall. He could feel the hormones fill the air around them, and a mighty wish to just accept that she might have a thing for him for some reason, but then reality hit him: she wasn't in love with him, she was in love in the boy he pretended to be. As soon as she saw the real him, she would lose all interest.
He felt like a nervous wreck when she padded the bed, signaling that she wanted him to sit beside her on the bed. His stomach felt like knotting, and a nightmare started repeating itself inside his head, as he tried to come up with a good excuse to avoid it.
"Sorry Keety, but I'm feeling really tied, I should probably go to bed."
"He stood up and was about to leave when she gripped his arm. He stopped up, feeling his eyes grow in size, and a sudden warm feeling throughout is whole body.
"Please don't be shy Kurt, I know you feel the same way. I may not have been too nice to you, and I'm sorry, it's just that, I get a bit unsure sometimes I guess, it's like, this feeling of not being good enough you know. Miss. Monroe keeps telling me, that being imperfect is a good thing, but I don't know, it just feels forced, like it's something she tells me only to make me feel better, when in reality, being different sucks. I just wanna be normal Kurt, being able to have a boyfriend, get good grades, make my parents proud. That's why I have to win the competition, to prove that I'm perfect. Make them proud of me."
"But I'm sure they're already proud of you. No, you may not be superb, but you're wonderful just the way you are."
"You really think so?"
"Sure, and you know what they say, never judge a book by it's cover."
"You're right. How did you ever get to wise?"
"Oh you know, experience."
She stood up and headed his direction, and for the second time got a bit too close."
"Uhm, don't get too close, I think I'm coming down with something *fake cough* and I wouldn't like you to get sick."
"I don't care about that, all I care about is a hug from the cutest boy in the world."
"Uhm you are getting a bit clingy."
"Really? Sorry, I didn't mean too!"
"Its alright, really, I just, like to have some personal space."
"I see… I understand, you don't like being close to me, I'll give you some space."
"No Keety, I didn't mean it like that."
"Just go, get some sleep, I won't bother you anymore."
"Come on, why do you have to take everything so personally. It's not like you're the only one here having to deal with imperfection! Look at you: You're cute, thin, good looking, not a single pimple on your face, and yet you feel unattractive? What's that all about?!"
"Oh yeah, like you know how it feels? You're handsome, cute, totally sexy. Sure you got a tail, but who haven't wished to have a tail at least once in their life?What I'm saying is being unique fits you perfectly, but I never asked for being a mutant. All I wanna be is normal!"
"You don't think I want to be normal too? But that's not how the world is! You have to get over it already! You're a freak like everyone else here, and no ones ever gonna accept you, so deal with it!"
Kurt unintentionally yelled out the ugly words, and immediately regretted it afterwards. He had called the already insecure young girl a freak, of all the things he could have called her. He could see the hurt look in her blue eyes, the lovely sparkle of hope now completely gone, as warm tears found their way down her cheeks.
"Oh no, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, I mean…"
He couldn't get the words out, as they seemed to get stocked inside his throat. He felt himself at the edge of crying himself. If he could call such a pretty girl a freak, then what was he then? A monster?
He was so close to finally make her trust him, but now that was all ruined. He had ruined a perfect friendship. He had made her cry. Kitty of all people. She was his pride, one of few things he was proud to have was their friendship, even though it wasn't perfect.
He couldn't stay there anymore, the moment was broken. He leaved her with a feeling of regret.
That night had been the longest night ever. Kurt felt devastated, he knew that he'll never be able to really get close to anybody, like the new girl Rogue, except she would hurt somebody if she tried, and he didn't hurt people, not in the same way at least.
He deserved the guilt he was feeling, he didn't deserve to be loved, only punished. He sure was the devil himself. He deserved to be isolated from others, deserved whatever the world could hit him with, and yet, it wasn't quite enough.
He was a bad boy, who needed punishment for sinning.
He took out the small knife he had hidden in his drawer, rolled up his sleeve, and slowly cut a small angelic symbol on his arm. His flesh burned as he cut through his skin. It bleed a lot, but he didn't mind. He had made a girl cry, and he knew she would get mentally unstable because of that, even though it was only words, but it was ugly words coming out of his mouth, out of all people.
He kept going until the symbol was complete, then rinsed it in warm water to make it hurt that tiny bit more, before running down the sleeve again. No one would notice it, not only because of the fur, but because of the holowatch. No one would expect a thing. It was his first time hurting himself like that, even though he had thought about it many times before…
It wasn't enough though, he had to apologize to her, but not now, right now he wasn't welcome, he wasn't allowed to enter her room..
Some new challenges lies ahead for our heroes, lets hope they know how to deal with it all...
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