A/N: Thanks for all the gracious reviews :) I've been feeling a bit mean leading you up the garden path and was apprehensive about your reactions. Apart from one comment about it being weird which I'll cop sweet since it is definitely not your usual story, they have been overwhelmingly positive. Sorry to make you feel like you need a stay at Solace tonysmel but you might want to book in for a long weekend. This chapter is a bit bleak – if you were wondering about the crime descriptor in the summary – well this is it. I had intentions of writing this story when I first joined but after certain things happened in the last 12 months, I felt compelled to address these occurrences as well. Also after editing this chapter, I decided that the additions made it far too long and decided to post the epilogue separately. This one does a happy ending or at least a hopeful one. Enjoy : )

Internal Conflicts

Chapter 8

Appointment 10:

Dr George Wilder was reading through the case notes for Mike Climately who'd be arriving for his session in approximately fifteen minutes. It was his first case of MIC4 and in all likelihood, since he wasn't a celebrity shrink, it was likely that it would be the only case he would treat in his professional career. In terms of their progress reintegrating Mike's real personality and helping him to distance himself from his fictitious persona so that he could resume acting, they were making steady progress. Although over the course of the week it was somewhat freakish how he would slip into character so easily.

George had started watching the TV show just to help him recognise when Mike was losing himself in his character. The psychiatrist couldn't understand why he kept slipping in and out of the DiNozzo character at the drop of a hat and looked to the show to try to provide the answers. He'd soon discovered that knowledge of the characters and the people that played them, not to mention knowledge of story arcs, were invaluable tools. They not only helped him to deconstruct them but were very useful in helping Mike to discriminate real life from fiction. He genuinely felt that they were making steady progress in Climately starting to integrate his true identity over this past week. Still, there were days when it seemed that they took a step forward only to find Mike slipping back two steps and getting frustrated and confused, again.

Frankly, Mike wasn't the only one who was confused or discouraged and the doctor invited his young protégé to brainstorm with him since her specific knowledge of the show and pop culture in general, was much more extensive than his. It was clear that the more he tried to deconstruct Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, and really the whole box and dice of them, to try to delineate where the character ended and the actor's real life began, it was almost impossible. Truth to tell, he hadn't realised just how incestuous this TV program was or was it like this in all television programs? He really didn't know but there was definitely one thing that he had learnt for sure. It was no damned wonder Mike was having so much trouble figuring out what was real and what wasn't.

He recalled the meeting yesterday where they'd conducted a post mortem on the treatment process so far. They sat watching the recordings of their sessions – Mike had agreed to them recording them purely for teaching and research purposes. Watching how he was still slipping into his alter ego (or would that be the many faces of DiNozzo) was scary because it happened without any obvious triggers they could identify. That they needed to understand what was triggering the shifts was obvious, it was crucial to the treatment being successful. Today was about coming up with theories.

Jordan had been doing extensive digging since she was already familiar with many of the players. The petite little blonde psychiatrist explained that most workplaces, whether they be film or TV sets or more convention places to work, had clear delineation between professional and work life. This workplace though was quite different, with most of the producer's family being cast into roles early on in the first few series. His current wife played the mysterious love interest of Gibbs in the earliest episodes. The stepson Sean Teal'c scored a major role as Tim McGee. In fact all his children and stepchildren have all worked on the show in some capacity, either in front of or behind the cameras, as well.

"That totally effects the dynamics of the relationship that the cast and crew form in the workplace." She frowned, searching for a metaphor.

"It's a bit like the kid at school whose mother or father is the principle or the teacher. There are the inevitable perceptions of favouritism, not to mention people feeling inhibited from expressing opinions and feelings for fear that it will be reported back to the teacher/principle. The actor who plays Gibbs - Mark Elsewhere is also executive producer and his son was cast to play him as a younger version of Gibbs, which could be argued to be a sensible casting decision. Still, given the fact that both fathers are in positions of authority on the show, well it creates an impression of nepotism rather than merit based working conditions. We both know that in reality, much success is based at least in part on nepotism or who you know, being in the right place right time or dumb luck just as much as merit based selection criteria, but that flies in the face of our desire for egalitarianism."

George nodded. "Might also go some way to explain why the DiNozzo character was singled out to be the target of all the screw-ups and the dumb jock providing comic relief. Writers are hardly likely to write episodes that portray the boss or the boss' son as a cock-up or joke. Of course they are also highly likely to become Marty Stu's in the scripts but that is also likely to create an imbalanced and stressful dynamic, though."

Jordan giggled. "Well will you listen to you, Doctor? This time last month, you wouldn't have a clue about Mary Sue and Marty Stu. It's so cute, Mr I don't watch anything but the news and football." She teased him gently, her grey eyes dancing with merriment before she became serious again.

"Yeah, but all joking aside, while actors being EPs or bosses getting a family member a job isn't that unusual in the entertainment industry, it is all a question of degree. And it's pretty unusual to have so many of them who have worked on the show or continue to do so, all from the one family. It's like a dynasty" Jordon observed as she sipped her latte.

"What's that show got to with it? Just when I think I'm getting a handle on this stuff, I find I'm out of my depth."

Jordan trying mightily not to laugh at her clueless mentor, replied. "Not the show, George. I meant that he was literally creating a dynastic work environment."

Wilder nodded as he called up information on his laptop. "Ah… yes, I see what you mean. I agree and it I've found other factors that make delineation more difficult to achieve. It seems that there are plenty of parallels between Tony and Mike – more than could be explained by the probability of mere coincidence. That suggests that the writers are using personal data to create the character and his backstory that is going to blur the line between Tony and Mike." He paused and referred to his copious notes.

"Both were estranged from their wealthy fathers – at least in a financial sense in Mike's case when he chose to pursue a career in acting, while Tony was disowned as a kid, for reasons that have never really been properly explained. Then there is the parallel that in real life, Mike is a musician who sings and plays the guitar and piano. They have even used one of his songs on the show and also on the soundtrack which while giving him a huge opportunity to increase his audience, will also likely make him feel beholden to them. That could further increase the power imbalances that already exists. In the show, Tony plays guitar and sings in one episode while undercover, and owns a baby grand piano and is seen playing in one episode in season 7."

Standing behind him looking over his shoulder as he moved on, Jordan directed him to open one of her files and began to brief him on her investigations. "In Mike's last show, it was also a case of life imitating art. He ended up having a three year long relationship with his co-star Jessica White and they ended up engaged before breaking up. On the show, they ended up having a relationship as well and some say it was the ruination of the series. Apparently when there is unresolved sexual tension, having the characters sleep together is supposed to be the kiss of death, although a few shows seem to have dodged that bullet." She observed.

"Possibly another reason why he was so keen not to have Tony and Ziva get it on together, apart from the fact she had effectively emasculated him." George mused. "This is pretty murky!"

"Oh but wait, it gets better, George. In season 4 and 5 Tony gets involved with a beautiful doctor who is the daughter of a French arms dealer involved with the CIA. He is sent undercover in an unsanctioned Op by his director to woo the daughter to get close to the father. The doctor who is part French, is unaware of her father's profession but quickly saw Tony's intelligence and sensitive side and they soon fell madly in love. At the same time he was coping crap from his team and making him doubt his abilities to lead the team and following Gibbs return, to fulfil the role of senior field agent."

"Oh my goodness," Wilder exclaimed.

"Yeah, exactly. There are some interesting parallels to his real life that while they were probably coincidental, when everything started to fall apart, would have at the very least added to Mike's confusion about what was real or fiction. As you know, Mike's wife is a doctor who, with a Serbian Canadian background shares a certain continental background as his love interest on the show. I suspect, being an internist and not part of the whole Hollywood dog and pony show, she quickly saw beyond the jokey, prankster to the intelligent, sensitive and vulnerable side that Mike possesses."

Wilder was silent as he pondered this latest information that provided yet another layer to explain how Mike came to adopt the identity of his character and was having trouble separating himself off from DiNozzo. What an incredible mess this whole fiasco was. As he was forced to delve into the realms of fans, stalkers, groupies, shippers and the like, Jordan had shared how much fan fiction was devoted to stories dealing with their rage over the systematic demolition of the character of Tony DiNozzo over the past 11 seasons. Many an armchair shrink was of the opinion that Tony's childhood had left him with serious self-esteem issues, reinforced by the constant derision and abusiveness by his workmates.

How ironic that he and Dr Perrot had had similar discussions about Mr Climately and why he continued to work on a show that seemed Hell-bent on knocking him down constantly. Even his loyal fans, while not wanting him to leave the show, longed for him to be treated with the respect that they felt was his due – feeling that he didn't get enough credit for his acting ability. They pointed out that even with what he was given to work with, which was crap, he was one of the most loved characters. Many of them questioned, like his character Tony, why Mike would tolerate the disrespect and abuse and wished he would refuse to accept it.

Both he and Jordan had speculated that the continual barrage of ridicule and mockery over his time playing Tony had whittled away at his confidence. He was apparently not confident that he was good enough to attempt dramatic roles and seemed to be completely unaware of just how good he really was. It certainly seemed that there was group that liked it that way too, ensuring DiNozzo was little more than a joke with no character development or if anything, his character's regression. Perhaps avarice was the motivation, believing he'd been graced with too much. Their colonial cousins had a term for it – they called it the 'tall poppy syndrome' where anyone daring to rise too much above the masses needed to be brought back to earth.

"It becomes easy to see how all the similarities, coincidences and manufactured similarities created a situation where the lines between reality and fantasy are blurred. Especially in times of great stress." George mused as he considered the information they'd gathered.

"Not to sound like some cheesy advertorial commercial George, wait… there's more. Just to confuse the issue even more, you'll never guess who Mike played back before he took on the role of Anthony DiNozzo?" Without waiting for a response she continued. "The very same actor who was then cast as Tony DiNozzo's father, that's who. Talk about incestuous. But the writers were not above playing on the former relationship between Mike and his ex-fiancée – Jessica White - which is pretty grubby. How would they like having to play a character lusting over their former real life partner for cheap laughs – I think not." She fumed and her mentor wasn't sure whether her outrage was due to her status as a therapist, or as a fangirl.

"Agreed. And frankly Jordan, I'm no longer asking myself how come Mike became to be so confused about his identity – knowing what we already do about what transpired – but in light of this additional data. Now I'm asking myself, why wouldn't he?" Sharing her outrage but in his professional capacity as a therapist, he shook his head in frustration. "At least I can understand why Mike is having such a hard time divorcing himself from the Tony persona. The writers have woven the two together so seamlessly in some areas that it was almost inevitable. Now we have to figure out how to use this information to our advantage in the treatment process."

"Do you think we should recommend that he leave Solace and return to his family and colleagues? Perhaps that might help to ground him."

"The fact that he hasn't asked about his family or mentioned them suggests that he doesn't remember them. Not knowing what provoked his identity break, I wouldn't recommend it. The shock might just exacerbate things further and all the progress made so far could be lost. I think we wait until he remembers his wife and children… at that point I think he'll be ready to return home but I strongly recommend we shelter him from his work mates until he is well integrated back into his real identity. There's not enough clear delineation between real and fake; it just isn't worth the risk so we don't hurry things." He decided as his young protégé nodded in agreement.

Hopefully now the psychiatrist had a better idea of what they were up against, Mike's progress would level off and increase. Perhaps they could schedule weekly appointments soon or at least bi-weekly sessions. At least physically, Mike was looking much better and the panic attacks had slackened off to almost zero. He was sleeping better and eating again and the frantic pacing and punishing exercise regimes had moderated too. And as he stabilised physically, his moods were evening out as well. Hearing the buzzer that indicated that Mike or more accurately, somebody had entered his waiting room, he finished up and locked the case notes in his filing cabinet.

Halfway through their session Mike dropped a bombshell.

"So Doc, you said that MIC4 had only ever manifest in actors who were playing too many different characters when under physical and emotional stress."

George nodded. "That's correct."

"So why now? Why was I in such a state?"

And this was it. According to Dr Harrington-Browne they had reached a pivotal place in the process.

"You don't remember, Mike?" He asked, calmly.

"No I feel like I should but it's just out of my reach. "

"Well according to my research, you and your cast mates have been under significant amounts of stress all this year but most especially when your cast mate Cote de Meek's sudden resignation from the show was announced. A certain small but extremely vocal section of the fan base went totally feral. It seems they blamed her cast mates for driving her away, especially you or they thought the producers were at fault for not paying her as much per episode as you were receiving. Jordan says there were death threats made against the cast and crew and your families and that social media in particular, became viciously ugly."

His client had paled noticeably, "Oh damn it, I remember. Polly Perky was targeted and she wasn't coping with all the hate. It's gotta be bad for her to be affected like that- she's so up, so happy all the time."

George nodded, pleased at the progress. They were definitely hurtling towards the crossroads now, at breakneck speed and he hoped that the impact when it came, wouldn't be to devastating for him to bear.

"These… individuals," He struggled mightily to maintain neutral language, also flooded fan fiction sites with petitions and plastering fan fictions sites with passionate romance fan fics insisting that your characters were star crossed lovers, with a ferocity bordering on obsession. In fact, they haven't let up, even now at the end of the season. They keep insisting that Ziva will return and Tony will fall swooningly into her arms." George said, wondering for the nth time, how many of these people were capable of not just cyber bullying but physical stalking.

He noticed that Mike was beginning to shake, fine tremors becoming increasingly obvious, as was a fine sheen of perspiration on his forehead and palms. He seemed oblivious to these signs that his body was under stress.

"What happen next?" He practically gasped, as his respiration increased markedly.

It was clear to Wilder that a panic attack was imminent. He set out to short circuit the attack, getting Climately to focus on his breathing. When he finally felt he was centred, the doctor took a deep breath, crossed his fingers and grabbed the bull by the horn.

"We aren't exactly sure what happened next. You were supposed to be attending a triathlon boot camp for a week of training but you never showed up. Something set you off that made you adopt your Anthony DiNozzo identity. We're hoping that you'll be able to tell us in time what it was." He explained his voice gentle and his body language non-threatening. This was critical – ground zero territory and George didn't want anything to spook him at this juncture.

"All we know is that you completely trashed your phone and your iPad. Was someone threatening you?" He questioned, gently.

Still trying to maintain his breathing, Mike searched his memory. He remembered finishing up at the studio. They had been filming an emotionally charged scene of Jackson's funeral before they wrapped for the summer. Everyone was exhausted and emotional from the loss of a fine actor, but also from a terribly difficult year, weathering the storm from the loony fringe and everyone was looking forward to the summer months to rejuvenate. He'd gone home to an empty house to pack – his family had already gone off to stay with friends.

HIS FAMILY? Since when did he have family? He didn't notice that his heart began to pound. "I was getting ready to leave when I my phone rang and it was… my wife… and she was crying. Someone had sent her a stack of fan fics but they weren't TIVAs - they were about me, having an affair with Cote de Meek. Oh my God… they were all describing in horrifically graphic detail how I was going to kill her and our children, so that I could be together with de Meek."

Leaping up, he rushed to the trash can, hunching over and began to violently expel his stomach contents, before he found himself in the throes of a vicious panic attack. As his panic attack exacerbated his nausea and vomiting, it was probably inevitable that he finally collapsed, despite George's urging to regulate his breathing. Regaining consciousness, he found a most alarmed therapist trying to coach him into remaining calm. Recalling what had transpired, he was trying to scramble to his feet but was still much too uncoordinated to resist the psychiatrist's mild restraint.

"Let me go… I have to go to them."

"Who"

"My wife and my children…I forgot about them. How could I do that? They must think I've left them… I have to find them. It's not safe and I let them down."

"They're safe, I promise and they know where you are."

After he had calmed down enough, they sat together to fit the missing pieces of the puzzle together. On top of everything that had been going on, it seemed that certain journalists and paparazzo kept hounding him about every fresh rumour that de Meek had been persuaded to return to the show. Then there had been the further blurring between of the lines of reality and fiction with the death of the actor playing Jackson Gibbs and the script mirroring real life and Gibbs father dying. A farewell episode that was always going to be emotionally difficult for everyone, even if they weren't already running on fumes was stressful enough. Plus missing his family, who'd left for their holiday without him as he was attending a triathlon boot camp to begin his training, had all combined to place him under extra physical and emotional stress.

There also been the natural exhaustion of having a new baby earlier in the year with the lack of sleep that it inevitably brought, along with all the joy. Factor in the stress of having a bunch of crazed fans making death threats against his pregnant wife and unborn child and the guilt he felt that his job exposed them to dangerous criminals was enormous. George was at great pains to make sure to label these crazies for exactly what they were, lunatics who were also stalkers and criminals but it still made him feel guilty.

Over the course of the next few weeks George resolved to work on this issue to help Mike deal with what must have been unbearable guilt and fear for his family. After finding the so called real life fan fictions known as MOTEs, from what Wilder was able to piece together, the combination of so much psychological stress: fear, guilt and anger combined with complete physical exhaustion had finally brought about Mike's collapse. Wilder had managed to get Mike to participate in a relaxation exercise at last and now he was lightly dozing, enabling him to get Jordan in to help him research those MOTE fan fics. He was once again terribly grateful for his young colleague, who, although equally shocked and ignorant about this particular form of intrusion, quickly located some for them to read. It was necessary so they could understand what they and Mike were dealing with.

Frankly, reading them sicken him and Jordan to the point where both of them lost their lunch and they felt dirty for even reading them. Such pieces of filth, such a sinister and sick new assault that stars and their partners had to cope with. So utterly disgraceful!

No wonder it had pushed Mike over the edge, on top of everything else. And when he came around from what must have been the mother of all panic attacks after his wife's phone call, George theorised, his packed bag, and his strong feelings of guilt were probably incorrectly labelled as proof of what he'd been accused of, with the lack of boundaries between his identities contributing to his confusion. Such fears would have been too horrific, too abhorrent to contemplate, resulting in him slipping into Tony DiNozzo's miserable existence to take refuge. No doubt his solitary aloneness must have seemed a lot more preferable to his battered subconsciousness, than the unbearable mental anguish of thinking he was hurting his family. Put simply, in the face of overwhelming stress and guilt, Tony DiNozzo became a defence mechanism to protect his precious family from himself.

The psychiatrist understood how it was that no one had missed Mike or noticed his adopting his Tony DiNozzo identity. Everyone including his family, friends and his agent, thought he was off at boot camp but he did wondered why his wife never mentioned the MOTEs. They'd spoken after he and Jordon had finally realised who his client really was, just to inform her he was safe. Jordan theorised that maybe it wasn't the first time someone had sent MOTEs to her to try to hurt her and maybe after her initial distress, had put it out of her mind. Perhaps she just hadn't realised their significance in sparking Mike's dissociative split.

Honestly, he was never going to earn a tenth of the pay check of even any celebrity but Dr George Wilder was glad that he wasn't famous. He didn't think he could handle such scrutiny, obsession and craziness following his every move. The Goddess Pheme* certainly demanded a heavy admission price from her chosen children to dance at her disco.

Now they'd traversed the crossroads, he felt like they were on the home stretch at long last. Remembering his initial impression that he was dealing with a man in denial about his romantic feelings for a co-worker, it seemed extremely ironic that the cyber stalking by sicko cyber bullies hiding behind anonymity and claiming essentially the same thing, had pushed him a step to far. His violent response that first day where George's favourite Madonna lily unselfishly sacrificed itself, made a whole lot more sense now, and Wilder really wished he'd put the puzzle together sooner.

At least today, there had been real progress, hard as the session had been on Mike. Getting his client to realise that his greatest fear was that he was hurting his family because of his work - because there were people out there that wanted to hurt them - was always going to be a painful but necessary part of helping him to reclaim his life again. Now that he remembered, it was time for him to be reunited with his loved ones. Yep, today had been one for the good guys.

End Notes:

A/N 1*Pheme aka Famais the Greek goddess for fame and gossip.