This is such crack I don't even know where it came from I am so, so sorry.

Merlin fiddled with the bottles on the table. "Gaius?"

"Yes, Merlin?"

He swallowed, unsure of how to put this without severely embarrassing both of them. "Is there—I mean, is it normal if—" He sighed. "I think there's something wrong with either Arthur or me. Or maybe both of us. Probably him, though, because he started it this morning…"

Gaius raised his eyebrow. "And what, exactly, do you think is wrong with one or the both of you?"

Merlin cleared his throat. "Right. Good question. Well, um, we've been having a lot—and I mean a lot—and it's not that it's not enjoyable, 'cause it is, but we went three times already today and I'm starting to be concerned that one of us got doused with something that's kicking our, you know, into overdrive."

Gaius carefully set down the herbs he was mixing. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting, Merlin? Because if so I have to tell you—"

The door burst open and Arthur strode in. "Gaius. We need to talk. I think there's something wrong with Merlin. Or, all right, maybe it's me. It could be both of us."

Merlin cleared his throat and waggled his fingers at Arthur, who gaped. "What are you doing here?"

"Same reason you're here," Merlin replied.

"So you've noticed it too?"

"It's a little hard not to notice. Actually I'd be disappointed in myself if I didn't notice."

"So I'm right, it's not normal."

"Three rounds of sex before lunch is not normal."

"That was your fault!"

"What? You started it! With your, your, your stupid romantic let's-stay-in-bed seduction techniques!"

"I wasn't the one with the lazy good morning smile and licking his fucking lips all the time!"

"I smiled at you, how the hell does that make sex my fault?"

"Boys!" Gaius barked.

Arthur and Merlin settled down and turned to look at him, both wearing sheepish looks. Gaius sighed the sigh of the long suffering (it was a sigh that Sir Leon often suppressed). "You are both perfectly healthy men in the prime of their lives with a willing… partner." Gaius carefully left out the word 'sexual'. "And I dare say you're in love, unless I completely misunderstood the situation."

Merlin muttered something that the other two couldn't hear, but Arthur figured it was something sassy so he smacked him in the shoulder anyway.

"Believe me, if there was anything wrong with either of you, you would know. Now please remove yourselves from my rooms so that I can wipe this conversation from my memory."

"Right," Merlin said, nodding. "Got it."

Arthur just stared at Gaius with his mouth partway open as Merlin dragged him out the door.

"So, it's normal?" Arthur asked. "We're not cursed or anything?"

"Maybe it's because we didn't get a honeymoon?" Merlin offered.

Arthur considered the suggestion, then glanced out the window. "I don't have anything to do for a couple hours."

"I think mucking out the stables can wait."

They looked at each other for a beat, then started booking it for the bedroom.