AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Glad to give a semi quick update this time around. And, this one is a bit long, for better or worse.

Take care and enjoy.

CHAPTER 39

KELLY POV

There's a lot about the world that I don't understand.

Blimps. Erasable pens. Sonnets.

And, currently, people who don't comprehend math.

"No," I repeat for what has to be the fifth time this conversation. "The grid encompasses thirteen hundred square feet. That makes thirteen hundred and fourteen when you include the foreground. The cost to upgrade would therefore three forty two per unit based on the list prices you quoted me, the square footage, the percent coverage, and the updated tax fees."

There's a pause on the other end of the line.

"That can't be right," the guy grumbles. Just like he has the last fifty thousand times we've argued this same point, these same calculations. "That's nowhere near the numbers I'm getting."

"Then why don't you grab your calculator, some paper, some pencils, and get back to me when you start using human math."

Hanging up, I don't care that I'm being rude. I stopped caring forty minutes ago when the call first began and it became apparent it would be as pleasurable as getting my nails ripped off.

If you're going to approach someone about upgraded energy platforms, at least do your homework beforehand. Two days, two full days we've been going back and forth with this same argument.

When my phone rings again, I nearly spit, "What now?!"

There's a long pause.

Then, a very hesitant, "Kelly?"

Glancing down at the caller ID, I see the restricted number listed.

"Yes?"

"It's Sara."

Pausing, my feet stop their pacing, all motion ceasing.

"Sara?" I question, still trying to get over the shock of who it is calling me.

"Yeah," she confirms though she likely knew it was essentially rhetorical. "Now a bad time?"

"No," I respond. "Sorry for yelling at you, I thought you were someone else."

Sara's silent, then there's a slight, quiet laugh. "Good, otherwise this conversation was already off to a much less pleasant direction than I was anticipating."

"You were expecting it to be unpleasant?" I ask, not able to help the slight smile in my own tone. "You said 'less pleasant' direction."

Sara mumbles something that sounds like, "Perish the thought."

Getting to the point, I narrow my eyes. "What can I help you with, Sara?"

It's not a call I expected, knowing Sara is probably the only person I've met who can be more avoidant that I can. And, we have every reason in the world to be avoidant with each other right now, all things considered.

"I was wondering if you'd be free after work today?"

"Free for…?"

Sara's sigh is audible even through the phone.

"I think we need to talk, Kelly."

I go quiet and so does she, neither of us really knowing the next words to say. But, no further words are really needed for me to understand what she's asking. And, more aptly, why she's asking.

"I think you're right," I tell her.

"I'm open to a different time if today's not workable," she says, likely still a little wary of my initial tone and greeting.

"No," I decline the offer, not wanting to put this off any longer. And, not wanting to have the conversation looming over us for more days than it has to be. I want to address things with her without days of angst ahead of time. "Today is fine."

"When do you finish?"

"Should be done close to on time," I think it through. "Give me until about six?"

There's a pause, then, "Okay. Where works best?"

Considering the various options, I give the answer that makes me the most comfortable.

"Would you be willing to come here? To my office?"

It's not far from the crime lab, and would honestly give me more time to finish everything here. Not to mention help me not feel as out of my element as I likely already will be speaking with her. We've avoided each other, avoided this conversation, for long enough to make this more than anxiety provoking.

"That's fine. Text me the address when you get a chance."

I pause.

"I, um, I don't have your number, Sara."

There's another pause and she hesitates, realizing we've never really chatted over the phone, and her number shows up restricted on caller ID - likely do to her having to make work related calls from her personal phone.

"Right, sorry," she says quietly. "I'll text you when we hang up so you can reply."

"That works."

A silence falls over the line that's far from comfortable.

"I guess I'll see you later," she states.

"See you later."

Hanging up, I stare at my phone as if trying to prove to myself that the conversation really just happened.

Taking a deep breath, I head towards my desk, needing to get a start on the rest of the tasks for the day if I'm going to be free by six.

As I'm sitting down, my phone buzzes.

Glancing at the screen, I open the text from the now unrestricted number.

Unnamed (1:21pm): My number.

Smiling at the text that's so characteristically Sara Sidle, I save her contact information into my phone.

CATHERINE POV

"You okay?"

Sara glances up, eyes lifting from her phone to mine.

"Hey," she greets. "Yeah, I'm good."

"You sure?"

I step closer, taking in her slightly edgy body language and her thoughtful expression.

"Yeah," she breaths out, seeming to relax slightly as she puts her phone back into her pocket.

I'm not sure I believe her, but I know better than to push.

Instead, I move closer, wrapping my arms around her from behind, resting them along her hips.

"How's your day been going?"

Sara smiles slightly, leaning her head back towards me.

"Better now."

Smiling, I place a kiss near her ear.

"Good."

Then, separating, I glance over her notes.

"Progress?"

Sara nods, getting serious as we shift back into work mode, both of us not allowing more than the brief interaction we just had while in the lab.

"Actually yes," she tells me. "We have a suspect we're bringing in later for questioning."

I raise a brow, "Wow, that's great progress. You and Nick must be happy."

Sara nods, "We're anxious to get this closed, give these families some peace."

"You think your suspect's the guy?"

Sara nods, taking a deep breath as she looks up at me.

"I do."

I smile, proud of her and all the hard work I know she's personally been putting in on this case.

"Then good luck."

Sara gives me a nod, "I'll see you later? At the staff meeting?"

"I'll be there," I confirm. "Though I'm not really sure what to expect. Does Gil call these often?"

Sara shakes her head, "Not at all. Pretty much only when he's forced to by Ecklie."

"Anything I should be worried about?"

Sara laughs, "Only having enough coffee with you so that you don't nod off."

"Noted," I send her a smile, making my way to the door. Then, heading out to the hall, I poke my head back around the corner. "I may even bring an extra cup for you."

Winking at her, I hear her soft laugh as I walk off.

KELLY POV

"Come in."

Squaring her shoulders, Sara makes her way through the open door, standing near the entry.

Eyes taking in her surroundings, she roams over the glass and wooden architecture.

"Nice office building," Sara offers. "Your design?"

I nod, "One of my first projects."

"It's beautiful."

"Thanks."

Gesturing towards one of the smaller rooms near the back, I take her to what is technically a conference room, but is really more of a sitting room. The back wall is nearly entirely floor to ceiling windows, allowing a nice view of the landscape around us. It's not as private as my personal office, but at this hour I'm not concerned about anyone else being around. And, the space is more open, allowing a less confined area for Sara and I. Which, is something I think we'd both appreciate.

"Coffee?"

Sara nods, "Please."

Preparing two cups, I join her a few minutes later, passing one across the wooden table.

"Thanks."

Taking a few sips, we both also take in more than a few deep breaths.

"I won't keep you long," Sara eventually starts. "But I think we need to have a conversation. In light of…everything."

I nod, leaning against the table with my hip while Sara remains standing. I know better than to offer the tense brunette a seat.

"Catherine told me her decision and that you guys are giving a relationship a try," I say, deciding to meet her half way.

"And Catherine told me that you gave her your blessing," Sara supplies.

Sara's eyes lift to mine, watching me.

I know what she's alluding to, the topic we both know is the one that's been hanging unspoken between us all this time. The one we're here to discuss.

Swallowing tightly, she squares her shoulders. "I know you don't trust me, Kelly."

I watch her, standing to my full height as I put down my coffee with one hand.

"I don't."

We're silent, both our gazes evenly matched.

"I will never hurt her, Kelly," Sara says in response, voice somewhat quieter. "Not in that way."

Her jaw works tightly, her body tense as she forces herself through this.

"I can't promise anything about our relationship, can't promise that we'll work out or that she'll never get hurt throughout the process. But, I can promise you that the things I shared with you, the things that scare you about me…"

She struggles, forcing her eyes to stay on mine.

"I can promise you that those things you don't have to worry about. I would never…I could never…physically hurt her."

I let out a long breath, feeling some of my own strong façade breaking as I watch her struggling through her statements, baring herself in front of me to discuss a topic that likely is one of the hardest for her to address.

"Sara," I breathe out, stepping slightly closer so there's not a whole room between us. "I…"

Shaking my head, I rub my temples.

"I want to trust you with her," I tell her honestly. "I really do."

"But you don't."

I look at her, my eyes searching hers.

"Not fully," I affirm. "Not yet."

I see her take in my words. Eventually, she nods, respecting my response, my honesty.

I see the acceptance in her eyes, and also the damage my honesty has done to her. Has been doing to her, throughout this whole process. The cracks that I started when I turned her down, turned away from her because of who she is, what she's done. The cracks that I now keep chipping away at every time I tell her I don't trust her around Catherine.

"Hey," I call, watching her dark gaze focus elsewhere, no longer able to meet my eyes. "Look at me."

Stepping forward, I move until I'm directly in front of her. Hesitating, I shakily reach out, placing my hand on her shoulder until she looks up.

"Give me time," I ask her, my voice lowered under the weight of this conversation. "I want to trust you completely. But, I'm just not there yet."

Sara's head angles away, shadows falling across her eyes.

"It's fine." She clears her throat. "I wanted you to hear from me that I respect your reservations, not try to change them. But, hopefully, someday, I'll prove to you that you're wrong about me."

Watching her, I look at her, seeing the person that I feel like I know so well, yet hardly at all.

Reaching out, I startle her as I run my fingers across the last remnants of the gashes still healing across her face from the shooting in the desert – finger catching on a particularly deep mark near her brow.

"You've already started," I tell her honestly.

All of Sara's actions, all her behavior towards Catherine so far, has been nothing but gentle. Nothing but protecting and caring. These very marks under my fingers, they represent her risking her life to keep my friend safe. And, they're not the only, and not the first, ones the brunette carries.

She's been everything in a partner that I've ever hoped for for Catherine. Attentive, caring, loyal, protecting, safe. If I didn't know her past, I'd think she was perfect.

But, I do know her past. And, for better or worse, it's taking me time to believe that her past doesn't impact her present, her future. That it doesn't have bearing on the person that she is.

Do I trust her yet not to someday act on the anger and darkness she buries deep inside her? No, not completely. But, as she mentioned, I hope in time I can get to a place where I do.

Moving my hand so that it gently holds her face, I watch her struggle to allow the touch.

Her subtle flinching under my hand reminds me that, while Sara's past has been the point of hesitation regarding why I don't fully trust her with Catherine, that I've neglected to consider what Sara's past must be doing to her. What struggles she herself has had to work through to trust people, to trust Catherine. Trust me.

It's selfish to think that the only person her past has affected is us. She's the one who's been through hell for the better part of her life, abused and subjected to such horrors I can barely stand to think about it, and yet she's the one willing to try to put that aside and give the current people in her life a chance. To trust them enough to let them near her. To move forward so that her past doesn't stifle her present and the potential it holds.

"I know you're a good person, Sara," I get out, trying to keep the emotion from my voice. "Don't ever doubt that."

Running my thumb along her jaw, I lower my hand back to her shoulder.

Clearing my throat, I squeeze her arm.

"I want to keep getting to know you better, Sara. And I want to be there for you and Catherine while you try to make this work."

I take in a deep breath.

"If you'll allow me."

Sara's quiet, her body still stiff under my touch. Then, finally, I feel her take a breath. Then another.

"I think I'd like that." Her eyes finally lift up to mine.

There's a silence that stretches between us, but this time it isn't uncomfortable.

"I've missed you, Sara."

Sara smiles slightly at this, a small one that barely lifts the corners of her mouth, but it's there.

We both know that we'll never be anything romantic, anything significant to each other in that way. Not in this life. But, we both know a connection when we feel one. Though that connection has changed into something that's solely platonic, it's definitely still there.

Life is too short to push away the people in life you connect with. Even if it's just as friends.

Head lowering, Sara seems to hesitate under the weight of the moment.

Focusing near the table, she admits quietly, "I've missed you, too."

Then, eyes flashing to mine, we both watch the other. Feeling more at peace then I think we've both felt in a long time.

We aren't completely fixed, things aren't magically all better, we aren't back yet to even being friends. But, at least now we know that's something we both want.

Finishing our coffee together, we part ways a short time later in a much better place than we started.

As she's pulling her keys from her pocket and stepping out the door I lean against the frame.

"Hey, Sara?"

She turns, raising a brow.

"Just out of curiosity, if someone approached you with this as a prospective expansion offer – how much would you say it would cost you?"

Holding out my phone, she hesitates a moment before she takes it, brows furrowed curiously. Reading over the email on my phone, she glances away slightly as she works the numbers in her head.

Then, much quicker than I would have expected anyone to be able to do those types of calculations in their head, she looks up at me.

"Three forty two per unit."

Smiling, I nod eagerly. "Exactly! That fucking bastard needs to learn how to fucking divide."

Raising a brow, Sara looks both amused and slightly concerned as she hands me back my phone.

"If you ever decide to quit being a CSI and need a job as a contractor you let me know."

Sara gives a slight snort, "Yeah, I'll get right on that."

Sending me a small, genuine smile, she makes her way to her Jeep.

"Have a good night, Kelly."

CATHERINE POV

Sara draws up short, keys in her hand as she steps around the corner of her hall and sees me sitting outside her door.

Standing, I straighten out my sweater, "Hey."

"Catherine?" Sara questions, moving again as she makes her way to me. "Everything okay?"

I nod, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Everything's fine, don't worry."

She still looks a bit shaken and concerned by my sudden presence, reaching around me to open her door.

"Where's Lindsey?" she asks as neither of us make a move to go through it yet.

"She has an overnight school thing. Learning about solar systems or whatnot at the planetarium."

"Hmm," Sara considers this. "I'm actually kind of jealous."

Smiling slightly, I let out a light laugh, "I believe it."

Getting serious, Sara pushes her keys back in her pocket, still hovering in the doorway.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what brings you by?" she asks, still looking concerned.

"I was worried."

"About?"

"You, actually."

Sara now looks even more confused. "Me? Why?"

"You seemed a bit, off, at work. I know you said you were okay earlier, but it just seemed like something was bothering you all shift. You were miles away, even during the staff meeting."

"I…"

Sara trails off, eyes moving downward as she seems to work her way through this place we find ourselves in. Work her way through her options.

"Want to come inside?" she asks.

I'm happy for the offer, but it also makes my own concern rise slightly. If there was nothing to talk about she wouldn't be acting like this. I know for certain now that my hunch earlier was correct. There's something going on with her that she hasn't been open about sharing.

Stepping through her doorway, she follows shortly after. Tossing her things on the counter, she turns to start her coffeemaker.

"Sorry," she says, "but I could really use a cup. You?"

"Yes, thanks."

As I watch her, I note the exhaustion she just alluded to. She hides it well, but it's in the subtle dip to her shoulders, to the stiff tension in her posture.

"Make yourself comfortable," she offers while the coffee brews.

I do, but I don't go far, electing to lean against her counter, for some reason reluctant to leave her.

As she watches the dark liquid start to fill the pot, Sara must feel my presence still behind her.

"I went to see Kelly today," she says quietly.

Raising a brow, I take in the revelation.

"To talk?"

Sara nods, letting out a long breath, still keeping her back to me.

"Why didn't you say something before?" I question, knowing she's probably been worrying over this all day.

"I don't…" Sara starts, trailing off. "I usually don't…share…like that."

Tilting her head over her shoulder, she meets my eyes.

"I'm sorry," she tells me. "I should've told you. I don't know why I didn't. I just…"

She looks almost sad as her gaze grows heavy.

"It's been awhile since I've had someone to tell these things to, I guess. I'm used to just figuring things out on my own and doing them."

Standing up fully, I move slightly closer to her, giving her space but shortening the distance between us.

"I understand," I tell her honestly.

In fact, I find myself in the same position sometimes. It's been awhile since I've been with someone also, and sometimes I forget that there's now another person to consider when it comes to my day to day activities and decisions.

For someone as private as Sara is at baseline, it's probably only magnified.

"You know that I'm here for you though, right?" I ask. "That I want to be here for you for these sorts of things."

Sara nods, "I know."

Eyes meeting mine, we search each other's gazes.

"How did it go?" I ask a moment later when I can sort my thoughts.

Sara lets out a breath, "Good, I think. As good as could be expected, at least."

"You and her are okay?" I ask, not wanting to probe too deeply but to make sure that Sara and Kelly are in a relatively okay place. The specifics of what they said is their business.

"I think so," she answers, turning to pour the coffee into mugs. Knowing how I take mine, she fixes my cup from memory.

Handing it to me, she leans her hip against the counter.

"She told me what I already knew, but at least now it's out in the open."

"And you're okay?" I ask her, knowing Kelly's thoughts on Sara and her relationship with me.

As okay as Sara likes to act she is most of the time, I'd imagine being told someone doesn't trust you and thinks you're a potential danger to another person has to be hard to stomach.

"She's being honest," Sara supplies, eyes watching the steam rising from her coffee. "And I think it's reasonable for her to have the concerns that she does. Any sane person would share them."

"Not all sane people," I correct her, letting her see the honesty in my eyes. The absence of any reservations when it comes to my safety around Sara.

I trust her with my life. End of story.

"She cares about you," Sara says. "She wants you to be safe. I can't fault her for that."

Taking a deep breath, Sara straightens up.

"Not when she and I ultimately only want the same thing."

Watching her, I try to read her expression, try to reach deeper into her own thoughts on the matter. Giving up when I can't make it past enough of her walls to get a good read on her right now, I decide to take a gamble and just ask her directly.

"Do you doubt my safety around you?" I ask. "Do you think you'd hurt me?"

Sara stiffens at my question, the directness. But, she doesn't avoid it, making me proud of the progress we've made between us.

"No," she says, voice quiet but sincere. "I know I could never hurt you. Not intentionally."

Her eyes lift to mine.

"I've been through too much shit in my life to ever be able to hurt someone I care about in that way. Even the thought of it…"

Sara breathes in tightly, hands clenched around her cup.

Moving forward, I place my free hand on her chest, feeling the tension underneath my fingers.

Watching her, she finally lets me see her, see through her walls to what's underneath. And, what's there is loyalty, trust, respect, tenderness, safety. What's there is beautiful.

"I've fallen so hard for you," I get out in a whisper, lost in her gaze.

Putting her coffee down, Sara places her own hands gently along my hips, keeping our gazes locked. Leaning in, she places a gentle kiss along my lips, the tenderness and care harbored there nearly taking my breath away.

When she pulls back, she keeps her head near mine, her mouth near my ear.

"You deserve so much in this world," she tells me, voice quiet but strong. "I promise to try to be everything that you deserve. For as long as you let me."

Placing a gentle kiss near my hairline she leans back, eyes down but still unguarded.

Leaning in, I run my hand through her hair, encouraging her gaze to lift back up to mine.

I want to tell her so much. Tell her that she's already above and beyond anything I've ever imagined. That she's been everything I'd ever dreamed about, but had given up hope of ever finding.

I want to say so many things, but no words seem adequate. Instead, I kiss her softly, hoping it will communicate what my words cannot.

When we finally pull away, we let the silence fall around us, enjoying simply being in each other's presence.

As we finish our coffees contentedly, I note her posture, and the things that first caught my attention today.

"You look exhausted," I state. "Let's go lay down."

She pauses at my words, body going still.

"Catherine?"

"Just to sleep," I tell her as I put our mugs in the sink. "Nothing more. Not yet."

Reading my intentions, she relaxes slightly, letting me take her hand and lead her towards the rest of her apartment.

Seeing her bed that looks like it hasn't been touched in a week, I glance instead to the couch that has a blanket spread out on it.

Raising a concerned brow, I note her eyes lowering away from mine.

"Couch?" I offer, interpreting the unspoken evidence around me.

"Please," she requests quietly, voice sounding embarrassed.

I'm not sure what's going on that's making her avoid her bed, but I decide now is not the time to get into it. Instead, I reassuringly squeeze her hand, leading us to the couch.

Situating myself, Sara does the same, pulling the blanket over our legs so that we can share.

For the first couple minutes we sit somewhat stiffly, not quite sure how to proceed. But, eventually exhaustion seems to win out, Sara all but losing consciousness next to me as her head falls to an awkward angle along her side of the couch.

Noting how tired she is to be lowering her guard first, I take matters into my own hands.

Reaching over, I hold her shoulders, taking her with me as I lay us down. Grabbing a pillow for our heads, I situate myself behind her so that I can wrap my arm around her stomach.

Grunting groggily, Sara shakes her head, shifting herself around so that I'm in front of her. Then, she essentially reverses our positions, placing her arms protectively around me.

Glancing over at her, any comments, teasing or otherwise, that I have are immediately silenced when I realize she's already half asleep. Smiling to myself instead at Sara's protective nature, even when she's half unconscious, I simply snuggle further into her.

Resting my head on her shoulder, she holds me close, the warmth from her body and her steady breathing making my own eyes fall closed as I note the exhaustion I'm also feeling.

Respecting Sara's preference to hold rather than be held, I settle for reaching down and taking one of her hands that's wrapped around my waist. Intertwining our fingers, I replace our now joined appendages to my stomach. Shifting slightly at the movement, Sara again grows still, her body relaxing as we both start to drift off.

It's in this moment, held securely in her arms, that I have no doubt that this woman offers me nothing but care, gentleness, protection.

For all the darkness in her past, I cannot thank the universe enough that she herself displays only so much light. So much peace and comfort.

I only pray that I can bring her the same.

AN: Thanks for reading.