Remy's Diabolical Plan
Chapter Three: Diabolical Road Trip
~X~
The next morning Rogue woke bright and early…bright and early meaning eleven thirty. She had never finished packing the day before after Remy had left. So instead of just finishing it then, she thought it would be a better idea to just save it until the last minute and just start packing it then.
This turned out to be a not so bright plan. Since she hated the mornings already (no, it wasn't the morning anymore but she had just woken up) the normal early day irritation had set in. They were set to leave at twelve. It was eleven thirty now. Rogue still had to pack, shower, get dressed, and find something to eat because she couldn't ride in the car before she ate or else she would get car sick.
So Rogue started out her day by opening her eyes, looking at the clock, seeing the time, and cursing roundly. Despite knowing that she needed to rush, it took her five minutes to finish stretching and climb out of the bed. She ran to the bathroom, rushed through her shower, brushed her teeth, and dried her hair all in a matter of seventeen minutes. Knowing there was only eight minutes left in her time limit, Rogue ran into her room and threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She laced her shoes with five minutes to spare and tied her hair up to get it out of her way as she set to work checking over her suitcase. All that had been packed was her jeans and her underwear. Growling, Rogue ran back and forth from her dresser to her bag over and over again, picking up clothes and stuffing them into the bag. After packing all of the necessary toiletries and a few books, she was ready.
There was still thirty seconds on her time limit, so without further ado, Rogue struggled to zip up her suitcase (which was carelessly jammed packed full of unfolded clothes and other random things) and then dragged it downstairs.
Everyone else that was going on this mission was already there in the foyer waiting. After tossing the suitcase down the last few steps (and narrowly avoiding nailing Kurt in the head with it), Rogue came to a panting stop in front of Scott.
"I'm ready," she said breathlessly, pleased with herself for making it on time.
Scott gave her a curt nod. "Excellent. But we're not leaving yet."
Rogue slumped in defeat. Of course they weren't leaving yet. The one day she was actually on time for something was the day that they chose to leave later than the designated time. This must be an evil prank that someone was playing on her. After rushing through everything and nearly killing herself doing it, it would figure that it was all for naught. Well, at least she got to eat something now. She started to turn to head to the kitchen but stopped when she thought of something and turned back to Scott.
"Why aren't we leaving yet?"
"I thought it would be wise to let the rain calm down some before we drive in it."
Looking past him to see through the glass doors, Rogue understood why he had decided this. The rain that the nice looking weather man on TV had predicted had appeared and was wreaking havoc. It was so thick and heavy that it was hard to see through and was rhythmically punctuated by booms of thunder and flashes of lightening. How she hadn't noticed any of that while she was getting dressed, Rogue couldn't understand, and she didn't want to try to. Most of the time her mind was a big, snarling mess of chaos and so therefore too hard to work through.
But at least there was time to eat. That was the only bright side to this morning. But when she turned, Rogue was met with the sight of Kurt right behind her and sending her a glare, and Remy on her left and holding out a muffin.
"Gotcha a muffin," he tossed it to her without warning but she caught it easily. "I think we'll probably stop somewhere on the way to eat," Remy said, "but I know you can't ride in the car without somethin' in your stomach. And Remy don't relish the thought of gettin barfed on."
"Oh, well thanks then!" Rogue smiled at him brightly and bit into the muffin before turning to Kurt. "Whaf ish it, Kurt?" She asked through a mouthful of food.
"You nearly killed me!" Kurt shrieked, sounding highly offended. "That suitcase missed me by inches!"
Rogue swallowed before taking another overly large bite. "I'mf shorry…"
"You're what?"
"Shforry."
"What?"
Finally, she swallowed. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Kurt, it was heavy and it just…slipped."
"You haven't put your heavy suitcase in the car yet?" Remy interrupted before brushing between them. He went over and picked up the offending suitcase and slung it onto his shoulder effortlessly. "I'll just take this to the car…"
Scott was standing over in front of the glass doors and looking out at the rain. His posture was straight and stern looking, as was normal for Scott, and his hands were folded behind his back. When Rogue glanced over in his direction he seemed to be mentally scrutinizing the rain with a great amount of seriousness. It was a full five minutes as they all just stood there waiting. Scott was looking out of the window, Jean was reading a magazine, Remy and Rogue were having thumb wars, Kitty was watching Remy and Rogue and shaking her head, Kurt was glaring at Rogue and muttering something about evil suitcases, and Amara and Tabitha were quietly debating over which of the Brotherhood boys butts were the cutest.
It was after the rain slowed a considerable amount that Scott nodded in approval and turned to them.
"Ok," Scott said and they all stopped what they were doing to pay attention. "I think it's safe now so lets-"
"YEAH, beach trip!" Kitty squealed and she and Kurt high fived before Kurt grabbed her wrist and teleported, presumably out to the garage where the car was.
"Wait!" Scott yelled but there was no use, they were already gone.
Charles chose that moment to come in and they all noticed that he looked extremely happy. "Did I hear that it's time for you to leave?" he asked, trying not to sound too eager. Scott nodded and he continued. "Alright, just don't forget the rules of the house! Have fun, be careful, and don't forget that you are the X-men." he looked around seriously at all of them. "You fight for equality among humans and mutants and so therefore you must present yourselves with the appropriate amount of grace so that they may one day come to respect you."
Remy stopped listening somewhere around-'present yourselves with grace'-and his mind drifted to things like drinking games and how best to screw the mission up.
"You've got it, Professor!" Scott said proudly. "You won't be disappointed! We're going to kick some serious lobster thief butt!"
Remy and Rogue glanced at each other but then quickly looked away. The urge to laugh was too great.
"Very well," Charles nodded and smiled at them all. "I trust that you will give it your all. Good luck, X-men."
Rogue wasn't sure when everyone had become so very corny, but she decided to pay it no heed. She just wanted to get to the beach.
Scott nodded to the professor curtly and then headed for the door leading to the garage. He had every intention of going about this mission properly and professionally, no matter how nice a summer at the beach sounded. Next to him, Jean was thinking the same thing except she was little less enthusiastic about working while they were at a nice vacation spot. Behind everyone, Remy and Rogue exchanged evil grins. They were going to make this last as long as possible, even if they had to screw their team over getting a vacation.
And behind everyone, sitting in the foyer, was Charles. As the door to the garage closed and the voices of the kids drifted away, he sighed in relief. Now it was time for his vacation.
~X~
Getting to the beach took a lot longer than anyone expected. Scott had already laid out a carefully constructed schedule in his mind. Ok, actually, he wrote it all down. It really was a good plan. It would take three and half hours to get where they were going. Scott planned to make one necessary pit stop for gas at the second hour. He had planned to stop every forty five minutes to let everyone use the bathroom and get something to drink. He had even planned for one stop where everyone could get out and walk around to stretch their legs a little. With this schedule, they would be able to make it to the beach by at least four thirty.
But then, he didn't take into account many things.
For some reason or the other, Amara had to pee every five minutes. Before they had even made it out of Bayville, Scott had had to pull over twice and let her run into a restaurant to use the bathroom. Then ten minutes after that they had to stop again. After an hour had passed, they had ended up having to stop a total of seven times. At that point, Amara had told him that she was sure that was the last time, and he had felt relieved…that is, until Tabitha said that Amara had said the word 'pee' too many times and now she had to go as well.
After that, he realized that he had spent so much time having to pull off of the highway to find rest stops and then letting the car run while Amara did her business that the gas was already getting too low. So, sighing in frustration, at hour one and a half, he pulled off to the nearest gas station.
As Scott pumped the gas, everyone got out (and stayed under the shelter to keep out of the rain) to stretch their legs. Remy bought everyone a round of Yoo-hoos and a mountain of gummy worms to share. This, Scott came to realize a half hour later, was a bad idea. Whether it was the excitement of the trip, the fact that no one had eaten a proper meal yet that day, or because they were a bunch of kids, Scott couldn't tell you why everyone but him had become so deliriously hyper.
Remy, Rogue, and Amara sat in the very back row of the X-van. Rogue was in the middle while the other two had window seats. Kurt, Kitty, and Tabitha were on the next row in front of them and Jean had the passenger seat next to the driving Scott. He glanced in his rear-view mirror at one point to see everyone giggling insanely and throwing gummy worms at each other. Even Jean was laughing quietly next to him as she sipped on her yoo-hoo.
In the backseat, Remy and everyone else were all thinking about how great fun this mission was already turning out to be.
"Hey, hey," Kurt held up a hand to get everyone's attention. He twisted around his seat to better see their faces. "I have a good joke." He busted out laughing as if the thought of this joke alone was hysterical. "Ok," he cleared his throat and tried not to laugh again. Rogue giggling behind her hand was making it hard for him to keep a straight face. "Here it is…Why didn't the turkey want anything to eat?"
Everyone just kept giggling. He hadn't even said the punch line and already they were laughing.
"Because-" Kurt broke off and started laughing. "Because he-" he stopped again as the giggles over took him. Finally he was able to pull himself together for a few moments to say-"Because he was stuffed!" And then fell back against the seat, howling in laughter.
For some reason or the other, everyone found this hilarious (except for Scott who was just worried) and fell over each other laughing. Amara was slapping her knee, Rogue was bent double and her face was quickly becoming redder and redder, Remy was covering his face with his hands, Kitty was clutching at the stitch she was getting in her side from laughing so much, Jean was spitting out her drink, and Tabitha had clean fallen out of her chair and was on the floor of the van, screaming in laughter.
It was a long time before they calmed down enough to be able to breathe. It was then they noticed one) how much their faces hurt from laughing and two) how much their stomachs disagreed with just eating junk food.
It was then that they all started hounding Scott to pull off of the highway and find a restaurant. Scott just wanted to keep driving because at this point they were very behind on his precious schedule. If he just kept driving without making any more stops…
"We're STARVING!" Tabitha screamed and then threw a gummy worm at the back of his head.
"HEY! HEY!" He screamed shrilly. "No throwing things at the driver! We could all wreck and die!"
"Come on, Scott," Tabitha said, "lighten up already!"
"Yeah Scott," Remy grinned from the backseat. "Lighten up and let us throw stuff at you already!"
Fighting not to crack a grin, Scott ignored these comments and instead replied, "Fine, we'll get something to eat. You guys decide where you want to go."
"I-hop!"
"Burger King!"
"Ew, Burger King? Gross."
"Heart attack Wendy's!"
"Dairy Queen!"
"Bowel trouble Taco Bell!"
Scott quietly groaned as many answers flew at him all at once. For a moment he contemplated naming a place they were going, and then to just keep driving and saying, 'We're almost there, we're almost there…' until finally they arrived at the professor's beach house. But this would undoubtedly lead to his own decapitation and Scott didn't very much like that thought. Since no one could agree on a place, he announced that they were just going to pull off at the next exit and go to the closest restaurant. Everyone behind him grunted and grumbled but he ignored them in favor of concentrating on the road.
The farther they drove away from Bayville, the lighter the rain was. Right now they were just driving through a light drizzle and the thick clouds in the sky forbid the sun from breaking through. The hot June heat was still intact and the roads were steaming in some parts from where the rain had met the hot gravel. They kept the air conditioner on the highest it would go and Scott realized with some misery that this was burning the gas twice as quickly than it normally did. Eventually, another trip to the gas station would have to happen. The X-van really wasn't great on gas mileage.
Scott pulled off at the next exit and then turned into the first restaurant he saw. I-hop.
"Yes!" Kurt yelled in triumph. "All you can eat pancakes! Woo!"
"Calm down, Ric Flair," Scott rolled his eyes as he pulled into a parking spot. "Alright everyone," he sighed, "please, please let's try not to bring too much attention to ourselves in here-"
But at that point he was already talking to an empty car. Everyone waved vaguely over their shoulders at him and he was met with a chorus of-"Yeah, Scott,", "Sure, Scott,", "When have we ever done that before?", and a "you're so cute when you're stressed, Scott," from Jean.
Unlike Scott, Remy and Rogue were having a good time. Rogue was so hungry she thought she would lose it if she didn't get something to eat soon. Remy was thinking that if they took as long as they could getting to the beach house, that they probably wouldn't have to do any work tonight. Scott would undoubtedly set them to work as soon as they arrived, but if they got there after dark…
Remy grinned evilly.
"Hi!" A bubbly and cheerful waitress greeted them. "Welcome to the international house of pancakes!"
"Yeah!" Kurt pumped a fist in the air. "Pancakes!"
"Absolutely!" The waitress said in an enthusiastic tone that matched Kurt's. "How many people do we have here?"
"Eight," Rogue responded after she counted quickly.
"Excellent!" She picked up an armful of menus and then led them over to one of the larger tables.
It took a little longer than normal for them to get their drinks ordered, mostly because Kurt kept changing his mind and going-"OO! I want this! No, wait, I want THIS! No, THIS!" before he finally settled on strawberry lemonade. Then Amara stared at the drink section of the menu for a long moment, pursing her lips and clicking her tongue while saying-"Oh, what do I want…What. Do. I. Want? There are so many choices! What to choose..." before she finally ordered water. Then Remy and Rogue both ordered cherry coke and then argued over who was copying whom.
"Remy, I'm not copying you!" Rogue insisted once the waitress had walked off to get their drinks. "Why would I do that? If anything, you're copying me!"
"And why would I do that?" Remy argued, looking very offended by her accusation. "I like cherry coke, I always have."
"Bull hockey!" Rogue spat. "You just ordered it because I did!"
"No, you ordered it first because you knew that I was planning on ordering it!"
"OO, look!" Kurt said excitedly from behind his menu. "All you can eat pancakes for six ninety nine! And it comes with a side of bacon!"
"You started this argument, Remy!" Rogue said hotly, "I think you did it because you know I like cherry coke more and you feel threatened by that!"
"Hey! I'm three years older than you. That means that Remy's liked cherry coke longer than you have so now your argument has no foundation." Remy smirked smugly.
Everyone else at the table groaned and they didn't bother to hide it. It didn't matter though; Remy and Rogue were so concentrated on arguing over stupid and unimportant things that they didn't notice anyone else around them. Kurt was too busy drooling over his menu to notice any of this, Tabitha and Amara were covering each other's ears, Kitty was trying to ignore the two arguing, Scott had banged his face to the table and hadn't come back up, and Jean was shaking her head and thinking about how silly their argument was.
They really were just two children in adult's bodies, Jean was sure of that. In fact, she knew that the last time she had heard anyone argue over something so silly and trivial was when she herself had been a child and two kids in her kindergarten class fought over who got to play with the legos next. Back then, that had been a big deal because everyone wanted to play with the legos. And as she drowned out the sound of Remy and Rogue's voices, she idly wished that legos would make a come back because they were a lot of fun to play with…
"Fine, whatever—I'm done with this argument, you buttcrack!" Rogue snapped at Remy and ripped her menu open. "Oh look, they have crepes."
"The banana ones are good," Remy commented as he too opened his menu. "But I think I'll go with the raspberry. Raspberries are good this time of the year."
And just like that the fight was over. Everyone else at the table sighed in relief and went back to looking over their menus.
It was several minutes later after their drinks had been brought to the table and their long order was taken that Remy stood up. He wore a barely concealed grin that spelled trouble but no one but Rogue noticed. He excused himself, saying he was going to the 'little boys room' which he quickly changed to 'big, gruff, manly room' after receiving several pointed looks and then walked off. Rogue watched his retreating form with curiosity. Something about his demeanor wasn't right. She had the funny feeling that he wasn't going to the bathroom at all but before she could see which direction he went in, she realized that Kitty was saying something to her.
"-and toned man buttcheeks." She was saying.
"Uh, what?" Rogue asked as she forced her attention to the girl across the table from her.
Kitty sent her a disapproving look. "I said that we're going to have to get you a boyfriend while at the beach so you can have a guy with-"
"Toned buttcheeks?" Rogue finished dully.
"Yes!" Kitty said brightly. "And bronzed pecs and biceps," Kitty closed her eyes as though she were thinking of something dreamy. "Mmmm…"
"Gross!" Kurt interrupted and he looked extremely sickened as if they had just shown him a picture of something dead. "I don't want to hear about this crap while I'm trying to eat!"
Kitty's eyes snapped open at once and she glared at Kurt. "It's not gross and you're not even eating yet!"
"Well I'm about to eat." Kurt muttered. "And now my stomach is churning, and not in a nice way."
Rogue raised an eyebrow. "Your stomach can churn in a nice way?"
"Of course," Kurt insisted before turning back to Kitty. "But Kitty's disgusting drooling-"
"I'm NOT drooling!"
"-is giving me the unpleasant urge to vomit."
Propping her elbow up on the table, Rogue placed her chin in her hand as she watched the two argue. She had noticed that there had been some friction between them lately, but hadn't asked either about it. They had always had little cute arguments that were dangerously close to flirting, but now they sincerely seemed to be upset with one another. It seemed to be Kurt more than Kitty—he was suddenly taking offense to things like her talking about shirtless men.
Before Rogue could think any more into this subject, Kitty was talking to her again.
"Anyway, what I was saying before pancake man over there interrupted-" she threw a pointed look at Kurt, "I'm going to find you a boyfriend."
A sour look immediately formed on her face at Kitty's words. But Kitty ignored it and kept talking. It was no big deal to her; she had forced Rogue to go out on several dates before. But Rogue had no intention of letting Kitty set her up with anyone again. She hadn't enjoyed the last few dates that she had been on and didn't know why this time would be any different.
There was something different about every one of these guys that she had gone out with, and Rogue had pointed them all out to Kitty afterwards. One of them was rude and just kept talking about himself the entire time. He went on and on about where he was going to college and what TV shows he liked to watch and worst of all—FOOTBALL. Rogue hated football with a passion. She secretly wished that every football stadium would blow up for no reason and every football would inexplicably pop and never be able to be used again. But that guy went on and on and on and on and on and ON about it. Rogue had eventually drowned him out and spent most of the evening counting the noodles of the pasta on her plate. But he hadn't even noticed her inattentiveness and just kept talking and talking and talking.
The next guy paid attention to her. He paid a LOT of attention to her. You could say a little too much attention to certain parts of her. Her chest, mainly. The whole date was spent with him asking her questions politely…while staring at her breasts as he waited for the answer. Then when she had enough and just crossed her arms over them, he took to staring at the waitress's behind as she passed the table. Honestly Rogue didn't see what the big deal was. Her breasts weren't that big.
They were exactly what the rest of her was like—one hundred percent average. She wasn't tall and she wasn't short. She was of average height. She wasn't fat and she wasn't a bean pole. She didn't possess the ultra curvy shape of Jean or the skinny and toned one of Kitty. Her body was normal with the average soft curves here and there. She had normal brown hair and normal green eyes. The only thing she really did like about herself was her hair. The lone white streak was enough to give her some bit of personality that no one else had, and when the sun hit it just right it shone red. It made her a touch less average. But she still couldn't change what she was and that was completely and utterly normal.
Except that she was a mutant who could kill anyone with a single touch.
But getting back to the subject...
Her third and last date was with a seemingly nice guy. He had blonde hair and grey eyes and he had braces, but Rogue thought they were kind of cute. At least he made them look cute. He was actually a really nice person and he was polite and didn't once look at her in an inappropriate way. He was funny and told a few good jokes that had her laughing. But there was just one thing that wasn't right. They didn't click. Or it might have been the horrible kiss afterwards.
For some reason after every one of these dates Rogue had allowed them to kiss her. In hindsight, this had been ridiculously stupid on her part (except for the braces guy since she did like him) and at the time she must have been half out of her mind. The only one she didn't allow to kiss her had been pervert boy because she shuddered to think of him even touching her. But that hadn't stopped him. He had pretty much cornered her against the car, breathing into her face and sending the smell of onion up into her nostrils. Nearly choking on that smell, she had barely had time to say no when he was already on her, shoving his tongue into her mouth and over her teeth and trying to gain entrance. She had determinedly kept her teeth closed to try to keep him out, but then he had thought it was totally appropriate to reach around and grab her ass. This had made her gasp and he had taken the opportunity to push his tongue in…only for Rogue to bite him.
After he had finally broken free, he called her a crazy butter toast—or maybe something more inappropriate—and so Rogue had punched him in the gut and walked into the house.
He had never spoken to her again.
…Not that she was complaining.
She had allowed football boy to kiss her because it had been her first date and her first kiss and she had been so nervous over the whole thing that she had just wanted to get it over and done with. So she had allowed him to kiss her. It was pleasant enough, if a little dry and there was no passion in it whatsoever. It might have made for a good first kiss if he hadn't pulled back afterward, smiled at her and said, "Touchdown."
That was enough to make her shrink away and run into the house.
And braces boy…He slobbered all over her. He was still nice and gentle but it was wet and it didn't taste all that great. It felt like he had just dumped the lower half of her face in warm water and then held her there. She had pulled back and fought not to wipe her mouth off with the back of her hand.
He was nice but he sucked at kissing so she quickly said goodnight and ran into the house.
And after all of that happened, Rogue was not interested in dating, or kissing, for that matter. If it was always going to be like that, then she wanted no part of that world. If it was always like that, then she really couldn't fathom why anyone liked it. Surely not everyone's experiences were like hers. However, everytime she had told herself that, and everytime she had less and less fun. She supposed that she might try it one or two more times, but mostly just to get free food. That was the only upside to those dates.
These thoughts were wiped away the moment the waitress arrived, carrying a big tray of food. Remy returned at the same time and slipped back into his empty seat next to her with a wink. She wondered what he was winking at her like that for, but she didn't ask, especially not while there were other people around. She knew enough about Remy to know that when he winked that most of the time it was a sign of trouble. He had done something.
Remy…Remy was her best friend. She was glad that he had joined the X-men because if he hadn't she would have been really bored. Well, maybe not. She did have Jean and Kitty and everyone else to hang around with. But there was something different about her relationship with Remy. Their dynamic was different and unlike she and braces boy, they clicked; in a friend way of course. She didn't think of Remy in a date way. Maybe she did at first when he had first joined the X-men and she had had a series of strange and erotic dreams about him. But that had just been a crush, and one that had been gotten over a long time ago. She could still appreciate his good looks, but she didn't think of him in a romantic way. No matter how thick his hair was, and no matter how elegantly it fell around his face…and it didn't matter that his bottom lip was slightly plumper than his top one and it looked very kissable. She didn't think words like kissable when she was around Remy…she didn't feel the need to make him laugh just so she could see the dimple that formed on his left cheek and she certainly didn't have the urge to poke it with her finger…
From the moment he had joined the X-men, there had been this weird chemistry between them that made it so easy for them to talk to one another and eventually for them to become friends. She didn't have to explain things to Remy the way she did anyone else, he just got her and she got him. Sometimes they would be thinking the same thing and then say it out loud and that was always creepy. They thought along the same lines a lot of the time…unless they were fighting. When they were fighting she couldn't stand him, couldn't stand the sound of his voice, and for a few moments couldn't understand how they had ever managed to become friends. But then it was over and they got along again and then she couldn't understand how she could have thought such mean things about her bestest friend Remy.
They laughed about the same things, they took interest in the same things, his company was pleasant and always welcome. When she was sad he always had this strange way of making her laugh. When she was mad at him he was always able to make her want to claw his eyes out. But they always were friends and she was glad that she didn't have to live without him.
Right now he sat next to her, munching on his raspberry crepes and smiling at her. She gave him a suspicious sideways glance. He was up to something, and Rogue had the funny feeling that he hadn't gone to the bathroom at all. What had Remy done?
To Be Continued...