AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Many thanks to all of you, and especially to those taking the time to review.

Take care and enjoy.

CHAPTER 40

CATHERINE POV

"Where do you go?"

Sara's hand stills, pausing in its motions through my hair.

"Hmm?" she asks, voice quiet in the early hour.

"When you get up during the middle of the night, where do you go?"

Sara's motions now all pause, going completely still beneath me.

"What do you mean?" she questions, but her voice tells me she knows exactly what I mean. Eventually, she sighs. "I thought I didn't wake you. I'm sorry."

I let out a gentle laugh, snuggling deeper into her arms, my head resting softly on her shoulder.

"I didn't want an apology, Sara. I'm a guest in your home, you can do whatever you want. I was just wondering where it was you went when you left," I look slightly up at her, watching her watch the morning sunlight dancing across the ceiling of her living room. "I fell asleep again before you got back."

Sara doesn't answer for a while, and I begin thinking she never will. But, then, she takes in a deep breath, voice almost resigned when she answers, "I went for a run."

"Why?"

Again, more silence.

"I'm not used to sleeping through the night. I kept waking up so I decided to try to clear my head."

"Did it work?"

Sara smiles slightly, "Sure."

"Liar."

Laughing, she shakes her head, resuming her motions of gently running her fingers through my hair. The sensation is wonderful, and nearly relaxing enough to send me back into slumber.

"Don't worry," she tells me. "I got more sleep last night then I think I've gotten all month."

I snort, "That's not very encouraging, judging on the limited amount you got last night."

Sara shrugs, my head following the motion slightly. "Maybe I'm a vampire."

Snorting again, I hit her lightly on the chest. "I think a zombie would be a more apt description."

Sara smiles, resting her head gently atop mine, her body warm and solid underneath me.

"You know I'm always here for you, right?" I ask her, voice growing serious. "If you want to talk about it."

Squeezing my free hand in hers, she places a gentle kiss into my hair.

"I know."

The room falls back to silence, both of us simply content lying in each other's arms. It's one of the first times we've really had to ourselves, able to be close like this outside of work. And, I have to admit I'm enjoying every moment of it.

"You have any thoughts about what you want to do for breakfast?" Sara asks after a while. "I can make us something if you'd like."

I raise a brow, "Really?"

Laughing lightly at my expression, Sara shakes her head. "I'm hurt by your lack of confidence in me and my culinary abilities."

"I've seen the inside of your fridge."

Snorting, Sara smiles. "Touché."

Angling her head down towards me, she looks at me, eyes earnest. "But I actually already made you something. Very special, just for you."

I study her, trying like hell to figure out if she's being serious.

"Really?"

She nods, "I spent hours."

Tilting her head, she indicates the counter on the other side of the room, separating her living room from her kitchen.

Seeing the plate of scones there, I furrow my brows.

"Wait, seriously?" I ask. "How…"

Looking back up at her, I note the tug of a smile pulling at her lips.

"You're an ass."

Sara laughs, face breaking into a genuine smile when she hears the words I've tossed at her now more times than I can count.

"There happens to be a very delicious bakery on the way back from my run."

"So you ran the rest of the way home with a bag of scones in your hands?" I raise a brow, chuckling at the imagery my brain is supplying.

"Don't question the methods of procurement. Simply enjoy the treasures of that which was procured."

Shaking my head, I lean up, placing a kiss to her smiling lips.

"You are very unique, Sara Sidle, you know that?"

Sara hums into the kiss, deepening it as she runs her hand down my side, fingers trailing softly along the edge of my shirt. If she keeps this up, I'm never going to want to leave this couch, delicious scones be damned.

When we both seem to come to the same conclusion, Sara and I pull back, holding each other as we try to collect ourselves. I want to keep kissing her, touching her, exploring the beautiful body beneath me. But, I know that we can't, shouldn't, go there. Not yet.

My thoughts remind me of our current situation, and the conversation that I think Sara and I need to have. And, in my opinion, have sooner rather than later.

"You have plans today?" I ask.

Sara breathes in slowly, getting herself back to normal.

"Not really," she says. "You?"

I pause, before deciding to go for it.

"I was actually hoping you would be up for perhaps doing something together today? Spend some time with one another before shift tonight?" I pose hopefully.

She stays quiet a moment before nodding, "Yeah, sounds great. Did you have anything particular in mind?"

Considering my options, I elect for one I haven't had time to do since I got here. "I actually was thinking of taking a nice hike in the desert, if you're up for it."

I used to enjoy spending time outdoors in Montana, often going for relaxing walks and hikes on my time away from work. I haven't had a chance to explore much of Nevada's scenery, and I'd enjoy spending some time out in nature when I'm not there to process a body.

Sara nods, "Always up for a hike."

Smiling, we hold each other a bit longer before finally separating so that we can eat our breakfast and start our day.

And yes, the scones were amazing.

As I look around, my eyes can't keep up with the stunning scenery around us. Breaths coming quickly as I place one foot in front of the other, I try to keep focused on the ascent ahead of us.

"You've never been here before?" I ask, noting Sara referencing the trail markers as we go.

"Once," she answers me, her own breathing coming quicker than usual, but significantly less labored than my own. "Around the time I first came to Vegas."

I smile, Sara and I having unknowingly both picked this location for one of our first Nevada hikes.

"Holy shit the sun is hot," I get out between breaths, pausing to try to steady my heart rate.

The ground has flattened out for a few yards, allowing this as a good place to take a quick rest.

"Water," Sara offers, or more like demands, holding the bottle out to me and making sure I take enough.

I cringe thinking that there were moments where I seriously debated whether we would need to bring any. The trail isn't very long, just over a few miles, but it's nearly a constant climb in regards to elevation. Now, the sun blazing down on us and absolutely no foliage for shade, I know we would've been in a rough spot if Sara hadn't insisted.

Sitting myself down on a rock that's about knee height, I take in the feeling of the blood pumping through my veins, the blessed fatigue already in my straining muscles. Call me crazy, but it feels damn good. It's been so long since I've been able to do something like this, pushing my body to this point, and it is something I've missed these last months with all the transitions happening in my life that have been keeping me busy.

"How're you doing?" Sara asks me, her own eyes closing briefly as she angles her head up to take in the light breeze.

"Good," I answer honestly. "Definitely hot as blazes, but it feels so good to be out here."

Sara smiles, glancing over at me. Seeing her expression cringing slightly, she moves a few steps closer.

"What?" I question her expression.

"I think you're burning a bit…"

Following her gaze to my shoulders, I curse my fair complexion, the pink already evident along my skin there. Glancing around, Sara looks at the items we brought, both of us not exactly sure of a solution.

Then, taking in a deep breath, Sara glances down at her shirt.

"I have sleeves," she hedges nervously. "If you want…"

Seeing where she's going, I shake my head.

"No way, I can't let you do that."

"Catherine," she tells me hesitantly but seriously, "we're almost at the top, but we still have over an hour hike to get back to the car. Your shoulders are going to get seriously burned if we don't get them out of the direct sun."

"But what about you?" I pose, noting that she doesn't have anything on under her shirt beyond her sports bra.

"I'll be fine," she tells me. "I usually end up taking my shirt off during most of my runs anyway – my skin is used to this type of sun."

That is definitely not imagery I needed when I'm already nervous about Sara being less clothed than she is. It's been hard enough keeping my focus on our hike instead of the person taking the hike with me. The way her well defined leg muscles flex as she moves gracefully across the rough terrain…

But, realizing we really have no other option at this point, and that Sara feels just as awkward about this as I do, I let out a breath.

"You sure?" I ask again. "I'm sorry…"

"It's really no big deal," she tells me. "And, let's be honest, nothing you haven't seen before."

Reaching down, she pulls her v-neck t-shirt over her head, turning away slightly to shake it out.

"Sorry it's a bit sweaty," she apologizes, turning back around to toss it at me.

Catching the material, I could care less about the sweat. Not when I'm just as sweaty as she is right now, if not more.

Pulling it over my head, I can't help but smile that it still smells only of Sara. Feeling the immediate relief of the direct, unrelenting sun off my shoulders, I make a mental note to never again wear camisoles hiking.

"Thanks," I tell her. "I can't seem to stop needing your help with clothing."

Memory going back to when she lent me her sweater not too long ago in these same deserts, it seems ironic that now I need to borrow her clothing for the complete opposite reason.

Sara smiles lightly, no doubt noting the irony as well, "You're welcome."

Drinking some more water, I try to keep my gaze on her eyes. Try to ignore the fact that she's in nothing more than a black and grey sports bra, her lean, toned body nearly on full display. And, holy shit, does she have a ridiculous body. She's right, it's nothing I haven't seen before. But, now it's somehow different. Before I was seeing her to try to monitor her injuries, focused solely on her health and wellbeing, too distracted to notice much beyond my goal.

Now, instead, there's nothing keeping me from simply seeing her. The thin, firm musculature that exudes fitness and strength. The tanned skin that glistens slightly under the bright sun.

Clearing her throat, Sara turns slightly to the side, appearing almost self-conscious as she takes some swallows from her own water. I can't help but question how someone who looks as damn good as she does could have any uncertainty about their appearance. But, this is Sara, one of the most private and reserved people I know.

Also, as she turns, the sun catches off some discolorations in her skin. Areas of lighter pigment where there's a clear scar or abrasion.

It's this that has me realizing the source of Sara's discomfort.

Moving to a stand, I finish some more water before placing the remainder back in our pack. Stepping close, Sara's still angled away from me.

Reaching out, I gently place my hand along her skin, fingers finding one of the deeper scars from her recent stabbing. Trailing down the length of it, I feel Sara's breath catch as her body stiffens.

"You are so beautiful, Sara."

She keeps her gaze averted, her body still tense and stiff under my touch.

When she finally turns, my fingers find their way to the definition of her stomach muscles, tracing along the firmness of the skin along her torso.

"God, you…" I trail off, shaking my head. "You are amazing."

Swallowing, Sara's head lowers slightly.

"Like I said, nothing you haven't seen before."

I know she's referring to her scars, both to the ones that I know the cause of, and the larger proportion that I don't. Though I can guess the general culprits. Her tone is sad, resigned – like she's accepted the marks on her body and how other people likely view her because of them.

But, my God, she couldn't be more wrong.

Everything about her, every mark, every abrasion, it does nothing to detract from her. If anything, it only adds to the already beautiful canvas. It gives evidence of hardships, of challenges, of demons that have been overcome. Trials that have been concurred to leave only the person still standing strong beneath them.

"We all have pasts," I tell Sara, voice honest. "And, if scars bother you, perhaps you shouldn't be thinking of being with someone who has her share of her own. Including from when she had a child."

Eyes narrowing, Sara glances up, gaze finally meeting mine. She looks confused, and a little hurt.

"I think you're beautiful, Catherine. Beyond beautiful. I would never look at you any differently, and especially not for something like that."

I watch her, holding her gaze. "Then don't presume I would either."

Seeing my point, Sara's cheeks redden slightly as she looks almost ashamed.

"I'm sorry," she offers quietly after a few moments. "People before you, they…there's always questions when they see them…and…judgments…"

Reaching out, I take her hand, "I get it. I do." Running my other hand down her side, I shake my head. "But I'm not them. And, holy hell, Sar…"

Looking at me, she seems to read the passion in my eyes, the desire that's there. The fact that I have feelings that are centered in emotions like awe, lust, and longing, not centered in anything she's been fearful of. Swallowing, she nods, seeming to finally take me at face value, to accept that I'm not just trying to placate her or make her feel better.

"I feel the same when I look at you," she confesses to me quietly, eyes moving lower before traveling back up to my eyes. "And I can't even imagine…"

Reading through her unspoken words, I nod, feeling the same.

"I think we need to talk, Sara."

Perhaps misinterpreting my statement, Sara stiffens, body hesitantly moving slightly back.

"No," I tell her, pulling her back to me. "Not in a bad way. In a good way."

Head quirking slightly, she tries to give me the benefit of the doubt.

"What do you say we finish these last few minutes to the top, then take a rest for some food and conversation when we're up there?" I pose.

Sara studies me a moment more before she nods, grabbing our pack and slinging it over her shoulder.

"I can't believe you managed to pack all this," I take a bite of my peanut butter sandwich, not really sure how Sara had the time to prepare this extensive of a lunch while I got ready this morning.

She just smiles, reaching out to take my hand in hers as she finishes her own sandwich in silence.

As we get to the snacks, I push most of the remaining bags in her direction. Sending me a slightly confused look, she takes a few more pretzels, chewing them quietly as she watches the view over the canyon that's before us.

While Sara's body is beyond fit, there's definitely a bit more prominence to some of her bones than I would like, particularly as I note the sharpness to her spine as she leans forward. Sara's always looking out for me, just like she has continued to do so today – insisting I drink enough water, giving me her shirt to keep me from burning. She's often so strong and stoic that it's easy to forget that she could use someone looking out for her as well.

"It's amazing when you think about how old this place is," Sara states quietly, resting her arms on her knees as she gazes over the rock formations below us. "To think this canyon was carved by glaciers all those years ago."

I take in the scenery with her, the beauty up here well worth the hike.

Sighing, Sara eventually leans back, pushing away the rest of the snacks as she focuses towards me.

"You wanted to talk."

I nod, respecting that she wants to address the unspoken topic hanging between us.

"I think we need to establish some sense of where we're headed. What we want and how we plan to proceed."

Sara looks worried, like she's concerned I'm having doubts.

"Sara," I move closer, setting myself directly beside her. "When I'm around you I have a very hard time keeping myself collected. There are…things…that I want to do…with you…"

I take a steadying breath.

"But I want to be careful about this. It's hard, and not something I'm used to doing if I'm honest." I place my hand along her arm, holding her tightly. "But I want to get this right."

I know Sara's processing my words, her pensive eyes focused on the drop off of the canyon about 20 yards ahead of us.

"So do I," Sara says quietly. "I don't want to rush into anything before we're both certain."

I nod, "I have Lindsey to think about. I can't just casually go around bringing people into her life until there's something official, something permanent there."

Sara's eyes are hard to read, her body somewhat tense beneath my hand.

"You know I would never do anything to put Lindsey in a bad place, emotionally or physically."

Sara's words are genuine, serious.

"I know," I assure her, running my fingers down her arm and back up again. "It's not you I'm worried about."

Letting out a long sigh, I shake my head, "I've rushed into relationships more often than not. Letting myself follow my immediate desires with no concern for the long term. I can't allow myself to do that anymore."

"Are you…" Sara's voice trails off, her dark gaze still on the canyon. "Are you questioning if there's a long term? With us?"

Eyes widening, I hold her arm firmly. When she still doesn't look at me, I reach out to turn her face gently towards me.

"Sara, every time I see you, I only fall harder for you. When I'm away from you, I want nothing more than to go spend time with you. I want a long term with you," I tell her honestly, pointedly. "So badly. And, that's why I don't want to mess this up."

I watch her, let her see everything within me.

"I think we have a shot at something truly special," I get out. "I already feel things for you I haven't felt for anyone I've been with before. And that's why I want to be sure we go about this the right way."

Sara's body language is hard to read, her eyes on mine before she lowers them slightly.

"I want you to be comfortable," she tells me. "I'm willing to go forward however you would like. At whatever pace you feel is right, for both you and Lindsey."

I appreciate her answer, and I appreciate her all the more for it. For being the respectful person that I already knew her to be. She's willing to let me dictate pace in this process, again deferring to me and my family.

"But what about you, Sara?" I ask, not wanting her to keep putting herself second. In this she's my equal, my partner. We need to make these decisions together. "What do you want?"

"I want you to be happy."

Her answer is simple, honest, and pure. She watches me, gaze steady.

"I know what my heart wants, Catherine," she confesses. "I have no doubts regarding where I want this to go, and the timeframe at which I would be comfortable getting there. But, more importantly, I want you to feel safe and comfortable, and I want you to know that Lindsey will always be my priority as well." She sends me a slight nod. "I'm not going anywhere. It takes as long as it takes."

Her patience, her willingness to move at my pace, touches me in a way and a depth that I didn't expect. All this time, to finally be with someone who puts me first, puts my daughter first. Even when she's just confessed that she herself would be holding back because of it. It's astounding to me to feel this level of respect, to feel this cherished by someone.

"You're that sure?" I ask, her admission having somewhat surprised me. "You'd already be okay to move forward with me?"

Sara smiles, cheeks tinging slightly pink as she looks down.

"I can read people," she says, expression getting serious. "It doesn't take me long to know what someone's about, to know their intentions and whether I'm okay with them. Despite my best efforts to the contrary," she confesses, "I already trust you."

Just when I'm getting over the last revelation, this one nearly floors me.

To hear someone like Sara Sidle say that she trusts me in that way. After everything she's been through in this life, including everything I've put her through during my investigation of her, it makes my heart clench with emotions I can't quite fathom.

Leaning in, I kiss her, the act a mix of relief and desperation. My ears hearing words I feared in some deep, dark place that I would never hear from Sara. To be trusted by her, after everything, after all the people in her life who've taken advantage of her, I cannot express the gratitude and humility.

Hand in her hair, the kiss deepens, her mouth granting me access when I seek it. Feeling my other hand place itself along her hip, I register the bare skin there. The lack of clothing is what finally causes me to separate.

"If I'm going to stick to my goal of taking this slow," I get out between breathes, "I can't continue with where that was headed."

Smiling slightly, Sara shakes her head, leaning forward to place a gentle, more chaste kiss along my lips.

"I'm not going anywhere," she again promises. "I will follow your pace, Catherine. I want to get this right as well."

I reach out, drawing her to me as I hold her close. She returns the gesture, placing an arm around me as we watch the light dance across the canyon.

It's strange, but having Sara's patience and promise to take this as slow as I need, it only makes me want her all the more. Makes me want to break my vow to myself and already have this kind, sensitive, and caring person completely in my life, in all the ways that matter.

To be able to declare us as something official to ourselves, our friends, and to the people in our lives that matter most.

Because, Sara herself has already become one of the people in my life that matters most.

AN: Thanks for reading.