Remy's Diabolical Plan
Chapter Four: Kurt's Diabolical Pancakes
~X~
What had Remy done?
For the moment, she decided to put it in the back of her mind and eat her cheesy and fluffy omelet with tomatoes and mushrooms on top. Across from her, Kitty had ordered the vegetarian breakfast and Kurt had ordered the all you can eat pancakes and ended up eating twenty three of them. He had wanted to order more—but by that point they had all finished their food and were waiting for him to finish. Not only that, but people were starting to stare as plate after plate of pancakes kept coming to the table.
Eventually they talked him down and he half heartedly said he was done. Having already paid for their food, everyone stood up in relief and got ready to go. Rogue thought it was odd that Remy suddenly vanished from next to her so she looked up, only to see him at the end of the table standing next to Scott.
Scott didn't really notice him because he was too busy pulling out money and counting out a tip. Jean didn't notice either because she was talking to Kitty. Only Rogue saw him there and with a slight sense of dread, she saw Remy look at her and wink.
"Ok, that should be enough," Scott said as he placed the money on the table and turned to leave.
It happened fast, but not fast enough not to be totally unsuspicious. As soon as Scott turned, Remy's hand whipped out onto the table and swiped at a few glasses sitting there.
"Whoops!" Remy said before he hand even hit the glasses, "My hand slipped!"
He said this before his hand 'slipped' but it did eventually 'slip' and hit all of the glasses, sending them to the floor right into Scott's feet. Naturally, Scott tripped and fell forward—Rogue could have sworn she saw Remy move a fraction out of his way so that he couldn't grab him to right himself—and then he was on the floor.
"Ow." he said simply.
People at the surrounding tables turned to stare and with a gasp, Jean rushed forward and got on her knees, despite the floor being covered in fluid.
"Honey, are you ok?" Jean shrieked and rolled Scott over, drenching his back in the coke that had been spilled there.
"I'm," he said breathlessly. "Give me a sec…"
Rogue glared at Remy. What the hell did he think he was doing? He could have seriously hurt Scott! Obviously he must have a bigger plan, but what on earth this plan could entail that involved nearly killing one of their friends, Rogue didn't want to know. If this was what he was going to do, then he had to be stopped!
She opened her mouth to point out that Remy did it on purpose but no one noticed her. They had all rushed to Scott's side and were looming over him in concern. Remy was in the midst of it and sounding sincerely sorry.
"I am SO sorry mon ami!" he was saying to Scott. "Remy's hand just slipped. I don't know what it was thinkin'…"
Rogue continued to glare but came over to see if Scott was ok. Jean had helped him sit up and he was reassuring everyone that he was fine. A few waitresses had rushed over and were worriedly looking on also.
"I'm ok, really," Scott kept insisting. "I mean, I'm soaking wet now and I think I twisted my ankle, but I'll live."
It was after Jean and Kurt had helped him up, sat him in a chair, the waitresses fussed over him and then brought him some aspirin, a janitor came and cleaned up the mess, Jean checked out his ankle, Remy tried to look innocent, and Kurt had discreetly ordered three more pancakes and ate them that they were once again ready to leave. This time Jean and Kitty got on either side of Scott and looped his arms around their shoulders to help him walk and Remy didn't try to murder anyone. Rogue had continuously glared at him the whole time and now that they were walking out, she pinched him in the arm.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She hissed so that Amara and Tabitha, who were behind, them couldn't hear. "You did that on purpose!"
"Hey, that hurt," he nodded to his arm where she had pinched him.
Scowling, she reached up and pinched him harder.
"Ouch! Stop it!" he hissed back.
"No!" she whispered vehemently as they walked out of the doors and out into the rainy summer afternoon. "You deserve it after trying to kill Scott! Why would you do that?"
"You'll see, calm your little head down," he patted her on the head affectionately. "Remy always got a plan."
She knew that but at the moment, Remy's 'plan' seemed to involve murdering her friends and she wasn't about to go along with it. She glanced sideways at him to find him grinning and rolled her eyes. She might not like it, but she was curious as to what he was up to.
"I don't think I can drive," Scott announced as they all walked through the parking lot and towards the X-van. "Who wants to?"
"I do!" Remy piped up a little too quickly not to arouse suspicion. Rogue shot him a look but he just grinned at her, displaying his dimple in the process.
"Ok, I'll just give you directions." Scott pulled his arm from around Kitty's shoulders to reach into his pocket and got the keys. He tossed them to Remy before leaning on Kitty again.
"Yes, I will drive," Remy nodded. They all stopped next to van as they came to it and Remy started to unlock the doors before he suddenly gasped.
For a moment, Rogue just looked around, wondering what he was looking at. She couldn't see anything out of the ordinary from where she was standing and the only thing that made her want to gasp at the moment was the rain that was trickling unpleasantly down the back of her neck.
"Oh, would ya look at that?" Remy said as he shook his head in dismay. "The air is all gone from that tire!"
Rogue raised an eyebrow and looked at the tire to see that, yes, it was out of air. Almost as if someone deliberately let it all out…She jerked her head back over to Remy and narrowed her eyes. His tone of voice alone was completely unconvincing. He didn't sound surprised or upset. He said 'The air is all gone from that tire' like someone would say, 'I'm having a great day!' or 'Oh look! It's a sale!' It didn't say 'Crap, now we're going to be late to the beach house because we have to put air back in this tire'.
But no one else seemed to notice this at all. Scott groaned, Jean groaned, Kurt groaned and patted his stomach, and Amara, Kitty, and Tabitha groaned because their hair was getting wet. Rogue just glared.
"Actually," Scott said suddenly, "I think there's an air pump in the back somewhere."
"WHOOPS!" Remy said loudly and at the same time his hand flew into the air and the keys went flying. They fell through some bars on the ground to land in the gutter. "Oh would ya look at that? Remy done dropped the keys in the gutter."
Scott looked totally unconcerned by this. "Ok then…Jean, can you get the keys?"
With one hand pressed to her temple, Jean easily levitated the keys from the gutter and into Remy's hand. Rogue took the opportunity when no one was looking to deliver a sharp jab with her elbow into Remy's ribs.
"Ah!" He said over dramatically and stumbled away from Rogue, only to drop the keys into the gutter again. "Rogue!" He said in a disapproving tone. "Jeany just got those keys for me! Now you've gone an made me drop em' again!"
Rogue continued to glare. She had hit him hard, but she hadn't him that hard. Never before had he screamed and stumbled away from her when she had hit him. But just as she opened her mouth to argue, Jean spoke up.
"It's no problem, I've got them," she said reassuringly as she once again levitated the keys up into Remy's hand.
"Hurry up!" Kitty whined and she tried to shield her head with her arms from the rain. "We're getting soaked!"
It was only a light drizzle of rain but this was true since they had been standing there for several minutes.
"Oh wow, that's true," Remy said as he unlocked the doors, "I guess we're probably gonna have to stop somewhere and change…"
Rogue didn't miss the grin that light up his face. She climbed into the passenger seat as he went around to the back of the car and searched for the air pump. It took a ridiculous amount of time for him to find said pump, set it up, and then put air into the tire. They sat there for the better part of an hour, waiting impatiently as Remy took his sweet time pumping air into the tire. The weather was too hot for them not to turn the air on, which involved turning the car on and burning more gas. Finally Remy finished and grinning happily, climbed into the driver's seat.
Rogue sat in the passenger seat and continued to narrow her eyes in his direction. Obviously he was trying to slow them down. But why? How was slowing them down going to make the beach trip last longer? Perhaps he was just trying to get the team as depressed as he could get them so that they wouldn't feel like they could start the mission right away. This might work. But knowing Scott, he would probably make them work twice as hard to get rid of their depression, so ultimately that plan wouldn't work. She would just have to ask him the next moment they got alone.
"You're right, Remy," Scott was saying from the backseat. He now sat between Jean and Kitty in the back. "We're going to have to stop somewhere and change out of these wet clothes. Get back on the highway and pull off at the first rest stop you see."
"Ai ai, captain," Remy gave a little salute before starting the car and pulling out of the parking spot.
He drove a normal speed. Not too fast, and not too slow. He was a decent driver, always using his signal, always looking before he changed lanes, and making sure that everyone had on their seatbelts. Rogue watched him, searching for some sign of whatever it was he was doing, but couldn't find any. He was thankfully being normal at the current moment.
The next rest stop turned out to be at the next turn off, so Remy pulled off of the highway and into the little parking lot. Everyone, having already searched through their bags for the clothes, jumped out and ran into the bathrooms (Scott being teleported by Kurt), and left Remy and Rogue in the car alone. Of course, this might have been because Rogue had grabbed hold of his elbow and wouldn't let him out of the car.
"What the hell are you doing?" She asked once everyone was out of earshot. "Why are you tryin to make us late?"
"I was bored," Remy shrugged, "and Remy was thinking that if we're late gettin there, then we ain't gotta do no work tonight."
She gasped. "You tried to kill Scott so that you could have a night off? Remy!"
"What?"
"That was mean."
"Ok…Are we done here? My shirt is stickin into my bellybutton."
"Remy!"
"Rogue? Since when did you become so good, hm? I thought you were just as lazy as I was."
"I am NOT lazy," she argued though she knew it was true. She was lazy about some things. Things like packing. "Ok, fine, I'm lazy. But at least I ain't a murderer!"
"Remy ain't either," he responded lightly, "I didn't kill nobody."
"You attempted to!"
"There, there, little one," he patted her on the head again. "Don't get so worked up about it. I promise I won't try to kill anyone again."
She stared at him for a moment, pouting slightly before she sighed. "Fine. But if you do-"
He held his hands up in defeat. "Remy'll prepare hiself for the lynchin."
"I will lynch you." She told him seriously.
The corner of his mouth quirked just slightly. "I think that takes at least two people."
"I'll make it work."
"I'd like to see that."
"I don't think you would."
"Let's be friends again?" He said hopefully and held a fist out to her.
Rolling her eyes, she bumped her fist with his gently. "Don't forget," she reminded him, "do it again, and it's a lynchin for you."
"Yes ma'am!"
"Shut-up."
"Ok."
~X~
When Remy had first told her that he was trying to take as much time as possible getting to the beach house, Rogue never imagined that he would do everything humanly possible to slow them down. She never thought that he could think up so many seemingly innocent ways to hinder their progress. But he managed. Every little thing suddenly needed to be stopped for.
For example, Remy, out of no where, grew a strange fondness for trucker's gas stations and insisted that they stop at every single one they came across. They really did have to get more gas, but they didn't need to go into the gas station and look at all the 'cool stuff' as Remy put it.
And Rogue had to admit that trucker's gas stations were fun to stop at. If it weren't for the leering truckers she would have liked it better but some things just couldn't be helped. The buildings were big and when you went inside there was shelves upon shelves of snacks, disposable cameras, and boat loads of souvenirs. Though why anyone would want a souvenir from the miniscule town of Pumpkin Head, New York, Rogue didn't know. She was positive that Pumpkin Head was so tiny that it wasn't even on any maps. However, this did not stop Kurt from buying a t-shirt that said 'I made a baby in Pumpkin Head' for Scott, who was stuck in the car.
Scott was less than enthusiastic about this gift.
The next trucker's gas station that they stopped at was called 'The Flying Jay' and Remy jumped out of the car, telling Scott to calm down, they would make it to the beach, and he only had to go in and grab one thing. Of course, everyone else went in with him, leaving Jean and Scott.
That station wasn't as big, but inside they sold cotton candy and everyone got a stick and were very happy.
The next trucker's gas station they stopped at was less nice. Scott moaned from the backseat, sounding defeated as he asked Remy why they were there. Remy said that he had to pee. And everyone went inside with him.
It turned out that they didn't like this one as much as the others. Kitty and Rogue went into the bathroom, found that it smelled very strange, and then got scared when a skinny middle aged woman came out of one of the stalls and offered to sell them some pot. They didn't even answer her, just turned and walked out to find Kurt coming out of the men's room at the same time and saying, "Some guy in there just tried to sell me some pot!"
They realized at that point that everyone in this establishment were all very sketchy looking characters and were watching their every move. So feeling very creeped out, they rushed out of there and out into the parking lot. When they got the van, a very hairy trucker at the next gas pump looked Kitty up and down and then asked if she wanted to come toot his whistle.
The double meaning was too much for Rogue, who burst into laughter and fell into the car. Kitty looked disgusted and then scrambled into the backseat, and everyone else gaped at the man. Kurt looked about ready to throw something at him, but Jean pulled him into the van and Remy took off, promising them they he wouldn't stop at any more gas stations unless they needed to.
Of course this didn't mean that they wouldn't stop anywhere else.
They were driving along through the slowly thickening rain when Remy gasped and pointed somewhere off to the side.
"Did you see that deer?" he asked excitedly. "I ain't ever seen a deer before! Oh what a COINCIDENCE! There's a turn off!"
"NO!" Scott was wailing but Remy had already turned and pulled over.
"I saw it over there," Remy completely stopped the car and started looking out the window and towards the woods at the side.
Everyone looked that way, even Rogue though she wasn't sure why. She knew there was nothing there; Remy was just making it up.
"I don't see a deer," Tabitha said as she squinted to see through the rain.
"Its right there," Remy pointed to a random place and everyone tried harder to see what he was seeing. "Oh, look, a rabbit!" He said then, looking through the windshield and pointing wildly. Now everyone turned that way and struggled to find the imaginary rabbit.
"How did you see a rabbit from this far off?" Jean asked.
"I don't know," Remy shrugged. "I guess I have good eyesight-"
"Hey, a deer!" Kitty squealed.
"What!" Remy started jerking his head around. "Where?"
Rogue (along with everyone else) turned to see that there was actually a deer standing there at the edge of the woods and staring straight at them. Rogue had never seen one in real life and now she was struck with how beautiful a creature it really was. It was just a young doe, small and delicate with a sprinkle of white down its sides and a long snout. It stared at them for a long moment and they stared back in silence, all drinking in the sight with curiosity. Then it seemed to deem them uninteresting because it turned and took off, more bouncing that running in big, graceful leaps across the forest floor.
They were all silent for a moment, watching until it disappeared from sight.
"That was so COOL!" Amara grinned. "Thanks for pulling over, Remy!"
"Uh…Yeah, you're welcome." Remy nodded and started up the car as everyone else echoed their thanks.
Rogue just rolled her eyes again. Remy had gotten very lucky because she knew he hadn't seen a deer at all in the first place. She was sure that that was the end, that Remy couldn't possibly think up any more reasons to stop the car. They drove for half an hour, everyone silent and looking out at the cloudy skies. It was nearing six o'clock now but the only way that they could tell that it was getting dark was because the sky was darkening from gray to darker gray.
"Does anyone hear that clickin sound?" Remy asked and Rogue immediately punched him in the arm.
"Hey!" he sounded offended but his lip quirked into the slightest smirk.
"Remy," Rogue said pleasantly but there was a tone of warning to her voice. "If we pull over again, my lips my just loosen."
"Loose lips sink ships," he said matter-of-factly.
"I know," she nodded and ignored everyone staring at them. "That would be the whole idea."
"Right." he grinned. "Gotcha."
And they didn't stop again after that.
To Be Continued...