I would like to take this time to apologize for procrastinating so much when it came to updating this chapter. I intended to make this an early father or mother's day gift, heck even a 4th of July present. But alas woe is me and I have come out of the ashes of laziness and brought forth a new piece. I have to say though, this was by far the hardest chapter to date. The events leading up the funeral and Ciel confronting Rita's family were confusing bits. The last chapter was quite sad and gave me no greater pleasure to do away with a product of my own making. While Ciel is acting a tad O.O.C., it will not be permanent.
Warning: Character death, slight language, plenty of angst, and religious references. If this offends you…well take a hint and leave because you have been warned.
Songs to fit this chapter:
Breathe me by Sia
Never Too Late by Three Days Grace
Hymn to the missing by Red
Disclaimer: Yana Toboso owns all of Kuroshitsuji properties, franchises, and anime/manga series. Anything else belongs to me.
Chapter 26: Resolve
The day of the funeral was met by rain and cloud cover; perfect for today's mood. It was as if the sky was shedding tears along with everybody else. The clinic occupants that were permitted to go were provided with cloaks and attire for the long journey. The only condition was that the dean was to accompany them. The ride to the funeral was long and somber. No one uttered a sound or made attempts to strike up conversation. Their only recourse was to shed silent tears. Ciel was one of those people. He clasped his hand together in silent prayer even though he knew he wouldn't be answered. He obliged to be seated with the dean and Clarice. He opted for such arrangements as he did not want to see the gazes of the other tenants. While they did not say it directly, he could sense they held him somewhat responsible for Rita's fate. In a way it was; if he hadn't provoked that fight, she would still be alive.
He jolted from his seat as the carriage halted. He glanced outside the window and noticed the number of mourners who came to pay their last respects. A pair of hands rest themselves gently on his shoulder.
"Ciel it is time" Clarice replied somberly into his ears.
Ciel nodded numbly and preceded to don his hood. The instant the cold, wet air hit his person he instantly folded the cloak around his body. Fortunately, the garment was waterproof. The dean led him to join the others around the casket that held the body of the departed friend. Sonya stood next to Marcus who had an arm wrapped around her. Igraine just stood there blank-faced with her mouth set in a straight line. How was she to go on now that her 'twin' was dead. It was like watching her only family die all over again. Susie and Chelsea stared sadly at the casket. Andromeda hung her head allowing her red hair to cover her face. The sound of whimpering could be heard trying to escape her lips. All the girls looked on wondering how they would go on without their teammates. Ciel did not dare to look or even so much as speak to the grieving women as he too felt the onslaught of tears.
He did not fail to notice the other bystanders. They all glanced in silence at the coffin that was set to go underground for the final time. (1) The parson stepped up first with a bible in tow. Luckily, the rain stopped and the man was free to give his sermon. All the people remained quiet as the parson spoke. Ciel could only shake his head in disgust. As if prayer was going to magically make her come alive. No amount of magic or heavenly powers would make it better. He remembered his mother used to say to him: 'If you ever feel scared or alone, just remember to look to God and he will protect you". Yeah right! Where was God when his parents were killed? Where was God when he was dragged away to that hellhole and praying for rescue that would never come? Where he was tortured, beaten, and defiled? No angels came for him at the darkest point of his life. His salvation was a demon who offered him sanctity in exchange that he would surrender his soul to him in the end. He may as well have been nothing but an easy meal for the demon. Once the sermon was completed, he asked if there was anyone who wished to deliver final words for the deceased. Immediately a family of four approached the casket and laid down several roses. Everyone gawked in awe and pity for it was apparent where Rita got her striking looks from. There was a beautiful middle aged woman with flaxen hair woven into a tight bun. Her stormy grey eyes showed through a transparent veil atop her head. Her lips were set into a thin line as she glanced at the witnessing crowd. Next to her was her husband who had short brunette hair and russet eyes. In front of them were their two remaining daughters who looked retrospectively similar to their parents. It was obvious the mother was struggling not to lose her composure as while her husband merely placed a comforting hand upon her shoulder. Each family member said there piece about their deceased family members; about memories good and bad, how she made rooms light up, how she impacted their lives, and how they all wished they could have done more to help her and so forth.
Ciel hid himself deeper within his cloak. The rain had dwindled slightly yet continued to drench whatever was caught in its deluge. Still, it was not enough to null the cold he felt. The guilt of having to face the deceased family and tell them of his relationship with her. Once they gave their countenance, they rejoined the throng of mourners. Others came forward to give their regards. Most ended with tears, others with straight set lips, sometimes no emotion. None of the clinic residents stepped forward. The grief was still too much bear or voice out. Instead, they simply stood in reverent silence. One boy in particular knew there was a bigger reason as well: he could sense the sneer and contempt of the onlookers from Rita's closest acquaintances. After all, it was as if they were questioning who in their right mind would bring a bunch of insane people to a funeral of all things? The blue haired lad back peddled away from the prying eyes. Things were already bad enough with being forced to watch as his best friend was buried. Now he had to be doubly sure he was not noticed by any onlookers that might recognize him. Oh wouldn't the press have a field day with this? He could see it clearly:
Ciel Funtomhive; last surving heir and only child to Vincent and Rachel Funtomhive: currently reported taking up residence in a mental health facility for purported eating disorder. Unknown if recovery is in progress (2)
The young Earl shook his head. If someone from the London Press were to catch sight of him, the rest of England would definitely wish to pay a visit to the facility. No doubt, they would subjugate the poor residents and exploit their pains for personal gain. It truly disgusted him sometimes how wretched society could be. It disgusted him even more to think he used to be as like-minded. Suddenly, the whirring sound of gears and metal alerted him. He watched as the casket slowly disappeared into the ground. He turned away not wanting to witness as the gravediggers piled on dirt upon the girl's final resting place until it was filled to the brim. Slowly, the crowd dissipated until only he and a few others lingered. The rains had stopped flowing although the sky still remained grey and dismal. Ciel kneeled on the ground caring little if his pants got dirty or wet. A hand rested gingerly on his shoulder. He whipped around praying it wasn't a stranger. It was to his relief, it was Clarice glancing at him sympathetically.
"Ciel, it's almost time to leave. The buggies won't be ready for another hour so if there is anything you want to say you better do it now" she suggested sadly. Ciel nod and stepped away. He halted just a hair from the grave marker.
Nothing was said. Only the far off rumble of thunder and wind. Sucking in a breath, he spoke.
"Rita if you can hear me…I am so sorry…' tears began to cloud his vision 'if only I could…" he covered his mouth to quiet the torrent of sobs. "I should have done more to help you. But instead I selfishly continued as I pleased. I even encouraged you to continue downing those pills. Oh what a brat I was. I cared only about using my condition to obtain pity and recognition. From who you ask: a bunch of shallow, idiotic, nobodies who had nothing better to do? Well no more!
Ciel clenched his fist and shuddered. His eyepatch came unlatched but he did not care. With angered eyes and fresh tears, he stood up and made a vow.
"I promise…I will get better…for both of us. I will throw out those poison pills. I will not starve myself or let care what society thinks. I will continue to live for both of us. I cannot promise however that I will do my part to keep what remains of us together" he said with sincerity. "Rest in peace my friend. I'm sorry I didn't bring a rose to rest on your grave like your family. So I think my words should be enough".
His completion was awarded with the sound of clapping. He turned around to see a woman with wavy blond hair and stormy eyes. He recognized her as one of Rita's sister. "Well said young man. While a rose may have been nice, I think your words were more than enough. They at least provided more comfort than mine ever could".
Ciel stood up. "Um, you-you wouldn't happen to be um…
"Cordelia. Cordelia Marinette. I'm her eldest sister. My younger sister Blanch is with my parents over by the gardens talking to the Parson" she replied sadly. Ciel shook her hand. "Listen, I am…
"Ciel Funtomhive" she answered for him. Ciel glanced at her wide-eyed. "My sister often mentioned you in her letters. She also wrote that you two had a sort of an alliance going on and that she intended to continue what she was doing until she eventually escaped". Cordelia's eyes narrowed angrily. Ciel hung his head shadowing his face beneath his bangs. This was the part he dreaded the most. He knew eventually that he would have to talk to Rita's family and tell them that he was partially responsible for her passing and that he did little to help her.
"Ms. Marinette there is something I need to tell you. If you have a moment…'
Ciel sat with Cordelia beneath a large white gazebo several feet from the burial site. He told her about the toxic partnership with her, exchanging diet secrets, refusing to eat, plans to escape together, and the talks they would have. He made sure to leave out the part about the quarrel between them. He was not sure how the female sitting across from him would handle the truth about him having a part in her sister's death, whether intentional or not.
Cordelia hands were clasped at her lip.
"That would be like her to do something like that. She always was a stubborn child to a fault. Always doing things that others would deem crazy, even dangerous. Typical aspect of the youngest child I guess. See, us girls had never been one to boast about our looks nor did we desire to as we were told often enough by everyone that we were pretty enough without being told so". Ciel snorted in laughter. "Not to say we are conceited, mind you. It was just a fact that even our own parents were reminded of often. Rita as well was aware and took great pride in her looks. Or at least she did until she had the misfortune of running into him" Cordelia's face twisted into a sneer.
"Him?" the boy inquired. "A disgusting piece of work named Calvin Dulcett. A young man three years her senior. He is the reason she took up that wretched habit in the first place. Did she ever tell you?" she inquired to which the boy shook his head. "It was a year before her 15th year. She had the displeasure of meeting that spawn of Satan at a company dinner. Rita was never the same after that. He became all she ever talked about. He was a charmer that much is certain but me and Blanch knew better. We saw him for the worm he truly was. The way he looked at Rita was akin to well how do I describe this' she put a hand over her face 'as one would look at mud caked on a shoe". Ciel grit his teeth figuring where this discussion was going.
Then came that fateful night, where everything changed. It was during an auction at Dartmoor, that Rita was determined to win his affections whatever it took. I am not quite sure what transpired between those two, but I am relieved and sad to say it did not end well. It was proven when I found Rita sitting by herself staring at the water with a dejected look on her face. Everything went to hell after that". Cordelia sobbed into her hands. Ciel was tempted to try and comfort the woman but decided it was best to let her be. Once the woman calmed down somewhat, she continued.
"Where was I? Oh yes. After that night, my youngest sister began going downhill. Gone was the cheerful, carefree, pragmatic, baby sister I had come to love and now in her place was half-starved corpse obsessed with dieting and hard set on poisoning herself! All because she thought herself fat! Have you ever heard of anything so preposterous? Blanch and I did everything to get her to stop we did, but she was so hard set on her ways. We hoped no prayed that it was just a passing phase and she would find a new beau". Cordelia closed her eyes and turned away. "And the rest as they say is history".
Ciel gripped his knees. "Ms. Mari- I mean Cordelia I wanted to say that I'm sorry" he cried out. "I-I was the one who caused Rita to have the heart attack! I'm a hypocrite. I tried to convince her to stop downing those pills when I myself was taking them. And I-
"Stop right there" the woman enunciated slowly. "I know for certain that you did not cause her death. Her health was downhill before you came about. Only an idiot would blame another for events they had no part of. You know why I don't blame you?" Ciel shook his head. The blonde pulled out a stack of letters from her coat pocket and handed them to him. "She admitted to me in one of her letters that there was no guarantee that she would ever recover or even survive. That her demons were too powerful to overcome even with treatment. She also mentioned that she might inadvertently drag an innocent soul down with her at any rate". Had he any desire to he would have laughed. He innocent? He lost any right to be innocent years ago. Instead of voicing out his thoughts he simply returned the letters to her.
"You should keep them. That way no one else in your family will make the same mistakes" he protested. Cordelia placed them back in her coat pockets. "Speaking of which, how is your sister handling things?" he asked. Cordelia's eyes brimmed with tears and looked away. "I don't know. I'm not even sure if she will be alright ever again. Not after everything that has happened. I mean, she is trying to be strong for my parent's sake but' she shook her head 'who knows how long that will last?"
"Are your parents planning to sue the clinic by any chance?" he inquired reluctantly. Cordelia turned a tear gaze to him. "That…is…still up in the air at the moment. True, my parents paid great amount of money to the clinic to help Rita. But it was for naught since not even the best doctors could help her. So why…" her face scrunched into that of anger and her voice turned venomous "where in the fucking world were they when my sister was in pain and on her deathbed?!
Ciel jumped from his seat and clung to the railing as if it were a lifeline. He gazed wide-eyed at the angered female. Cordelia composed herself and noticed the frightened boy. She cleared her throat. "Forgive me. I realize I am being unfair taking my anger out on people. Especially, if I have little knowledge of events I do not quite understand fully. Putting all sadness aside, what do you plan to do now?" Ciel grasped his upper arms and said in a shaky voice; "I-I don't know anymore. It was intended that Rita and I escape together. But now…" he could not bring himself to finish. Cordelia stood up and motioned to hug him. Ciel suddenly scooted out of reach of the woman's hands. She stared confusedly at the lad's fearful countenance.
"Please don't do that. Forgive me but you see, I have sort of an issue with being touched by anyone outside my family. It's kind of complicated (3). A matter I do not wish to share with anyone" he said evasively. Cordelia bowed her head. "I'm sorry for being so tactless. But let me do this one thing for you, on my sister's behalf" she plead to the still shaken boy. Ciel gestured for her to continue. "I'm not asking you to stop what you are doing or to give up your goal. But to get better. If not for yourself, for the people you care about while you still have them". Cordelia walked past him and gave one last ominous bit of advice.
"I am not so certain that the circumstances regarding Rita's passing or her delay to recovery were accidental. But I do know this. There is obviously some sort of machination being done. And the forces behind them could also be working against not only you but the other residents of the clinic. So whatever you do Funtomhive, do not give them that chance". With that Cordelia left the boy stunned and confused. A series of taps and knocks broke him out of his reverie. He saw Sonya leaning on the door post of the gazebo lips set in a thin line.
"The dean's wondering where you are. The carriage is set is to leave now so let's get a move on or else I won't be held responsible for you being left behind" she commanded sternly. Ciel quirked his mouth into a crooked smile. Even in the face of tragedy, Sonya remained spunky and blunt as ever. He followed after her neither exchanging a word. As they neared the hedge maze, he heard the sound of sobbing. He hurried over to inspect and it saw the heart-wrenching scene of Rita's family huddled together and grieving.
(cue Legato from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood OST)
"Mother, cooed the dark haired female, 'it will be alright. Rita is in a better place now and she is happy in heaven". Her mother's only responded with more sobbing. Cordelia hugged her younger sibling into a tight embrace as she broke down into a sobbing fit. Their father only laid his hands gingerly on his wife's shoulder. His face was hidden under his top hat. Tears streaked down his cheeks. Ciel could take no more and walked away his head hung down. Before he knew it, he reached the buggy train. He spoke to no one as he stepped inside the carriage. Despite prodding from Clarice and the dean, he remained silent. It was night when they reached the clinic. Each individual was escorted back to their rooms, with little to no resistance. Ciel collapsed on his bed once he reached his bedroom. Clarice wiped some tears from her eyes before ushering to shut the door behind him.
"If you need anything, I will be down the hall". Whether, the boy heard her or not he didn't give any indication. Clarice quietly shut the door behind her. "Good night" she whispered. He was now alone with nothing but the peaceful quiet. He lay on his side and took off his eyepatch. His dim eyes shifted around the room not caring about it being too dark to see. The only bit of light was from the window. He lay there on the bed numb and unfeeling. What was there to feel? He stopped having hunger pains, and even though it was warm in the room, he could only feel deepening cold. He placed a hand on his sunken stomach. He pulled out the bottle of pills from beneath his pillow. He had not touched them since the day after Sebastian disowned him. He sat up legs leaning over the side of the bed and popped open the capsule. He shook out two pills and set out to down them in one gulp. For some reason however, he couldn't motion for his hand to go toward his mouth.
He looked back and forth from the bottle to the pills. He saw the visage of Rita's emaciated face appear on the bottle. He closed his eyes and breathed inward. "No" he whispered. He placed the pills back into the bottle and set them back under his bed.
"Never again. I made a promise and as Earl of the Funtomhive family, I will follow through with my word even if it means my death. Another promise I make; I will donate more to charities and less fortunate dwellings such as this one". Ciel laid back down on his bed and pulled the covers over him falling into a deep dreamless sleep.
Ahhh, the turning point. What could this mean for our blue haired heroine? It seems as though Cordelia knows more than she is letting on. I half about cried writing this chapter. I was watching the episode from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood where Ed and Al talk to Mae Hughe's wife about the truth surrounding her late husband's death. I bawled like nobody's business when Elicia tried to console her mother. Three years old is too young an age to lose one's daddy. I went through something similar with my nephew after my father died. So young and already he was dealt with the harsh reality of life and death T_T.
Aside from all that, I really want to get this story finished as soon as possible without rushing forward. Ciel will eventually recover and follow through with his promise to Rita. It is uncertain if it will be under happy circumstances. After all, this is not supposed to be a feel good story or a happy fun time tale full of sunshine and rainbows. We will just have to wait until next chapter to see what those events are.
Chapter Footnotes:
(1) A parson is beneficed member of the clergy; someone of importance in the church.
(2) From now on, I am going to refer to the dubbed version instead of the romanticized labeling of Ciel's family name
(3) Ciel suffers from apephobia or fear of being touched. Also is that he doesn't want people to see the tattoo burned on his back; a reminder of his painful years held captive by that evil cult.