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Rory sat silently on the bed. Her husband held her hand tightly until he relinquished it in a fit of coughing, clapping his hand over his mouth and bending forward.
"Logan, are you okay?" Rory asked, alarmed. Logan nodded, eyes streaming, and Rory ran to the kitchen for a bottle of water. Logan took it gratefully and his breathing steadied. Rory waited for him to finish drinking and looked around the room.
"This place is a mess."
"Yeah," Logan croaked. "I haven't felt like getting out of bed much."
"How long have you been lying here?"
"Since I got back from the club. I got up to order takeout, but –"
"Get up," Rory said quietly. "Take a shower and I'll fix things up a little."
"I'm glad you're back," Logan said. He leaned up to kiss her but Rory turned her head so he got her cheek. He smiled, kissed it again and slowly got out of bed.
Rory cleaned the room up. She filled the recycling box with bottles, took out two bags of trash and opened the windows, trying to air the room. She had just changed the sheets when Logan came back in. His eyes were still red but he looked a little more awake than before.
"Thanks, Ace."
"It's okay," Rory said quietly. "It didn't take long."
She turned towards the door and Logan put a hand on her arm.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to go home."
"This is your home, it's our home!"
"Logan, Mom's waiting," Rory said, trying to move her hand away. Logan wouldn't loosen his hold. "I've been gone for a while, she'll be worried."
"Call her."
"I need to talk to her."
"Will you be back tonight?"
Rory hesitated.
"I don't know."
"You said you'd stay!"
"Logan, I have to go home," Rory said, nervous at the frantic look in his eyes. "I promise to come back later."
"Okay," Logan nodded, letting her go. "Okay."
Rory drove back in a daze. The whole thing seemed like a dream, her doctor's appointment days ago and she barely noticed driving into Stars Hollow. She took her keys, slowly entered the house and jumped when Lorelai said,
"Hey!" cheerfully when she went into the living room. "Sorry, did I scare you?"
"A little."
"Oops. You've been a while, I was starting to get worried. Was there traffic?"
"No," Rory said quietly. "I went back to the apartment. Logan was there and he...he's not good, Mom. He's a mess. He's been drinking and Grandpa hit him-"
"Dad hit him?" Lorelai echoed, incredulous.
"Grandpa punched him."
"Wow," Lorelai said in disbelief. "I can actually say I'm proud to be his daughter. I'm just mad he beat me to it."
"Mom, I need to tell you something," Rory said, stopping her laughter. "I'm going back."
Rory dared look up. Lorelai was staring and shaking her head.
"No."
"Mom –"
"Rory, don't do this," Lorelai said, taking her daughter's shoulders in her hands. "Trust me, please, do not go back there."
"He couldn't get out of bed!"
"My heart's bleeding!"
"Mom, he's hurt and he's been drinking. He needs some help."
"That is not your responsibility!"
"He's my husband!"
"Yes, your husband who cheated on you!" Lorelai exclaimed. "You don't owe him anything, Rory. If you're worried about him call his mom, call his sister, call his friend with the shark name –"
"Finn."
"But don't go back," Lorelai insisted, ignoring her. "Logan being this way isn't your problem. I don't know what he said to you, but –"
She stopped, looked down and stared and Rory followed her gaze to her ring finger.
"Rory, take it off."
"No!"
"Rory, this isn't good!" Lorelai cried. "I can't watch you do this! How can you do this to yourself when you know what he's done to you?"
"I love him!" Rory said tearfully. "He's made a mistake but he still loves me –"
"Oh, Rory!"
"You don't understand," Rory said angrily as her mother shook her head. "You can't understand!"
"Why, because I haven't been married to a jerk?"
"Because you haven't –"
Rory stopped herself. Lorelai's look of dismay turned to a terrible hurt.
"Because I haven't been married for as long as you?"
"No, I didn't – Mom, I'm sorry," Rory said desperately. "I didn't mean – that's not what I think."
Lorelai nodded, crossed her arms and fell silent. Rory stared at her, feeling worse than the time she had missed her graduation and before she could stop them tears started pouring down her cheeks.
"Mom, I'm sorry."
"Oh, Rory," Lorelai said, hugging her tightly. "I know. It's okay."
Rory opened her mouth to try and say more but could only cry, soaking the front of her mother's blouse.
"Damnit, kid," Lorelai said, sounding like she was about to cry herself. "Why is it when you have a book to read or a seminar to attend you ace it but with this...Rory, please. Please don't go back there."
"I love him," Rory sobbed. "We're married."
"I know you love him but that doesn't mean you should go back to him!"
"Logan still loves me," Rory said, staring up at her mother. "I know he does."
"Maybe he does love you," Lorelai said gently. "But that doesn't change the fact that he lied to you for months and was sleeping with someone else. I can't watch you getting hurt like this, kid."
"My doctor said something to me," Rory sniffled. "Asking if I'd ever ended a relationship."
"You haven't, have you?"
Rory shook her head.
"It made me think of when you told me not to be scared to tell someone love them," Rory said slowly. "Do you remember that?"
Lorelai was quiet for a moment. When she spoke she sounded serious.
"Rory, sometimes I think I gave you the wrong idea with relationships."
"What do you mean?" Rory asked, wiping the shine of tears from her eyes.
"I told you never to run away," Lorelai said carefully. "Never to be afraid to be in love. I don't regret that and I still stand by that but I think maybe I should have added something else. Maybe I should have told you that when a relationship isn't working out, that's okay too. Some things aren't meant to be."
Rory stared and Lorelai took her hand.
"Sweetie, sometimes no matter how much we want things to work they don't. It doesn't mean we love someone less or they don't love us, or that it was bad from the start. Relationships change and sometimes you have to let them go. It's the brave thing to do."
Rory squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.
"Rory!"
"It's not just a relationship," she choked. "It's a marriage."
"I know it's hard," Lorelai said, making her look at her. "I know you never wanted this to happen, but it has happened, Rory. You can't pretend it hasn't."
"We can try and work things out," Rory said stubbornly. "We can go to counselling or I can get a job, Logan said it was because I wasn't myself –"
"Rory, that man doesn't need counselling, he needs a visit from me with a baseball bat!"
"Mom!"
"Rory, why are you doing this?" Lorelai cried. "Why are you forgiving him, putting all of this on you? I respect that you want to save this marriage more than anything but what happened was not your fault. It was Logan's decision to start sleeping around, not yours and no amount of counselling is going to change that."
"So I should just throw in the towel?"
"Rory, it is not throwing in the towel! It's not as if you're divorcing Logan over leaving dishes in the sink or watching the TV too loudly! He slept with someone else!"
"Stop it!"
Rory got up from the couch, walking wildly around and Lorelai got up to meet her, holding her hands and stopping her.
"I won't stop it," she said seriously. "I won't just sit back and say nothing whilst my wonderful daughter goes back to her cheating husband and blames herself for what he did. I won't do this again. I won't let you try and change him when it always ends this way, you crying and blaming yourself, I won't. I can't."
Rory bit her lip, the lump in her throat stopping her words and Lorelai said quietly,
"I let you make the biggest mistake of your life once and I'm not about to do it again. Rory, this marriage was over the minute he slept with someone else. I know you love him and maybe he does love you but not the way he should. Rory, listen to me. I know you're scared and I know you feel alone but we can do this together. Don't go back to him. You can get past this, I know you can."
Rory stared down, afraid to reach her mother's gaze. Her eyes rested on her wedding ring, sending a stern light and Rory shook her head blindly, pulling away.
"It's not just a break-up," she sobbed. "He married me, Mom, he loved me enough to marry me. That has to mean something, right?"
Lorelai's look of sadness made Rory want to cry all over again.
"Oh, Rory."
"It does!" she said loudly. "He needs me, he's lost without me, he said –"
"Bull!" Lorelai snapped. "I don't care what he said to you!"
"I do," Rory retorted. "I'm going back right now, he's waiting for me."
"Rory, wait," Lorelai said, catching her arm. "Please think about this. Let's just take a break. Sit down, drink some water and cool off. Sleep on it. You're just thinking this way because he's hurting and saying all these things to make you want to say, acting like he still loves you –"
"He does still love me!" Rory shouted, her mother striking a nerve. "He wasn't pretending! You can't decide this marriage is over for me!"
"I didn't mean –"
"I have to go," Rory said, grabbing her purse. "Mom, I have to. I'm sorry."
"Rory!"
Rory ignored her. She grabbed her keys and ran out, away from her mother's tears. She didn't stop until she was back in Hartford, parking the car and realising that she had started crying herself. She couldn't face going back to the apartment straightaway and instead headed to a supermarket where she picked up some much-needed groceries. By the time they had been rung through the register her tears had subsided and Rory felt almost normal as she took the food back to the car. When she got back Logan had got dressed and whilst he was only wearing sweats and a T-shirt it was a marked improvement from the old shirt and boxers Rory had found him in. He had moved to the couch and was playing video games as Rory lugged the bags onto the counter.
"I got some food," she told him. Logan nodded without looking up.
"Thanks, Ace."
"You need a real meal," Rory said brightly. "Better than takeout, right?"
Logan nodded and gave her a quick smile. Rory's eyes burned as she unloaded the groceries. It felt familiar and strange to be back, shopping for food and cooking again and she couldn't stop looking across the room at Logan, laughing as he made a score. They ate in silence but halfway through the meal Logan stretched his hand out and took Rory's in his hand.
"I love you, Ace."
"I love you too, Logan," Rory said quietly. "I missed you."
"You have no idea...God, Rory. I can't believe how dumb I've been, how dumb we were."
"We?" Rory couldn't help asking. "Both of us?"
"I shouldn't have let you go. We both should have talked it out."
"I don't know what we could have said."
"It might not have ended with me in bed for three days with beer," Logan said with a small laugh. "Needed someone to stop me doing that."
"Logan, don't you think you're drinking too much?"
"I thought I'd lost you, Rory. Can't blame a man for drinking a little beer."
"No, but –" Rory hesitated. "Before that. You drink a lot."
"It's how I like to relax," Logan said, a stroke of irritation entering his voice. "You know that."
"Do you need to drink so much? I mean, it's not like it's one bottle or two. It's more like five."
"Rory, I can handle it," Logan said, showing that he thought the conversation over. "Let's just eat, okay?"
"But –"
"Rory, I don't want to fight about this!" Logan exclaimed. "I don't want to fight with you at all tonight, of all nights! Do you?"
"No," Rory said, looking at her plate.
"Alright," Logan said, squeezing her hand. "Okay then."
Rory nodded and they finished their meal in silence.
After dinner Logan opened a bottle of wine. They listened to music, sharing the bottle between them and after a while Logan turned the music off. He moved closer to Rory closer on the couch, kissing her gently but before she could reciprocate he was kissing her harder, holding her body tightly.
"Logan –"
Her husband stopped kissing her mouth and moved onto her neck, his breath uncomfortably hot and his hand too close to her skin.
"Logan, stop!"
Logan moved away and stared at Rory who pulled her shirt down, breathing hard.
"What?"
"I can't," Rory said unhappily. "Logan, I can't – it's too soon."
"You said you forgave me."
"I want to," Rory said, voice trembling. "And I love you but I can't – I can't tonight. I'm sorry."
Logan nodded and drank the remainder of his wine.
"It's okay," he said. "Maybe we should just go to bed or something."
Rory nodded, washed the dishes and lay awake for long hours into the night, her husband contently snoring beside her. She rolled over, closing her eyes tightly, wondering if trying hard enough would let her wake up home again.
Logan went back to work the next day. He hadn't wanted to but Rory talked him into it, reminding him he'd taken enough time away. She packed him a lunch and waved him goodbye, watching him drive away. Once Logan had gone Rory was at a loss. She went for a walk but still felt stifled and when she got home and tried to clean her chest constricted in a way which had nothing to do with the fumes. It felt as though she couldn't breathe and for a moment she lay against the counter, slowly breathing in and out until her chest felt normal again. She couldn't stay in the apartment and found herself taking her keys and driving back to Stars Hollow.
Once she'd parked she didn't know what to do. She wanted to see her mother, say something but Rory couldn't think of how to explain it and what good it would do. Lorelai had decided it was over, nothing would change her mind and even if she wanted to listen Rory knew she'd be at the Dragonfly working. Still, she leaned against the car, unwilling to drive back, and finally settled on seeing Lane. She'd just rounded the corner of the gazebo when she stopped. Jess was coming towards her.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey," Jess returned, his tone odd. "I heard something odd today. I heard you'd gone back to Logan and I didn't believe it. Have you?"
"You don't understand," Rory said and Jess stared.
"What is there to understand? Logan cheated on you and you've gone back to him. Have I missed anything out?"
"You know, you should talk to my mother," Rory snapped. "She seems to be on the same wavelength."
"Yes, let's talk about your mother," Jess said angrily. "Let's talk about how she came into Luke's this morning and just burst out crying right in front of everyone, saying she'd failed you and how you'd gone back to your jerk of a husband. Then when she saw me she lay into me about me kissing you and messing with your mind on top of it all."
"Jess, I'm sorry," Rory said, heart beating heavily. "I asked her not to say anything."
"She was saying a lot of things but she was crying so hard it wasn't easy to make out."
"Jess, stop," Rory said sharply, feeling awful. "Please. I didn't mean – I didn't want that."
"What do you want?" Jess asked. "Do you want to keep running back to the guy who cheats on you and wins you back with some empty words?"
"They're not empty!" Rory exclaimed. "He loves me!"
"Please, Rory! He's using you!"
"He is not using me!" Rory said sharply. "He was using that other woman!"
"You're not serious!" Jess said, sounding as though he couldn't believe his ears. "You're listening to that? It makes a difference because you're his wife and the other woman isn't?"
"It should make a difference!"
"No, a married guy shouldn't be sleeping with someone else! Jesus, Rory, what is it he's said to you? That you're the only one who can look after him, what?"
Rory didn't say anything and Jess said angrily,
"You're better than this and you know it. What the hell happened? When did you become his care-taker?"
"I'm his wife," Rory flared up. "You wouldn't understand."
"You know, I'm glad I don't understand," Jess said furiously. "I'm glad I don't know what it is to marry the wrong person and feel stuck with them, like their toy –"
"Shut up, Jess!"
"You didn't want me to shut up the last time he was treating you like dirt."
Rory glared at him and spun around, walking swiftly back to the car, ignoring Jess's call of,
"You're more than his wife, Rory! Don't you remember that?"