AN: Ahhhhhh. No, I am not dead. No, I have not been abducted by aliens. I've just been a horrible fanfiction writer who got preempted by life shenanigans that all seemed to hit at once (as they always seem to do). My sincerest apologies for the delay in updates - thank you so much to those still following this story, and to those still taking the time to review. It's probably cliche, but your comments really do help keep the motivation to write alive when the world is otherwise going to chaos around me.

Hope you are all doing well.

Take care and enjoy.

CHAPTER 44

CATHERINE POV

"Damnit!"

The words echo through the metallic hallway, bouncing off the walls next to my pager as it clatters to a stop along the cold linoleum.

"Destroying government property again?"

The voice startles me, turning to see Sara leaning against the wall, hands shoved deep in the pockets of her jeans.

"How long have you been there?" I question, rubbing my temples as I try like hell to calm myself down. To look more composed than I am.

Straightening up, Sara approaches me slowly. Then, hesitating only slightly, she steps into my personal space. It's only a moment before I feel her arms around me, gently but firmly holding me.

It only takes a few seconds for me to lose my rigidity, to all but surrender to her strong hold as I feel my own arms wrapping around her in return. Clinging to her, it feels like she's perhaps the only thing holding me together, tethering me to the ground, to sanity.

Laying my forehead against her shoulder, I let out a shuddering breath, fists clenching at the material of her shirt.

"My vic was alive when…when they…" I trail off, voice shaky as I try to contain the nausea rising in my throat. "They tortured…"

Holding me closer, Sara's hand runs through my hair, fingers moving slowly, gently.

"What's the purpose?" I question, voicing the fears I've always held buried within me regarding this job, hovering in the deep dark places I rarely have the courage to visit. "What's the point if we're only the cleanup crew? When we're by definition already too late to save our victims?"

Sara is solid and sturdy beneath me, her voice as steady as she is.

"We save the victims, Catherine," she says quietly. "The future victims. We save those people, those families, from going through what that girl's family is going through right now."

"But it's too late for her. No one can save her."

"Yes," Sara agrees, not trying to placate me or give false platitudes. "But we make it count for something. We make it serve a purpose. We…"

Sara takes in a deep breath, the steady flow of her breathing echoing through my ear.

"We try to bring them justice. Bring them closure and purpose."

The walls are silent around us, the chill of the morgue hallway seeping through what feels like every crack in my soul.

"Do you really believe that?"

Sara is quiet for a long time. Then, finally, she answers.

"I have to," she gets out. "I have to or else this is all futile. And...and I'm not sure I could handle that."

Holding her tighter, I breathe in deeply, feeling her warmth, taking in her scent. Her living, breathing, steady body against me.

It's this, the living, who we are fighting for. Bringing the dead justice so that we can protect the living, keeping them from entering these halls, these eternal endings.

Our victims paying the ultimate sacrifice, dying at the hands of demons still at large. Exposing them for the monsters they are. It's our job to make sure their sacrifice isn't in vain, that the demons and monsters are then stopped before they can cut more lives tragically short, bring more people to our autopsy tables.

"Thank you," I rest my head against Sara's chest.

Sara has come to be a trusted steadying presence to me, and I'm grateful that this time is no different. She somehow reads me perfectly, offering me answers to questions I haven't even asked, comforting deep fears I sometimes haven't even voiced.

Holding me, Sara doesn't respond, simply keeping me in her protective embrace until I'm ready to face the rest of this day.

"You waited?"

Sara glances up, placing her pen down.

"Of course," she says without pause. "How'd it go?"

I sigh, letting out an exhausted breath as I set myself down on the stool across from her.

"We got him."

Sara's mouth pulls up into a gentle smile. Reaching out, she takes my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze.

"Great work," she tells me, knowing how hard it is to get a case closed this quickly. To identify the perp and have him brought in within the same shift. Or, close to the same shift, I amend, glancing at the clock on the wall that tells me we're already hours past shift change.

This monster motivated me, angered me, disgusted me. I wanted him off the streets, not willing to give him the chance to subject more young women to that awful fate.

"You ready to go?" I ask, wanting to get out of here, to put this place, this case behind me.

Nodding, Sara packs up her notes, separating from me to lock everything away. Looking over, she seems to work her way through something.

"You want to go home?" she asks, offering me a ride. "Or," she again assesses my expression. "Somewhere else?"

I raise a brow. "Did you have somewhere particular in mind, Sidle?"

Sara hesitates a moment, then stands tall. "There's a place I go sometimes, after a hard shift. If you wanted…I could take you there…"

I smile, still amazed every time Sara opens up to me, trusting me enough to let a little bit more of herself out, sharing another glimpse through her walls. "That sounds perfect, Sara. I'd be honored."

"Lindsey?" Sara questions, concerned she's keeping me from my daughter.

"With Kelly," I assure her. "I knew I'd be working late so she's spending the night with Kel."

Sara nods, holding the door open for me as we make our way out to her car.

"You've only been in Vegas a few years, right?" I ask, recalling Sara's file. "Since you started here as a CSI?"

Sara glances over briefly, directing her Jeep over a rough portion of the trail before following a side road to the right.

"Yes."

I nod, "Seems like you know this desert inside and out. Know all the secret locations."

Sara smiles, letting out a light chuckle. "I think I just tend to explore a bit more than most people. The unknown has always been more appealing to me than the known."

Reaching over, I take her free hand in mine, resting our joined appendages atop the center console.

"You're like an Einstein's cross."

Sara glances over in surprise, perhaps not expecting the slightly abstract, and very nerdy, reference.

"So unique and rare," my explanation fills the Jeep. "I see the world differently when I'm with you – it's like all the hidden parts are revealed. Even the parts that I already knew existed appear different to me when I'm with you. And then there's you yourself. Getting to know you has been just like what happens with an Einstein's cross, where there's shifts in light and time, everything changing and moving as you get closer to it. Never sure what to expect from its mysterious nature, but never disappointed in what you see."

Sara's speechless, her eyes darting between me and the road. Squeezing her hand with a smile, I place a gentle kiss along her knuckles.

Sara lets the words hang in the air between us, the brunette swallowing tightly as her fingers some moments later lace their way between mine.

Nothing needs to be said, be spoken, the moment already resonating with our feelings.

"We're almost there," she says instead, voice barely a whisper.

"Seriously, how did you find this place?" I question in amazement, stepping down the last boulder to all but fall into the canyon displayed before us.

"By accident, actually," Sara smiles. "Got lost on a run, ended up here."

"You're lucky you aren't dead," I marvel for what has to be the fiftieth time since meeting Sara Sidle.

The girl is so reckless it's horrifying. Going running in the desert alone is risky enough, not to mention going on paths and in locations that you've never been. This is how most desert adventurers end up dead.

"I am. And so are you," Sara comments with a small smirk. "If I was dead you'd never have been able to witness this beautiful wonder."

Stepping closer, my gaze remains on her. "True."

Seeing that I'm looking at her, not the beauty around us she was referencing, Sara blushes slightly.

Being able to catch her off guard, make her blush, is one of my favorite things to do. She's always so stoic, so put together, I love these moments I catch her by surprise, put her off balance.

Leaning in, I place a gentle kiss along her lips, tracing my fingers along her blushing cheek.

Kissing me back, Sara shakes her head as we pull away. Clearing her throat, she gestures around us.

"The water's warm."

My eyes widen at her suggestion.

"Seriously?" I ask, eyes taking in the waterfalls dropping into this deep canyon from what seems like all angles. The red rock starting to glisten in the early morning sun rays pushing their way towards the horizon. The walls offer us complete privacy, their tall surfaces surrounding us on all sides, encircling the water into a secluded cove.

The water itself is a brilliant turquoise color, my geology lessons reminding me of something about dissolved lime in the water from the rocks making it that way.

"Only if you want."

Sara doesn't push, simply offering it as a possibility. The more I think about it, the more it sounds like the perfect way to wash away this day. To cleanse myself of the memories, the emotions, the frustrations. To let it go so that I can move on to the next person needing our help.

To let it go and enjoy all the wonders, all the beauty, all the good this world has to offer.

Wasting no more time, I pull my shirt over my head, tossing it aside as my shoes, socks, and pants quickly follow. Thanking my lucky stars that I actually chose to wear matching lingerie today, I look up in time to take in Sara's expression.

"See something you like, Sidle?" I smile.

Clearing her throat, Sara immediately politely averts her eyes. "Shit, sorry…I didn't mean…"

Clearly flustered, she toys with her own belt hesitantly.

Stepping up to her, I place my hands gently atop hers.

"You're allowed to look," I smile. "I take it as a compliment."

Sara lowers her head, her eyes finally meeting mine.

"You should," she breathes out. "You're beautiful, Catherine. So…unbelievably beautiful."

Her words are spoken with such respect, such reverence. It's unlike any person I've ever been with. It's like I'm appreciated, cherished – not ogled or objectified.

Tilting her head towards me, I kiss her, feeling her hands place themselves gently along the bare skin near my hips. The sensation makes me gasp, and Sara is immediately leaning back to be sure I'm okay.

"Please don't stop," I tell her, beg her. "Please don't ever stop."

Sara's eyes search mine a moment further, making sure she's reading me, reading this moment, correctly.

Letting her see everything I have inside me, she swallows, nodding slightly as she leans in and takes control of the kiss.

Her hands run along my back, tracing along the sensitive skin there as her tongue finds its way to mine. My own hands find their way to her belt, taking it in my grip.

"You're overdressed," I mutter breathlessly, moaning as her lips relocate to my neck.

Feeling her mouth against my pulse point, I nearly lose all dexterity as I unfasten her belt, slipping her jeans from her hips. Helping her wiggle out of them, her mouth never leaves my skin, the heated trail of her lips traveling across my skin. It sends shivers through me, her ability to find all my sensitive areas unnerving.

Her hands trail along my sides, drawing up shivers through my body.

Grabbing her shirt, I all but force it briskly over her head and off her body. Somewhere along the way, Sara's shoes and socks were also tossed aside, leaving her in a similar state of undress as myself.

Feeling her lips on mine, I draw her close, fingers dragging lines along her strong back and forcing our bodies as close as physically possible.

"How deep?"

Sara pulls back slightly, trying to catch her breath as she takes in my question.

"The water," I clarify. "How deep?"

"About three or four feet in the spot directly below us, waist level," she gets out. "Deeper the further you go in."

Without a word, I move us back, placing Sara along the edge of the rock we're atop.

Raising a brow at me, she doesn't even look behind her, trusting me completely.

"We can stand?" I confirm.

Sara's eyes bore into mine.

"Yes."

She knows what I'm asking, her gaze again searching my own. She knows this moment is more than about the depth of the water, whether we can stand in it. She knows why that question was posed. The real question I'm asking, the real question I'm posing. When she sees the answers she seeks, she takes my hand.

"You're sure?" she asks quietly, gently. "If you're not ready it's okay. I can wait as long you need, Catherine."

I respond without pause. "I'm sure, Sara. I've been sure for a while now."

With one final look, assessing me for any last signs of hesitation, she finds none. Sara pulls me to her, stepping back as we both drop the short distance off the rock and into the water below.

Holding me closely, she easily keeps us both on our feet as we feel the water splash over us. The warmth catches me off guard even though Sara had told me about it. It's warm enough to feel like a hot spring, my body instantly reveling in the sensation.

Sara drops down, submerging herself completely before standing back up. Doing the same, I feel the warm water trailing from my hair and down to my shoulders, traveling lower until it disappears into the water by my waist.

Water dripping from her dark lashes, Sara takes me in, stepping closer until my back is against the rock face behind us. Her fingers gently trace my lips, taking everything in as she moves her hands to my shoulders.

Feeling her toying with the material there, she again silently assesses me. Then, taking the straps, she slowly lowers them from my shoulders before reaching behind me. Feeling the material released, I barely register her placing it up above me towards our other clothing still up on the rock.

Her eyes are on mine before they travel lower, assessing me for the first time. Her breathing hitches, her hands trembling as she traces the exposed skin.

"My God…" she gets out. "I've never…you're so gorgeous…"

Tracing my skin reverently, Sara kisses me gently, tracing her lips down towards my now bare chest. It's amazing how safe I feel in this moment, nearly fully on display, but not the least bit nervous or uncomfortable. I don't feel exposed, I feel protected. I feel cherished.

I feel loved.

Lacing my fingers through her hair, I grip the dark locks, holding her close as her mouth explores the uncharted skin before her.

Her hands lace around my waist, taking in the hem of my underwear where the waterline dances against my hips.

"Please," I get out, giving her permission.

She does, ridding me of my last remaining clothing.

The morning sun glistening around us, sparkling off the emerald water - the rocks, the water, all of it bathing us in warmth, I watch her. Her movements, her intentions, all of it reverent.

When she straightens back up, her nose toys with mine, our breathing ragged as our lips hover inches apart.

"I love you," she tells me, her hazel eyes flashing to mine.

She closes the distance between our lips, kissing me deeply, passionately.

Moaning into the sensation, I pull her body flush against mine, gasping at the sensation. Bare skin meeting, it drives my brain into chaos. Reaching around, I remove her bra, placing it above me. Then, I hesitate near her hips, knowing this is the last step, the last barrier between us.

Perhaps sensing my hesitance, Sara draws back slightly, placing her lips near my ear.

"I'm yours," she says, repeating her promise to me softly, the one she vowed not long ago. "All of me."

Needing nothing further, I pull her black boyshorts from her hips, removing the clothing.

When I feel the now unrestricted connection of skin between our bodies, I gasp. The sensations nearly overwhelming at this point. Sara's expression mirrors mine, the wonderment and adoration in her gaze nearly breathtaking.

Her hands trace along my hips, her right one trailing lower as she continues watching me.

She keeps her gaze on mine as I feel her hand reach the spot between my legs. Moaning, my hand clenches tightly against her shoulder as I feel her enter me for the first time.

Placing her lips against mine, she kisses me gently, letting me adjust to the wonderful pressure, the sensation of her inside of me.

Grasping at her back, I draw her even closer, increasing the pressure between us, my hips pressing into hers. Understanding my intentions, she deepens the connection between us and I find myself gasping, mouth all but biting into her shoulder to keep myself from losing all control.

"Sara…"

She notes the tremble in my voice, gently caressing my side with her free hand as she continues to drive me further and further towards ecstasy.

"Please," I somehow get out, mouth still clenching harshly into her shoulder.

Sara honors my request, my permission, using such care, such attention to me, it almost undoes me completely. Just as I'm hovering near losing all cognizant thought, she presses against my most sensitive areas, the world around me all but exploding.

"My God…" I get out, not recognizing my own voice. "Sara…"

She continues her ministrations, taking me to the edge and holding me there. Just as I'm about to beg her, she senses my need, finally bringing me over the edge. I feel everything in me surrendering as I climax, all parts of me now laid bare, laid open and released. The world an explosion of color, of light, of unbridled sensations.

I hold onto her, not sure I could stand on my own legs at the moment, feeling my body trembling as the waves of pleasure continue to echo through me, time after time.

"I've got you," Sara assures me, whispering near my temple. "You're safe."

I continue to ride out the waves of pleasure trailing through me as she holds me close, gently tracing her fingers along my back.

"Holy shit," I get out when my voice returns, the words still shaky as I try to come back down to earth from whatever the hell realm I was just elevated to.

Sara smiles slightly, looking a bit sheepish as she places her lips against my neck behind my ear.

"Was that…was I…"

"Don't you dare finish that statement," I turn my head to meet my lips with hers. "I think my body's reaction should tell you everything you need to know."

Sara returns my kiss, "You're sure?"

"Shut up and keep kissing me."

Sara smiles, eagerly obliging my request as I try to regain control of my body after what was literally the most satisfying experience of my life.

When I pull back I watch her, the rising sun creating streaks of glistening skin where the water clings to her tanned body. She's so beautiful, this place is so beautiful, all of it beyond any expectations I had regarding our first time. I knew I wanted it to be special, but this…

Her…

It's almost too much.

"You okay?" she asks, seeing the expression in my eyes.

Kissing her, I trail my fingers along her strong jaw.

"More than," I promise her.

Pulling back, I run my thumb along the bite mark standing out in deep red against her shoulder. Sara doesn't even seem to notice, her eyes focused on mine as we hold each other.

Without a word, I reverse our positions, placing her firmly against the rock wall behind us.

Seeing my change in expression, Sara raises a brow. "Catherine?"

"You think we're done?" I ask, my own brows raised. "You think this was just about me?"

Sara's eyes widen slightly, her breath hitching as she notes my expression.

"You don't have to…I didn't expect…"

"Just stop talking and let me touch you," I tell her seriously but gently, letting her see how much I want this. Perhaps more than anything wanting to be the one to bring her pleasure.

Taking this in, Sara searches my eyes, disbelief still coloring her features.

"How did I find you?" she marvels quietly, shaking her head slightly. "I don't deserve…"

"Shh," I calm her, leaning in and tracing gentle kisses against her chest. "Let yourself be loved, Sar."

Hearing my words, the same ones I myself said only a short time ago in her apartment, Sara stills beneath me. Then, just when I think I've misspoken, she places her fingers under my chin to bring my lips back up to hers. Kissing me deeply, I feel the surrender in it. The surrender in her.

Reaching down, I hold her hip in my hand, letting her see that she is also safe, she is also cherished.

She is also loved.

Some time later, I feel her body clench around me, her hands grasping desperately at the rock behind her. Eyes shut tightly, her head thrown back into the canyon wall.

I treat her with the same respect and reverence she offered me, gently and carefully bringing her to the edge. Then, with all the passion and pent up desires I've had in me, I eagerly carry her over it. Feeling her body completely surrendering to me, climaxing against me, it's perhaps the most humbling and beautiful experience I've ever had.

I hold her as she comes down, her hands trembling as they finally return to my body, holding me close as she breathes in haggard breaths against me.

"I…"

Sara's words trail off, the brunette shaking her head.

Eyes coming up to mine, she looks at me.

I see there everything I need to, everything she can't find words adequate enough to express.

"I know," I agree with her with a whisper, kissing her soft lips.

Holding her, we watch the sun rising higher above us, the water flowing gently around us as it cascades into the canyon.

This moment, this woman.

All of it.

Perfect.

AN: Thanks for reading.