Annabelle smiled as she heard clumping sounds of a pair of short stepladders being dragged out and placed in position and she guessed that her lover was climbing up into a storage space in the roof . She knew that a very determined woman was on a mission and judged that Simone felt most comfortable on her own or else she would have asked for help. She marvelled that, once again she'd uncovered another hidden side of this extraordinary multi-faceted woman. Looking back on it, it wasn't that much of a stretch to reason that a woman who had a loving fascination with poetry and a really clear way of bringing out the best in the class she taught must be some kind of an artist. She thought of other teachers that she'd encountered and they had a small minded fascist hunger to indoctrinate their pupils and to squash any independent thinking. Simone on the other hand, loved to draw out perceptive insights, even ones that she'd not thought of herself. Throw her a ball and she'd catch it and run with it. It was when she'd first started talking to Simone in any depth in the calming influence of the library that she'd shyly shown her the series of photographs of the dark-haired woman wearing a crucifix and the younger version of Simone. Their shared physical proximity had told Annabelle that the two women had been in love with each other and this had been the way in for her to reach out for the love that was growing inside Simone without her knowing it. Now they were living together, what more would be revealed of this adorable woman?
"Come help me, Annabelle," called out a familiar voice from outside the living room, edged with a trace of fear. The dark-haired woman shot out of her seat to the hallway. As she expected, an open hatch in the ceiling appeared before her eyes from which a pair of shapely denim-clad legs extended and the narrow end of a black guitar case.
"Back out a bit and pass it down to me darling," Annabelle replied in clear commanding tones. After some shuffling around, Simone did as was suggested and her arms held tightly to a black guitar case which hadn't seen the light of day for a while.
"I'll take it, don't worry,"the dark haired woman said in her most soothing tones. She guessed that Simone had really wanted to not produce it into the light of day till she was ready and she felt nervous about letting her lover take it over from her. Annabelle carefully took the weight of the case and carefully propped it against the sliding glass door at the front of the , the fair haired woman gradually let herself down and Annabelle sensed that she was stuck, holding onto the edge of the world that sustained her and fearful in jumping down onto the top step of the folding ladder in case she might fall.
"Your feet are right over the top step. I'll catch you. Be strong darling,"the younger woman called out, her strong arms outstretched seeking to reach her lover by calm logic and the force of her love. Suddenly, Simone's body dropped down and, bracing herself, the younger woman absorbed the weight as her lover's feet clattered down the steps and they rolled sideways against the wall. Annabelle's arms clung tightly to her lover who was shivering with delayed reaction. She led Simone to the settee, brought in her guitar case and settled back on the settee to give her some tender, loving care.
"You don't mind me asking but how did you get up there in the first place?" the younger woman said softly into Simone's ear
"Determination," replied Simone simply."I just had to do it."
"I can relate to that. We're both pretty obstinate women," chuckled Annabelle as she thought about it. It crossed her mind that this woman of hers was more like her than she had ever supposed and coming out as a lesbian might mean that previously unexplored potential in her was being released. If that were the case, then it meant that living with Simone- how she loved to savour those words- was bound to be interesting amongst other things.
"That reminds me of something. You really gave it to those guys on the beach the other day. You didn't bullshit around when you told them that we're lesbians."
"I went through so much when I started to be attracted to you. I had to be teacher as well, going through the grieving process for losing Amanda, feeling condemned for my thoughts of innappropriate lust for you, not respecting boundaries which I didn't feel I could question, all that Catholic guilt that really hammers you for the wrong feelings and being arrested for sleeping with you. Thank God I'm through on the other side and nothing can hold me back.," Simone said in a tone of voice that veered from reflective to outright determined of voice as she stared out the front window curtains to the infinite possibilities of endless oceans.
"So playing guitar should be a cinch after all the personal dragons you've slain," gently interposed Annabelle, a mischievous smirk spreading across her face. Simone's head turned round and could have slapped herself for so neatly being edged into the trap by her very artful lover. Her momentary irritation evaporated when she saw the gentle softness in Annabelle's extraordinary eyes. She laughed softly, seeing the funny side of the situation.
"All right but I'm going to be really rusty. I have to think of what the chord shapes are like. I haven't played this thing in years. My fingertips will hurt, I know it."
Even while she spoke, she unclipped the guitar case and drew out the instrument. To her surprise, it hadn't mouldered away and decayed as she had expected, being what she had expected of a talent that had been left untended. Annabelle fetched out a duster and handed it to her lover who wiped it along the face and rested it on her knee.
"You've let the strings stay slack. That means they won't be strained," Annabelle suggested helpfully.
"How do I tune this thing?" the fair-haired woman muttered under her breath in a moment of panic before her eyes met Annabelle's. She had quietly got out her own guitar and without saying anything, the obvious solution formulated itself. As Simone ran her fingers through her curly fair hair, she really wasn't sure if getting the answer to this basic problem would make her more relieved or whether being forced to confront the final challenge before her would make her more nervous than ever. As the younger woman struck repeated notes from the bottom string, the more mature, supposedly more woman of the world became very fearful that her talents in this direction might be slighter than this woman of hers who so obviously adored her and had every faith in her. As her own self-esteem wasn't that certain, she feared that the wave of loving emotion emanating from Annabelle might be too hard to live up to. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, an ancient memory of her younger self home in the summer vacation in her lonely bedroom. She'd been dragged to the house she lived in by her parents while Amanda's parents had conspired to take her away on holiday. She was alone in this empty house with nothing to do except pine for her lover and, when her feelings became impossibly intense, she had decided to find some kind of outlet and dedicated herself to practising on her guitar. She had learnt the basic trick of tuning guitar strings against each other and she had tried to learn the basics of the guitar but her progress had been painfully slow. Now that she had a soul mate at her side,this felt more possible this time around and she methodically got to work. The lightest pressure of her lover's hand on her shoulder gave her a spark of confidence and encouragement to carry on.
"Well, this is the scary part,"Simone joked nervously when she had repeatedly struck one string after another rising up the scales followed by Annabelle's guitar. She was now tuned right so she now felt hideously naked with the implication that she had to play something that would knock out her terrifyingly expert lover. "Guess I ought to really apologise to all those generations of pupils I gave a hard time in English composition."
"Darling, just play some chords that you feel like just to loosen up and get comfortable,"the younger woman said, aching to heal her lover's nerves and handing her a plastic guitar pick. It was that appealing smile, that note of tenderness in her voice that suddenly swayed Simone to gather up her courage. She'd been gripped by a terrifyingly primal emotion of being judged and found wanting, Now she was outside that experience the rational side of her could see that it was a weakness in her that could be healed. She adjusted her guitar for comfort and strummed away at a sequence of basic major chords that she remembered best, humming softly and wordlessly to herself. Instantly, the younger woman felt that there was a rhythm at work there and her singing voice was sweet and pure. She'd always loved the sound of Simone's light, soft attractive voice as she spoke in the classroom and, amidst her more sexual musings about this intriguing woman, she had idly wondered how her voice would translate to music. Now she knew.
"Sorry, that's the best I can do. I'm really rusty," Simone said as her strumming petered out. She blushed pink with embarrassment at having exposed herself and looked out into the distance."You sound so much better than me."
"There's something there that sounds pretty good," interjected the younger woman as she laid down her own guitar and moved to grab Simone's eye contact."Is there a simple song that you know?"
"That's all the trouble,"exclaimed Simone passionately as her feelings welled to the surface."I've always loved music- my secret love- as opposed to poetry but I got
frustrated as none of the songs I most loved were within my reach. I tried to strip the songs down to basic chord arrangements but it didn't sound like the music in my head. You know what happened with me and Amanda. I fell into a deep depression when my love for her ended up badly. You saw the note."
Something puzzled Annabelle immensely. She clearly recalled Simone saying that Amanda died a few years ago yet she got the idea that they fell in love while they were both pupils at St Theresa's. The chronology was all wrong. She remembered the farewell note that Amanda had left for Simone and couldn't work out when she'd written it. That was another puzzle that she had filed away for a later date. It didn't matter right now and was pressing on her was to get her lover to make that tentative jump into the unknown. She needed a simple yet meaningful song they could work on together.
"We need a simple song we can work on that we can believe in. Let me think, let me think,"Annabelle shouted excitedly waving her arms round in a demented fashion."I know, I've got it, the first song I ever learnt, "Amazing Grace."
Simone laughed out loud at the absurdity of this affirmation of religious when she recalled that her most vital emotional drives had been devoted to pushing against the intellectual corset of the Catholic Church. Laughingly Annabelle jumped right in on this one.
"Hey come on, Simone. It's gospel so it's cool. It depends how you read it. You can read the song into anyone who's found herself."
This sharp observation brought up Simone short. She knew she had to start somewhere if she wanted to live her dreams and her respect for Annabelle's opinions ran deep and went back to before she'd fallen in love with her. She nodded her head and reached for her guitar pick.
"OK, I''l do it but there's one way you can help. Can you write out the lyrics and show me where the chord changes take place? That way will suit me best."
"Sure. I'll do whatever makes you comfortable," grinned the younger woman, her heart warmed as Simone was telling her that she wasn't too proud to learn from her lover and one-time pupil. She reached for a writing pad while Simone reached for her reading glasses. At one time, she wore her hair severely tied up in a bun on the back of her head rather like the Mother Immaculata but, since the first night they'd ever spent together, she let her slightly curly hair hang free and her spectacles gave her a studious look without appearing severe. The younger woman wrote carefully in her neatest writing, tapping the biro on her teeth as she ran through where the chord changes were placed. Normally, she'd just play the song as it felt right.
"All you've got to remember, darling is to hit the strings with the downstroke as soon as you start singing, play it like you played earlier on and just let it flow," the younger woman said in her easiest tones. At all costs she didn't want to crowd her lover whose nervousness she could palpably feel. Her thoughtfulness steadied Simone as she focussed on the writing.
"When I sing the high note, do I play it in D? I thought I'd play it higher than G,"Simone questioned.
"Trust me, you do. If you're not sure, just play the chords and hum the song to yourself. You've got to check out yourself it'll work,"answered the younger woman, placing her hand tenderly on her lover's arm.
Thus encouraged, Simone went ahead and her face brightened when she came to the bit that worried her and it felt right. This was all the encouragement she needed and she sailed into the song with all the feelings welling up inside herself that she was, indeed saved. She felt her guitar and her voice mould together and for the first time in her life, she had broken through the barrier that had held her back all those years ago. Her heart was flying and she was in love with herself and the music she was making. The younger woman sat back entranced at the purity of Simone's singing. She was really, really good. As she came to the end, she felt possessed.
By the time evening drew in, the two women felt enchanted. Simone knew that her lover was giving so generously all the skills she'd learnt in the isolation of her own home and a bit at a time to help her. Years ago, she'd come up against what she'd felt was an insuperable barrier to her creativity in the summer vacation when she'd been in a state of enforced isolation. Now that scar in her was healed and made whole. She'd ventured on a couple more songs before the steel strings made her fingertips too sore to play with. They'd harden up, Annabelle assured her. It was at that moment that Simone's emotions spilled over into heartfelt words.
"You're a really good teacher," Simone said a little breathlessly, flushed with pleasure and a sense of fulfilment. Her guitar rested on her knee and her forearm on the top of her guitar box. She felt that a long neglected part of herself had been brought back to life thanks to the younger woman's gentle ministrations as had her self awareness as a loving, passionate woman."I'm not the most relaxed pupil you could find but you are so good for me."
"Darling, that's so sweet of you. I love you so much for that ," was all that Annabelle could say to this emotional generosity as a golden glow lit up inside her. She meant a million times more than her words said as a whole-souled smile spread across her face .
Feeling sleepy and peaceful, they headed to their bedroom, undressed in the gentle light and slid into bed. They turned towards each other and felt the total bliss as they tenderly slid into each other's arms and the first soft kisses was the sure precursor of the physical demonstration of their love for each other.