Remy's Diabolical Plan

Chapter Twelve: Creepy, Diabolical Clowns

~X~

Rogue was falling, and she was falling hard. Into the floor that is.

Her shoestring was untied, (something she had noticed milliseconds before she had stepped on it) it pulled on her ankle, and she started to fall down. Now all she could think was: This is going to hurt.

But at least it wasn't pavement or any other harder substance. It was a hardwood floor. In a random clothes shop in the middle of town. Where anyone could look over and witness this embarrassing moment.

But thankfully, no one did. This was an odd thought for someone who was falling and going to get hurt no matter what they did to think. But think it she did and she finally hit the ground, elbows first, and the only accompanying sounds were the thump, thump that both her elbows made upon contact and the hissing sound that escaped her. She was not going to cry. No matter how bad that had hurt, no matter how much her funny bone was screaming (or laughing), she would NOT cry! She was an X-man! And X-men didn't cry from bumped elbows. Or banged up knees. Or evil, untied shoestrings. X-men didn't cry over trivial things…Except two weeks ago when Kitty cried because she had missed a really good sale at the mall.

Sniffling sadly, Rogue rolled onto her back and sat up slowly. Her knees really had gotten banged up. She was safely hidden behind a rack full of men's kaki pants so it was unlikely that anyone could see her from her position on the floor. Gingerly she pulled back the fabric of her capri jeans and looked them over. Just a few red marks, and there would probably be bruises later. Oh well. She sighed. She deserved it.

If her thoughts hadn't been on something else, this wouldn't have happened.

The problem was, Rogue felt like a pervy old lady. Or a silly school girl. Or a woman who had just received the best kiss of her life from her best friend. And now she couldn't stop thinking about said kiss and his hands. Shuffling cards. Rubbing sun block on her back. Stroking the nape of her neck. Those hands were everywhere in her mind and she couldn't rid it of them.

With some horror, Rogue realized that her crush on Remy had returned full force. But it was just a crush. Surely it would be gone in the next week. Hopefully soon. Hopefully VERY soon. Because last night he had kissed her, they had chased the lobster thieves away, and then sat back down on that bench and hadn't said another word to each other all night long. But that hadn't seemed like such a big deal since they hadn't talked because she had fallen asleep. But now it was the next day and she had slept for a few hours and she had the opportunity to think the whole thing over. Now her mind was clear and she was able to properly hear her thoughts. And they were telling her many different things. Some things she already knew. Some she didn't want to hear.

That it was the best kiss anyone had ever bothered to give her was the first thing. And she wasn't going to deny that. It was a nice kiss, no matter the real meaning behind it. Speaking of which, it had taken her some time (an hour of staring at the ceiling above her bed to be exact) to figure out the reason. Oh she could just go up and ask him why he did it. But of course, that would be awkward. And her face burned just at the thought of doing something that brave so she couldn't imagine how hot her cheeks and neck would get if she actually did it. So she thought about it and came to the most logical conclusion. Remy kissed her because he was trying to not blow their cover. If the lobster thieves had looked over and seen Remy and Rogue staring at them, then their cover would have most certainly been blown. But if they looked over to see a couple kissing on the bench, then they might have just thought it was…a couple kissing on the bench.

But then that begged several other questions. Why didn't it work? Why didn't the thieves buy the act? From their conversation with them, obviously they had known that the X-men had been watching out for the fisherman's traps. How long had they known that? Had they been watching the X-men as they looked out for them? When Remy had been kissing her, did his hands tingle? Did he enjoy himself? Why did she care if he enjoyed himself? And most importantly, why was she still sitting on the floor of this very public clothes store?

Rogue stood, dusting her behind off as she straightened. She glanced around quickly but thankfully no one's attention seemed to be on her. Hopefully no one had seen her fall.

Right now, at this point in time, Rogue and Remy were in 'Olivia's Outfits'. At first when they had seen this building they had assumed that it was a woman's clothes shop, but after a lot of "Let's just check anyway!" and "Non! Remy's not gonna wear a femme's clothes!" and a whole thirty seconds of Rogue making 'the face', Remy caved and they went inside and found that Olivia had outfits for men women and children.

This was when Rogue had proceeded to 'shop' which for her just consisted of grabbing the first ten things she saw, flinging them at Remy's head, and telling him to go try them on. She had to get him out of her sight. As soon as he had walked into the dressing rooms, Rogue sighed and relaxed visibly. Staring at him after last night was hard, but pretending to be so casual as if nothing had happened between the two of them was even harder.

Remy seemed completely fine. Rogue was about ready to smack him for looking and acting so nonchalant. Who did he think he was, kissing the breath out of unsuspecting women and then acting like it was no big deal? Where exactly did he get off acting so cool?

And not only that, but now he was acting…very…suddenly…very…very…very…the man kept shuffling his cards.

And those DAMNED hands of his were looking VERY…like they were shuffling cards. Those damn hands shuffling those damned cards were everywhere! Suddenly he seemed to have a strange liking to constantly moving his cards around in his hands. Normally this was something that he did when he was bored or nervous or to show off or just something that he liked to do every now and then. But not continuously. Never had she witnessed him shuffling and shuffling and shuffling and shuffling until she had to tell him to stop.

But Rogue couldn't let this affect her too much because she was trying valiantly not to let this stupid crush worsen. That couldn't happen. It would not be good. Remy loved another woman. He would most likely not appreciate her affection when she was supposed to be his friend. And she couldn't let him down like that. If it was the LAST THING SHE DID, Rogue would not let something stupid like a crush come between her and Remy's relationship. She really was a good friend that way.

It had been more than a little awkward being with him after their kiss. But she was trying very hard to not feel so nervous around him. After all, he was completely fine. And if he could be so uncaring and normal about the best kiss she had ever had, well then, so could she!

Remy, on the other hand, was sad. He glumly examined himself in the floor length mirror of the dressing room, belatedly realizing that Rogue hadn't actually picked out any of these shirts because she liked them. She must have just grabbed the first things she had seen. This meant that she was bored and probably didn't want to be around him and so was flinging clothes at him so that she could get away from him faster.

He was sure that this was true. Because when Remy was sad about one thing, every other stupid, depressing thing he could think of must be true. Or else, why would he have thought of it?

And the reason that he was sad in the first place was simple.

His kiss with Rogue last night hadn't had the least bit of affect on her.

He couldn't believe how casual she was acting; as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all. And even though Remy was one hundred percent sure that they had NEVER kissed before, he was starting to wonder if they had, in fact, shared a kiss at some other point in time to make her act so cool about the whole thing. Perhaps he had been drunk and couldn't remember it? Maybe it was that time that he had bumped his head really hard in that danger room session? What if she regularly snuck into his room while he was sleeping and molested him then?

Remy grinned at this thought.

But the grin quickly disappeared when he saw his reflection and how utterly ridiculous he looked. Rogue had tossed a two sizes too small bright yellow polo shirt with a picture of a very creepy looking clown splayed across the chest at him. And for some reason he had accepted it. And for some reason he had put it on. And for some VERY strange reason, he was now tilting his head to the side and wondering if the clown made his head look bigger or if his head made the clown's head look bigger.

Remy was sure it was the former. That clown sure was creepy. And the color was all wrong for his skin type and it did not compliment his eyes very well. And the fabric! Well-

Remy paused and then slowly, his eyes widened in horror as he realized where his train of thought had taken him. He cast a paranoid look around the small dressing room but of course no one was there to see this odd moment. And thankfully, no one would ever know.

Remy tore the shirt off and flung it to the ground the way you would throw something disgusting and vile. With a sigh of relief, he reached into the pile of shirts that Rogue had tossed at him and pulled out a new one, this time looking it over before he put it on.

His face dropped. This one was worse than the last one. There was a bright picture of every Sesame Street character on here and in bold letters it proudly boasted: I grew up on the streets.

Who the hell bought this crap?

With a fear for his own life (because suddenly very real images of man eating shirts were in his head), Remy dropped it and quickly went back to putting his own shirt back on and then running for safety.

Back to Rogue. Back to the woman who (apparently) was kissed so often by her friends that it was no big deal to her and nothing to worry over. Why couldn't she just be a good friend and ravish him every now and then? Jeeze, was that so much to ask for?!

He didn't think so.

Remy could always try to play off his emotions with these little personal jokes but he could never drown out the little voice in the back of his mind telling him that one thing he didn't want to hear. Last night he kissed Rogue. And now she didn't seem to care. Which meant one thing. This was a rejection. It might not have been straight out where she had pushed him away and told him no, but just her breezy, nonchalant attitude was enough to let him know that she didn't care about their kiss. It hadn't had any affect on her. It hadn't made her hands shake like his had or her belly do flops or her heart to pump so loudly in her ears that it made her lightheaded.

And if Rogue couldn't enjoy kissing him, how could she ever love him? She couldn't. Remy was sure of it. He just didn't know that Rogue was currently across the store and nearly in panic because she couldn't forget the taste of his kiss.

Though he hated that part of his personality, Remy knew that he was a sensitive person at heart. But he had grown accustomed to hiding his feelings and pretending otherwise. He could do this a while longer. Today he was down about his whole diabolical plan and right now he just wanted to give up. But he couldn't let himself. He wouldn't. No matter how loud that treacherous voice in his head was telling him to stop while he was ahead, Remy refused to listen to it. Because now he knew what he had to do.

He had to try harder.

"Roguey?" Remy leaned around a shelf full of neatly folded dress shirts in search of Rogue. Of course she couldn't have been hiding back there since she was taller than four feet so he had never expected to find her there. "Rooooguey?" He continued to search, weaving through the racks and shelves spread throughout the store until he found her standing over by the blue jeans and chewing her lip. "Rogue!" He greeted and for some odd reason she startled and looked at him guiltily.

"Uh, yeah?" She asked and with a faint hint of amusement, he noticed the slight twinge of pink on her cheeks.

"Those shirts ya gave me," he said slowly, "were a bit…craptacular."

"Craptacular?" The corners of her mouth twitched just slightly. "Now you're just takin' my words."

It was true that this was a word that Rogue used often and also that this was where he had first heard it. However…

"Now, now, Roguey, if you can take the word chérie from moi, then Remy can take craptacular."

She stared at him. "Remy, I was talking about a sherry cocktail, as in the drink."

Remy just crossed his arms stubbornly. "You can keep sayin' that but it don't mean that I'll believe you."

After throwing her hands in the air in exasperation, Rogue groaned at him and changed the subject. "Why were they craptacular? What was wrong with them?"

Now it was Remy's turn to stare. "You did see them, right?"

"Not really."

Just as he had thought. She had flung the first thing in his direction to get rid of him. Inwardly, Remy frowned. Outwardly, Remy kept a normal expression and said, "Scary clowns and Sesame Street."

"Say what?"

"You heard me."

"Ok then." Sighing, she turned to the blue jeans and pointed out a random pair. "Want some new jeans?"

He pretended to think for a moment before answering. "Do women like blue jeans?"

For a few seconds, she seemed to be at a loss for words. "I reckon so…"

"Um…Do you like blue jeans?"

"I guess."

"Is that a yes?"

"I guess."

"Do ya think Jessica would like them?" He tried for a wistful sounding voice.

"I guess."

"Are you even listenin' to me?"

"I guess—I mean, of course." She jerked her attention back to him. "I always listen to you."

"Liar."

"Hey!"

"So…" He walked closer, found his size, and pulled out a pair of jeans, looking them over to see what design they were. "You really think Jessica would like them?"

"Sure, yeah." She nodded quickly. "She'll lose her freakin' mind."

"Oh, really?" he said amusedly. "Well in that case…" He pulled down three more pairs and looped them over his arm. "Now, pick me some shirts."

For Rogue it was better than staring off into space and thinking about his hands. Or his lips. Or his dimple or that little bit of hair on his chin. Or his—NO! She had to control herself! So without being told twice, she led the way over to the nearest rack and proceeded to search for clothes. Normally she wouldn't have put much effort into this, despite being asked for help, but today she needed to get her mind on other things. So she concentrated on finding the appropriate attire for Remy that would satisfy this Jessica woman.

Rogue wondered why she suddenly disliked the name. There was nothing that she could really find wrong with it other than it was just so…Jessica. Not a very original name. Why wasn't she named something like Cheyenne or Clementine or Toaster Oven? Those were all original names. Most especially Toaster Oven. Toaster Oven was NOT a name that you heard twice…or even once.

Rogue forced these thoughts out of her mind and commenced with the shopping, searching through the racks with a passion that only the likes of Kitty had ever displayed.

She found several things that would work. Different shirts of many different colors. She pulled out a red one and threw it at Remy, then tilting her head to the side to judge the color next to him, she bit her lip and then searched through the rack and pulled out a blue one. And then a gray one. And then a green one. Rogue soon realized that Remy looked good in every color. All except for that bright yellow one she held up to his head. Of course this could have been because there was a picture of a really creepy clown on it or because Remy flinched when he saw it and wouldn't let her hold it near him.

Finally she was satisfied with the enormous pile of clothes in Remy's arms that were currently weighing him down and told him to go try them on.

And now she waited. Waiting for a guy to try on clothes was much different than waiting for a girl, Rogue soon realized. While Kitty usually liked to put on the clothes and then stare at herself in the mirror for twenty minutes, walk back and forth to see how they felt when she walked, and liked to get other's approval before her purchase, Remy was the complete opposite. She had given him at least twenty shirts to try on. Before she could stop him, he jerked her into the dressing room with him and locked her in. For one wild moment she thought he was going to start undressing in front of her. But he had a white undershirt under his normal, ripped up blue shirt and he kept this on as he tried on all of the new ones.

And here was the difference between himself and someone like Kitty. He quickly threw on one shirt, turned to her and asked dully, "Is this good?"

"Uh, yeah, I reckon so-"

And before she had even finished he had torn that one off, flung it (inside out) over to the corner, and put on a new one, only to turn to her and ask, "What about this one?"

"Sure."

Remy jerked it over his head and then put on another one. "What about this?"

"Yes."

And this went on and on until he had tried on everything except for one shirt and all of his pants.

"Try on this outfit," she handed him the kaki pants and black dress shirt. He made a face before he finally shrugged.

"Ok."

Rogue left without being told and waited outside. He seemed to put these clothes on just as fast as the last ones and before long she heard his voice speaking to her through the closed stall door.

"Uh…Remy ain't sure about this one."

"Lemme see." She knocked lightly at the door but he didn't open it.

"I don't know."

"What? Just lemme see!"

He sighed as though she were being difficult. "All right, just…don't laugh. Ok?"

Why would she laugh? This outfit must look hilarious for him to say something like that. If he really looked that bad then she would most certainly laugh. But she couldn't let Remy know that. "Ok, I won't. Just come out here."

Remy grumbled and a moment later the metallic sound of the lock scraping in the door reached her ears and it opened slowly to reveal Remy looking very NOT hilarious. Rogue gulped. That damned kiss was back in her mind. But she couldn't let her thoughts bring her to places like that, especially when Remy was standing right in front of her and looking to her for approval. Why had he been afraid of her laughing? Oh. Now she remembered. Remy hated dressing up. He had never worn anything that would be described of as 'nice', or at least not when she had ever seen. He called tuxes 'penguin costumes' and said that ties were fashionable nooses. She had never seen him like this. She had never seen him looking so…nice.

And for a few seconds, Rogue almost did something crazy. The thoughts in her mind were not thoughts of a good friend. Suddenly she realized that some other woman named Jessica who was really stupid was going to see Remy in this outfit and know it was all for her. And it was for her. It wasn't for Rogue; Remy probably couldn't care less if Rogue found him attractive. He was trying to impress another woman and right at that moment, it made Rogue a tiny bit crazy inside.

It would be very easy to take this away from 'Jessica'. All Rogue had to do was tell him that it didn't look that good. She could practically hear herself saying: 'I just don't think it's your color, Rems. No, no, collared shirts just ain't your thing. Why? Oh, because they make your head look big. I would just go put this outfit back and find somethin else. I think I saw somethin yellow that might look good on you.'

It would be so easy. Too easy. Remy was looking very uncomfortable in this new getup and unsure.

But she couldn't do it. It would hurt Remy's feelings and that was a level of low that she wasn't ready to stoop to over a crush that she had had for fourteen hours.

"You look very handsome." She told him honestly and stepping forward, she reached up to straighten out his collar for him.

He immediately brightened and grinned down at her. "Really?"

Blinking, she quickly averted her gaze from the newly formed dimple on his cheek. "Of course." She cleared her throat when her treacherous voice started trying to shake. But something about the way Remy smelled made her want to take a deeper breath…She swiped at some invisible lint on his shoulder.

"You really like it, chère? You think Jessica will like it?"

That was starting to get seriously annoying. But Rogue took a step back and nodded. "Yes and yes."

Remy grinned.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"No reason." He continued to grin stupidly as he turned and walked back into the stall, closing the door behind him.

To Be Continued...