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The next few days were quiet. Rory didn't venture far from home and didn't hear from Logan at all. She could not help worrying a little, afraid that he would fall into the same state as before, but didn't breathe a word to Lorelai. She knew she would instantly forbid her daughter going back there and Rory couldn't face the thought of seeing her former husband. She kept her worries to herself and, for the most part, felt relieved.

On Monday Rory went to Lane's. She felt a little guilty as she waited by the door. She hadn't spoken to her friend for a while, had felt too ashamed to talk to her when she'd gone back, and stared at a patch of ground. There'd been a time where she and Lane had told each other everything.

Lane opened the door a few moments later, Nico in her arms. The baby's face was red and she was grizzling as Lane led Rory inside and placed Nico on a playmat.

"She's too hot," Lane sighed, pushing some lank hair away her face. "So am I. What is it, ninety degrees outside?"

"More, I'd say."

Rory sat on the couch as Lane brought over a pitcher of iced juice and, as she poured it out, Rory was reminded of endless school afternoons where Mrs Kim would allow them to study in the store and bring them drinks and cookies. The pitcher held water instead of juice, the cookies were made from flaxseed, and they both knew it would be more than their life's worth to spill on anything for sale. Still, the summer afternoons had been fun and Rory smiled as she remembered she and Lane making a detour to the inn where Sookie would give them icecream and real lemonade to wash away the taste of flaxseed. It seemed like a very long time ago.

Lane handed Rory a glass and she drank it slowly, putting off having to talk. Lane looked at her curiously.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Rory said, putting the glass down. "Yes, there's just something I need to talk to you about."

"Okay."

Lane put her glass down too to show her full attention and Rory wised she hadn't. She stared at her hands.

"You know I haven't been around much the last few weeks?"

Lane nodded and Rory took a deep breath.

"I went back to Logan. I know it was a stupid thing to do but I was worried about him and scared and...it was a whole mess of things but I'm back now. For real, this time."

Rory looked up nervously and, to her surprise, her friend wasn't staring or looking shocked. She looked as though Rory had just told her about an unpleasant dentist appointment and then blushed as Rory said accusingly,

"You knew."

"Your mom told me," Lane said apologetically. "She didn't, you know, come here to tell me or spread it around town. I ran into her at Doose's and asked how you were and she started to say you were okay but then she got upset and told me."

"What did she say?"

"Not much," Lane said guiltily and, at her friend's look, sighed and said, "Everything. I mean, probably not word-for-word, but it definitely wasn't the Cliff Notes version."

Rory nodded and Lane added,

"Plus Miss Patty was there so..."

"The whole town knows?

"The whole town knows," Lane agreed and asked anxiously,

"Are you mad?"

"What?" Rory asked, shaking her head. "Of course I'm not mad. Why would I be mad?"

"I don't know. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"I'm not mad," Rory said after a pause. "At you or at Mom, I swear. I'm not upset."

"Then why do you look so sad?"

"I don't know," Rory said unhappily. "It's all been a mess. I'm mad at myself for going back but I'm still feeling guilty and I'm confused."

Lane nodded sympathetically and Rory looked at her.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Lane."

"It's okay. It's personal."

"But I want to tell you stuff like that," Rory said angrily. "You should hear it from me, not Mom. I should've told you."

"How come you didn't?"

Rory looked up. Lane looked a little defiant despite her gentle tone. Guilt stung again and Rory bit her lip.

"I don't know," she said eventually. "No, I do. I didn't want to talk to anyone, anyone from Stars Hollow. It felt like no one understood."

"How do you know I couldn't understand?" Lane retorted. "If you didn't try talking to me?"

"Because...I didn't," Rory conceded. "I didn't want to. I didn't know how to tell you, Lane. I felt stupid and ashamed and you've got three kids and you do so much and I... I didn't know how to explain."

"Rory, just because I have three kids doesn't mean I won't get it," Lane said, sounding hurt. "I'm still me. And it is a big deal – you found out Logan was cheating."

"It wasn't why I left," Rory said. Lane nodded knowingly.

"Those things you said before, the first time you left? About feeling depressed?"

"Yeah. The cheating was part of it," Rory said. "I couldn't forgive him but I was unhappy with him for a long time. I think it was over a long time ago. I wanted to love him but I couldn't, Lane. He's going back to California and I couldn't go with him. I knew we were done."

"California?" Lane exclaimed. "Start from the beginning."

Rory told her all about the conference in Boston, going to Harvard and how lost she'd felt, how lost she'd been for all the time she'd been back with her husband and how, after hearing about Logan's plans to move back, she'd known she had to leave.

"So I did," Rory said, taking a breath. "I packed my bag, told him it was over and left."

"And he accepted it?"

"We argued," Rory said, taking a long drink of juice. "And he found Paris's address and came to see me but I told him to go."

"Have you heard from him at all?"

"No," Rory said quietly. "Not a word."

She finished the juice. Rory put the glass down, feeling her friend look at her and Lane said softly,

"I think it was really brave of you to leave like that."

"You do?" Rory asked. "It didn't feel brave. It felt like something I had to do."

"It can be both."

"I guess that's true," Rory said. She looked a Lane, smiled, and the two put their arms around each other and hugged tightly.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Rory said. "I've been the worst friend."

"You were going through something huge," Lane said. "I didn't call, either."

"You're a mom! You've got bigger things to deal with!"

"Bigger things?" Lane exclaimed. "For the few hours Mama has the boys and Nico's sleeping I'm not being a mom. I'm sitting on the couch, thinking about how I should do housework or something but not. I think about calling someone but I usually wind up watching TV."

Rory looked at her and said,

"How about this? At least once a week we'll make plans to do something. We'll go out someplace – not far, just to Luke's or something – and we'll talk."

"Not about kids."

"And not about crappy marriages."

"That'll depend on how much Zach is annoying me," Lane said and they both laughed and hugged again. Rory caught sight of her watch as she moved away and sighed.

"I've got to go," she said apologetically. "I've got to go see my doctor."

Lane nodded and, as she picked up her purse, asked,

"Are you sad? About it being over?"

"A little," Rory said thoughtfully. "But not like before. I feel better. Does that sound weird?"

"I get it," Lane said. They smiled and Rory hurried out into the heat of the day.

Driving into Hartford didn't feel painful and, to her surprise, Rory felt happy to see Doctor Moran. She'd missed her sessions and settled into the chair as the doctor smiled at her.

"Rory. How have you been?"

"I left my husband," Rory said. "This time I'm not going back."

The doctor looked slightly surprised but she simply asked,

"When did this happen?"

"In Boston. I was going to wait until after we got back, and even then I just wanted to separate, but it just happened."

"Things don't just happen, Rory. What made it happen?"

"We went to some drinks with his colleagues," Rory told her. "Some manager of another division was there and he told Logan he wanted him to move back to California as soon as possible. Logan got all excited but it felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there. I couldn't go back with him, I can't go back there, so I headed to the hotel and packed my things. I waited for Logan, told him why it was over and left."

"That was brave of you," the doctor said, echoing Lane, and Rory shrugged.

"It didn't feel brave. I had to do it. If our marriage was going to work out I would want to be with Logan, wherever he was, but I didn't. I don't. And I don't feel sad about being away from him."

The doctor nodded and Rory said,

"Everyone thinks it was sudden."

"I don't," the doctor said, surprising her, and she continued, "From everything you've told me you've sounded dissatisfied for a while."

"There was something else, too," Rory said. "Earlier that day I went to Harvard. When I was a kid it was my dream to go there. Ever since I was in Kindergarten I wanted to go and I had a whole wall dedicated to them in my bedroom."

"What changed?" the doctor asked. "You said you went to Yale. Did you fail to get in?"

"No, I got in. Yale just seemed like a better choice, in the end."

"What made you decide to see Harvard?"

"I guess I always wonder what it would have been like," Rory admitted. "I don't regret going to Yale but I still think about it sometimes. I hadn't been for years – when I was sixteen my mom and I took a roadtrip there – and I wanted to see what it was like, if it had changed."

"Had it?"

Rory was silent for a moment.

"The place hadn't," she said finally. "I felt different. It was me."

"You were sixteen a long time ago."

"It's not just that," Rory argued. "I felt like another person, almost. It wasn't just because I stood out, I looked different to everyone, it felt like I had no right to be there. When I first went there I snuck into a class and answered questions and I could see myself there. It felt right. Now it's...if I went into a class I'd be laughed out. I don't feel smart like that anymore. I was just standing there, looking at the library and thinking about how I'd screwed up."

"By marrying Logan."

"Yes, by marrying Logan, by dropping out, by doing all those stupid things," Rory said bitterly. "And I had to get away, I had to leave. It's all so messed up. I made such a big mistake."

"Rory, you've admitted it to yourself and that's a big step. How are you feeling now that you've left Logan?"

Again, Rory fell silent and the doctor looked at her curiously.

"I feel like I should say I'm sad," she said slowly. "And I am sad, but I'm not devastated. I don't feel like before, when it hurt to get out of bed."

"You don't feel hurt?"

"I do, but –" Rory stopped and said, "It's a good hurt."

"Can you elaborate?"

"Like when you take a band-aid off a cut and it's sore," Rory explained. "But it feels better than before. Or like when you've run a mile and your lungs hurt."

The doctor nodded and Rory added,

"Not that I've ever run a mile...that's probably not the best analogy."

"I know what you meant."

"It feels like I can breathe," Rory said. "I know that's a bad thing to say when you've left your husband, but –"

"There's no right or wrong way to react, Rory. If you don't mind my saying so, you sounded lonely for a very long time."

"Do you think I've made the right decision?"

"I don't feel comfortable commenting on that, Rory, but I think it was wise to give yourself room."

Rory stayed silent and the doctor added,

"Though you may feel more hurt later on. There's no way to know how you'll react, if your feelings will change."

Rory nodded and said hesitantly,

"I'm worried about Logan."

"In what way?"

"Last time I left he fell apart. I'm scared he's drinking – he drinks too much – but I can't go back and check. I want him to be okay but I can't go back to him."

"Could you call someone neutral?" the doctor asked. "Someone who cares about Logan but won't try and change your mind?"

"I guess," Rory said. "It's hard to explain what's happened."

The doctor smiled.

"Sometimes these things are easier than we expect."

After her appointment Rory went to get some lunch. She ate a bagel and looked out at the street, where she used to walk for something to do. It felt like another life. The apartment wasn't far but Rory had no desire to go back to it. She drank some of her coffee, thought, and then took out her cellphone. The number she called rang three times and then Logan's sister picked up.

"Hi Rory," Honor said, sounding surprised. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. How are you?" Rory asked. "How's pregnancy?"

"Ugh," Honor said, making a sound of disgust. "I wouldn't have done this if I knew what I was signing up for. Fat ankles and I won't say what else. Don't ever get pregnant Rory, woman to woman. They say the baby makes it worth it but I'm not so sure about that."

Rory smiled but didn't say anything and Honor pressed,

"Rory? Did I say something? My brother hasn't been harassing you, has he?"

"No," Rory said, swallowing. "There's something I need to tell you. Logan and I broke up."

There was a pause and Honor said,

"Oh."

"I don't want to put you in the middle or anything," Rory said awkwardly. "And I'm sorry to tell you over the phone like this."

"That's okay. Can I ask why?"

"There's a lot of reasons," Rory said honestly. "It was both of us. Honor, I just wondered if you could check on Logan. I don't want you to go out of your way but if you're in the neighbourhood or if you could just call...I want him to be okay."

"You don't want him to drink himself stupid," Honor said knowingly. "Sure, Rory."

Rory took a deep breath of relief.

"Thanks, Honor."

"No problem. I'm sorry he cheated on you, Rory."

Rory stopped and stared.

"How did -?"

"I know my brother," Honor said. "It's true, isn't it?"

"Yes...but it wasn't just that," Rory said. "I think even if he hadn't it was over."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. I'm sorry to call you like this."

"That's okay," Honor said. She paused and, just as Rory thought she was going to say goodbye Honor said sadly, "You were the only girl of my brother's I liked."

Rory didn't know what to say to that. She tried to reply but was saved as Honor said,

"Goodbye, Rory."

"Bye," Rory said and hang up. She drank the rest of her coffee and drove back.

Things stayed the same over the next week. Rory saw Lane again and the two, as promised, went to Luke's, who beamed at both of them and gave them extra fries for free.

"I knew you'd come back," he said quietly to Rory as Lane checked her phone. "Your mom was worried but I told her you'd come back, in your own time."

"Thanks," Rory whispered and he asked carefully,

"Are you okay?"

"I am," she said truthfully. "I really am."

She and Luke smiled at each other and, though Lane put her phone back and interrupted, Rory felt they'd hugged without needing to.

On Friday Rory was in an exceptionally good mood. Andrew had told her he needed someone to help with inventory and, though it wasn't anything Rory wanted to do longterm, it felt good to have a job again, even if it was the kind she'd taken as a student. Furthermore, Emily and Richard were away that weekend for a business trip, leaving Rory free from explaining what had happened for another week. She felt guiltily relieved as she left the shop and then smiled as saw Jess cross the street.

"Hey!" she called, running over to him and he stopped and smiled at her, his hair catching the sun. Rory felt a rush of excitement in her breast and quelled it as she asked,

"I thought you weren't back until tomorrow."

"Got out early," Jess said, indicating with his head. "What are you doing? I never thought I'd see the day where Rory Gilmore left Stars Hollow Books without at least one in her hand."

Rory laughed, feeling giggly and adolescent.

"I've got a job there," she told him. "Just inventory – I know it's nothing special, it's the kind of thing you do for a first job, but –"

"That's great," Jess said seriously. "It's a still a job and it's with books – better than Walmart, right?"

"Ever miss driving that forklift?" Rory teased and he chuckled.

"I use my car if I ever get an urge. Can't say it's the same though. No view of endless piles of cans."

"Well, what can compete with that?" Rory asked. They laughed and Jess touched her arm.

"Listen, I've got to go make some calls, but we'll catch up?"

"We'll catch up," Rory agreed. The place where he'd left his hand felt as though it had goosebumps on it. Rory grinned, shook herself and walked home. She wasn't seventeen.

Lorelai had to go out that night. There was a problem with a room at the Dragonfly and she kissed the top of Rory's head as she picked up her purse.

"I don't know what time I'll be back," she said. "Hopefully not too late but I might end up crashing if it takes a while."

"Okay."

"There's takeout in the fridge," Lorelai said. "See you later, sweets."

"See you, Mom."

Rory made for a movie night on her own. She got out the takeout and candy from the night before and settled on the couch. She had just pressed play on the old video cassette when her cellphone rang, making her spill popcorn. Grumpily, Rory reached for it and stopped in surprise as she saw it was Jess.

"Hey," he said. "Can you come over?"

"Okay," Rory frowned. "Is something wrong?"

"Why?"

"Your voice sounds weird," Rory said honestly. "Has something happened?"

Jess hesitated and said,

"I'll tell you when you come over."

"Fine."

Rory turned the TV off and put the food away, a little concerned. She brushed her hair, grabbed her purse and walked over to Jess's. It was a blindingly hot night and there wasn't a breath of wind in the sky. The gazebo shone white in the velvety blackness and Rory hurried past, it almost hurting to look at. The heat pulsed at her and she was sweating as she reached Jess's apartment and he buzzed her in. Rory climbed the stairs and he already had the door open for her, waiting inside. There was an odd look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Rory asked, shutting the door. "Have you got some bad news?"

Jess shook his head and, worried, Rory asked,

"Is it Luke? Liz?"

"It's not anyone," Jess said eventually. "That's not what I want to talk about."

Rory frowned and he walked over to the counter, picking up Slaughterhouse Five.

"I didn't look at this before I went to Philadelphia," Jess told her. "I just left it here and didn't think about it until I got back from helping out Luke. I thought I'd put some notes in the margins for you and there was something inside."

He lifted out something folded, something white, and a dizziness overcame Rory which had nothing to do with the heat. It was her letter. She had slipped it in weeks ago, when Logan was out one day, after finding it in the book she'd taken to Nantucket. She hadn't been able to bear to throw it out and had hidden it with Jess's letter, pressed inside the pages. She'd forgotten all about it.

"Jess –"

"I read it," Jess continued, staring at her. "It had my name on it. You wrote this months ago. The letter I wrote you was there too. I never knew you replied."

"I didn't want you to see it," Rory whispered, her legs trembling. "I forgot I put it in there."

"If you didn't want me to see it, why didn't you throw it away?" Jess asked. "Why'd you keep it safe?"

Rory couldn't answer. He put the letter down and took a step towards her.

"Did you mean it?" he asked. "What you wrote?"

Rory nodded and he said, voice shaking,

"You had feelings for me? You have feelings for me?"

"Yes," Rory said, surprised at the sound of her voice.

"Which?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters!" Jess exclaimed. "Which is it?"

"I have feelings for you," Rory said quietly. "I meant what I wrote."

"And you didn't tell me?" Jess asked, his eyes deep with hurt. "You were never going to tell me?"

"How could I tell you?" Rory demanded. "I was married! I was supposed to love Logan!"

"Supposed to?" Jess echoed. "You mean you didn't."

"I wanted to," Rory said. She needed to sink into a chair but was rooted to the spot. She and Jess stared at each other, centimeters between them.

"You meant what you wrote," Jess said, breaking the silence. "You don't love him anymore, you're not married to him anymore."

"Jess, I don't know what this means," Rory said helplessly. "I never thought – I should have thrown the letter away."

"I'm glad you didn't," Jess said. He took a step closer and took her hand. His touch was light but strong and Rory didn't shake it off. She looked into Jess's eyes, the rich, coffee-dark brown. They were much too close yet she didn't step back.

"Jess," she started to say but couldn't add anything further. Her voice trailed away as she looked at him and he took her other hand in his.

"I'm glad you didn't throw it away," he said again. "Rory, I swear..."

Rory didn't find out what he swore. He looked and looked, gazing into her, and in one fluid motion they closed the gap and began to kiss.