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Rory opened her eyes. She stared at the wall opposite, wondering where she was, and then the previous night came flooding back. She flushed and looked to her right where Jess was still sleeping. His eyes were closed, the lashes casting a gentle shadow across his face. Rory smiled slightly at the soft expression on his face and then started as Jess opened his eyes and looked up.
"Hey," he said sleepily and Rory returned,
"Hey," in a quiet voice.
"How'd you sleep?" Jess asked, sitting up.
"Good."
Rory was suddenly very aware of being completely naked under the quilt and Jess, noticing her discomfort, asked,
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Rory didn't know how to explain. None of it had felt wrong last night but now it seemed impossible, insane, that they had sex. Rory hugged the covers closer to her but Jess refused to look away.
"What is it?" he frowned. "Is it last night? Are you sorry we had sex?"
"No," Rory said, struggling to explain. "It was...Jess, it was wonderful, but-"
He looked at her curiously.
"We weren't supposed to do that," Rory said eventually. "We were going to talk, try and figure stuff out, not have sex on your floor!"
Jess grinned slightly and Rory exclaimed,
"It's not funny!" though she was unable to stop smiling as she said it.
"I know it's not funny," Jess said seriously. "It was incredible."
Rory looked at him and he kissed her, his mouth warm and soft from sleep.
"Do you want to talk?" he asked, his breath tickling her. Rory shook her head.
"Maybe later," she whispered.
They kissed again. Rory's embarrassment dispersed as Jess moved onto her neck and then her shoulders. He decorated her body with kisses, his hands holding her lightly, blowing air bubbles onto her stomach.
"Stop!" Rory cried, laughing. "That tickles!"
"Yeah?" Jess grinned. He stopped and looked up at her and Rory smiled back. She could feel his erection against her leg and moved so it was brushing her vagina. Jess started to kiss her again and then pushed inside her. He pumped and pumped and Rory pushed him over so she was straddling him, closing her eyes as she moved. Jess reached up and took her breasts, stroking her nipples and he was kissing them as she came. She fell down on his chest and Jess came a few minutes later. He slid out and Rory could feel the messy wetness between them. She climbed off and lay back down beside him. Neither said anything for a moment.
"Do you want some breakfast?" Jess asked. Rory looked at him, not sure what to say and then was saved from answering. There was a knock on the door and Jess and Rory stared at each other, confused.
"Probably a neighbour," Jess said, getting out of bed. "Maybe the mail got mixed up."
Rory nodded and sat back in bed. Jess tugged on a shirt and some pants and left the room, carefully closing the door behind him. She heard the front door open and Jess talking, the voices hushed. She waited some more, feeling a little awkward, and remembered that all her clothes were still in the living room. Frustrated, Rory wished whoever it was would leave, and finally heard the door shut. She got out of bed, wrapped the quilt around herself and pushed the door open to get the clothes. She started towards the living room and heard a cough. Rory looked up and froze. Luke was standing by the door, staring at her, and Jess was looking distinctively uncomfortable. He at least had the privilege of wearing clothes and Rory held the quilt more tightly to her.
"Hey Rory," Luke said his voice falsely bright and his cheeks red. Rory knew hers were scarlet.
"Hey Luke," she replied. "What...how come you're here?"
"I wanted to see if Jess knew where you were," Luke said. "Lorelai called me and said she couldn't get hold of you."
"Oh," Rory said, ashamed as well as embarrassed. "I'll call her."
Luke nodded and, to break the coming silence said cheerfully,
"It's a beautiful morning out there."
Jess coughed and Luke said hastily,
"So I'll be, uh, going now. I'll tell Lorelai where you are."
"No," Rory said quickly. "I will."
"Well, I need to get back to the diner," Luke said, backing toward the door. "Good to see you, Rory."
Rory smiled and he opened the door, trying more than once in his fluster, and bolting out. Jess shut it firmly behind him and groaned.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know he was going to come in, I couldn't get him to leave. He asked me if I'd seen you and I couldn't tell him you were here but I didn't want Luke to freak out..."
Rory wasn't listening. She sat heavily down on an armchair, humiliated, and stared at the floor. It was worse than the time Luke had walked in on her and Logan because then, at least, she'd been clothed. Rory closed her eyes and then opened them again. Luke was going to tell Lorelai and Rory knew her mother would be furious.
"Rory?"
"I have to leave," Rory said, getting up. "I have to go home, right now."
"Okay," Jess nodded. "Do you want a shower?"
"I don't have time," Rory said, staring helplessly around. "Where are my clothes?"
Jess walked over to a chair and picked them up. Rory realised that he'd cleaned up the room.
"When did you do that?" she asked, taking her things from him, and he said,
"Last night. I woke up and couldn't sleep."
"Thanks," Rory said. He looked at her carefully.
"Are you okay?"
"Of course I'm not okay!" Rory exploded, dropping the clothes. "Luke saw me practically naked! He's known me since I was a kid, he used to watch me in the diner if Mom was late from work! He knows we had sex and he's going to tell Mom!"
"You don't know that."
"Jess, you know Luke, he can't hide stuff like that! It's Lorelai, she'll look at him and he'll tell her! Mom's going to kill me!"
"So what, if he tells her?" Jess asks reasonably. "So what if she's mad? You're not eighteen, Rory. You're an adult, you can do what you want."
"I don't want her to be mad at me," Rory said, deflating. "And she's going to ask all these questions and I won't know what to tell her. I don't know what to tell her."
"I'm sorry," Jess said quietly and Rory shook her head.
"It's not your fault."
They looked at each other and Jess said,
"Are you sure you don't want a shower?"
"No," Rory said resignedly. "I need to go home, I'll shower when I get back. Mom's worried, anyway. I was stupid. I should have called her."
Jess nodded, Rory picked up her clothes and went into the bathroom. She could still feel Jess inside her and as she sat on the toilet his come spilled down her leg. She wiped and wiped, wishing she could take Jess's offer of a shower but the sooner she got home the better. Rory dressed as quickly as she could and headed out. Jess had made her a cup of coffee and Rory sipped it thankfully, swallowing the hot liquid and letting it scald her throat. It made her feel a little braver.
"You okay?" Jess asked and Rory nodded, handing him the cup.
"Yeah. I should go now."
Jess handed her her purse and Rory thanked him, hesitating.
"We'll talk," Jess said, answering for her. Rory gave him half a smile and then was thudding down his stairs, running home as fast as she possibly could.
Lorelai was waiting inside on the couch. She looked up as Rory burst through the door and silently got up to make coffee.
"Mom," Rory panted. "Let me explain."
"You don't need to explain," Lorelai said. "I know what happened."
Rory winced. It was a warm day but her mother's voice was like ice.
"I ran into Luke," Lorelai said, turning to face her, coffee jug in hand. "I came home early and you weren't here so I called you. You didn't answer so I messaged you, and you still didn't answer and I freaked out and called Luke and he said he'd go see Jess because he might know where you were."
"Mom –"
"And I ran into him, just now," Lorelai said, staring at her daughter. "I was heading to the diner to see if he was back and we caught each other at the gazebo. He had a very uncomfortable look on his face and he very reluctantly admitted to finding you at Jess's place and you weren't there for breakfast!"
"Mom –" Rory tried to say but Lorelai cut her off, dropping the jug with a clatter in the sink.
"You had sex with Jess? You had sex with Jess?"
"It just happened," Rory said weakly. Her doctor's voice echoed in her mind, things don't just happen. Lorelai shook her head.
"Please, Rory. You don't just have sex with someone."
Rory was silent and Lorelai went back into the kitchen, loudly making the coffee. Rory waited for her to finish and then said,
"I know what you're thinking."
"What am I thinking?" Lorelai snapped, hands on her hips. "Am I thinking you were selfish to make me worry like that? That if you end up spending the night with a guy you leave your cell on? That I'm embarrassed for Luke? All of the above? Congratulations, you go home with the top prize!"
"Not that!" Rory said loudly. "Yes, that, but I know what you think about me sleeping with Jess."
"That it was stupid?"
"Yes!"
"Fine!" Lorelai shouted. "It was stupid, Rory! It was a really, really stupid thing to do and I think you're going to regret it!"
"You don't know that!"
"I don't know that?" Lorelai exclaimed. "Rory, your divorce hasn't even come through!"
"So what?" Rory demanded, her voice trembling. "You think I was cheating on Logan? That I'm no better than he was?"
"No," Lorelai said heavily, the fight going out of her. "You know I don't think that, not for second. Rory, this is too soon. You can't go jumping into a new relationship now, you're getting past a marriage."
"I don't know if we're in a relationship," Rory said awkwardly and Lorelai sighed.
"Jumping into someone's bed isn't much better. Rory, you need to be careful."
"We were," Rory defensively, uncomfortably aware of the dampness between her legs. Lorelai shook her head.
"Not that kind of careful, though I don't want to worry about that as well. Rory, you need to concentrate on yourself right now. Having sex with Jess is going to complicate things, you know that."
Rory was silent and Lorelai said,
"Look, I know we do crazy, impulsive things sometimes – I'm not exactly your best role model when it comes to that – but don't do this again, Rory. I don't want you to go over there anymore."
"You don't want me going over there anymore?" Rory echoed incredulously. "I'm not a teenager, Mom."
"No, you're not," Lorelai said, sounding angry again. "You're twenty-five and you thought it would be smart to have random sex with your ex-boyfriend!"
"It wasn't like that!" Rory shouted. She looked away and memory stung of her first time years ago. I hate you for ruining this for me.
"Rory, listen," Lorelai said, taking her arms and making her look at her. "Maybe it did mean something but this is too soon. I know I can't tell you what you do and I know you're not a kid, but you're still my kid and I want what's best for you. This isn't what's best for you, you know that. I just want you to take some time, okay? You need more than a few weeks."
Rory was silent, fighting the lump at the back of her throat.
"I'm sorry I didn't call," she said eventually and Lorelai let go of her arms in surprise.
"That's okay. Don't you want to talk about the rest?"
"Not really," Rory said honestly. "I really am sorry, Mom. I should have called."
Lorelai nodded but didn't say anything and the two stood in silence.
"Mom, I need to go shower," Rory said dully. "Please."
"Are we okay?" Lorelai asked doubtfully. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you," Rory said, glancing up. "I just really need to shower."
"Okay," Lorelai said, confused. "I'll be out here if you need me."
She sat down on the couch and made a show of reading the paper. Rory knew she wasn't reading a word but picked up her purse and went into the bedroom. She'd just finished getting ready for her shower when Rory heard her cellphone ring through the fabric of the bag. She unzipped it and picked it up, expecting it to be Jess. Her heart sank as she saw the name on the screen: Honor.
"Hi," Rory said and her former sister-in-law said,
"Hi, Rory. Is this a bad time?"
"No," Rory lied. "It's fine."
"Well, I'm just calling to tell you that I went to see Logan," Honor said briskly. "He wasn't in the best shape."
Rory sank down on the bed, guilt coursing through her.
"What's wrong with him?"
"There's nothing wrong with him," Honor said impatiently. "He's just doing what he does when things get rough. He's holed up in his apartment drinking a stupid amount of liquour and ordering takeout. The most he's done, from what I could see, is get up to play video games."
Rory was silent and Honor added cheerfully,
"You don't need to worry. I ordered a maid for him and she cleared everything up. Logan promised to go back to the office on Monday."
"Do you think he's okay?"
"I dread to imagine his hangover, but he's okay," Honor said. "He's Logan. He talked about you," she added, in case Rory was waiting to hear. "Said he screwed things up and he misses you."
"Oh," Rory said quietly. She wished she hadn't answered the phone.
"He'll be okay," Honor said again. "He's got a maid to stop him turning into a hermit."
"Honor, do you think Logan drinks too much?" Rory asked hesitantly. Honor paused and then said,
"No more than Dad. Why?"
"Never mind."
"Rory, all the guys in our family are like that," Honor comforted. "Something goes wrong, they drink. Something goes really well, they drink. They get bored, they drink. They can handle it. It looks bad sometimes but they know what they're doing. It's just too bad that we have to deal with the hangovers."
Rory knew Honor hadn't added the last part to hurt her but it did, all the same, and hearing about drinking being part of the family didn't ease her worry.
"Thanks for calling," she said eventually. "And thanks for checking up on him."
"No problem. He's moving back to California soon. It'll be a fresh start for everyone."
"I guess."
"What have you been doing, anyway?"
"Nothing," Rory said quickly, her cheeks colouring. "What about you? How's the baby?"
"Fine. She's kicking away – well, I think it's a she but Josh doesn't."
Rory smiled and, sensing a long conversation about babies about to start, said firmly,
"Honor, I have to go. Thanks, again."
"That's okay. Bye, Rory."
"Bye, Honor."
Rory hung up and stared at a poster on the wall. It told her in bright letters to come to Hawaii but Rory barely noticed it and she jumped as Lorelai knocked on the door.
"Who was that?"
"No one," Rory said quickly. "I'm going to have my shower now."
Lorelai stepped aside and Rory felt her eyes on her all the way up the stairs. She locked herself in the bathroom, turned the shower on full blast and stood under the spray. The steam licked at her and Rory washed between her legs, washing Jess away. She scrubbed and scrubbed but could still feel him there half an hour later when her mother knocked on the door to see if she was okay. Rory lied, said she was and drank coffee with her, ignoring the guilt in her mind. She missed Jess, his touch and scent, unable and unwilling to escape it. There was a mark on her hand where his had been and Rory drank coffee, smiled and touched it when Lorelai wasn't looking.